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Getting a Healthy Body and Relationship

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Dealing with special wellbeing issues can make it hard to compact with something moreover, especially efficient on improving a relationship. The nature must feel wholesome to have the circle of others, so the first stair in developing a healthful self and progress your relationships is too set up a goal and a proposal.

Having loyalty in superstar in a relationship can be hard if the role feels dishonest or if they harbor’t met an anyone as good as you. To forgive others, you basic to feel well within yourself. This is why it is important to set goals and establish procedure to advance your fitness.

Since in relationships two people must work together to keep the relationship untaken, it is also important to embrace your partner, links and family in your planning. Nevertheless the first thing to do is to take the time to evaluate your relationship. Killing with refusal people in bad relationship, it is not worth your time to involve them in your procedure. In this particular place it is better off just to let them go. While we lack the energy to coerce change in others, we wait talented of altering ourselves.

We must work near establishing good communication to improve our relationships. In a site like this, it would be a good idea to take the time to consider your situation and try to see it from both people’s perspectives so that your communication will be enhanced. When there is a communication breakdown, it’s hard to straighten out misunderstandings. In reality, the disorder will become shoddier.

Taking the time to be with, and like the circle of your partner is one of the more effectual habits to take communication to the next direct. Set up a time that both of you can get together and have some worth time. Take a relaxed ramble with your partner and sock up a conversation about the survive. Talking about light relaxing topics will promote stress relief.

While you and your partner together do your best to prevent topics which may cause the two of you stress. Wait until you are calm and relaxed before you outset chatting about the problems. Successful, important communication occurs when the parties are calm and relaxed. You want to elude this. If the leads to a contend of mind, each loses.

Learning the art of effective communication shall allow you to hint a better life. You can learn the survey of relaxing and staying in restraint of your life. Again, initial a relaxed communication is the first stair in improving your relationship. You both can like casual oration while relaxing, which may set the mood for romance. If you are in relationship and have children, perhaps you and your mate can arrange a night together. Ask your family or contacts to keep an eye on the children so that you and your mate can enjoy sometime together.

Never lose picture of your objective. That goal and plan should include you effective near the strong self. It will be hard tochangeyour wayoflife.thinkingand goingthrough aprocess ofrediscovering oneself,memorize. By enlisting the help of family and links, you will diminish the burden. One of the behavior that numerous individuals have triumphed over many of burdens is by effective out of the hard time.

It all begins with improving your special life. After you’ve superior your own private life, you will find it easier to overlook the faults you find in others. The responsibility of enhancing your special life depends on you. Improving your life depends on your willingness and efforts. You can never put the burden solely on superstar else’s shoulders, since you are the responsible accessory to encounter who you are.

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Living Life Three Months at a Time

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 3:20 pm

 

 

     I was recently at the University of Wisconsin cancer center receiving my three month check up. For those of you who find yourself luckily unaware of what I am referring to, let me explain.

If you are fortunate enough as I have been so far, to be a current lung cancer survivor, you are asked to come in once every three months for a ct scan and blood work. The immediate impact of the three month visit should be obvious. Due to the rate in which lung cancer can start up and then spread throughout your body, it’s best to keep a close eye on it at all times. Lung cancer seems to be the Jesse Owens of cancer. It moves fast and with purpose. It’s purpose is easy to explain, cancer cells wish to spread out into different parts of your body and lay there waiting. Just like a cold war spy thriller where the sleeper agent gets a mysterious phone call and an even more mysterious voice utters a code word that activates the spy, cancer cells are waiting to be activated. They can be patient, or they can come right back at you shortly after your treatment has ended.

The overall goal of the three month check up is to continue you on your path to the magic five year mark where they say that you have a pretty good chance of beating it for good. But don’t count your chickens just yet, there are plenty of pitfalls and traps along the way and the reluctant traveler on our path needs to be constantly aware and ever vigilant. Am I watching my diet? Am I getting enough rest, enough exercise? Taking the right vitamins am I doing the things that I need to do to ensure that I will be one of the fortunate few to see the five year mark?

So off we wander down the yellow brick road of our life, hoping we are as lucky as Dorothy was to continue to have people around us who will help keep us on the path. Our price to pay now is simply to take care of ourselves, continue to attempt to discover who we have become and show up every three months and let the people who have managed to keep us alive so far continue to do their thing.

The down side is very small and seems even ridiculous to mention, but for me the worst part and what I spend a lot of time complaining about now is the blood work. I opted not to have a pic line installed when I went through treatment and therefore have destroyed my veins down both arms. I am now what the nurses refer to as “a hard stick.” What is a pic line you ask? To the best of my understanding, and keep in mind that I did not have one, a pick line requires a small medical procedure where they place a tube with multiple ports into a main artery for chemotherapy so they don’t have to continue to put you through setting up I. V. lines every day.

Now when I give up my blood, I get a nice bruise as a remembrance of where I was the day before. Again a small price to pay for the piece of mind that follows a visit where the doctor says something as soothing as “no noticeable change” which is enough to make me want to dance on a table (if it wasn’t for the fact that I only have a half of a functioning lung to work with). I would be out of breath trying to climb onto the table and if I did not immediately fall off of it, would defiantly need assistance getting down.

As much as I appreciate all of the doctors and different care givers who have helped me along the way, I must say that the days leading up to my three month visit all the way to the doctor reading the verdict are the most stressful days of my life.

Maybe I’m alone in this, maybe I’m more of a coward then I care to admit. I am so very grateful to be alive and everyday that I wake up breathing is a great day, but the fear that one day my doctor is going to tell me that things have changed terrifies me. I generally tuck that thought way in the back of my mind, I’ve only spoken about it with a few other people that are walking the same path as I, and I feel like I’m coming out of the “cancer closet” by talking about it now. Those two weeks before my check up I start wondering, worrying, and basically become a paranoid lunatic until after my appointment is completed. Then comes the relief factor, where if there was a podium set up in the waiting room I would be strolling up to give my “thank you” speech as if I were an Academy Award winner, “I’d like to thank the medical staff at the University of Wisconsin, my wife, the RN who drew my blood, the lab techs who took their time to analyze it. The fine people in the radiation dept, the lady that validated my parking and all of you just for being all of you.” Once the euphoria of being told “no change” wears off, I go back to who I was a couple weeks prior, a normal guy trying to remember who I am or better yet trying to find out who I’ve become, working my way down the path hoping the trees don’t throw apples at me or the flying monkeys don’t carry me away.

I was scheduling my next appointment and met a woman in I believe in her late 60s and her daughter who were doing the same, scheduling the next three month appointment. We struck up a conversation, the usual clinic stuff, “Whatda ya got,” I ask, “Lung” she replies, “Me too”, I answer. “Spread,” she asks, “No, Lucky,” I reply. “Radiation”, she asked? “Twice a day for a month then a series to the brain,” I answered. “Yikes,” She answers. Once a day and chemo“. she answered. “Lose the hair,” she asked? “Twice”, I stated. After that question she seemed to take a moment to size me up and after that moment of serious consideration stated, “You seem to be doing ok,” “You also”, I answered. We then went on to have a nice conversation about herbal tea and blue/green algae supplements and I felt good. I realized that her daughter had basically been left out of the conversation even though she sat on a chair in between us. The majority of the conversation was spoken as if by two people belonging to the secret society of cancer survivors and if you don’t know the super special handshake, you are not part of the club. A simple conversation in which I found another friend wandering down the path and although the chances of us ever seeing each other again are very slim, she’ll stick in my mind as my new life continues to unfold and forever hold a place at that spot on the path of my life. Her friendly smile and pleasant demeanor masking the reality that she as I came very close to being dealt the same fate but instead were given new paths to find our way down.

Every three months I seem to meet someone under these conditions, footsteps across an altered path. These are the people you meet along the way, that maybe in my previous pre-cancer life I wouldn’t of made time for and therefore would have missed the connection.

I have crossed paths with so many people during my life that it makes me think about all the times where I could have made their path a little easier to walk and failed to do so for the variety of reasons that at the time we convince ourselves are so important. It puts your life in a new perspective, living three months at a time. You see things and people a little differently, you appreciate things a little more.

For me there is a dark side to the whole thing and it was pointed out to me by my wife therefore I know it to be true because of all people she is the expert of my life. She noticed a change for the worse in my personality after treatment that I wasn’t aware of at the time but now try to take into consideration. It seems that my patience is much shorter with people and things then it once was.

After she brought it to my attention I realized that she was very much correct and set out on a trip of self-examination to find out why. This is my story and I’m sticking to it.

When I was going through treatment, I picked up a sub conscious desire to move my life along at a quicker pace, to try to cram as much in as possible. I felt that time was of the essence and that I needed to get things in order as quickly as possible. As I felt my life spinning and speeding out of control, I did things, some strange things. As I had told my fellow traveler in the clinic, I went through radiation treatments twice a day for thirty days, once in the morning and again in the afternoon. I found myself constantly starring at my watch. It had become the symbol of my approaching demise, time quickly ticking away, my life moving faster then the hands on my watch could keep up with. One day I simply went to the dresser in my bedroom, slipped the watch from my wrist and carefully placed it out of site in the top right drawer under my socks. I immediately started to feel a sense of relief as if I had prolonged my own life by this act of defiance. When my wife had inquired about my watch I lied and told her that it was bothering my wrist from the constant poking and prodding for blood, which I guess held some truth but not THE truth. The truth was that it was bothering my sole much more then it was effecting my wrist.

Anyway, I developed a “ no tolerance” approach to life and I hadn’t realized it. I did not have time for other peoples mistakes, I did not have time for frivolous conversation, I did not make time for things I felt were not a necessity in my life at the moment and in essence had become a colossal jerk. I wasn’t aware of what I had become until my wife could take it no more and gave me a proverbial, ‘slap upside the head’. I now try to make sure that I stay conscious of this fact as time goes by, but to this day I still refuse to wear a watch and doubt that I ever will again.

I do many things differently now a days, I appreciate and value my life very much and I understand that I was given a gift that I cannot explain when I stepped off the path of victim and started down the path of a survivor. I am reminded daily by the work my wife and I do with our non profit organization for lung cancer research. I am slowly accomplishing the things I want out of my remaining time and although I always thought it was all about me, I’m finding out that what truly is making my life complete is the work we do for others. If I can now help fill the potholes and remove the stones from someone else’s path it helps to justify my continued existence while others as my Father had, lose their battle with cancer. Sometimes it’s hard to make sense of, other times it’s all crystal clear, I’m basically the same as every other person on the face of the planet, trying to stumble their way through life.

I just do it three months at a time.

 

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There’s No Mountain Too High

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 3:07 pm

I drank for twenty years alcoholically. During the last seven years of that time, I “sped my bottom” by adding prescription drugs, mostly diet pills and Valium, but some street drugs too. I had a Mount Everest of problems. The last year of my drinking, my husband left me, I landed in jail twice on drunk and disorderly charges, and I attempted suicide several times.

My final straw came on the Memorial Day Weekend of 1979. As I lay in my bedroom after I had once again tried to kill myself, my twelve year old daughter, Kimmy, held up my wrists and said to me, “Momma, I’m just a kid. I can’t handle this any more. Please help me!” She then fell into my arms sobbing. Her cry was of tears of innocence lost.

I said, “I’m going to quit drinking. I know I can. Please believe me, baby.”

She said, “I can’t, Momma. You’ve promised so many times before. I just can’t believe you. I think we’ll have to learn to live with your drinking.” My pajamas were wet with her tears.

Three miracles occurred in the next couple of days. After Kimmy went to get dressed I cried out to a God I didn’t believe in, that unknown, absent God of anger and vengeance, I thought, “Oh God, even though you aren’t, if I could ask I would plead for you to show me a way to quit drinking.”

Then I got out of bed to get my bottle of vodka and make a drink of mostly vodka and a cube or two of ice. I remembered buying a half gallon the night before. I began my search, no, not in the linen cabinet, not on the tea cart, not behind the towels under the bathroom sink, not in any kitchen cabinet, not behind the lawn mower in the garage, not in the fridge, not in any of the bushes, which I noticed needed trimming, not under my bed or the guest bed, not in the bookshelves, not in the basement behind the furnace, not in the basement shower or bedroom closet, not anywhere.

I stormed into my daughter’s room, “Where did you hide the bottle?”

She was puzzled and still in after-sobs, “Mom, you know I just got home from spending the night with Cheri, and I came straight to the bedroom. I never throw away the liquor. I know you need it too badly. I always bring you a drink not take one away.” The first miracle, the alcohol was gone from the house.

As I left my daughter’s room I began to think about my physical condition. I suddenly became aware that I didn’t have a hangover. I actually felt pretty good, not perfect, a little weak and shaky. But I wasn’t nauseated, and I didn’t have a headache. Second miracle.

I sat down and made a very indecisive decision, if that’s possible. Maybe I’d try to quit drinking. But how? Deep inside I knew I couldn’t do it by myself. A thought occurred to me. Several months before my mother had talked with a friend who was in AA. The friend had given her a card. Mother had given me the card. I had stuck it in my purse planning to get rid of it in the circular file at the first possible opportunity, offended by my mother’s thinking I had a drinking problem. I sat down and began to go through my purse, yes, gum wrappers housing chewed gum, enough change to support me for a year, a sock of Kimmy’s, a ten year old library card, and, behold and lo, the card of my mother’s friend. Then I took a Valium and sat for several more minutes. Finally, I dialed. She answered right away. I told her I wasn’t sure I had a problem with alcohol. She told me her story which had involved quitting and going to AA once and then going back on the booze by ordering cases of Scope from the drugstore. She told me about a meeting in my area. Maybe I would just check it out. Third miracle.

The next Thursday I went to that meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and by the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I have not had a drink since. Now it has been over twenty-three years. Is this the fourth miracle? Or is life with God just an ongoing, continuous miracle even in the face of deep hardship and pain, maybe especially when great overcoming is needed.

Of all the robes God wears I think restoration of friendships and relationships is one of His favorites. Once I started in AA Charles came back. Still we came very close to divorce in my sobriety. I was going to leave if he did not make changes. At that point he told me I’d have to make changes too. I said, “I don’t need to make any changes. I’m not drinking or drugging. That’s my amend.”

Charles informed me he was sick and tired of my dragging up the past every time we had a fight and then blaming him for everything. I finally agreed to try to stop the personal history lesson every time we fought. I do believe God showed me through inventory that I did manipulate through my anger, that I tried to gain more power by always making Charles to blame for everything, that I portrayed myself as a saint who spent everyday tolerating this cruel and vicious human being.

Now Charles and I have been married for 37 years. God has truly blessed our marriage and transformed our hearts and given us His heart of love for each other. We have a lot of fun together, movies, dinners, traveling, biking, swimming and romance, a special blessing from God.

My daughter, who now lives in California, is my best friend, and we burn up the telephone wires talking each other’s ears off. I am glad to tell you God has not deserted California despite rumors, fears and recommendations to the contrary. My daughter is a very Godly woman. I have two wonderful grandkids, and we visit them as often as we can.

I have a successful business and am starting a new one with a friend. So life is full, and God is good. I have learned over the years that this does not mean I will not have pain. I always got the message backwards. I would say, “Once I’ve cleaned up my act, then I’ll look into the God thing.” It’s really the other way around. “First, you go to God, and then you heal.”

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Latin Cupid american men dating brazilian women

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 1:06 pm

American Men dating Brazilian Women

Here are some general pointers (which I repeat may not apply to all Brazilian women):

See some examples here

1) There is a strong sense of family in Brazil. The extended family is also important. Married people or people in committed relationships do not go to “Boys Night Out” or “Girls Night Out” where they can flirt with other people. Men might play soccer with their buddies in the afternoon, women might have a coffee and shoppping with their female friends, but they do not go out at night and leave their partner alone at home. No strip clubs for men in committed relationships either. That is all a no no and even shocking for us Brazilians.

2) When it comes to engagement and weddings, Brazilian women are used to some different things. We do not require you spend thousands on a diamond ring. We do not have that tradition (see my post about engagement rings). We are happy with a simpler ring or just the wedding bands.  Some of us though, after living in America and seeing so many De Beers ads, may want a diamond ring too.

3) Do not even think of having a dalliance with hookers and strippers just because it is your bachelor’s party. We consider that cheating and don’t be surprised if your fiance cancels the wedding if she finds it out. We do not even have the bachelor party tradition.  Very few men celebrate that, while the bride’s friends do get together to get her presents for her new home. Sometimes men participate as well (a tradition that is also starting here).

4) Latin people in general are more emotional and more possessive, keep that in mind when you fight with her.

5) Women are raised to be feminine, to do female things (they may have piano and ballet lessons, not baseball or rough sports). Many are stil raised to get married and have babies as the first focus and their career as a secondary pursuit-a necessary evil. Women are encouraged to spend a lot of their time in their looks-body, clothes and hair. Staying attractive is sine qua non in a culture that judges people by how they look.

6) Even though racism is not as pervasive and divisionary as in the U.S.A., lighter skinned Brazilians look down on darker skinned Brazilians. They see darker Brazilians as belonging to the lower social classes.

7) Brazil still has a strong division of classes. Not only it is quite visible but there is little interaction between the classes (unless the “lower classes” are working for the “higher” ones). Sad but true.

8) Many middle class Brazilian girls were raised with maids. Therefore, they are not used to doing housework, which is seen as something beneath them. Working with your hands in Brazil is also associated with the lower classes.

Remember that Brazil had slavery just like the American South, and one of the consequences of slavery  is that it can take several generations for their descendants to reach the same level of success in life that their former owners had.  Therefore,  Brazilians from African descent became part of the struggling poor in Brazil-they had a harder time getting education and better jobs. Fortunately this situation is slowly improving. Brazilian men and women oftentimes do not know how to fix things or are impractical dure to cheap labor and being catered to all their lives.

9) Brazilian women expect the man to be a gentleman. They like a man who opens doors, drives them places, changes their oil, etc. when it comes to practical things. But when it comes to decision making, Brazilian women are opinionated and are not shrinking violets. They expect you to respect them and share your decisions with them if part of a couple.

10) Never, under any circumstances, call your GF or wife the B word. Name calling in Brazil is considered extremely offensive, and a man should never call his wife names no matter how terrible the argument is. A wife, like a mother or a daughter, is sacred. American movies show a lot of cursing (the F word seems to be the most popular). Brazilians associate cursing with gangsters and lowlifes.

11) The mother in law thing. Many older women in Brazil are in dire economical situation due to widowhood, divorce, lack of opportunities, low paid jobs. The older generation of women did not usually work outside the home. Therefore, they expect their children to take care of them. Many of these mothers interfere in their childrens’ relationships and try to control their daughters or sons.

They are also often lonely and live vicariously through their offspring. They use guilt tactics to keep the children catering to their needs and see the children-in-law as the devil themselves. They take their kids’s side if they have problems with their spouses and sometimes destroy marriages with their interference. Not every mother in law is like that: the ones with careers, the ones in happy relationships and the ones with a life of their own. So beware of the dependant MIL!

12) You and her (or him, in case of an American woman with an American man)  might have differences when it comes to how to use your time. Brazilians consider Sunday sacred. It is not a day to work, but a day to lounge around, go to the beach, have a barbecue by the pool, watch soccer or Formula One, visit with friends, go sightseeing, nap or watch movies and other leisure actitivities.

Saturday they might run errands, but never on Sundays! It is not only the Catholic influence but also the fact that in their minds, the work week is for work, while the weekend is for pleasure and rest. So if you like to tinker with your car, wash your car, rebuild the roof, clean the garage or mow the lawn on a Sunday you will find resistance. She will feel abandoned. In her mind, you should be with her and not ignoring her with “chores”.  Not only that, she was raised seeing her Dad pay someone to do those things. The help works, the middle class and the upper middle class rests and plays.

13) Once you marry and have children with a Brazilian, you have to understand some cultural differences when it comes to being a couple. In Brazil, the focus is on the COUPLE. The children come second.  You and your wife are the main unit, not you and your kids. Many American men and women turn their focus to the children after they are born , spending little alone time with their spouse.

Not spending enough alone time with your spouse, not romancing them  and spending too much time on the kids can create resentment.

Brazil does not have the “Daddy and Daughter” culture. Children spend time with their parents together, not with only one parent. Telling your kids how much you love them, hugging and kissing them all the time and not doing the same with your spouse can create resentment.  Brazilians want the romance to continue, no matter how long you have been married. They want to walk hand in hand, they want some PDA, they want to know they come first.

14) Finally the good stuff: because of the strong family sense and their natural warmth, Brazilian women are very loyal, family oriented, feminine looking and affectionate companions!

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Manage Motivate and Inspire Others (article Two)

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 10:08 am

Use Your Imagination

I am going to ask you to use your imagination to conjure up some mental pictures. We can use them to make some valid points about management techniques.

Picture in your mind an airline pilot. Do you now have an image in your head? Describe him. How does he dress? Is his hair in a particular style? Does he wear a moustache or beard? Think about his uniform. Does he wear epaulets? Now, having created your mental picture, would it be fair to say that all airline pilots tend to look extremely similar? If so why is this?

Hold that thought for a while.

Now imagine a tramp, hobo or drunk lying half awake on a park bench.

Now answer this question. If he were to apply for a career as an airline pilot, would he get the job?

I suspect your answer is no. If this is the case I would now like you to consider why this is.

There is certainly an element of feeling comfortable about how the pilot appears. Most people would prefer to be in total control of their life. Unless you are a trained pilot you will need to relinquish control to some other person and obviously you would prefer that person to be totally reliable and dependable. Certainly not someone that might fall asleep at the controls.

Going back to your mental image of the typical airline pilot – a pilot wears a uniform to indicate he is adequately trained. This badge of office is the epaulet. Gold braid suggests quality. Numerous bars of gold braid indicate rank and experience.

It is hard to imagine the tramp, hobo or drunk making the transformation from Mr Unreliable to immaculate master of the skies. Our opinion of him is heavily coloured by his appearance.

Think about this for a moment. Who would you describe as your best friend? Picture that person now. Now answer this simple question: does your best friend like you?

This seems a blatantly obvious statement, yet it clarifies an important point in human behaviour. We tend to like people that like us. This same rule applies in the work environment. If your employees think you like them, they will like you.

If someone were to tell you that your best friend has been saying unpleasant things about you, then you will quickly begin to question how much you really like your so-called best friend.

Depending on the nature of the information you receive, you may relegate the person from best friend to just friend. If you are particularly low after hearing the comments supposedly said you could go so far as to drop your one time best friend to that of acquaintance.

Think back to the time when you last looked at a group photograph in which you appeared.

Perhaps a photograph taken showing a class you were in at school or university. Who was the first person you look for when initially viewing the picture? I would be surprised if you came up with a name other than your own. Of course you are extremely interested in yourself. We usually love ourselves. If we didn’t do so who would?

Unless our self-love becomes excessive it is perfectly normal. Narcissus was a mystical youth that was in love with his own image when seen reflected in water. To be deemed to be a narcissistic person you are generally considered to be uncaring towards other people and their feelings or needs. Such people tend to favour a ‘me first’ philosophy to the total exclusion of all others. I suspect you do care about others and enjoy the company of a partner or spouse.

Next time you are out and about town take particular attention of young teenage couples. Notice whether they dress in a similar way. Do they have similar physical features?

You will find that very often they do look alike in dress and appearance. You could be forgiven for thinking that they could be mistaken for brother or sister. The only way to be sure that they are not is to see if they are holding hands. Anyone who has teenage children will know from experience that it is impossible to get them to hold hands in public!

I remember my daughter taking her first educational holiday organised by the school. It also happened to be the first holiday without other members of her family.

She telephoned home so excitedly to tell everyone she arrived at the destination, the sun was shining and she was looking forward to a welcome break. After she had spoken to her mother and I, the telephone was passed to her brother who was then in his early teens.

He was at the time in his life where he was reluctant to speak with his sister if at all possible. I insisted he do so in the hope that he might say something nice, like he was missing her. He grudgingly grabbed the telephone to tell his sister, ‘I never knew you had so many interesting girly things hidden in your bedroom’.

Thankfully this awkward stage of adolescence does eventually pass and males acquire a more acceptable relationship and interest in the opposite sex.

People’s interest in potential partners is a fascinating area.

Have you ever considered what attracted you to your partner? Often we will choose a partner or spouse that looks a little like us. I do not mean that my wife wears a beard but that she had similar characteristics to me, which determined my initial interest.

In the United Kingdom teenagers tend to socialise in public bars. Men congregate together, often standing around in small groups and drink beer. Women also tend to socialise in the company of other women.

When I first met my wife it was in a pub in London. She was standing some distance from me chatting to other women. My initial attraction was to her physical appearance. Her nose looked familiar. No wonder, as it was similar to mine.

After the initial introduction pleasantries we then start looking for other similar characteristics. Is the person from a similar social background to me? Are they of a similar intellect, educational level, etc?

Square Pegs and Round Holes

So, in the above section we have run through a wide range of common sorts of behaviour. Now let’s transfer some of what we have been imagining and examining to the workplace. We need to see how the things we subconsciously make assessments on can affect the way we reach decisions and assessments concerning those around us.

It is obviously important to use mainly objective testing against relevant standards when attempting to assess a job applicant’s suitability. How often, in your experience has appearance been part of the criteria used? In its place, as part of an objective recruitment process, appearance has a role to play. Regrettably, I have known recruiters who place an over-emphasis on this aspect and let their personal prejudices skew their assessment of the candidate. It is one thing to have a requirement for a smart, sensible dress code, and quite another to be, for example, totally against all men who wear moustaches, or ladies with white handbags.

Have you ever considered why you were hired for your job? Spend a little time now and think about it.

Unfortunately, on many occasions candidates for a job are selected as they walk through the door of the interview room. As they enter, the interviewer thinks to himself, ‘this is the right person for the job.’ They then waste the next 30 to 45 minutes attempting to find evidence that will justify what was little more than a gut feeling.

Successful managers put some thought into the recruitment process and will understand the need for objectivity in making an assessment.

Let us assume that you have been tasked with finding a replacement for a receptionist who is leaving. Take a few moments at this point to consider what skills and abilities are necessary in the replacement.

You might be thinking along the lines of polite, friendly, reliable, good telephone manner, copes under pressure, works well with others, etc. I am sure you could come up with a much longer list if you spent longer on this.

Of course the one thing managers often lack is time itself. That is why good managers often delegate such tasks to others, who may in fact be better placed to decide the criteria needed.

Let me ask you another question. Whom do you consider to be best placed to list the skills and abilities that are necessary for the job of receptionist?

In many cases, the answer is another receptionist! After all, who knows most about the demands and requirements of the job?

A good manager may well ask employees to list what they consider to be the qualities and skills required for the job that they hold. If you do this as part of an annual assessment program, you will develop a useful insight into how each person sees their job. Naturally, you will need to review the information and adjust it as necessary in the light of your viewpoint as a manager. You may be aware of aspects of the job that you wish to develop in future, for example. If you can put together such a list, you will also have an interview aid that will assist you in checking whether a candidate has the necessary qualities to perform the job.

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Ten Tips for Keeping Peace in the Family during the Holidays

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 8:24 am

 

Media images of the holidays are often exaggerated and, before you know it, you’re trying to conform to unrealistic ideals. Combined with the added pressures and demands on your time, this can lead to emotional overload. Just remember that nothing is perfect.

 

Now that the holiday season is swiftly approaching, perhaps you’re worried that your dysfunctional family dynamics will surface as soon as you get together. Do you think that your mother’s inquisitive nature may scare off the first boyfriend your daughter’s had in years? Or that your new son-in-law’s parents will wonder why your 35 year old son has moved back home again? Following these common sense strategies will help you create a more serene holiday season for you and your family:

 

1. Realize that the anticipatory anxiety you are experiencing is common. Financial burdens around gift giving and extra chores when entertaining can make you feel apprehensive and stressed. Accept this as a normal reaction.

 

2. Make sure that you have realistic expectations and don’t take everything personally. Some family members may be struggling with financial, business or marital issues that have nothing to do with you.

 

3. You don’t have to be all things to all people all the time. If your favorite aunt doesn’t get along with her ex-husband’s new wife, don’t invite them to dinner. It will make it easier for everyone to have an open mind and an accepting heart.

 

4. Put aside differences and avoid hot button issues. Sibling rivalry and unfinished family business are bound to surface. Despite how hard it may be, go for the higher ground and walk away from misunderstandings. But agree to finish the conversation at a later time.

 

5. Conversely, with a relationship that matters to you, bury the hatchet. If in the past you have stifled your feelings and then blown up later, don’t let your emotions fester. Admit the part you play in the conflict, privately, and deal with it.

 

6. If there is tension in the room, take the focus away from the specific toward the abstract. For example, talk about the value of apologizing for some wrongdoing. Then encourage others to discuss how this kind of quality has enhanced their other personal relationships.

 

7. Consider what you love about your family and let them know how grateful you are they’re a part of your life. Be sure to point out their positive qualities and personal strengths rather than focusing on the negatives.

 

8. Practice letting go of childhood pain and longings when family members are not with you in person but in your memories. And realize that having feelings of gratitude and forgiveness are a gift you give yourself.

 

9. Be a role model for your children. Teach them by example as you take care of your aging parents, lend a helping hand to a neighbor or work on having a positive attitude.

 

10. If you feel ready to pass the baton to the younger generation, do it. Encourage your kidults as they preserve the old family traditions. Express your appreciation and support while they create new holiday customs of their own.

 

In the midst of taking care of your family’s needs during this hectic season, remember to pay attention to your own wellbeing. Arrange to plan ahead and, when they offer, accept help from others. If it’s in line with your values, put the focus on giving as well as receiving – encourage social responsibility by visiting an elderly uncle or volunteering at a local food bank. And try to include fun and laughter in all that you do. During the holidays, while you may wish for peace on earth and peace in your family, don’t overlook the importance of your own peace of mind.

 

© 2009, Her Mentor Center

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Teenagers with Acne – A Guide for Parents

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 8:20 am

Teenagers and adolescents are much more likely to suffer from acne than other age groups due to their changing hormone levels as they become adults.  These physical changes at that age can also have a direct effect on the emotions of a person, so the additional emotional burden caused by acne can be quite a challenge to overcome.

Parents can play an important part in lessening the emotional effects acne can cause.  A son or daughter with acne may well start to feel ashamed of the way they look and become less interested in socializing, have low self esteem and possibly start to suffer from some depression.  A parent can lessen the emotional impacts of acne and, of course, provide support to help their child overcome the problem through treatment.

Parents should reassure their sons or daughters that acne is temporary and can be treated.  It is also worth encouraging the person to rise above any hurtful comments they may have had the misfortune to hear, and by limiting their reaction, or by not reacting at all to such comments may actually stop them happening again.  Remind the person that the hurtful words that other people may say reflects a lot more about the person who said them than the person they are directed at.

Treating acne can actually prove to be a rewarding and learning experience for a teenager or adolescent. Admittedly not an enjoyable one, but they can pick up a few useful life skills which they can apply in other difficult periods of life they may face in the future.

It is definitely worth speaking to a specialist about the problem and hopefully the dermatologist will also raise your child’s’ level of hope.  Don’t put off the visit; waiting to see if the problem gets worse is not recommended.  Keep an eye out to make sure that they follow the treatment as described, and make sure they establish good habits from the beginning of the treatment and discuss the things they should avoid doing that can make acne worse.

A parent should always provide guidance for their child, but it is also a good idea to make sure they feel as if they are taking responsibility for their life, and praise them for this.  Teenagers may need encouragement when it comes to continuing their acne treatment as the effects are not always quickly noticeable.  Raising a teenager’s self esteem by praising their talents and their achievements is particularly useful in combating the emotional effects acne can have on a person.

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Should Seniors Stay At Home or Live With You?

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 8:09 am

The other day, while driving, I passed a very elderly woman being taken for a stroll in her wheelchair by her caregiver. It was obvious that the woman was well cared for physically – hair coiffed and warmly dressed and tucked in a blanket. In a residential neighborhood with no senior community within walking distance, it was clear that she either lived at home or with family. I was glad to see that she looked so well.

I wondered, however, what her elder years were really like? Was this really the best option for her and others like her? How was it impacting her family? I struggle with this all the time.

As we continue to live longer and medical science keeps us fairly ambulatory, it is not fair to expect families to assume the burden of elder care as did their predecessors. Yes, in the “olden days”, you kept your parents at home. But they didn’t live as long as they do now. Both partners didn’t have to work full time. Daughters and daughters in law didn’t work outside the home and grandkids didn’t have so many after school activities. Dads didn’t travel as much and were home most nights. Families weren’t transferred far away,across county and neighbors helped out. And guess what, the grown kids weren’t elders themselves!!! Grandma and Grandpa weren’t hooked up to oxygen tanks and Iv’s. They died much earlier and probably with more dignity too.

“Nowadays”, unlike the “olden days”, the care did not fall on just one grown child, which is most always the case now. It’s time to look at some new response models for what is happening now – a model that addresses modern issues and is compassionate for all concerned. I want seniors to have meaningful lives. But I also want their familiies to stop feeling guilty about what they can and cannot do to help them.

Experts tell us that most seniors would rather stay at home or live with family than move to a senior community or assisted living. I understand what losing their home and their independence would mean to them. But this is the 21st Century and what worked before may not work now.

Sometimes the issue is truly financial – either by circumstance or by choice. Downsizing and moving to senior communities is expensive. The senior and their family simply can’t afford outside care or the senior doesn’t want to spend the money on themselves. The senior’s home may not have the equity that was hoped for to pay for their care. The issue is very complicated and filled with emotion and complex family dynamics.

Here are some things I would like you to consider. Deciding on staying at home when a senior is clearly unable to be alone, will require some in house care – either live in, daily or weekly visits. Even when the senior lives with family, it is likely that both adults in the home work full time and someone will have to be hired to come in. Caregivers can come from an agency (which can be good) or a referral from “somebody who knows somebody.”. Let me tell you what this can mean. The caregiver may have minimal training. They may speak only minimal English. They may just bring meals or do light housekeeping, check vital signs or medications and/or perhaps help with bathing or personal care. They may take the seniors for a walk (like the lucky lady I saw) or maybe not. Conversation will often be minimal and sometimes disrespectful “baby talk”. “Shall we take our bath now, Sweetie?”?” The senior will spend most of their time in front of the TV or napping. This might alleviate the worries of the family members,knowing their loved one is “safe”, but what about the quality of life for the senior?

Travel with me now to an independent or assisted living community. They look nothing like the smelly and depressing horrors of the mid 20th century – the kind of places that terrify our seniors because they remember their own parents or grandparents being sent there to waste away and die.

Senior communities, whether independent living, assisted or memory (Dimentia and Alzheimer’s) care are homelike, clean (no smells) buzzing with energy and things to do. Except for memory care residents, all have the option of spending the day in their apartments or gathering with other residents for meals, movies, lectures, field trips, shopping trips and parties. Who would want to stay in their apartments? There are lectures, sewing groups, book groups, travel slide shows and other special events. Often,, cocktail hour with musical entertainment is offered in the lobby. Many have private dining rooms where visiting families can gather for a meal together – at a beautifully appointed formal dining room – just like home. Every resident is accounted for daily and “call buttons” are installed by the bed and in the bathrooms, should residents need unexpected help. If you don’t show up for a meal, the community director will check up on you. If you need to see a doctor, they will take you and make sure you make your appointments and checkups.

Understand, what you are agreeing to when your beloved senior says they want to stay at home or live with you. Undeniable statistics show that caring for a failing adult shortens the life of the caregiver and can seriously impair the quality of life for everyone concerned. Please be realistic. It’s not a problem to diaper a baby. Try diapering or lifting, dressing and bathing an uncooperative 200 lb adult. You can’t spank your parent for running out into the street or playing with matches. Baby locks on doors and handles won’t work for memory impaired adults who might be stronger than you.

It can be a very thankless job even when you read or hear of a caregiver (who feels guilty about feeling secretly angry and overwhelmed) tells you they are “glad” they did it. I’ve been working with seniors and their families for many years and I only personally know of one case where that was true (and then I still think the daughter sacrificed too much of her personal life).

Even with home care,it takes more than installing grab bars in the tub. A senior needs to stay connected to the world AND the family members need a break too. It’s a 24/7 very demanding,frustrating, thankless, lonely job.

Don’t be afraid to look at this problem head on and don’t let what was done in “the olden days” influence deciding what is best for you “Nowadays”.

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Metaphysical Development & Disciplines Part 2

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 8:08 am

One of the most important metaphysical state to acquire is tranquility. Without calmness and serenity it is impossible to carry out most of the other metaphysical exercises or to establish a bridge between the lower and higher aspects of the microcosm. Tranquility is developed through resting the mind, body and emotions in the meditative state. In Buddhism this form of meditation is called samatha. Another form of meditation often associated with samatha is vipassana, or insight meditation. This is basically an introspective exercise where one strives to develop insight into one’s real nature. When the goals of samatha and vipassana are reached one acquires the state of bodhicitta–an enlighten mind.

Our metaphysical development are marked by certain planetary initiations given in higher realms by the Spiritual Hierarchy. These initiations stabilize the new plane of consciousness and frequency-level attained as a result of spiritual evolutionary progress. These initiations also afford us a certain degree of spiritual power. There are 9 planetary initiations that concerns humanity’s spiritual development into divine god-hood. Along the Spiritual Path, the average person first aspires to perfection. This is the stage of “the Aspirant.” When prepared mentally and spiritually to a certain degree the Aspirant is then accepted as a disciple by a Spiritual Master. The Path of Discipleship takes one through the initiations step by step. In the first initiation he is regarded as a Christ-child newly-born. In the second and third initiation the Christ-child gradually matures. In the fourth initiation, esoterically called the “Crucifixion,” the unfolding human soul attains liberation from samsara, or the cycles of birth and rebirth. Here he acquires the title of Arhat, Wali, or Saint. Human perfection is attained in the fifth initiation where one becomes a “Master.” The experience of the ascension is acquired in the sixth initiation. At present, little is known of the seventh, eighth, and ninth initiations.

Metaphysical Disciplines

Below we present some invaluable principles, disciplines, and practices that would not only raise one’s awareness and vibratory frequency, but also form the basis of the unfoldment of divine virtues and powers, and anchor spiritual aspects of the microcosm into the physical/etheric force-field. When the ultimate goal of these disciplines are reached or attained man will no longer be man, he will become a god, a divine being, a Son or Daughter of the Supreme Being. It has long been proclaimed by Christian evangelists that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Nowadays we hear that the Aquarian Age or the Golden Age is at hand. Nothing has essentially changed. It is the same message that the Higher Intelligences ruling the Omniverse wishes to convey to humanity. Waiting for the Kingdom of God or the Golden Age to appear is not dependent upon time in any way. It is not a future event but a state of consciousness. One will never enter heaven or the glories of the New Age by waiting. Passivity will not help man to attain the state or condition that he longs for. Man reaches the peak of attainment by striving, by personal effort, by moving along with the evolutionary current. The way has long been shown by mystics and Spiritual Masters. It is up to us to follow in their footsteps. Spiritual disciplines can be considered as the vehicle that would transport us to the spiritual goal, to the promised land flowing with milk and honey. Below are some precepts and disciplines helpful in the spiritual life:

1) Try avoiding the use of the word “I” in everyday speech. Do not emphasize the lower self in any way. Instead of saying, “I like this,” say “This is nice.” By putting this discipline into action we eventually displace the lower ego with the power and influence of the Higher Self. We would gradually express self-surrender and self-sacrifice and acquire group-consciousness where the Great SELF is perceived in all.

2) Imagine, feel, and know that everyone you meet, that every creature you come across, that every plant or spirit that appears before you is an expression of God–that God is present in every one. Remember the teachings of the Master Jesus: he taught that if we harmed, hurt or did something to another we also did it to him. Every true Master feels this way; their identification with All That Is is so complete that they feel the emotions and thoughts of others as their own.

3) In conjunction with the above practice, do not forget to maintain a constant awareness that your very essence is of God, that in fact you are an embodied Christ or Buddha. See the world through the eyes of an enlightened, compassionate being. Minimize unnecessary thoughts and feelings whenever possible. However, just maintain an awareness of the divine presence within you.

4) Cease filling the physical, emotional, and mental bodies with negative energies and substances. Do not smoke, drink alcohol, consume narcotics or drugs. Gradually become a vegetarian. Avoid foods and beverages that contain chemicals, preservatives, etc. Processed and cooked foods are bad for the physical system. Emotionally and mentally speaking, change every negative thoughts and feelings into their polar opposite. Whenever a negative feeling emerges quickly transmute it. For instance, when you begin to feel anger, calm yourself down and feel peace by recalling your true identity as a divine spark of God.

5) We do not own anything. Realize that it is impossible to own anything, so therefore renounce possessiveness. We are not able to own ourselves, what more other people or earthly goods. Everything comes from Nature and goes back to Her at Her own pleasure.

6) Make sure that every word that passes your lips goes through the three gates of truth, kindness and necessity.

7) Fill your minds with divine thoughts and assume divine attitudes (see article on Divine thinking).

8) Discern what is Real from what is false. Do not be attached to the false, illusionary, ephemeral objects and conditions in life. Always look for the Real, the essence underlying all things, be attracted and attached to that. It is permanent, unchangeable, infinite, and boundless. It’s nature is bliss.

9) Serve others. Forget the wants and desires of the false ego. Be a willing instrument of the Divine Will.

10) Always give thanks for what you have, for the life within you, for your life on earth, for the varied experiences that Life offers you, or for any other reason that you can think of.

11) Maintain cleanliness physically and spiritually. Keep your homes, offices, cities, country and world tidy and in order. By doing so we emulate the Creator.

12) Be graceful and harmless in everything that you say and do.

13) Express unconditional love and affection to those around you without being overly attached to them.

14) While bathing imagine yourself being cleansed by a powerful white light.

15) Study the precepts of the Saints, Avatars, and Mystics to be found in all Holy Scriptures.

16) Do not live in the past or the future, live in the now.

17) Constantly affirm the following:

“I AM EVERYWHERE IN THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF GOD AND GOD IS EVERYWHERE IN MY CONSCIOUSNESS.”

And

“I AND MY FATHER ARE ONE, I AND MY MOTHER ARE ONE.”

18) Before falling asleep direct your attention and thoughts to the highest possible level.

19) Jot down all of the psychic and spiritual experiences that you may have.

20) Engage in spiritual study, meditation, occult disciplines, and physical exercises. This will help transmute sexual energy into a higher form needed to fuel and activate dormant brain centers.

21) Refrain from watching too much television and movies or reading trashy novels, or involving oneself in senseless gossip.

22) Connect with Nature. Go to the mountains, the seas, the woodlands and attune your consciousness with them. Walk barefoot, absorb the Earth energies, breathe in the vitalized air and bathe in the sun rays.

23) Socialize with those of similar spiritual interests; exchange ideas; support and encourage others that their faith in the spiritual path may be strengthened.

24) Periodically, retreat to a secluded place several days or weeks at a time to conduct metaphysical exercises.

25) Take several breaks in the course of the day to attune yourself with the Cosmic forces and the Divine Mind. This will not only recharge your batteries but also clear your mind, inspire and awaken your creativity.

26) Cultivate humor. Do not take yourself seriously.

Meditation

Meditation as one of the most important practice in spiritual culture is to be found in all religions. There are many systems and forms of meditations with varied goals and purposes. Mahayana and Tantrayana or Vajrayana Buddhism offer an excellent array of systems of meditation that serve souls functioning at various evolutionary stages. The many esoteric practices of yoga, such as Kriya yoga and Lama yoga likewise are wonderful practices of meditation that promotes soul-development. Western and Taoist alchemy, although complex, provide interesting forms of meditations that regenerates and accelerates the body’s basic frequency. The Sufi, Christian, and Kabbalic tradition are replete with their own forms of meditation that are most helpful in attaining the spiritual goal. When the Master Jesus told us not to pray in public buildings as hypocrites would but to seclude ourselves up in our personal rooms and close the door, he was in fact referring to meditation. Our “room” is our consciousness and the “door” is our objective senses that channel external impressions or stimuli. These senses should be closed (Pratyahara) so that our awareness may be focused upon a higher level where the Spirit (Father) dwells:

“And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. ” (Matthew 6:5-6)

We may undertake meditation for lesser goals such as health, overcoming negative emotions, stress-management, etc., but always keep in mind the higher purposes of meditation. One of the prime objective of the discipline is to anchor the Divine Consciousness into the lower principles of the microcosm. This is an aspect of the “unio mystica,” or the “mystical union” as termed by Christian mystics. It is the marriage between Man and God. Others call it “Cosmic Consciousness,” or “Samadhi.” The mystical union is the manifesting of the New Jerusalem, the “abode of peace” in our minds and hearts. Effects of this divine awareness is the “liberation” from the cycles of birth and rebirth, and the attaining of “Nirvana”–the “blowing-out” or the transcendence of the false ego.

Meditation causes changes in the physiological and psychological functions. It alters one’s awareness and releases certain chemicals and hormones that relaxes and regenerates the whole psycho-biological system. Meditation causes an attunement between the higher and lower aspects of the microcosm as it builds the “antahkarana” or the “golden bridge” that unites the two. One’s basic frequency is raised during meditation and this facilitates metaphysical communication through telepathic means. Meditation also raises one’s intelligence, one’s I.Q., E.Q., and S.Q. In more advanced forms of meditation, the kundalini energy is raised from the base of the spine to the head to meet the down-pouring of the Shivaic forces emanating from the higher aspects of the Soul.

The Mayan Calendar Solar Glyphs

The ancient Mayans have bequeathed to our generation an interesting technology that may be utilized as a system of scrying or meditation. This is the Calendar Solar Glyphs. It is unknown, however, if it was actually used for meditation. Modern occultists have found, notwithstanding, that it facilitates soul-awareness.

The Mayans are a mystery to archeologists and scholars alike. Their technological development in astronomy is truly amazing. Their calendar-system is more advanced than any of our modern developments in that area. Where and how did they acquire their knowledge? According to Occult tradition, the Mayans as well as most of the other American-Indian tribes came from the lost continent of Atlantis. This legendary (now gradually proving to be historical) continent, or perhaps archipelago, said to have submerged into the ocean depths over twelve thousand years ago, developed a highly advanced technological civilization. It is believed that they even developed space-travel and interacted with beings from other solar systems and galaxies. Time-travel and inter-dimensional travel are supposed to be some of the occult technologies possessed and kept secret by the Atlantean priesthood. Were some of these secrets handed-down to the Mayans? Why and how did the Mayans vanish from the face of the Earth without a trace? Did they utilize their secret technologies to shift to a parallel world or to a different dimension? Or perhaps much more plausible, did they build cities underground miles below the earth where they may still be living today? We can only speculate.

What interest us at this present time is the twenty solar glyphs that they left us. These glyphs are part of their calendar system. Recently, occultists have discovered that these glyphs represent powerful Cosmic energies and that these energies may be accessed by meditating upon them. It may be possible that the Mayans physically ascended to a higher plane as a result of the utilization of these symbols during meditation and through their other undiscovered technology–as far-fetched as this may sound. These glyphs represent stages of soul-growth and the lessons that we have to learn at each level; however, we are personally unable at present to determine how these solar glyphs relate to the Mayans lunar-based calendar, for lack of information. Below we offer instructions on how to use these glyphs as a practical system of meditation.

Generally, we should choose the glyph to meditate with according to order, that is, beginning with glyph No. 1, Imix, However, you may if you wish, choose the glyph that you intuitively feel attracted to, or the one that resonates the most with your spiritual consciousness at this present time. Your choice of glyph will change as time goes by in accordance to your spiritual development, and emotional/mental needs. Meditate constantly with one of the glyphs until you feel ready to move on to the next or another glyph. These symbols are keys that open Cosmic portals where spiritual energies may be accessed. By meditating upon any one of them you begin invoking their energies. Be aware that energies are alive and possesses consciousness of some sort. During meditation upon these glyphs you may begin interacting telepathically with them. Do not fear when this happens. Start communicating and ask questions relevant to your spiritual development, your life, and your well-being. Since the energies of these solar glyphs are powerful, we caution you not to be over-stimulated by meditating excessively upon them. Do not meditate on these images for more than ten minutes.

Begin by sitting in the meditative pose. Relax your mind, body and emotions. Do some deep breathing and then focus upon one of the glyphs given below, holding and visualizing it in the mind in its given color for not more than ten minutes, and using the name of the glyphs as mantras; and then releasing their image and resting your attention upon the Silence, the Emptiness, the inner space of the soul for another ten minutes or so, awaiting impressions, activations, healings, and the balancing of the energies within the lower principles of the microcosm. Those of the magickal traditions, might want to scry and use the glyphs as portals to different realities. The “Sign of the Enterer” may be used for this. Below is a table of the glyphs and their general purposes.

[Please see the original paper at our website for the table]

[Note: This paper contains images which may be seen as originally published at our website]

Copyright © 2006 Luxamore

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How should we dressup for Church?

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 8:08 am

 

“It is plain that God wants most of our flesh covered..The Bible informs us that Adam and Eve had on no covering, and after they sinned, they were ashamed. I don’t think they were ashamed together, but they were afraid that God would see them, for they hid together from God. We are told to dress modestly (I Timothy 2:9).One of the most obvious ways we can obey that command is to look differently from the world.

 

 

The serious Christian will not follow the fashions of the sinful world. God has said, “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you,” (II Corinthians 6:17).

The Bible clearly states that we are to show reverence to God and to the things that represent His person and presence. Since the church is the house of God Our dressing be modest in the sanctuary and should always be respectful and reverent towards God

 

 

Jonah 3:5 Then the people of Nineveh believed in God; and they called a fast and put on sackcloth from the greatest to the least of them.

2 Kings 1:1 And when King Hezekiah heard it, he tore his clothes, covered himself with sackcloth and entered the house of the LORD.

Rev 11:3 And I will grant authority to my two witnesses, and they will prophesy for twelve hundred and sixty days, clothed in sackcloth.

Jeremiah 6:26 O daughter of my people, put on sackcloth and roll in ashes; Mourn as for an only son, A lamentation most bitter. For suddenly the destroyer Will come upon us.

Daniel 9:3 So I gave my attention to the Lord God to seek Him by prayer and supplications, with fasting, sackcloth and ashes.

Luke 10:13 Woe to you , Chorazin! Woe to you, Bethsaida! For if the miracles had been performed in Tyre and Sidon which occurred in you, they would have repented long ago, sitting in sackcloth and ashes.

The previous verses describe how people in the past dressed to please the Lord. They dressed in sackcloth to humble themselves before the Lord. Sackcloth is dark goat hair used in making sacks, and worn in times of mourning.

 

 

I Peter 3:3-4 says “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit

1 Thes 4:1-5 ‘Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God.’

The following are Bible verses have to do with those who dress up to impress other people.

Mark 12:38 In His teaching He was saying:”Beware of the scribes who like to walk around in long robes, and like respectful greetings in the market places,

Matt 23:5 But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries and lengthen the tassels of their garments.

 

 

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works.” (I Timothy 2:9-10)

“Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world;” (Titus 2:12)

 

 

Those whose hearts are inclined toward God will make every effort to dress modestly, decently, and appropriately. Those whose hearts are included toward self will dress in a manner designed to draw attention to themselves with little or no regard for the consequences to themselves or others.

Further, by dressing in an immodest fashion, displaying her body for men to lust after, she causes her brothers in Christ to sin, something condemned by God (Matthew 5:27-29). If a woman’s heart is inclined toward godliness, she will wear clothing that is neither provocative nor revealing in public.

Now let us look at God’s attitude towards nakedness as expressed in the Bible.

Exodus 32:25And when Moses saw that the people were naked; (for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies

The Lord said that nakedness is shameful.

 

 

Exodus 20:26Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.

If nakedness was not an area of great concern to the Lord, then He would not have given the issue so much attention. He made sure to cover all avenues to ensure that the nakedness of His people would not be exposed.

Isaiah 20:4So shall the king of Assyria lead away the Egyptians prisoners, and the Ethiopians captives, young and old, naked and barefoot, even with their buttocks uncovered, to the shame of Egypt.

Again the word shame is used…

Genesis 9:22-25, tells the story of Noah and his sons, and how he cursed Canaan because he saw him naked.

Leviticus 18:7-20

Speaks about uncovering the nakedness of someone that is not your wife or husband, God said to do so is wickedness.

God’s feelings on the subject of nakedness in the Bible are consistent. Nakedness is an abomination.

 

 

Romans 12:2 says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

In Proverbs 7:10 and it reads – “And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtle of heart.”

 

 

“Mini-clothes are symbolic of those girls who want to seduce a man…” Conversely, formfitting dresses, gauchos and pants, and various forms of nakedness as “swim suits,” shorts, sun suits, bare chests, slit skirts, mini skirts, unbuttoned shirts and blouses, etc., send a message about wrong inner character. Why would anyone professing Christ appear in a state of dress that Scripture associates with a fallen nature, drunkenness, demon possession, debauchery, degradation, idolatry, loose morals, being a prisoner, being carnal and shameful?” The devil, the fashion designer of this world and he is trying to strip us of every thread of dignity and most of us have allowed him to do just that. We should therefore promote covering, for it was pleasing to God and not little coverings that would possibly lead to support nudity that is in favor for the devil. The shorter the coverings the nearer it promotes the fashion of the devil.

John 21:7Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

When Jesus met Peter he was naked, but after a relationship was established with Christ, he was clothed from head to foot with the rode of Christ’s righteousness.

 

 

Luke 8:27-3527 And when he went forth to land, there met him out of the city a certain man, which had devils long time, and ware no clothes, neither abode in any house, but in the tombs.

28 Then they went out to see what was done; and came to Jesus, and found the man, out of whom the devils were departed, sitting at the feet of Jesus, clothed, and in his right mind: and they were afraid.

 

 

When the man who was possessed with devils met Jesus, he was naked. But after an encounter with Jesus, the Bible said that the man was clothed and in his right mind. Amen.

We love to wear the name Christian, we want to be called by his name, but that is it. Many are saying by rebelling against the spoken word, “You don’t tell me what to do Lord. I will wear what I want, I will wear what I feel comfortable in.” The women of this world, both Christians and non-Christians a like are allowing the perverted corrupted minds of this age to undress them. Our priority as a Christian is the biblical not the cultural. “…blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world” (Ph 2:15)

 

Godly men and women should conduct themselves in purity and humility—this includes how they dress. That is what God demands.

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