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Catch a Wave

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 4:08 am

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from the book Catch a Wave

by Peter Ames Carlin

Published by Rodale; July 2006;$25.95US/$34.95CAN; 1-59486-320-2

Copyright © 2006 Peter Ames Carlin

Chapter 1

Brian Wilson, the Beach Boys’ original songwriter, producer, and visionary, is in his sixties now, a man of age and wealth and almost no discernible interest in the world as it existed before him, particularly with regard to his family and their own journey across the continent to the golden coast where he was born. “We never talked about that stuff,” Brian says. It is the spring of 2004, and he’s in one of his favorite restaurants, a bustling hillside deli in a mall down the street from his home on the crest of Beverly Hills. “That’s the one thing they never did, never talked about our ancestors at all.” Now, it’s hard to know if Brian is saying this because it’s true or because he just doesn’t remember any such conversations. Or, more likely, he just doesn’t want to address the issue. He’s an intimidating man, both for all he’s achieved in his life and for all he’s suffered along the way. And given the remove of his celebrity and his psychic torment, it’s hard to separate the humor from the horror in his eyes when he does recall something his father did like to say.

“Kick some ass!” Brian is smiling now, in his silly, sad way. “Exactly, that’s what my dad said. Kick ass! Kick ass!”

Murry Wilson was a big guy with a big personality and even bigger dreams of glory. That he would attain them through the work of his sons was a source of great pride and outrage from the old man. “My relationship with my dad was very unique,” Brian says. “In some ways I was very afraid of him. In other ways I loved him because he knew where it was at. He had that competitive spirit which really blew my mind.”

“Don’t be afraid to try the greatest sport around.” That’s the story of Brian’s life. But also the story of his brothers, his cousin and friends, and all of the ancestors whose ambitions, fears, hopes, and determination delivered them to this land beneath the unyielding sun. California, here we come. Right back where they started from. “Catch a wave and you’re sitting on top of the world.”

As described by Timothy White in his intricately researched The Nearest Faraway Place, the story of the Wilsons in America begins in the late eighteenth century, when the first Wilson to venture to the New World settled in New York. The first American-born family member, named Henry Wilson, was born in 1804 and eventually moved west to Meigs County, Ohio, where he worked as a stonemason. His son, named George Washington Wilson in the spirit of the times, was born in 1820, and he and his family farmed a plot of rich, river-fed land in Meigs County for more than six decades until his own son, William Henry Wilson, decided to pursue fortune west to the wide-open plains of Hutchinson, Kansas. So west they went, with patriarch George in tow, settling onto a large, if relatively arid, farm that William Henry soon abandoned in order to go into the industrial plumbing business. Contracts to work on the state’s new reformatory system, along with the many opportunities afforded by the modernizing world around them, provided a decent working-class living and a solidly built clapboard bungalow on one of Hutchinson’s nice residential streets. As the nineteenth century gave way to the twentieth, William Henry began to think again of chasing fortune into the western horizon.

California! At the dawn of the new century, this was the setting of every ambitious man’s dreams. The real estate flyers papering the town painted in the details, describing the valley soil as every bit as rich and fertile as the sun was warm and the breezes gentle. Thus inspired, William Henry scraped together the cash to buy, sight unseen, ten acres of prime farmland in the southern California village of Escondido. William Henry loaded up his wife, kids, and even his eighty-five-year-old father into the family jalopy; they arrived in 1904 and spent the year laboring on their new vineyard. And though the sun did indeed shine, and the water flowed as promised, and the vines did erupt with fat, juicy fruit, the farming was every bit as hard as it had been back in Kansas, and the money not nearly as vast as previously anticipated. By 1905, William and family were back in the plumbing business in Kansas. Still, memories of the California sun and the dreams of ease and fortune that had once stirred William Henry’s soul came to rest in the imagination of his teenaged son, William Coral “Buddy” Wilson. As the boy grew, so too did his visions of the golden future that awaited him in the Golden State.

Dark-eyed, heavy-browed, and thick-featured, Buddy Wilson took off for California in 1914. Then in his early twenties, the young man—already married to Edith Shtole and the father of a child or two—fairly seethed with ambition. Surely, he imagined, a man with his drive and appetite could find an untapped stream of gold somewhere in that rich, open economic frontier. Leaving his family back in Hutchinson, Buddy would spend months at a time searching for his place in the sun, looking increasingly in the oil fields of the southern coast. Guys could make a fortune if they latched onto the right rig, and so Buddy used his plumbing skills as his entr?e, working as a steamfitter on the pipes that channeled the gushers out of the ground and into the pockets of the rich men whose example he was desperate to follow.

But Buddy would never join them in the gilded halls of the powerful. Moody and scattered, plagued by searing headaches and a self-destructive thirst for whiskey, Buddy wandered from job to job to long stretches of unemployment, which he passed grumbling into a glass in a dim barroom. When Edith and the kids finally joined him in 1921, taking the train to the elegant-sounding village of Cardiff-by-the-Sea, he couldn’t afford to lease an apartment in town. Instead, the family spent their first two months living in a snug eight-by-eight-foot tent with all the other squatters on the beach.

Edith took a job pressing clothes for a garment manufacturer, and eventually the family moved to a small home on an unpaved road in Inglewood where the eight Wilson kids attended school, worked weekend jobs, and marched the thin line dictated by their sour father and stern, demanding mother. Escape, such as it was, came in the occasional afternoon bike rides to the open, breezy expanse of Hermosa Beach.

Escape was a necessity for Buddy Wilson’s kids. Buddy, now in middle age and resigned to his life of small prospects and severely limited horizons, had long felt his ambition curdle into resentment. Often awash in alcohol and self-pity, Buddy’s bile regularly boiled over into violence, directed most often at Edith. But he could also turn his fists on his children, once beating the school-aged Charles so savagely (for mistakenly shattering his glasses) that Murry, then a teenager, had to come to his brother’s rescue, shoving the old man out of the house until he sobered up. And this wasn’t the only time Murry had come to blows with his father. Increasingly, the family’s second-oldest boy found himself thrust into the role of his mother’s protector, raising his own fists against the father he loved but who seemed unable to love him or anyone else in the family.

As in most abusive families, the physical and psychic violence that ruled their home became an unacknowledged presence, a force that both dominated their lives and forced them into silence. But if they couldn’t talk about their problems, the Wilsons could always sing their way to a kind of amity. Indeed, group sings had been a Wilson family tradition dating back to Kansas and beyond, as an eighty-seven-year-old Charles Wilson (an uncle to Brian, Dennis, and Carl) would tell Timothy White, describing nights on the Kansas plains when “we’d have shows on Saturday nights, with three of the oldest brothers on guitars and mandolins. This was at home, with the windows open to the street, and people would stop and listen.”

Even Buddy, a man with no discernible instincts toward paternal tenderness, loved to sing with his kids. He’d long since come to admire the sound of his own tenor voice anchoring the family blend. But even more important, weaving his voice together with those of his wife and kids was as close as Buddy could get to actual emotional intimacy with his family. And perhaps this was why Murry, the son who had come to be the family’s last line of defense against their drunk, vicious father, came to love music so very much. He taught himself to play guitar, too, and he picked up piano from his big sister. And when the living room radio picked up broadcasts from the elegant nightclubs of Hollywood or downtown Los Angeles, Murry sat in front of the speaker and soaked it in, his face glowing happily. What he was hearing was an entirely new vision of the world. Here, life was filled with luxury and ease; a place where careers could be made and fortunes earned, all by the grace of a clever new song. Sitting in front of the radio, aloft on the arc of a pretty melody, Murry Wilson had come to realize something: More than anything else in the world, he wanted to be a songwriter.

But if Murry could be just as dreamy as the next aspiring pop star, he was also a realist who had grown up knowing exactly how important—and difficult—it could be to buy the bare essentials of day-to-day life. He was a mediocre student at George Washington High School, but the rock-jawed youngster left school in 1935 armed with a steely resolve to find work. And though the rest of the nation was still mired in the teeth of the Depression, Murry landed a job as a clerk with the Southern California Gas Company. He was still employed there when he met and, in 1938, married Audree Korthof, the sweet-natured daughter of a stern, hard-working baker who had moved his family west from Minnesota when Audree was a schoolgirl. Murry and his new wife settled in southern Los Angeles, reveling for a time in Murry’s ascendance from the gas company office trenches to a junior administrative post. When Audree became pregnant in the fall of 1941, Murry’s determination to succeed and to outdo the sad, bitter legacy of his father only grew more intense. The couple’s first son, Brian Douglas Wilson, was born on June 20, 1942, bearing the same blue eyes, dark hair, and prominent brow that had followed the family across the generations.

Murry and Audree welcomed two more boys into their family in the next four years—the fair-haired Dennis Carl Wilson coming in late 1944 and Carl Dean Wilson, another dark-featured boy, at the end of 1946. Moving his family to a modern, if cozy, two-bedroom ranch house on West 119th Street in the blue-collar suburb of Hawthorne, Murry rolled his sleeves up over his bulky forearms and set to scratching out his own slice of the postwar economic boom. He’d already made some progress, jumping to a junior administration job at the Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company just after Brian’s birth and then, just as the war ended, to a foreman’s position in the manufacturing plant of AiResearch, an aeronautics company that made parts for Seattle-based Boeing Aircraft’s growing line of civilian and military airplanes.

By the end of World War II, the South Bay revolved around the thriving aerospace industry. Borne up by the dual demands of a rapidly expanding civilian airline market and the just-as-rapidly-growing tension with the Soviet Union, aeronautics presented opportunities for hardworking men that were seemingly as limitless as their own aspirations. But while Murry’s timing was spot-on, and he was a tireless worker with a penchant for big ideas, nothing came easily for him. A gruesome accident at Goodyear cost him his left eye, and that twist of fate only emphasized an aggressive-to-bellicose personality that tended to alienate him from co-workers and superiors alike. Stalled on the lower rungs of management and increasingly frustrated with his flat career arc, Murry descended into dark moods all too reminiscent of his own father’s. Still, unwilling to resign himself entirely to the old man’s fate, he scraped together as much cash as he could and opened his own business, an industrial equipment rental outfit he called A.B.L.E. (Always Better Lasting Equipment) Machinery. From that point on, Murry Wilson would be his own boss. The arrangement suited him just fine.

So in the mornings Murry would dress in his pressed white shirts and skinny tie knotted just so, his horn-rimmed glasses perched on his thick, bulldog’s face, his suit jacket straining against the prominent belly and muscular shoulders that testified both to his appetite for work and for the rewards awaiting a man at the end of his day. Steering his Ford down the quiet, sun-washed streets of mid-1950s Hawthorne, he’d see a hundred houses just like the one he shared with Audree and his three boys: small but neat, with a lush lawn and a wide driveway for the late-model Ford, Buick, or Chevy, its tail fins gleaming in the cool morning light.

These were the cars of men who were determined to get somewhere in their lives. Like Murry, many of Hawthorne’s men were either born in the Midwest or were the children of men and women who had made the westward trek sometime in the first few decades of the twentieth century. “It was like a little Midwestern town that just got moved right there to eighty acres of land,” recalls Robin Hood, who grew up a few blocks from the Wilsons. “There were a lot of farmers from Kansas and Missouri, a lot of Dust Bowl-era folks who settled in with their big, extended families. Nobody was rich, but we didn’t know it.”

But their parents certainly did. And if one belief held the community together, it was the one about the transformative potential of hard work. No matter where you came from, no matter what your people used to be or what anyone expected you to become, in a working-class West Coast town like Hawthorne—which had been a stretch of empty coastal flats and swamp a generation ago—you could work your way into being anything or anyone you felt like being. This belief is liberating, of course, but it’s also evidence of internal currents that can give the pursuit an undertone of desperation. As Joan Didion would write, the California of this era was a place “in which a boom mentality and a sense of Chekhovian loss meet in uneasy suspension; in which the mind is troubled by some buried but ineradicable suspicion that things had better work here, because here, beneath that immense bleached sky, is where we run out of continent.”

Eventually the Baby Boom generation would turn the very edge of the continent into its own proving ground. But the impulse that propelled them there, that restless need for deliverance and the intuitive belief that it could be divined by your own hands somewhere out past the wild fringe of the western horizon, was the same one that had dragged their families across the American frontier and into the dreamy, bustling, sun-glazed cities they had built for themselves. And this was where Murry’s sons, Brian, Dennis, and Carl, came to understand their father’s need for them to kick the world in the ass. He wanted so much for them. He wanted so much for himself. In the worst possible way, you might say.

Reprinted from: Catch a Wave: The Rise, Fall, and Redemption of the Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson by Peter Ames Carlin © 2006 Rodale Inc. Permission granted by Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098. Available wherever books are sold or directly from the publisher by calling (800) 848-4735.

Author

Peter Ames Carlin is the television critic for The Oregonian in Portland, Oregon. His award-winning reportage on Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys has appeared in American Heritage, the New York Times, People, and The Oregonian. Carlin’s work has also appeared in the New York Times Magazine, the Los Angeles Times Magazine, and Men’s Journal. For more information, please visit http://www.peteramescarlin.com


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Girly Getaways – Sisters are Doing it for Themselves

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 12:21 am

It’s all well and good spending time with the boys; but every now and then, girls just have to get together, shake off the testosterone ties and get some good old girl power going on! But what are the options for girly getaways? Whether it’s a sister, mother and daughter holiday, or a gap year girls’ getaway, hooking up with other members of the fairer sex makes for a great trip.

Perhaps one of the most common differentiating factors between males and females is the love of shopping. Whilst most men prefer to minimise their time spent trawling around shops, preferring to get in and out as quickly as possible, girls know that shopping therapy is a cure for almost any ailment. A weekend of shopping with female friends is therefore a great way to have fun, exchange some buying advice, and most of all, enjoy showing off the latest purchases!

If you’ve recently come out of a relationship, or perhaps are just looking for some holiday romance, then getting together with the girls, donning your finest threads, and strutting your stuff on the dance floor may just be what the love doctor ordered. A beach holiday destination, such as Turkey, Spain or Greece is an ideal place for a man hunt, as well as some fun in the sun with the girls – and, of course, a chance to work on that tan!

For those that prefer adrenaline to Amaretto, an all-girls activity holiday is an ideal option. There are many dedicated ‘girls only’ activity weeks that are run by and for girls, which include a variety of sports, from swimming to snowboarding. These offer the advantage of being surrounded by other girls, in a supportive environment, without having to worry about competitive males spoiling the fun. Women tend to find that they progress and learn much quicker when in an all-female environment, as there is a greater sense of camaraderie than in a mixed sex group.

If you’re out for pure relaxation, then pampering yourself with a health spa break is a guaranteed way of de-stressing and detoxing from everyday life. There are a huge range of spa breaks to choose from; try exotic herbal steam cleansing, a flotation tank experience, or a deep tissue massage. Or why not take a class in yoga or eastern wellbeing, where you can learn elements of T’ai Chi Chikung, daoyin energy work and Indian head massage?

Getting away with the girls is an ideal way to have some good girly fun, whether it’s a shopping break, hotel spa break or something more adventurous. So, next time you need a break, ditch the guys and get with your girls. After all – who needs men anyway?

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Girly Getaways – Sisters are Doing it for Themselves

  • Posted on January 25, 2010 at 12:21 am

It’s all well and good spending time with the boys; but every now and then, girls just have to get together, shake off the testosterone ties and get some good old girl power going on! But what are the options for girly getaways? Whether it’s a sister, mother and daughter holiday, or a gap year girls’ getaway, hooking up with other members of the fairer sex makes for a great trip.

Perhaps one of the most common differentiating factors between males and females is the love of shopping. Whilst most men prefer to minimise their time spent trawling around shops, preferring to get in and out as quickly as possible, girls know that shopping therapy is a cure for almost any ailment. A weekend of shopping with female friends is therefore a great way to have fun, exchange some buying advice, and most of all, enjoy showing off the latest purchases!

If you’ve recently come out of a relationship, or perhaps are just looking for some holiday romance, then getting together with the girls, donning your finest threads, and strutting your stuff on the dance floor may just be what the love doctor ordered. A beach holiday destination, such as Turkey, Spain or Greece is an ideal place for a man hunt, as well as some fun in the sun with the girls – and, of course, a chance to work on that tan!

For those that prefer adrenaline to Amaretto, an all-girls activity holiday is an ideal option. There are many dedicated ‘girls only’ activity weeks that are run by and for girls, which include a variety of sports, from swimming to snowboarding. These offer the advantage of being surrounded by other girls, in a supportive environment, without having to worry about competitive males spoiling the fun. Women tend to find that they progress and learn much quicker when in an all-female environment, as there is a greater sense of camaraderie than in a mixed sex group.

If you’re out for pure relaxation, then pampering yourself with a health spa break is a guaranteed way of de-stressing and detoxing from everyday life. There are a huge range of spa breaks to choose from; try exotic herbal steam cleansing, a flotation tank experience, or a deep tissue massage. Or why not take a class in yoga or eastern wellbeing, where you can learn elements of T’ai Chi Chikung, daoyin energy work and Indian head massage?

Getting away with the girls is an ideal way to have some good girly fun, whether it’s a shopping break, hotel spa break or something more adventurous. So, next time you need a break, ditch the guys and get with your girls. After all – who needs men anyway?

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Finding Purpose, Self-Acceptance, and Self-Love: Discovering Your Life Theme

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 10:09 pm

Each of us has a life theme, according to Daphne Rose Kingma, psychotherapist and author of Loving Yourself: Four Steps to a Happier You. A life theme is a single psychological issue that is the lesson plan for our lives.

For some, life themes dictate personal mission or lifes purpose. And no other factor is as important as our life theme in coloring our self-esteem and helping or hindering our ability to accept and love ourselves.

Life themes reflect our deepest wound, and many, including me, find their life purpose through their life theme.

All her life, my mother wanted a daughter. Pregnant at thirty-nine, she knew I was her last chance. You can imagine her disappointment when the doctor announced I was a boy.
From birth, I felt I was not okay as I was. To earn my parents love, I strived to be someone else. Now at fifty-one, I know my life purpose is to help others stand in their power by becoming the full expression of all they are. Inherent in my mission is the belief that we are perfect just as we are.

Life themes feed inner critics. My life theme of rejection eggs on my inner critic, who taunts:
If people knew who you really were, they would not love you.
You do not deserve to be included.
If only you were (smarter, more in shape, or accepting) people would like you.
And this negative self-talk shapes my concept of self.

According to Kingma, life themes fall into six broad catagories:
1.Neglect
2.Abandonment
3.Abuse
4.Rejection
5.Emotional Suffocation
6.Deprivation

Let us look at each. See if you can identify yours.
Neglect
Was television your babysitter?
Was your home always dirty and messy?
Was your idea of a hone-cooked meal a TV dinner that you had to microwave yourself?
Were you closer to your best friends parents than your own?

If you were neglected, you may:
Feel unworthy of the good things that life has to offer.
Feel guilty every time you buy new clothes, have a manicure, or take a vacation.
Beat yourself up for not giving yourself more care and attention.

Abandonment
Did one of your parents die?
Were one or both parents workaholics and never at home?
Did your dad or mother disappear after a divorce?
Were you emotionally abandoned?

If abandonment is your issue, then you may:
Not stick up for yourself.
Find yourself in situations where you feel abandoned.
Tend to be in relationships where others are not particularly loyal.

Abuse
Were you sexually, physically, emotionally, or verbally abused?
Were you called too sensitive?
Was one or both of your parents narcissistic? Were they too self-absorbed to give you the attention you needed?

If abuse is a life theme, then you may:
Be super critical of yourself.
Feel you do not deserve love.
Allow others to treat you poorly.
Be unkind to your body by overeating, forming addictions, or staying in abusive relationships.

Rejection
Did your parents wish you were never born? Did they wish you had been a boy instead of a girl, or vice versa?
Did you feel secondary to another sibling in your family?
Were you ignored? Treated as if you did not exist?

If you were rejected, you may:
Be self-rejecting.
Unconsciously seek out experiences where you are not chosen or valued.
Blame yourself for not being included.

Emotional Suffocation
Did you have an overprotective or overly involved parent?
Did one of your parents treat you like a spouse?
Were your parents emotionally invasive?

If you suffered from emotional suffocation, then you may:
Feel overwhelmed by a persons simple desire for contact or intimacy.
Be commitment phobic.
Blame yourself when love eludes you.

Deprivation
Did you grow up in poverty? Did everyone around you seem to have more than you?
Were you deprived of physical and emotional contact with your parents or siblings?
Was your mother too busy, drunk, or exhausted to give you attention?
Was your father too absorbed in his work or the evening paper to talk to you?

If your life theme is deprivation, you may:
Tend to do without.
Have a hard time receiving because you believe you do not deserve it.
Feel you should treat yourself better while blaming yourself for doing just that.

If you are like me you identify with several of these themes. My dad was a workaholic (abandonment) and my mother treated me as a spouse (emotional suffocation). While these two themes play out in my life, rejection takes the lead role. In my experience working with clients, one central theme is almost always more prevalent.

Looking over your history, can you determine what caused your life theme to become your central issue? Many clients feel disloyal when they blame their parents. They did the best they could, many say. While your parents most likely did their best, it was still not enough. None of us has ever been loved perfectly. It is a fact of life.

Loving yourself is the greatest work you will do in this life. In a sense it is your only work, Kingma wisely writes. Life themes negatively impact our image of ourselves when we are not conscious of them. Learning to work with our life themes builds self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-love.

I found these four questions particularly helpful in exploring my life theme. I hope you will find them useful, too.

One: How has my life theme defined me? Put another way, what roles am I playing because of my life theme?

I have taken on the roles of rebel, outsider, and artist because of my life theme of rejection.

Two: How does my life theme negatively impact my life?

I wrote:

I feel superior to others (often masking my low self-esteem).
I become judgmental.
I look for what separates me from others instead of what we share in common.

Three: What benefit(s) do I derive by holding on to this central theme?

This question delivered a big aha to me. I realized that if I do not belong, then I am special.

Four: What are two ways that I could benefit by letting go of my central theme?
1.I could build a stronger, closer network of friends.
2.I could go to a party, enjoy myself, and not be exhausted at the end of the evening.

Five: How could my life theme point me to my purpose or mission?

For me, it was easy. For others, it is much harder. Still, all of us can find clues by examining our life theme. One friend, a South Carolina couples therapist, discovered that her theme of abandonment lead her to adopt the mission of helping couples build safe, secure, stable, and sane relationships.

Life themes become limiting beliefs when not examined, and limiting beliefs are the glass ceilings that prevent us from reaching for the stars. When we identify our life themes we come closer to finding our mission or purpose in life. By working with our life themes, we become more self-accepting and self-affirming. We lead happier and more meaningful lives.

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Newborn Baby FAQ

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 10:08 pm

1 year weak conversation gibberish, does your child do this?
its the funniest thing, the past few days he has be talking so much but its nothing that we can understand it sounds similar to he is talking in a foreign language, and he’s adjectives serious when he does it. lol my 4 year old does this sometimes! He has a great vocabulary, but…

1 yr hoary have be coughing adjectives time?
Hello, I watch a almost 1yr old and today they dropped him off and he have had a dry cough all day do heavy.. He coughs every 5 min or less.. It sounds like a dry cough.. no runny nose, he sneezed 2ce solely. I have a 2 yr old and I don’t want her sick! Should…

1 yr outmoded have be coughing adjectives morning?
Hello, I watch a almost 1yr old and today they dropped him off and he have had a dry cough all day do flabby.. He coughs every 5 min or less.. It sounds like a dry cough.. no runny nose, he sneezed 2ce solely. I have a 2 yr old and I don’t want her sick! Should…

1/4 WHITE 3/4 BLACK CHILDREN. ANY KNOWLEDGE ON GRIFFES.?
i been asking around but would like more responses in to the pelt texture of a griffe child (1/4 white 3/4 black). mother is black with kinky hair.course but long father is biracial (his mom is white hungarian and father is jamaican). how will the hair texture of the child be who will be…

10 1/2 Month feeble Holding breath? Is this usual?
We had a family emergency and have be very busy the last few days and my daughter has not be getting all the attention she is used to. For the past three days if not getting attention or what she requirements right away, she will tighten her fist and then look like she is holding her…

10 daytime outmoded next to REALLY unpromising gas problems?
We had to switch formula. It made a difference right away. The rash is probably from the diarhea and so you should make sure to slather her with A&D or Desitin or something so urine and poops don’t touch her skin. I’m not human being rude, but you will need to call…

10 month antediluvian and apple liquid?
When I give my 10 month old apple juice do I still enjoy to dilute it? It’s the Simply Apple brand. 100% pure, not from concentrate, actually tastes like apples lol So at 10 months mature, do I still have to dilute her juice? Cate goes to sleep next to apple juice and she’s four and i…

10 month dated disorientation? Cutting teeth?
Caleb is about to cut two more bottom teeth, they are right there and looking like they are gonna pop right through any sunshine now. For the past 48 hours he’s had for a time fever 101.5 on and off, and a little runny snout. I give him tepid baths and infant motrin, at what point…

10 month frail freaks out?!?
ok, so, my son this morning, is in his walker, eating some animal crackers, and my phone rings, so i step out side so i can hear, and he starts to SCREAM his person in charge off, he rams the door with the strider, throws his crackers all over the floor and just completely looses it! i was shocked! i…

10 month kid started to get up within the dark?
Hi everyone I wonder can I get some advice please. My LO has merely turned 10 months and last night and the night past woke around 3am really crying sore. I tried to settle her by placing my hand on her(didnt work) then I lifted her and shussed her but why I put her…

10 month outmoded and CIO-Parents who enjoy be through this do you own any suggestions for a vastly strong will?
10 month old baby girl who needs to be sleeping contained by her own crib in her own room? Tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated!! She will only sleep in her crib if I catch her to sleep first with a feeding….

10 month out-of-date wont stop crying during diaper convert?
Im a first time mom, and my son is 10 months old. For several months now, he has spent most of his diaper shifting time fussing, crying or outright throwing a tantrum. When my husband is home or my sisters are visiting I have had to ask them to aid hold him while I change him….

10 month weak restricted diet?
Hi everyone My LO has just turned 10 months and is already a little fussy roughly speaking her foods. Her rountine is like this: 7am Bottle & porridge 11.45:Lunch usually pasta/rice, meat/veg and sauce/yougurt 2.30pm bottle 5pm:dinner usually potatoes and veg/yougurt 7pm:bottle She eats well at adjectives but doesnt like any new sauces/flavours I try to introduce.Ive…

10 months matured and doesn’t drink any milk!!?
At ten months you should either be breast fed of get formula. Its okay to introduce milk at that age. The liquid just curbs there appetite. The risk of rotten teeth doesn’t come from the juice but from the bottle containing anything bar water it sits in the mouth too long and can cause putrefaction i think…

10 week ancient throwing up bile?
is this normal?? He is 10 weeks and he used to throw up after every feed until the doctor told me to move him onto easy digest milk. immediately occasionally he throws up what looks like a lot of silviaa but is actually bile is this middle-of-the-road or could he be sick. doctors is closed and NHS24 just said…

10 week feeble get fussy some days.?
some times i get mine babes diaper sour and let him air out he loves it I’d say I picked up my son right away till he be around 4 months old. After that, I’d try to give him a toy or get his attention on something else and just pick him up if nothing else…

10 week prehistoric newborn i involve relieve please?
hi, i have a 10 week old baby that i hold got into some bad habits surrounded by the first few weeks she would wake and cry so much i would pull her in to our bed to comfort her, as you may guess im presently having trouble getting her to settle on her own without being…

10.5 month infirm develops impetuous after coming contained by contact next to rime cream and milk?
Last night I was eating rime cream and a tiny bit dropped on my daughters forehead… it instantly turned into a huge welt. Our pediatrician gave us a schedule to follow for slowly introducing milk. Today I give her 1 oz of milk diluted with 1 oz of water….

11 lb babe-in-arms.how heaps ounces of formula per feed?
I have a 3 week old baby, he weigh 10.5 at birth, and has gained a few ounces since..i was breast feed but he never seemed satisfied, so I am now switching to formula, how abundant ouces should he get at each feeding..he eat about every 2-3 hours and i have been giving 3 ounces, but…

11 month aged not consumption?
Our son has always been a on top form eater, breakfast he would have weatbix then a plain biscuit or some fruit for morning tea, avacardo/vegimite/jam etc sandwich for lunch, plain biscuit or some fruit for afternoon tea then mixed vegies and a bit of meat here and near for dinner. He drinks water, fresh made OJ and cows milk….

11 month ancient can’t breathe out of his muzzle for the drainage?
He does not have fever, but his nose is running clear mucus and is congested. He have to breathe out of his mouth. He is coughing a little from the drainage and is sneezing. The dr. prescribed some drops over the phone to help with the congestion, but he doesn’t call for antibiotics…

11 month frail and a mane cut?
I have a 11 month old son and I am wanting to get his fuzz cut. At what age can this be done? You administer them a haircut when you think they need it regardless of age. There is no age requirement on a hair cut. At 11 months my son got his first style. …

11 month weak not consumption solids and threw up deeply.?
My 11 month old son has been teething (top teeth are immediately coming in, he has two bottom teeth) and eating little to no solid food. He also have diarrhea, which i thought was associated with the teething. This evening he went to bed at around 9:30pm and woke up at about 12:30 and he…

11 months dated can’t put away solids to resourcefully?
My daughter will be 11 months in a few days. She drinks about 32 ounces of formula a day. Which I know is great. She eat a bowl of infant cereal, she loves stage 2 meats, puffs, cherrios, cookies, but that is about it. I try to nurture her cut fruit and even if it…

11 week outmoded near diarrhea?
My daughter is 11 weeks and 4 days old. She is a strictly breastfed baby. In the last 2 hours she have had 2 much more watery than usual stools. She doesn’t seem to be mortified. She’s playing, laughing, and smiling with me. Her appetite has not changed and is eating every 3 hours for give or take a few…

12 month dated may hold swallowed post earring (baby), can not find it woke up from snooze near out it, be a diamo?
was a diamond post earring , should she go to hospital, is 12 mths old You should not have asked this. Now you’re going to have associates telling you that you shouldn’t have pierced her ears, because of this kind of…

12 month outmoded peeing on the floor every dark?
every single night after my son gets out of the bath, he will step over to the corner of our hallway & pee. in the same exact spot. EVERY NIGHT. whats worse is he will thieve his hooded towel off his head & try to clean it up. i know its no big operate & im…

12 week hoary babe-in-arms and no interval?
Should I start taking my pill or wait a bit longer for it? I have read it should have come from 6 weeks but still no sign. I am not pregnant and I am not breastfeeding, where is it?? it took me about 3 months. everybody’s body is different. it could also be stress. don’t verbs so…

12 weeks postpartum; how various calories a time should I be drinking?
my son is formula fed. The recommended daily calorie intake for women in 2000 calories. You should freshly eat what you want though, its hard enough looking after a little one without counting calories as well, you have ample to do! I don’t know because I never counted calories…

13 days hoary toddler, judge he’s constipated, facilitate?
My baby usually has 2 or more dirty nappies in a time but for the past couple of days he’s either not had a dirty nappy or it’s lately a tiny little bit of poo which isn’t normal for him, he’s been a bit restless for the past few days too, crying and trying to squeeze but…

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Bulimia Nervosa Testimonial of Recovery

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Bulimia Nervosa is a long term disease. Recovery is often a hard and a long process with its ups and downs.

That is why bulimia nervosa testimonials of recovery are interesting to read. You can always learn something interesting about how other people managed to beat this distorting body and sole disease. There are always a few very interesting stories about this.

I will tell you mine…

I always say that my story is not that bad as some others, who have developed an eating disorder, but I can tell you for a child as I was at the time, it was very traumatic.

You see I was forced to study for hours after school with no contacts outside the house, during school days and on most weekends. Her friends soon learned not to call her or drop around after school or on the weekends as they would be chased away. As we know today children need recreation to develop skills and they get these from playing with other children so I was at a disadvantage.

I soon developed bad eating habits as a kind of escape mechanism; it was more like binge eating (I ate just to make myself feel better, not because I was hungry). Soon my mother started to tell me I was getting big and I should stop eating so much. I don’t believe I was getting bigger it was simply a matter that when I was 13, I was more developed than most of my peers.

The problem was that I could not stop eating, as it had become the escape I needed to handle my situation. But because of the pressure I was under I soon worked out that I could eat heaps as long as I purged it up. This simply became a way of life for me and my bulimia was born.

But don’t get me wrong, I do not blame my parents as they thought they were doing the best for me and making sure I had the top grades that I needed to get into university as I had always wanted to be a doctor and help people.

I think my parents were proud of the fact their daughter was an A grade student, it was prestigious to be so in the place I grow up in. I won all the regional schools events, like best science student, best Math student, regional champion etc. While other kids were doing their stuff on the sporting field, I was tied to my books: virtually 7 days a week.

Did it deprive me of a childhood? Sure it did. But am I angry now? No, I am not because in away it has given me an insight into how eating disorders can get a hold of you and change you into somebody else.

It was only when I realized through my studies at medical school that I was doing a lot of harm to myself so I decided to seek help.

I started to approach my lecturers as I thought that they would know exactly what I should do to get rid of my problems: but it soon became apparent to me that the only help they could provide was to send me to counselors.

You see when you are young and impressionable you tend to believe people in higher positions like I thought my lecturers were. I thought they would know all about things, after all they were doctors and they were teaching me all about medicine: but they didn’t.

I struggled through the normal round of therapists, councilors and visiting the clinics. I did feel better when I was talking to them but slipped back to my old eating habits when I was at home. It also became apparent to me after awhile that I was not getting any real help from them either; I decided that the only person who could help me was me.

But deep inside I thought if I stopped my bulimia how would I get through the day and cope with everyday stresses, I was actually scared to let it go. By this time the bulimia had become a habit and so addictive, being without it was incomprehensible to me.

I often think now, how other sufferers must feel? After all I was being trained as a doctor, so I had a little bit more knowledge about how the body works than the average person and here I was trapped by this terrible affliction: what must they be going through?

But you see I knew nothing about the real implications of emotions or emotional blockages and the role they play in an eating disorder. Sure I knew that my problem was emotional in nature: but not one of the specialists, councilors or my lecturers really knew how to remove these emotional blockages and they knew absolutely nothing about emotional strengthening: that in the end became the way I managed to recover.

It was here that I found real help and soon started to formulate alternative methods for myself and finally I came up with a system that worked for me and I was finally free from my affliction. Now, I understand that it does not matter how much you as a sufferer want to stop your eating disorder: unless you can break the mental conditioning and the mental blockages you will always fail: no exceptions.

Here is why: When it comes to getting results, your self-belief (programming) will always win out over your conscious desire.

Why is this, why does this always happen? It happens because the mental blockages from the past are still there controlling your every move. It is those little voices that keep telling you:” You should go on binge.” These are the same voices I had that told me I could not get through the stresses of the day without my bulimia.

To sum up, all bulimia nervosa testimonials of recovery are probably different. And it all depends on a personal story of individual. But the common thing of all successful bulimia nervosa testimonials is that there is some kind of special methodology we followed to beat this condition. And my methodology was identifying and removing subconscious blockages I had from the past.

To read about the methodology go http://www.bulimia-cure.com

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Toddler Preschooler Q&A

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 1:06 pm

13 year antediluvian boyfriend…?
Ok ppl from my last question most told me 2 dump him.it’s summer break and we hardly draw from to see each other,were trying to make it later till at least 8th grade in 7th on time off,and were not even allowed to date but I’ll call him every other week.we barley talk and ppl at arts school says he likes…

13 Year Olds Working ?
It is false. The youngest you can attain a job where you have to settle up taxes is 15 and only with parental and school consent. yep they have to teem out working papers and they are required by law to have shorter schedules. You can grasp working papers in the guidance department or office of your child’s…

14 and..?
hi im 14years old and got these bad pains contained by my belly at the side what could it be..?? i have had unprotected sex a few times my boyfriend said not 2 worry i wont obtain pregnant but theres a good chance i can because i have have my period be4 anyways get to the point i haven’t really…

14 month ancient refuse to guzzle short TV?
Hello, my 14 month old usually needs a lot of distraction while he is within the high chair. It used to be toys till about 4 weeks put a bet on, but now it is some music that plays on TV. I have recorded it(surrendered to his demands) and play it hindmost n forth for his meal…

14 month antediluvian tantrums…?
i just had my third child 2 weeks ago, a little girl… i also own a 3yo boy, and a 14mo old girl… She has been throwing the most aweful tantrum..(this have only been going on since the newborn came home…) How do i business deal with these? she acts like she requirements in her highchair for a…

14 month babe won’t get through, is it OK to grant him vitamins?
The 14 month baby barely eats food. He merely eats a little bit of finger snacks which don’t have complete nutrition. I really want him to be capable of get a good balanced nutrition, but next to him being such a picky eater it is difficult. Is it OK to give him…

14 month infirm and no teeth?
Ok my daughter is 14 months old and she still has no teeth. Her Dr. says that as long as she have at least 1 before she is 15 months it will be fine.If she still doesn’t have any at her 15 month check up he wishes her to go to the dentist.What can a dentist do? I really…

14 month matured wanting everyone’s food, principal to tantrums. What can I do?
My daughter is 14 months and is always hungry, or so it seems. She’s gotten to where she’ll be in motion up to anyone that’s eating and ‘beg’ for their food. If she doesn’t get any she’ll go hysterical and own a fit. What should I do? Should we all ignore her?…

14 month old-fashioned & 3 year out-of-date beside a bleak virus. both own diarrhea (vomiting have stopped) any suggestions?
14 month old-started last Thursday 3 year old-started on Tuesday *Already called doctor, they said that it was a discouraging virus that takes between 10-14 to clear up. Keep them hydrated and rested** b It sounds like a (sound like – ruto virus)….

14 month old-fashioned not moderately walking?
I asked this in N&B as well but I would like to find several answers. My baby boy is 14 1/2 months old and is not walking yet. It is strange because for the final couple of weeks he has taken about one step per day and for the concluding 3 days he took 3 steps at a time…

14 year aged shindig philosophy (:?
I need i deas for my 14 birthday, i have already did spa and rollerskating last year. i am thinking around a clue themed party but not sure do you have any other themes i would say aloud that im girly but not cheerleader girly if you know what i mean i can have a dark side…

14 year behind the times, looking for career, objective is dairy queen.?
I’m a 14 year old, and all of my friends are finally deciding to try to find job. Well, they want to. Some have jobs as camp counselors but I’m not polite with kids I don’t know. To start off, my ultimate first post goal is Dairy Queen, and I don’t…

14 year elderly birthday gifts?
Hey, my birthday is coming up soon and i have no idea what i want. My parents really want to know… could you help me deliberate of ideas? I have a phone, camera, laptop, ipod. Nothing more then $215. Thanks, god bless. Is their any place you would like to go such as a concert, amusement park, etc? …

14 year elderly girl- physical Help!?
i am a 14 year old girl and I have a feeling i might own my period for my physical. what exactly happens at a physical for someone my age? i havent gotten one for a very long time do they budge “down there” and feel your boobs? what happens?? please help i am soo diffident!! no…

14 year infirm birthday celebration design?
I am turning 14 in November and need to think of some correct party ideas. I would like to do something fun, afterwards have about 13-15 girls sleep over. Any ideas on what we could do formerly we all have a sleepover? Remember, November is a generally colder month, so the coast or pool wont work. I was thinking…

14 year infirm girl near A LOT of curls, EVERYWHERE?
so im a 14 year old girl and well, i have seriously of hair, everywhere on my body, including my face, mostly my chin/neck area. my body im not so worried going on for cuz ill start waxing soon, is that okay? but however i start electrolysis on my chin about a year ago and…

14 year mature girl Birthday shindig! assistance!?
i need ideas for a 14 year old girl birthday do activites i have all the food planned and stuff but i need fun games to hold everyone occupied and enjoying themselves i wanna make this the best group they’ve ever been to what games should we do? or activites? i want them creative and fun!! thanks in…

14 yr derpressed feeliing severely low?
hi i am 14 i dont have any friends i get bullied really badly and iam impression very low at the momment – like theres no meaning for my enthusiasm i dont no what to do any more i will i was happy i see other groups of girls together and i think…

15 and my curfews 9. please read and HELP?
I’m 15 and my parents gave me the curfew of 9pm. no matter where i am. in a minute i don’t go out and party, i have never have alcohol or smoked and i’m not planning too. i’m with my 16 year old cousin a lot (she’s close to my best friend) and she…

15 month aged sudden trouble sleeping?
I would say he’s anxious. My daughter is now 18mo and we just get over that same issue. When she was about 8 wks old, she be sick and the only way she would sleep was if I be holding her. Unfortunately, she got used to it and would scream if I put her in her…

15 month antiquated have wellness shots yesterday and?
now her right arm is red and a tiny bit swollen. The redness around where the shot be is about the size of a dime. It hurts her if we put slight pressure on it. Should I be concerned. Putting ice on it and giving her motrin Sounds like you are…

15 month antiquated son and constantly sick!!?
My son has had recurrent ear infection, continuing croup he has had the flu twice NUMEROUS fevers!! and im lately at my whitts end, its diarrhea, antibiotice for ear infections motrin tylenol benadryl i feel like he is constantly close to every other week needing at least one of the meds! i was told that he…

15 month older struggles beside gross motor? Especially varying from lay to sitting?
My daughter will be 15 months old at the end of the week. She is very bright–can do animal sounds, say several words, etc. Her fine motor skills are excellent, and she is a healthy eater and sleeper. My concern for her is gross motor skills. She didn’t ever crawl (although she…

15 month outdated won’t verbs himself up…?
Ok so my son is now 15 months old and will not pull himself up onto the furniture. All of the other babies I know are walking at this point and it’s starting to verbs me. I have tried putting things out of reach but he just give up on trying to get them. He…

15 month ripened sleeping plentifully. Is she sick?
Yesterday my daughter was gaggy and didn’t really want to eat. She had a 3 hour doze as well. Now today, I usually give her a bottle before her snooze (she didn’t eat much breakfast) but she took a couple of sips and pushed it away. She has now be napping for 2.5 hours. Is she sick…

15-month infirm is adjectives her molars?
Any advice? We feel that we”ve tried everything, and she’s just not comfortable at adjectives. As far as we can tell, she has two coming on the top, but isn’t interested in sharing whether she have some coming on the bottom or not… She is miserable – any advice? Baby oragel, teething tablets, tylenol alternating with motrin (children’s…

16 and surrounded by necessitate of some facilitate..?
80% he can’t know exactly when to verbs out. sorry it might not be that bad! buy pregnancy tests and see do like 3 or 4 you really should take a prego test because there is a righteous chance you are and it is better to find out now so you and your boyfriend can…

16 month antiquated girl keep pushing my 15 month outdated daughter?
A friend’s daughter keeps pushing my little girl over. It started when she was sitting and her little girl would push her down so she fell backwards and bumped her head. Now she does it when they are both standing, comes full at her beside arms outstretched and goes for her neck…

16 month oldd drink discouraging milk?
Bad milk will he get sick? my kid had about an ounce or I don`t know 2 of bad milk will he get sick it smeeld kinda bad but not that badd he could bring sick. Wait a couple hours and see if he starts vomiting or having diarrhea or any symptoms, if so just take him…

16 month oldd drink unpromising milk?
Bad milk will he get sick? my kid had about an ounce or possibly 2 of bad milk will he get sick it smeeld kinda bad but not that badd STOP POSTING THIS SAME QUESTION TROLL

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Three Out of Four Parents Physically Discipline Their Kids

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 10:20 am

Three out of four young parents physically discipline their children – and one in eight have seriously assaulted them – a Christchurch study reveals. The study, completed before smacking was outlawed, asked 155 parents under 25 how they acted towards their children in the previous 12 months, taking into account punishments such as smacking and assaults such as burning and choking.

Researchers concluded the use of child physical punishment was likely to be common among young parents and up to 12 per cent engaged in “harsh or abusive treatment”. Lead researcher Canterbury University Associate Professor Lianne Woodward said social and family background had a big influence on the parents’ use of physical punishment.

“We found that young parents are less likely to smack or use more severe physical punishment methods if they are caring for fewer children, have low levels of financial and relationship stress, and have had positive parenting role models on which to base their own,” she said. Although how well-off a family was influenced the risk of physical punishment, “this was only one of several factors”.

“The more difficulties and challenges parents have … and the fewer personal and social resources … the harder it is going to be for them to parent in a positive way.”

Children’s Commissioner Dr Cindy Kiro said the study showed the climate of parenting had to change and people had to learn what was unacceptable.Sufficient information was available, including pamphlets, through the Ministry of Social Development, although “not all parents, particularly those who most need it, know how to get it or reach out for it at the time”.

“Many of us parent in ways we were parented,” she said. “It’s going to take a while to get this message through. For every parent that gets the message, that’s a child that grows up not having those experiences and not thinking that’s the way to respond.” Family First’s national director Bob McCoskrie said the study was consistent with earlier findings.

“This study doesn’t establish that smacking should be banned. It simply shows there are at-risk groups — already identified by Unicef and CYF reporters — that need resourcing, support and training.”The fact that there’s 12% admitting they’ve physically assaulted a child shows we need to do more proactive work. It’s not the smacking, it’s the way some parents smack. This study highlights that exact point.”

New Zealand has the third highest rate of child deaths due to maltreatment amongst developed nations, with an average of 1.2 children per 100,000 dying at the hands of an adult each year.

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The Metaphysical View of Death and Life After Death Part 11

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 10:10 am

To conclude this section may we just add that Newton’s subjects emphasize strongly that God is never once seen in the higher realms, although a strong feeling of a Supreme Power is felt ruling the ongoings of devachan, or “heaven,” and the kinetic motion of magnetic streams of energy flowing in the atmosphere and environment. This truth denounces certain religious beliefs that in heaven one would finally see God face to face–for while on earth one may not see God’s face and live, one would surely behold God’s countenance in heaven. This principle has been vmisunderstood and misinterpreted for the past two thousand years; it should actually be understood in a mystical rather than in a literal manner. It reminds us of Gautama Buddha’s silence when questioned about God–the implication of his subtle answer revealing a profound truth to the initiated.

Summarizing the scientific viewpoint on death and the afterlife–based on years of careful psychical, parapsychological research–the following conclusions have been reached:

1) That humans are essentially immaterial in nature and that the human essence, or self-awareness, survives physical death.

2) That human soul-units exist at differentiated levels of awareness in dimensions beyond the physical light-spectrum, beyond the reach of physical sensory perception.

3) That contact with departed souls is a possible feat under certain conditions and circumstances.

4) That all human soul-units periodically re-embody or reincarnate to continue their evolution.

5) That all re-embody according to the law of causation, or karma; or soul desire.

DISCUSSIONS

As we have seen in the previous chapter, death according to the various traditions, metaphysical experiences and modern scientific discoveries, does not annihilate the human soul; and relationships formed on the physical plane do not cease at the termination of one’s incarnation, as is normally believed; also, one’s aspirations, goals and ambitions, though simply and seemingly cut-short prematurely at a stroke of the scythe by the grim reaper called death, is actually brought over to the Otherside for a further strategic development that would bloom in a later incarnation. We have also seen that the nature of death and the afterlife can be known to those who are willing to develop the necessary sensory faculties of the astral form and its ability of soul-flight. Additionally, we have dealt somewhat of the nature of heaven and hell, including the Judgment, from the various metaphysical, religious and scientific perspectives. We have described and hinted of some of the ways and means of avoiding those undesired experiences, states and conditions to be found in the bardo, and even in the lower astral. Non-attachment to the physical form and earthly life is helpful in the process of a peaceful and easy transition, and in a smooth journey through the bardo–this ought to be kept in mind. And lastly, with the descriptions by subjects of NDEs and communications from the beyond concerning the death process, we can be assured that dying does not have to entail any mental, emotional or physical agony; on the contrary, it may result in one of the most joyful states that average souls may experience at its present evolutionary level. It provides a certain pre-taste of what the nirvanic state is like when once the soul is liberated and fully aware of its divine unity with All That Is.

Humans may fear death, but “being dead” is actually the present state of awareness of most people. To be unaware of one’s higher microcosmic principles is simply a consciousness of death. What separates the seen from the unseen is the level of one’s waking consciousness, and the psychological impurities within one’s subconscious mind. There are several components in the microcosm making up what we call the divine, human being. The more components we are aware and conscious of, the more alive we become in the spiritual sense. Non-experience of the higher principles and realities do not mean that they do not exist, it is just that the faculty for higher perception has not yet been developed. Fear is what closes the veil to spiritual knowing. When we fear, we circumscribe our consciousness. Fear of the unknown, is the ignorance of the source of our fear. Identification with mortal principles simply perpetuates (or perpetrates?) one’s mortal existence as a normal human being–and it also maintains one’s fears. We are meant to be perfect–as advised by the Piscean Master–perfect in consciousness, in knowledge, and in awareness. Attaining immortality, or awareness of such, requires the shedding of mortal concepts, beliefs, attitudes and feelings. With such spiritual labour we gradually build the link between the lower and higher principles and ensure the continuity of consciousness, and the awareness of the illusory nature of death. With each extermination of a false concept we become more alive in a spiritual sense. Death, “the last enemy,” as declared in scriptures, though inevitable, will be swallowed up in victory when once its maya-nature is understood and the continuity of consciousness acquired. Death will then lose its sting. Death ends when once the multidimensionality of one’s being is realized, and when once one’s liberation from the wheel of reincarnation is attained. What we call death is an illusion. This is echoed in the words of the Taoist poet, Chuang Tzu:

“Birth is not a beginning, death is not an end.”

Fear simply robs individuals of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energies–energies which could be used for more constructive and creative purposes. When enlightened of the nature of death, like Socrates, we will not fear it; and this knowledge, understanding, and enlightenment would greatly help humanity to live an abundant life, as promised by Master Jesus. Like a chain effect, the awareness of the non-existence of death and the truth of man’s purpose for being would improve the quality, nature, and service of every governmental department and institution, affecting society’s consciousness, development and welfare. But to return to the emotion of fear ingrained in Man, there are several principles that assist one to “die” without fear:

1) Non-attachment to physical form, earthly possessions, and relationships.

2) Understanding that death is natural and that it does not end one’s aspirations.

3) Understanding and being aware of one’s true nature as divine and immortal.

3) Preparation through spiritual practices such as meditation, purification, and the acquisition of merit through service.

4) The unfoldment of love and compassion.

From a higher perspective, death is no enemy. It is a merciful friend that grants us rest at a time when we need it. It provides a moment’s respite until we re-engage ourselves in the battle of life through another incarnation with new–or old, unlearned experiences. What is important is the assimilation of experience, for if it does not take place, it will have to be undergone again and again until the lesson inherent in each one is learnt by the soul; this can sometimes prove to be wearisome. Life on earth should not be seen as a chance happening, as a biological occurrence in time and space, or as a chemical formation spawned by chaotic forces. Life is Real, is the only Reality and has a definite purpose. Knowing that life was formed on the earth plane for a purpose encourages the soul to discover that purpose. Soul-objective is known to the awareness-principle at deeper levels of consciousness and at the conscious level prior to incarnation. The purpose or intent of the Spirit, however, is normally forgotten once the “waters of Lethe” is drunk during the process of birthing.

Our main task set by evolution is to be aware or more conscious of the “unconscious” levels of the mind; thus transcending the state of mediocrity or mortality. Mortal beings are not courageous enough to think, contemplate or face the conditions of death, they thus miss the true opportunities that life affords. When one fears death, one has not yet begun to live. “Death” to average individuals, is always thought of in connection with other people and never their own. This refusal to be spiritually-aware bind souls to an unproductie life in the cosmic scheme. This is the complaint of all mystics concerning the sons of men. In the Old Testament we read,

“Man lies down and never rises. They rouse not from their sleep.” (Job 14:12)

From what we have said so far, it may be surmised that there are various forms of death, and this is true. St. Paul hints of this when he declared, “I die daily” (I Cor 15:31). We tabulate the forms of death in the following:

1) Death to higher realities and verities

2) Death to a higher awareness of divinity

3) Death of one’s slumber in matter

4) Death of the false ego and its carnal, self-centered desires

5) Death of sleep

6) Death of the physical and etheric bodies

7) Death of the astral body

8) Death of the mental form

We will briefly describe each one: death to higher realities and verities, and the death to higher awareness of divinity are related. This is in fact the involutionary path of the soul as it descends for the first time in a new cycle of manifestation, or “manvantara.” In involution the soul loses a certain awareness only to regain it with an enhancement during the Path of Return. Most souls prolong this period of ignorance and awareness of higher multidimensional truths by their own free-will.

Death of one’s slumber in matter is the awakening of the soul’s aspiration to spiritual possibilities–paradoxically, it could also mean being spiritually unconscious; this is followed by the death, or transcendence of the false ego and its expressions in the movement within the evolutionary spiral. The death of sleep occurs every night as the soul takes flight to subtle worlds. Death of the physical and etheric bodies occur when one leaves the present incarnation for the astral world. This is followed by the deaths of the astral and mental forms as the soul rises higher and higher to rest for a period in the causal body before preparing to reincarnate.

Knowledge of the nature of death and the other worlds are important subjects for every metaphysician. As said earlier in this paper, in the course of one’s metaphysical ministry, one would often encounter individuals in bereavement requiring comfort and solace. Equipped with a higher understanding of the nature of death and the purpose of life, metaphysicians are in a better position to enlighten humanity, and to fulfill one of their functions as ministers. To Catholics, administering the “Extreme Unction,” or the last sacrament to the dying may be considered vital. But to the metaphysician, much more is required to guide the soul through the dying process. With the appropriate knowledge and occult ability, the metaphysician may assist souls in making a more meaningful transition. Deathbed-rites of an occult formula and design, taking the bardo into consideration, are needed by those engaged in the metaphysical field.

The importance and purpose of life should be appended and stressed in those rites as a lesson not only for the departed, but for those who are left behind. An experience of a loss of a beloved one through the portals of death on the part of grieving and confused individuals should be looked upon by metaphysicians as opportunities for the sowing of the seeds of truth into their receptive consciousness. Metaphysicians as farmers in the vineyard of truth should play their part perfectly. By offering various truths concerning the nature of death-truths that are rational, logical, helpful and spiritually stimulating–we improve the whole image of the metaphysical ministry in the minds of the public. The more metaphysicians have to offer to the public as to occult and esoteric knowledge and as to the expressions of their high psychism, the more will the public’s awareness be stirred and lifted to a higher plane of consciousness. Metaphysics as a synthesis of religious, spiritual, philosophical, and scientific truths has the capacity to offer what traditional forms of religion, science and modern philosophies are incapable of offering–that is, real help.

SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS

In the Introduction of this paper we presented the purpose and the need of why this subject had to be written and discussed–of the importance of its place in the metaphysical ministry as well as its influence upon the individual and society as a whole. This purpose was again stressed in the previous chapter. In order to organize our thoughts regarding the subject, we formulated several themes that would be the basis for the structure of our paper. Our fundamental themes consisted of the following:

1) The survival of personal consciousness

2) The process of transition

3) The nature of life after so-called death

The structure of our findings and of this paper, was based upon four perspectives:

1) Religion/mythology

2) The occult tradition

3) Tibetan Buddhism

4) Parapsychology

From each perspective, we initially dealt with the basic themes from a certain point of view, but ended up with the same findings, the same conclusions, and the same cosmic truths; nevertheless, among the above perspectives, there is still much to be said about religion as a whole that has somewhat misrepresented the spiritual truths as taught by their founders. We are certain, though, that every metaphysician would research into this subject sooner or later as it is mentally and spiritually rewarding. In years to come “death” will be a time of celebration and not a time of mourning as it is now.

Finally, in the fifth chapter, we discussed on humanity’s basic psychological problem–that of senseless fear. We have seen how this fear robs man of his or her true life as a divine son or daughter of God living an abundant life in the here and now. We have also briefly discussed how the elimination of the fear of death would transform the individual and society as a whole.

To sublimate and transcend this fear condition that overwhelms society we suggest that additional research be conducted into along the lines of soul-investigation, and into the many other principles of the bardo process not discussed or discovered by Tibetan Lamas. Ways of researching into this should be conducted in a scientific and intuitive manner, though this may not always be through conventional methods. Researchers should not fear probing into the invisible, into the immaterial, or into the abstract. Through research within a single avenue, other possibilities will present themselves. An answer to a single question begets many more questions, ad infinity; thus humanity progresses.

Bibliography

Agrippa, Henry Cornelius 1995 Three Books of Occult Philosophy. Llewellyn Publications, St. Paul, MN.

Bailey, Alice 1972 A Treatise on White Magic. Lucis Publishing Company, London.

Barrie, Donald C. 1991 You Need Not Age Nor Die! Finbarr International, Folkestone, England.

Budge, E.A. Wallis (Trans) 1953 Book of the Dead, The. Routledge & Kegan Paul, Ltd. London.

Chaney, Earlyne 1989 Mystery of Death and Dying, The. Samuel Weiser, York Beach, Maine.

Currie, Ian 1995 You Cannot Die. Element Books Ltd, Dorset, England.

Drolma, Delog Dawa 1995 Delog: Journey to Realms Beyond Death. Padma Publishing, Junction City, CA.

Evans-Wentz, W.Y. (ed) 1975 Tibetan Book of the Dead, The. Oxford University Press, England.

Lauf, Detlief Ingo 1989Secret Doctrines of the Tibetan Books of the Dead. Shambhala Publications, Inc., Dorset, England.

Liverziani, Filipo 1991 Life, Death & Consciousness. Prism Press, Dorset, England.

Lodo, Lama 1987Bardo Teachings: The Way of Death and Rebirth, Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca, New York.

Ma`sumian, Farnaz 1995 Life After Death. Oneworld Publications, Oxford, England.

Newton, Michael 1995 Journey of Souls. Llewellyn Publications, Minnesota.

Poe. Lori M. 1995 Journeys to Worlds Beyond. The Place of Light Publisher, Cincinatti, Ohio.

Ramacharaka, Yogi (Year not given) Life Beyond Death, The. Yogi Publication Society, Chicago, ILL.

Rinpoche, Bokar 1993 Death and the Art of Dying, Clearpoint Press, San Francisco, CA.

Rinpoche, Chokyi Nyima 1991 Bardo Guidebook, The. Ranjung Yeshe Publications, Hong Kong.

Saraydarian, Torkom 1993 Science of Meditation, The. Aquarian Educational Group, Sedona, Arizona.

– 1983 Cosmos in Man. Aquarian Educational Group, Sedona, Arizona

Swedenborg, Emanuel 1958 Heaven and its Wonders and Hell. The Swedenborg Society, London.

Copyright © 2006 Luxamore

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The Metaphysical View of Death and Life After Death Part 11

  • Posted on January 24, 2010 at 10:10 am

To conclude this section may we just add that Newton’s subjects emphasize strongly that God is never once seen in the higher realms, although a strong feeling of a Supreme Power is felt ruling the ongoings of devachan, or “heaven,” and the kinetic motion of magnetic streams of energy flowing in the atmosphere and environment. This truth denounces certain religious beliefs that in heaven one would finally see God face to face–for while on earth one may not see God’s face and live, one would surely behold God’s countenance in heaven. This principle has been vmisunderstood and misinterpreted for the past two thousand years; it should actually be understood in a mystical rather than in a literal manner. It reminds us of Gautama Buddha’s silence when questioned about God–the implication of his subtle answer revealing a profound truth to the initiated.

Summarizing the scientific viewpoint on death and the afterlife–based on years of careful psychical, parapsychological research–the following conclusions have been reached:

1) That humans are essentially immaterial in nature and that the human essence, or self-awareness, survives physical death.

2) That human soul-units exist at differentiated levels of awareness in dimensions beyond the physical light-spectrum, beyond the reach of physical sensory perception.

3) That contact with departed souls is a possible feat under certain conditions and circumstances.

4) That all human soul-units periodically re-embody or reincarnate to continue their evolution.

5) That all re-embody according to the law of causation, or karma; or soul desire.

DISCUSSIONS

As we have seen in the previous chapter, death according to the various traditions, metaphysical experiences and modern scientific discoveries, does not annihilate the human soul; and relationships formed on the physical plane do not cease at the termination of one’s incarnation, as is normally believed; also, one’s aspirations, goals and ambitions, though simply and seemingly cut-short prematurely at a stroke of the scythe by the grim reaper called death, is actually brought over to the Otherside for a further strategic development that would bloom in a later incarnation. We have also seen that the nature of death and the afterlife can be known to those who are willing to develop the necessary sensory faculties of the astral form and its ability of soul-flight. Additionally, we have dealt somewhat of the nature of heaven and hell, including the Judgment, from the various metaphysical, religious and scientific perspectives. We have described and hinted of some of the ways and means of avoiding those undesired experiences, states and conditions to be found in the bardo, and even in the lower astral. Non-attachment to the physical form and earthly life is helpful in the process of a peaceful and easy transition, and in a smooth journey through the bardo–this ought to be kept in mind. And lastly, with the descriptions by subjects of NDEs and communications from the beyond concerning the death process, we can be assured that dying does not have to entail any mental, emotional or physical agony; on the contrary, it may result in one of the most joyful states that average souls may experience at its present evolutionary level. It provides a certain pre-taste of what the nirvanic state is like when once the soul is liberated and fully aware of its divine unity with All That Is.

Humans may fear death, but “being dead” is actually the present state of awareness of most people. To be unaware of one’s higher microcosmic principles is simply a consciousness of death. What separates the seen from the unseen is the level of one’s waking consciousness, and the psychological impurities within one’s subconscious mind. There are several components in the microcosm making up what we call the divine, human being. The more components we are aware and conscious of, the more alive we become in the spiritual sense. Non-experience of the higher principles and realities do not mean that they do not exist, it is just that the faculty for higher perception has not yet been developed. Fear is what closes the veil to spiritual knowing. When we fear, we circumscribe our consciousness. Fear of the unknown, is the ignorance of the source of our fear. Identification with mortal principles simply perpetuates (or perpetrates?) one’s mortal existence as a normal human being–and it also maintains one’s fears. We are meant to be perfect–as advised by the Piscean Master–perfect in consciousness, in knowledge, and in awareness. Attaining immortality, or awareness of such, requires the shedding of mortal concepts, beliefs, attitudes and feelings. With such spiritual labour we gradually build the link between the lower and higher principles and ensure the continuity of consciousness, and the awareness of the illusory nature of death. With each extermination of a false concept we become more alive in a spiritual sense. Death, “the last enemy,” as declared in scriptures, though inevitable, will be swallowed up in victory when once its maya-nature is understood and the continuity of consciousness acquired. Death will then lose its sting. Death ends when once the multidimensionality of one’s being is realized, and when once one’s liberation from the wheel of reincarnation is attained. What we call death is an illusion. This is echoed in the words of the Taoist poet, Chuang Tzu:

“Birth is not a beginning, death is not an end.”

Fear simply robs individuals of their physical, emotional, mental and spiritual energies–energies which could be used for more constructive and creative purposes. When enlightened of the nature of death, like Socrates, we will not fear it; and this knowledge, understanding, and enlightenment would greatly help humanity to live an abundant life, as promised by Master Jesus. Like a chain effect, the awareness of the non-existence of death and the truth of man’s purpose for being would improve the quality, nature, and service of every governmental department and institution, affecting society’s consciousness, development and welfare. But to return to the emotion of fear ingrained in Man, there are several principles that assist one to “die” without fear:

1) Non-attachment to physical form, earthly possessions, and relationships.

2) Understanding that death is natural and that it does not end one’s aspirations.

3) Understanding and being aware of one’s true nature as divine and immortal.

3) Preparation through spiritual practices such as meditation, purification, and the acquisition of merit through service.

4) The unfoldment of love and compassion.

From a higher perspective, death is no enemy. It is a merciful friend that grants us rest at a time when we need it. It provides a moment’s respite until we re-engage ourselves in the battle of life through another incarnation with new–or old, unlearned experiences. What is important is the assimilation of experience, for if it does not take place, it will have to be undergone again and again until the lesson inherent in each one is learnt by the soul; this can sometimes prove to be wearisome. Life on earth should not be seen as a chance happening, as a biological occurrence in time and space, or as a chemical formation spawned by chaotic forces. Life is Real, is the only Reality and has a definite purpose. Knowing that life was formed on the earth plane for a purpose encourages the soul to discover that purpose. Soul-objective is known to the awareness-principle at deeper levels of consciousness and at the conscious level prior to incarnation. The purpose or intent of the Spirit, however, is normally forgotten once the “waters of Lethe” is drunk during the process of birthing.

Our main task set by evolution is to be aware or more conscious of the “unconscious” levels of the mind; thus transcending the state of mediocrity or mortality. Mortal beings are not courageous enough to think, contemplate or face the conditions of death, they thus miss the true opportunities that life affords. When one fears death, one has not yet begun to live. “Death” to average individuals, is always thought of in connection with other people and never their own. This refusal to be spiritually-aware bind souls to an unproductie life in the cosmic scheme. This is the complaint of all mystics concerning the sons of men. In the Old Testament we read,

“Man lies down and never rises. They rouse not from their sleep.” (Job 14:12)

From what we have said so far, it may be surmised that there are various forms of death, and this is true. St. Paul hints of this when he declared, “I die daily” (I Cor 15:31). We tabulate the forms of death in the following:

1) Death to higher realities and verities

2) Death to a higher awareness of divinity

3) Death of one’s slumber in matter

4) Death of the false ego and its carnal, self-centered desires

5) Death of sleep

6) Death of the physical and etheric bodies

7) Death of the astral body

8) Death of the mental form

We will briefly describe each one: death to higher realities and verities, and the death to higher awareness of divinity are related. This is in fact the involutionary path of the soul as it descends for the first time in a new cycle of manifestation, or “manvantara.” In involution the soul loses a certain awareness only to regain it with an enhancement during the Path of Return. Most souls prolong this period of ignorance and awareness of higher multidimensional truths by their own free-will.

Death of one’s slumber in matter is the awakening of the soul’s aspiration to spiritual possibilities–paradoxically, it could also mean being spiritually unconscious; this is followed by the death, or transcendence of the false ego and its expressions in the movement within the evolutionary spiral. The death of sleep occurs every night as the soul takes flight to subtle worlds. Death of the physical and etheric bodies occur when one leaves the present incarnation for the astral world. This is followed by the deaths of the astral and mental forms as the soul rises higher and higher to rest for a period in the causal body before preparing to reincarnate.

Knowledge of the nature of death and the other worlds are important subjects for every metaphysician. As said earlier in this paper, in the course of one’s metaphysical ministry, one would often encounter individuals in bereavement requiring comfort and solace. Equipped with a higher understanding of the nature of death and the purpose of life, metaphysicians are in a better position to enlighten humanity, and to fulfill one of their functions as ministers. To Catholics, administering the “Extreme Unction,” or the last sacrament to the dying may be considered vital. But to the metaphysician, much more is required to guide the soul through the dying process. With the appropriate knowledge and occult ability, the metaphysician may assist souls in making a more meaningful transition. Deathbed-rites of an occult formula and design, taking the bardo into consideration, are needed by those engaged in the metaphysical field.

The importance and purpose of life should be appended and stressed in those rites as a lesson not only for the departed, but for those who are left behind. An experience of a loss of a beloved one through the portals of death on the part of grieving and confused individuals should be looked upon by metaphysicians as opportunities for the sowing of the seeds of truth into their receptive consciousness. Metaphysicians as farmers in the vineyard of truth should play their part perfectly. By offering various truths concerning the nature of death-truths that are rational, logical, helpful and spiritually stimulating–we improve the whole image of the metaphysical ministry in the minds of the public. The more metaphysicians have to offer to the public as to occult and esoteric knowledge and as to the expressions of their high psychism, the more will the public’s awareness be stirred and lifted to a higher plane of consciousness. Metaphysics as a synthesis of religious, spiritual, philosophical, and scientific truths has the capacity to offer what traditional forms of religion, science and modern philosophies are incapable of offering–that is, real help.

SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS

In the Introduction of this paper we presented the purpose and the need of why this subject had to be written and discussed–of the importance of its place in the metaphysical ministry as well as its influence upon the individual and society as a whole. This purpose was again stressed in the previous chapter. In order to organize our thoughts regarding the subject, we formulated several themes that would be the basis for the structure of our paper. Our fundamental themes consisted of the following:

1) The survival of personal consciousness

2) The process of transition

3) The nature of life after so-called death

The structure of our findings and of this paper, was based upon four perspectives:

1) Religion/mythology

2) The occult tradition

3) Tibetan Buddhism

4) Parapsychology

From each perspective, we initially dealt with the basic themes from a certain point of view, but ended up with the same findings, the same conclusions, and the same cosmic truths; nevertheless, among the above perspectives, there is still much to be said about religion as a whole that has somewhat misrepresented the spiritual truths as taught by their founders. We are certain, though, that every metaphysician would research into this subject sooner or later as it is mentally and spiritually rewarding. In years to come “death” will be a time of celebration and not a time of mourning as it is now.

Finally, in the fifth chapter, we discussed on humanity’s basic psychological problem–that of senseless fear. We have seen how this fear robs man of his or her true life as a divine son or daughter of God living an abundant life in the here and now. We have also briefly discussed how the elimination of the fear of death would transform the individual and society as a whole.

To sublimate and transcend this fear condition that overwhelms society we suggest that additional research be conducted into along the lines of soul-investigation, and into the many other principles of the bardo process not discussed or discovered by Tibetan Lamas. Ways of researching into this should be conducted in a scientific and intuitive manner, though this may not always be through conventional methods. Researchers should not fear probing into the invisible, into the immaterial, or into the abstract. Through research within a single avenue, other possibilities will present themselves. An answer to a single question begets many more questions, ad infinity; thus humanity progresses.

Bibliography

Agrippa, Henry Cornelius 1995 Three Books of Occult Philosophy. Llewellyn Publications, St. Paul, MN.

Bailey, Alice 1972 A Treatise on White Magic. Lucis Publishing Company, London.

Barrie, Donald C. 1991 You Need Not Age Nor Die! Finbarr International, Folkestone, England.

Budge, E.A. Wallis (Trans) 1953 Book of the Dead, The. Routledge & Kegan Paul, Ltd. London.

Chaney, Earlyne 1989 Mystery of Death and Dying, The. Samuel Weiser, York Beach, Maine.

Currie, Ian 1995 You Cannot Die. Element Books Ltd, Dorset, England.

Drolma, Delog Dawa 1995 Delog: Journey to Realms Beyond Death. Padma Publishing, Junction City, CA.

Evans-Wentz, W.Y. (ed) 1975 Tibetan Book of the Dead, The. Oxford University Press, England.

Lauf, Detlief Ingo 1989Secret Doctrines of the Tibetan Books of the Dead. Shambhala Publications, Inc., Dorset, England.

Liverziani, Filipo 1991 Life, Death & Consciousness. Prism Press, Dorset, England.

Lodo, Lama 1987Bardo Teachings: The Way of Death and Rebirth, Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca, New York.

Ma`sumian, Farnaz 1995 Life After Death. Oneworld Publications, Oxford, England.

Newton, Michael 1995 Journey of Souls. Llewellyn Publications, Minnesota.

Poe. Lori M. 1995 Journeys to Worlds Beyond. The Place of Light Publisher, Cincinatti, Ohio.

Ramacharaka, Yogi (Year not given) Life Beyond Death, The. Yogi Publication Society, Chicago, ILL.

Rinpoche, Bokar 1993 Death and the Art of Dying, Clearpoint Press, San Francisco, CA.

Rinpoche, Chokyi Nyima 1991 Bardo Guidebook, The. Ranjung Yeshe Publications, Hong Kong.

Saraydarian, Torkom 1993 Science of Meditation, The. Aquarian Educational Group, Sedona, Arizona.

– 1983 Cosmos in Man. Aquarian Educational Group, Sedona, Arizona

Swedenborg, Emanuel 1958 Heaven and its Wonders and Hell. The Swedenborg Society, London.

Copyright © 2006 Luxamore

  • Share/Bookmark