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Hello every one I have another joke?

  • Posted on April 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,”My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies.

“There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

“You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.”

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5 If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @
Edit:
gr8rt1 i loved it, why didn’t you post yours
Edit:

i do have so many jokes with images, I can not post them here Y/A will kick my behind. i will try to post some of them
Edit:

Glamour-Girl, i guess no one can make every one happy, out of 21 answers only two did not laugh.
yeteh jokeh ches siraseh garik chegar vor badaskhan dair.
Edit:

thank you every one

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Why can’t caribou barbie ‘move on’ past Sara Palin?

  • Posted on April 30, 2011 at 1:21 pm

This anonymous loser blocks a ton of people, expresses anything but tolerance in his profile, and is fixated on and frightened of a popular and successful former women governor. She left the state in capable hands to change her focus and shield her family, who slime like him think is fair game. At the same time, he has no problem with a certifiable moron like Joe Biden as VP, and ignores Biden’s daughter’s drug addiction. Now he’s thrilled that YA fixed something he thinks will keep blocked users from explaining to him why he is such a loser.
The question is,
how does he get through the day carrying all that hate around,
why do intelligent and attractive women spook him,
and when will he move out of his mama’s basement?

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WHEN will we force legislation on jailing drunk drivers?

  • Posted on April 30, 2011 at 5:22 am

from today’s Chicago Sun Times newspaper:
DEADLY CRASH NOTHING TO SMILE ABOUT
Crossing the street on their way to church, Frank and Helen Lilly were run down by an alleged drunken driver. Helen died, and Frank is in intensive care. The driver, Thomas Postulka, had been charged in another DUI just two days before.Frank G. Lilly, Helen’s husband of 50 years, remains in intensive care nearly three weeks later.
What makes this tragedy even harder on the Brookfield couple’s family and friends is that an alleged drunken driver struck the Lillys — only two days after he’d been charged with another DUI.
“It just seems like someone who had a DUI, his second one in that many days, just shouldn’t be driving around,” said the couple’s daughter, Lisa Lilly, 41.
But under Illinois law, Thomas J. Postulka had full driving privileges Jan. 22 when the fatal crash happened in front of St. Barbara Catholic Church in Brookfield.

http://www.suntimes.com/news/metro/250323,CST-NWS-dui09.article

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R & P,, please tell me if music …?

  • Posted on April 30, 2011 at 5:21 am

does the music you listen to dictate your actions/behavior?

I live in NH and the big thing here is the Mt.Vernon attack (look it up,,,sick),, some kids went to a random house ,, broke in,, used a machette and hacked up the 2 people they found,, the mom was murdered and the daughter was maimed by self proclaimed “juggalos” for the sake of “see’n how it felt”,<-their words not mine..
but instead of the focus be’n on the crime its on the kids choice of music,, the dumb “rules” they have and so on,,,
i remember Slayer, Judas Priest, Ozzy, getn sued for kids killing themselves but why put yourself into a group now known and hated for this crap??musicallyy i think icp blows,, but do i think icp is responsible?? F no,, no more than Ozzy or Slayer made sum kid put a gun in their mouth,
i listen to thrash and deathmetal mostly and i dont go around killing people,, worshiping satan or anything like that,, all it does to me is mess up my hair !,,
so for me no,, music does NOT dictate my actions,, but for some its leaned on as a legitimate scapegoat for the parents or guilty party,

Cyclone Temple said it best in the song Why…

“so dont blame sum heavymetal record to cover your own neglect”

listening to Queen does not make my wife gay,,
listening to Obituary does not make me burn churches down,,
listening to Ozzy does not make me want to bite heads off of small flying animals,,

makes no sense to me,,

i guta go now,,, my wife wants to listen to Alice in Chains and Nirvana and i have no idea where im guna get the needles and heroin from,,

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My daughter 26. her boyfriend of 5yrs wants me to go to his grandparents for xmas.?

  • Posted on April 30, 2011 at 4:17 am

Im divorced since she was little. She spent Thanksgiving with xhusbands family. and xmas with me.
4 years ago when she graduated college i went to her boyfriends family for xmas. They live 2hrs away. I am permantly disabled. Have had 5 back operations. This takes a toll on me. I spent Thanksgiving alone. Her and boyfriend stop by for short visit day after Thanksgiving. Now because he came down and spent thanksgiving with her fathers family he expects me to travel and spend xmas with his family. I only get to see her maybe 8 days a year. With her job and her living 4hrs away. Ive been in a relationship with a man for 15yrs. off and on because he is an alcoholic. He went to florida last dec. and got in program an is sober for 1yr. I spent 8mons in florida with him and had to come home in Oct. to take care of some business. His sisters live near me and we are close . they have invited my daughter and i for xmas dinner. I accepted the invitation. My daughter likes their company an agreed. But now her boyfriend is throwing the card i went to your families for thanksgiving. you should come to mine on xmas. My daughter is uncomfortable going to his families because he gets all moody and has issues with his mother. his parents are also divorced. Its complicated. Then her fathers side of family wants her to run all over to see them. She usually comes down on xmas eve day spends xmas day and leaves to spend xmas with her father on 26th.
I dont feel i am being unreasonable asking her to spend the 2days with me. What do you feel.

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