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Is this the best joke you’ve heard in a verrry long time or what…?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

…and Yes, star if you like it please…it IS funny! Thx.

Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
”Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.” Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.”
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”

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Just polling who thinks anna nicole’s death was an accident or had something to do with the money.?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 12:20 pm

Just a thought, Son dies from meth 3 days after the daughter is born, making the baby the only heir to Anna’s money if something happened to her. Now something has happened and there are so many more claims coming out for that poor little girl who is the only heir to that money. Why didn’t the claims come out earlier and wouldn’t it just be a coincident if anna died from the same thing her son died from.

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Please help me figure out what is with this guy? Is he a jerk for adding her daughter to facebook?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 9:24 am

He had a past relationship with her during or shortly after the divorce of her husband. He is 27 years old and she is 41 (I am 45). He is healthy and I am a bit over weight. Her and I both smoke and he doesn’t. He let her borrow upwards of $10,000 over a three year period so she could provide for her daughter. She hasn’t paid him back much at all, only a couple hundred dollars.

He encouraged her to get a job and she got one at the bar I own. I moved in on her and she and I are now together. She told the 27 year old that she was still with her husband for several months before telling him the truth about us. He drove up to our bar to see who i was. There was some drama about a girl I was flirting with that is a waitress, I put a napkin down her shirt. My GF and I were fighting about that. The 27 year old left with a bad feeling about me, and said he was worried about her. She exploded at him because he said he was concerned. He became closer friends with us again and I wanted him to come up to prove that im better than what happened last time. This time when he came up there was a woman who was rubbing her butt against my knees. But he didn’t say anything because she is a skanky bar girl. But she was telling of old times when she spent time in my hot tub and I gave her my email address.

My GF tried to get him to drink a lot. He drinked a lot and we got him drunk. She took his keys to his camaro and drove it to a safe spot. He slept on our couch. When he woke up our daughter (15) came in. I mentioned a dildo i got for my birthday to her and she laughed. He didnt look too impressed and quickly talked about her school and everything was going at school. He told her to reach her goals and to work hard. Before he left, my GF asked if he could stay for lunch but he said no. He gave her daughter a big hug and said “remember what we talked about” and then she said ok. He drove off.

When he got home, he added her sister and daughter to facebook and she exploded at him for it. He said he was concerned about her and she said she loved me and for him not to pretend he needs to save her. Her daughter removed him from facebook a week later but I am not sure if she wanted to or not.

He sent us both a list of his concerns about our daughter. He said I shouldn’t of mentioned the dildo and cussing in front of her. He said she (her daughter) is a woman but not an object and she needs to know that women aren’t object. He said I need to be more careful around the other women. My GF really laid into him. She is really pissed. Her and I are going to Vegas this week.

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Legal question about children and mothers?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 9:21 am

I am in indiana. I am not 100% familiar with the laws, the situation is, my boyfriend, who has been abusive in the past and is now using heroin, and I have seperated. We have a 2 month old baby. He asked to see her and, against my better judgment, I let him. He now refuses to give her back. When I called the police to escort me over there to get her, I was told by the police that “possession is 9/10 of the law” and they “could not make him give her to me”. She is my child!!!! When I called a lawyer I was told that I should not get the police involved further because she would be taken from us both and placed in foster care and it would very difficult for me to get her out of there. I cannot believe this is happening, but I need to know what my rights as her mother are. I understand that he is also her father, however, I cannot live without my daughter. I don’t have a lot of money — I don’t work because he didn’t want me to and he’s taken care of us for two years. I just don’t know what to do. If anyone has any information, PLEASE let me know. Thank you in advance for any help

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Have I done the right thing with my Alcoholic mother?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 8:17 am

My mother is an alcoholic and has been for all my life. She gets so bad sometimes, she passes out on the couch and gets really aggressive.
She’s never hit me (although she has done to both my sisters and my brother), but has emotionally abused me ever since her and my father split, almost 5 years ago. But tonight it got so bad that I walked out and went to my fathers just to get away from her.
Now, she’s threatening to got to court to get full custody of me and is saying that I might not even be my fathers child, but it’s all a lie as I am the double of his other daughter (my older sister) and I don’t even know if I want to go back to her’s.

I am so confused as to what to do. Am I a bad daughter for walking out on her, even though she had been doing nothing but shouting at me since I had arrived, or did I do the right thing by going to my dad.

Has anyone else been in the same situation or have any advice for me.

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Why can’t caribou barbie ‘move on’ past Sara Palin?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 7:21 am

This anonymous loser blocks a ton of people, expresses anything but tolerance in his profile, and is fixated on and frightened of a popular and successful former women governor. She left the state in capable hands to change her focus and shield her family, who slime like him think is fair game. At the same time, he has no problem with a certifiable moron like Joe Biden as VP, and ignores Biden’s daughter’s drug addiction. Now he’s thrilled that YA fixed something he thinks will keep blocked users from explaining to him why he is such a loser.
The question is,
how does he get through the day carrying all that hate around,
why do intelligent and attractive women spook him,
and when will he move out of his mama’s basement?

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If this is funny then give me a star?

  • Posted on April 27, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
”Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.” Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.”
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”

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drug addiction my partner does herion?

  • Posted on April 27, 2011 at 1:20 pm

i hate it he is on a meth program but still uses sometimes he is a risk of losing every thing me and his one year daughter and his family i want to help him but there is only so much i can do after 2 years

he said he is trying to stop but does not seem like it to me he is so nice when he ain’t done any think like my normal boyfriend but when he has i hate him and the lye’s
do you think he will ever change?

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Supervised visitation for child? please help crazy ex..?

  • Posted on April 27, 2011 at 11:22 am

Hi I have a 21 month lil girl. Her father was verbally abusive as well as physically, though i left shortly after he laid his hands on me. Since our breakup 7 months ago, i have called the police at least 5-6 times. for him threatening to “beat my ass”,always screaming and fighting in front of our child, pushing me and ripping my necklace off. i was letting him see her regularly until this last time when he put his hands on me again. We have an appointment for the attorney general tomorrow, i have sent them several police reports, and i also have texts messages he sent me this weekend threatening to kill himself, and driving drunk. I am requesting supervised visitation, i would prefer no visitation but i feel like my daughter should see her father, but i dont know if that would be best for her with his past behavior. We have a hearing tomorrow to enforce child support, and they also handle visitation. Do you think i will be granted supervised visitation? and if he doesnt agree to it then will we have to go to court? my dad is helping me save money to hire a lawyer and im also going into for a consultation this week. i am also going to file a protective order against him. If anyone has any experience, personal, or legal i would greatly appreciate it. thanks.
also the last time he had her he refused to give her back to me, because he heard rumors about me cheating while we were together, i know he wants me back so i had to trick him and pretend i would go back to him, just to get my daughter back.
i live in tx
amy- i am very concerned about what you said about cps because i did let her go with him several times, and i was stupid to do so but he is very manipulative and charming when he wants to be, so he would act all nice and great, so i thought, well finally he has come to his senses. do you think they would take her form me because i have been letting him see her?
we have never been to court, so there is no order. i let him see her because he was being nice and acting normal so i thought i would give him another chance even though my gut told me not to, but his whole family was lecturing me and making me feel guilty about how much he missed her etc so i let him take her.

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On what grounds can a father take shared custody or full custody of his children from their mother?

  • Posted on April 27, 2011 at 11:21 am

I have a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We ended our relationship shortly after the birth of our second child and soon then after I met and married my current husband and have been married to him for the past 11 years. My ex was not actively involved in the childrens life for the first few years. And I had to constantly pursue him so that he spend sometime with them. In 2000 I found out that he had a heroin problem and limited the time he saw them of which was very little because he never came around. as of recently past six years maybe he has been slowly stablelizing himself and married someone himself although she did enforce his visitation of them from time to time during past couple of years he has dissappeared on both me and his wife. But all in all he has been a stable dad for the past 3 years. We have had a freindly relationship between all involved parties as well and I have made it a point to involve him as much as possible in his childrens lifes. As of recently he has been demanding without consideration of how it will disruppt my household and home, (I do have a child with my current marriage, which these two children are a very important part of.) additional time with his children. When I informed him that I could not just say yes take them without seeing what I can do as far as who is going to watch over my younger child during the time that their older brother watches them, he proceeded to call DYFYS (Division of youth and family services) on me making tons of absurd not founded allegations on me. May I add he did these anonymusly however admitted it to my son when he questioned him on it. The only reason he gave to my son for calling Dyfis was that he was tired of me being the only one who has a say in their lifes. The children are angry with him for what he did and are not ready to talk to him although I everyday tell them they should, it has now been three weeks since the allegations where made by him and he has not even as called his kids. He is requesting joint custody in court and is demanding unreasonable times he is requesting he gets them tuesdays and thursday over night during the school year with e/o weekend starting from Friday to Monday. And during school vacation he wants them every other week. I am not against my children spending time with their father in fact I have always encouraged it, but I feel what he is requesting is not reasonable and he doesnt see how for the past 12 years I have build a life and family with them and my younger child and this will cause a huge detremental impact to all my children not just his. I am afraid of what a judge would say because for the latter years he has been a responsible father except for the fact that he never paid me child support. I dont want to keep kids from him I just want to have a stable home where I do not have to be afraid that he will take me to court at a whim just simply because he wants more time with them. Any suggestions can anyone help me.

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