My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and she already had a 2 year old from her previous relationship. The guy is a drunk who beat her for a year in front of their daughter. He lives in the town over from us and sees his daughter when he wants to. He pays no support and can’t even drive to pick her up because he has two DUI’s and lost his license. He cried over my wife for a long time, but eventually we were married and now we have two kids together. He is still a drunk, and thinks he should call my wife when he has a problem that he can’t figure out himself, so he’ll get drunk and call, and my wife will talk to him trying to make him happy. He recently called drunk at 10am asking what to do, cause his parents wanted to commit him for being suicidal, but he was just drunk. I have told my wife I don’t want her talking to him about anything that doesn’t concern their daughter, that he doesn’t need to call her and vent his feelings to her. She seems to think this makes me a bad guy, and she can do what she wants. So she tries to be discreet about it. I ran to the store the other night to get us stuff, and when I got home she was on the phone with him, talking to him really gently, about stuff that did not concern their daughter. I see red when I think about it, I flipped. I sent him a message telling him to find his own wife to cry to. He calls when I was in the room with my daughter, all mad that I sent him that message, and my wife starts getting upset and crying. She seemed to be more upset that I upset him, than the fact that I was mad at her. I’m still mad at her, but she is just pretending like nothing happened, like we didn’t sleep in different beds. I don’t know what to do, she’s trying to be all lovey lovey with me, never said she was sorry (but she apologized for me on the phone to that bitc* when he called) but I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I don’t want to break my family up, but I won’t continue to put up with that.
I just realized my husband is an alcoholic. What now?
What do I do? I’ve teased and thought for a while that maybe he was and we’ve been starting to have a lot of problems and are looking for a counselor but haven’t made it yet, I just don’t get the feeling he really wants to, you know..I don’t know how to explain it to someone who isn’t or hasn’t been in a similar situation. Well, anyway after a while, I’ve read up and I’ve studied the so called steps they take and well they are about 3-4 steps and he’s on his way to the second step. I know his parents notice it. His real dad is a alcoholic and he’s never met him nor ever wanted to and swore when his mom told him (after my husband got a DUI**, Yeah I know) he didn’t want to turn into his dad that he’s been turning into him. things were fine until certain events in our life happened. We have a two year old daughter and I just don’t what to do, as of now I just don’t feel like things will change but I don’t want to give up. I don’t know if I should leave for a while and let him get his sh*T together or what, but if I leave him I don’t know how our finances will work, our set up is weird. Please anyone, I don’t know what to think or what to do, or what to say to him or should I go to his parents.
He hasn’t touched either of us and I truly don’t believe he will, but I didn’t think I’d be in this situation with him he really is a complete different person then I married, a lot of people are telling me it may be because he’s cheating on me, I can say sometimes I truly believe he is, but I don’t have proof and can really say either way.
Can I get full custody?
So here’s the situation: My ex and I have no formal custody agreement for our daughter. He blackmailed me into paying MY OWN child support into the system by saying he’d file for 50/50 custody just to get out of it. I have her the vast majority of the time…he’ll take her overnight or for a few hours a couple times a month but that’s it; he never even calls to see how she is (she’s almost 9 months now). He hasn’t even ever gotten her diapers!
He still lives at home with his mother at 24. I know that while my daughter has been in his care he has knowingly driven with her in an improperly installed carseat, left her unattended on his bed after crawling age so that she fell off, and smokes marijuana while she is in his care.
Most of the time he bails on “his” nights to have her (we had agreed he gets her monday/tues nights but he never takes her…makes up all kinds of excuses) and then I’ll find out later either from him or someone else that he went out partying that night…he’s admittedly an alcoholic, as well…though he doesn’t drink when she is in his care and doesn’t drive drunk with her in the vehicle (at least that I’m aware of)…but he DOES drink and drive on a regular basis.
The other night he bailed on keeping our daughter but his mother offered to watch her until he got off of work at midnight (last minute one night job kind of thing). Well I went to pick my daughter up the next morning and found out that he went out partying again because his mom was there to watch our baby. He and his buddies were so drunk that they taped themselves with his cell phone urinating off of an overpass at oncoming traffic as well as “tbagging and mushroom stamping” each other…and THAT was done with my daughter in the house! He brought his drunk/high friends back to the same house as our daughter.
I feel that his behavior is immature, inappropriate and dangerous to our daughter and I want full custody of her. I would like him to still be able to have supervised visitation with her…at least until he completed some parenting classes/substance abuse program. His mother KNOWS of his behavior and lets him do it…and sides with him over the child support issue and always says I should “give him 50/50 custody on paper to force him to grow up” so she isn’t much help on the issue…but even SHE tells him that our daughter deserves better.
Since there has been no improvement in his behavior and he’s doing drugs, could I win full custody of our daughter if I filed?
My step daughter has raked up old problems?
….when I thought everything was OK. My step daughter is now 25 and I have lived with her father since she was 12. Her mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug addict and lived 300 miles away – no contact. When I and my 2 boys moved in everything was fine – she had a brother of 13 as well – so there were 4 kids. Then the weird stuff started to happen. I caught her pretending to cry in front of a mirror. She was always saying that my boys who were then 6 and 4, were trying to watch her when she got undressed. Loads of my stuff – jewellry (heirlooms), money from my family when they visited went missing and her brother got the blame. Cut a long story short – we thought she was jealous of me with her father and we tried to address it. She confided in a teacher who was also a friend of ours and between them my partner was ‘forced’ to let her foster my step daughter. A year went by and I approached her to make amends and to start being a family.
Her mother whom she had no contact with committed suicide. My partner and I were the first to be told by the police and we went and told s/daughter and brother personally and saw them through an emotional time. Next, her dad got nasty txts off her and a nasty letter bringing up the past but getting it ever so wrong. What does he do – confront her – ignore it – if he agrees with her then what? Why do you think she is doing this when we have been there for her through loads of probs over the last 8 years (when she left home). How can this be resolved?
Like father like daughter??
I’m 13, in 8th grade. Okay, so I was at a party last night and I wasn’t wasted, but I was tipsy. I was dancing with this guy and this jealous girl came up to me and saw me holding a drink and said “Like father like daughter.” I got sooo offended though I tried to shake it off. My dad got in some crazy stuff in Dartmouth. Where I live it’s pretty infamous. My dad only drinks at things like corporate events and fancy dinners, and I’m nothing close to an alcoholic, I only drink at parties.
Can alcoholic-ness (or whatever) be genetic in any way? Or can alcohol abuse patterns exist in families?
Oh, and my mother or daddy don’t know I’m out at these parties, or drinking. They can’t even talking to each other.
And I can stop drinking when I want, and I never drink alone. Like if my dad is out, I don’t go rummaging through his liquor cabinet. I associate that with kids that have hit rock bottom. I only do it at parties, and have a maximum of the drinks, even if I want more. I’m still a really smart girl.
When I was 12 and drank, it was after I learned my close friend committed suicide. I went to a party and got so wasted I puked. I’ve never drank that much since.
Is leaving your daughter in a bar a felony?
My ex made me watch my daughter last night because she had to work. I already had plans to go to the bar and get plastered with my friends. Let me say, first that I am a proud and functioning alcoholic. Scotch and craft beer are my life. Anyhow, I brought her with me and left her sitting at a table while we just got sloppy drunk. She fell asleep and I stumbled to my car and miraculously made it home. Anyhow I got a million messages last night that I just recovered this morning. Two from the police and about 20 from my ex. No charges are pressed yet, but is there potential for it? It won’t be the first time I’ve been arrested due to my drinking, but I’m worried that because my daughter was involved I may be facing tougher charges. I don’t see the big deal, my daughter was fine. Teaches my ex to dump her on me with such short notice I guess
10 pts. If I was your daughter would you ever forgive me for my mistake?
(Sorry its so long but I made the biggest mistake in my life)
I’m Angela and I’m 16 years old and my sister is Heather and she’s 15. Last Friday night I went to a house party at my best friend’s house and I invited my sister along. She’s had never been to a party and I go every week, she’s the good daughter in the family.
I told our dad we were going out to the movies with my friends and sleeping over at my friends house for the weekend. He didn’t want to but finally agreed because my sister was coming with me. He dropped us off at the theater and my boyfriend picked us up and drove us to the party.
There was alcohol and drugs at the party and my sister promised not to drink or do drugs, she knows me and my bf drink alcohol and smoke weed. There was over 80 people at the party, most of them were from our high school. Heather stuck with me and my boyfriend most of the night but then my bf wanted to go to the motel cause the house was too crowded and I told my sister I was leaving, she BEGGED me not to leave but I told her it would just be for an hour and that I’ll be back.
I left her alone just to go have sex with my bf. We left to a motel and were gone for more than two hours and when we got back to the party my friend said my sister had gotten drunk and left with some man.
I was drunk and high and couldn’t think straight, my bf drove me back home and I told my dad EVERYTHING that happened and he was really pissed off. He kicked my bf out of the house and after making a call to the police station my dad pulled me out of the house and into the car with him.
We drove to the same motel me and my bf were in earlier and he told me to wait in the car, after talking with a cop who was outside of the motel he went over to a room with the cop. Minutes later he walked out with my sister in his arms, she was unconscious, she only had bed sheets wrapped around her.
The cops arrested a 35 year old man who admitted to say he slipped a roofie (the “date rape drug”) in her drink and brought her to the motel and raped her. No one knew what the man was doing at the party, no one knew him. Later the police found out he had raped 3 other girls before.
I know it was my fault for leaving her alone when she wanted me to stay. My dad told me yesterday morning I was going back to juvie. I’ve been in juvie three times already, once for drugs, once for stealing a car and once for running away with my bf.
My sister was in the hospital all day saturday and brought back home sunday. I wanted to talk to her and apologize but she didn’t want to see me, my dad didn’t let me get close to her.
She HAS to know I’m sorry for being such a bad sister. She was a virgin and I caused for her to be raped for being selfish. I can’t eat, sleep or stop crying, I need to talk to her before I’m put I’m juvie on friday. My probation officer said I’ll have to stay in juvie for TWO YEARS for breaking my probation by doing drugs.
I know that’s where I belong, I’m a bad person and need to stay away from my sister to keep her safe with my dad. Our mom works ALL the time and we hardly ever see her, maybe once every two weeks, my mom came back and she told me she wished I was never born because I’m always causing trouble. I know she’s right.
Everything would be better without me here. I feel like if I’m dying inside, I have so much pain in me and no one in my family to comfort me, my dad doesn’t want to talk to me either. I hate myself for having this happen to her. My bf and friends try to comfort me but its not helping at all.
How can I apologize to my family, what can I say?
Will they ever forgive me?
Any advice???
I made all my mistakes for being in a gang, there is no way out, my bf is the gang leader and we love each other. I don’t think I can live with myself if they never want to see me again, I need help knowing what to do. My bf wants me to run away to Mexico with him, he doesn’t want me to be in juvie for two years, we love each other so much and I don’t know if I should go, if I go I won’t be able to come back and see them ever again.
I posted this question yesterday also, I don’t know what I’m exactly looking for, I know there is nothing that will change what happened.
Plz if you are parents, what would you do if I was your daughter???
Plz help!
The reason why I was writing a story is because I was writing about what I was going through! My mom was my child psychologist and she tried to help me out but it didn’t work, I was in too deep in the gang to get out.
I’m a good student in school, I just can’t deal with life outside, my english teacher is the only adult who tries to help me, he understands me but I haven’t been able to tell him about what happened, I haven’t been to school.
Very Serious answers please re: daughter 27?
Serious Opinions please…re: daughter 27 yrs old?
My daughter has been w/her BF and engaged 2gether 4 11 yrs. 1 child going on 10, 1, 1yrs old.
My daughter (molly) left her BF home & rented an apt. no power, she can’t take her kids w/o power. Father/daycare is doing it. Dad, IM’d me last nite & said, I will do anything, I told her that., I need her want her, I miss her, I told her when she came back 1st time tell me molly if I screw up, show me, he said, she left, went to the park that day, she was quite and I didn’t think much she left that night and never came back, she is in contact w/her kids everyday, but last night killed me when he said KK was saying mama mama ca ca mama he said she misses her and I said, molly please come by and put KK to bed w/me and that is it then U can do what U want, she said I can’t, she told me that her baby that is 1 has never been away from her and she is dieing inside missing her, but, she said I have to do what I have to do. Please just accept it mom, don’t judge me, I have to do this. (I would understand, if she was ALONE trying and thinking, but he is staying w/her and the Dad stopped by her apt/last nite and he said molly come to the door and talk w/me, her 1/2 brother started running her mouth & the dad said U know I did right back. Like the dad said, he (the 1/2 bro. has nothing to loose, the dad said we lose not him. I just found out that the 10 yr old knows and this is going to destroy her (she is very dramatic), molly just told me she will be getting the kids when the power comes on perhaps wed.
Now, she left about 1 wk ago & stayed in apt. 4 6 hrs, went back to her BF at 2:30 am that morn. Now her 1/2 brother is staying w/her to make her feel safe, she don’t & won’t be alone. I keep trying to tell her to go C the baby tonite she said I saw her this morn. I think she is jumping the gun on this.
for over 6 months, things have been bad, not physical, just words and him being a jerk, now he knows he shouldn’t of, but he kept telling her pack your fJ&&** bags get 2 F#$ out. she would call me crying & crying and I did tell her, Molly, U have to make this decision, she said Mom, I wish U would just tell me what 2 do, I said I can’t. Went to C the same Landlord got credit and a 1 bedrm @ this time.
About her 1/2 brother, he is almost 40, has nothing, he is an alcoholic and is staying w/her until she gets power, but, I think Molly should B by herself to go over what just happened, I mean how can she throw away 11 years and 2 kids? They have been physical w/ea. other in the past yrs ago, not now.
I feel her 1/2 brother should leave and let her B, she says, MOM, stop it, I am 27. (she has never ever been on her own, went from ME to HIM. Now that she has left him, she still isn’t alone, she is w/her 1/2 bro.
Molly always put her family 1st, she is a cna, works @ the same job over 7 yrs, never been in a bar, she didn’t drink or smoke, good girl, I told her so many times I am so proud of U.
Now, she is drinking w/her 1/2 bro, smoking too.
I no she is 27, she will not go 2 a counselor, she said mom just support me, but I feel she should put more thought into this, so it is hard to do. And the kids, OMG<
Should I say something to her 1/2 bro?? She will have a fit! and then some
Should I just stay out of it and see where the chips fall?
should I just be here if she needs me?
And really what do U think of a 1/2 bro, that she has only been close to for less than a yr, and never hung out w/or saw in years?
Please serious replys I wouldn’t request that, but 2 children are involved, please advise me, perhaps, U know of something I could say to my daughter to open her eyes?
Please help
thank you
Please before you anwser, consider that the 1st 2 people were really ignorant and hurtful. People come on here for answers, that is the name answers.
It only shows that some people are just cruel!
My toddler Is driving me insane!?
OMG where do I start my daughter is 28 months old and she is just driving me insane. I love her so much she is such a caring a loving toddler. But she constantly wants to be sitting on top of me kissing touching my face, eyes, nose, I can’t even drink a cup of coffee. I tell her sit next to mommy and she sits so close to me I can’t barely move I move her a little further away to only have then on top of me AGAIN this goes on all day. She does not eat well at all it is a constant fight about it there have been days where I just don’t have enough energy to fight about the food and she actually goes all day without EATING but she does have her milk when she wakes up in the morning 9oz and usually has a little bit of outmeal then for her nap like at 2-3 6oz and to go to bed 9oz. She never wants to wear what I pick for her but if I let her pick I am there for like 8 different outfit charges and OMG where do I begin about the shoes at first it was soooooooo cute she always wanted to wear my shoes but come one I am all day picking them up from all over the house. When I put her in time out I put her on my bed and tell she can’t get down “she actually listens” till she calms down it takes her about 5-10 min and during this times she is screaming I’m sorry mommy I love you. She is awesome when she is around kids very well behaved shares and all she even ignores me especially when she is with her older cousins that’s the only time I get to relax. By the way I am not a single mom but dad doesn’t really discipline and when he does he is just tough love which I don’t like. What am I doing worng?
what should I do about my family disowning me over this and not losing my daughter forever too?
Here’s a little history,am hoping someone can help me and help me to make sense of everything.I am 30 years old.I have a 13 year old daughter that my father and my step-mother have custody of and have had since my daughter was 2 months old.I had lost custody because when I was 17 and living with my mother,my mother screamed at my baby,so badly I screamed at my mother that threw me out.I was still in school,my mother had forced me to marry at 15 since my mother didn’t want me and also too,to escape abuse. My daughter’s father had walked out on us,and so I had noway to take care of a baby or anywhere else to go. My father and step-mother took in my daughter.Well my step-mother’s son when I was 14 raped me ,he died from an OD about 9 years ago,and when I told my family about it,my step mother that was in denial about it all, she threw me out and hasn’t allowed my dad to have a relationship with me and that includes not allowing me there to see my daughter,which I have visitation rights to.
Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, she is very nasty to me,to the point I cry every time I hang up with her. My daughter has said horrible rumors about me,which aren’t true,that either my father or step-mother are telling her.I have told my daughter, I plan to go to court to make them enforce visitation,because now I am in a financial situation to be able to do so,where in the past I wasn’t..My daughter has said, she wants nothing to do with me and I know it’s from them turning her against me.
Well a month ago,my mother that lives with my brother,his wife and 2 kids,kept screaming and cussing my 2 year old nephew,telling him she hates him and hitting him over and over just for staring at her.She went on a good 10 minutes screaming and hitting him for that,which I finally talked her into walking away,that my husband heard it on speaker phone and my husband told me,we need to call social services. I didn’t want to go that route, but I have seen my mom be down right mean to my nephew once before and had tried talking sense into her and it did no good.
My husband brought up a point to me that,if I didn’t call social services,that if anything bad happened to my nephew,ie, mental problems or to be hurt physically hurt, that we’d never forgive ourselves.So we called social services and the social worker that went there to investigate the situation,couldn’t find anything wrong because they waited a week to respond after us reporting it.Anyhow, the social worker gave the time frame it had been reported and infurred so many things,my mother knew it was me.She changed her phone number,has diwonwed me and I called my father today and he said he is disowning me too because supposedly my daughter got a 15 page letter of me bad mouthing my father and I truly haven’t written anything,which leads me to believe,my mother had to of done it.
She has turned my siblings against me and apparently my father even more so and I sit here and cry,wondering where I went wrong.When I tried to explain to my dad there was never any letter from me,he got nasty and said,your whole family disowns you.He said,that’s just the way life goes. I am sad because my daughter hates me due to what my father has allowed my step-mom to do for 13 years.They have never allowed my daughter to write or call me.
You know I have forgiven my family for a lot.My mother and father knew my grandfather was sexually abusing me as a child and never did anything about it.My dad that use to be an alcoholic, beat my siblings and I daily and my mother left us kids and my dad when I was 11 to be with the man she had an affair with. There was never any discipline as far as them allowing my 2 older brothers to beat me daily,to the pont of breaking my bones, almost putting my eye out,or beating me daily and leaving bruises. However,I am not angry because I realize they’ve got their share of problems, but I am truly sad,because although I have forgiven everything and never once threw their faults in their face, they’re so hurtful to me,and I wish I knew what more to do.
Yes it’;s a toxic relationship that I should let go of,but is so hard when they’ve got my child. By the way, the judge did a court order for my dad to get custody,I fought it for 6 years but the judge denied me getting her back, due to the fact I wasn’t making enough money to support us both. After 6 years, I thought I could wait for my daughter to go to court and tell the judge herself and fight for better visitation if she wanted to stay there.However,I never would’ve thought in a million years they would not allow me there and to have turned her against me.Please someone can you offer good advice?Thank you
wow,I have never in my life done drugs,nor did I allow for him to get custody but the judge granted him the custody. Wow, so judgmental and quick to throw insults to me,when sometimes it’s cards that are delt at you.And maybe my life did suck,but I am improving it but thank you for such insults and judgment