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12 signs of teenage drug abuse

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 10:05 pm
how do i get my wife off drugs http://www.howdoigetmywifeoffdrugs.com
  1. Odor of substance in breath and clothes – persons who uses illegal drugs tends to smell bad or unusual if he or she is smoking marijuana, cocaine, or other illegal drugs.
  2. Poor physical appearance – major changes in physical appearance if suddenly you find your son or daughter change in his physical appearance, forget to comb his hair, forgets to bathe and takes the fashion sense of other drug abusers.
  3. Suddenly covering of his arms and legs – drug users who uses needles always wear clothes that can cover there body wear the needles are been use. they wear clothes like this even if its inappropriate.
  4. Sunglasses is his/her best friend – Bloodshot eyes can be seen in drug abusers because of methamphetamine found in drugs.
  5. Mood swings – Something might be wrong if a bubbly personality starts to become withdrawn and humorless or a normally reserved person becomes loud and boisterous. Watch out for self-destructive tendencies.
  6. Unexplained loss of valuables at home – A dug abuser needs money to support his habit. His school allowance will not be enough.
  7. Recent adverse life event – He is going through problems he cant handle like parents separating, losing a girlfriend, or sexual physical abuse.
  8. School performance is getting worst – He is good student now getting failing marks. Discipline problems cause school authorities to call him in.
  9. Out in school – He is always absent from class and gives false excuses.
  10. Drug using group of friends – If his friends have a history of drugs or still using drugs then you should be very concerned. Look into the kinds of social gatherings he attends.
  11. Decrease communication with other family members – He stops communicating with a favorite sibling, and he doesn’t consult parents when making important decision.
  12. Repeated overt intoxication – Family members and friends actually witness him in high or exhibiting unusual behavior.

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how do i get my mom off drugs http://www.howdoigetmymomoffdrugs.com

If you think your kid is doing drugs, don’t panic, talk to him. Be gentle and non-violent or confrontational. Discuss the problem and how you can help. Make it clear that you are there to support and not to condemn.

how do i get my son off drugs http://www.howdoigetmysonoffdrugs.com
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12 REASONS KIDS USE DRUGS

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 9:55 pm

image Drug use in anyone can lead to health problems but these can be so much worse for teenagers who’s bodies have not yet finished growing.I know some people who use drugs every day that have a mental illness because of it,drugs damage the brains ability to function normally and process information normally. they affect the chemical levels in the brain which lead to mental illnesses such as psychosis and schizophrenia these are very serious and if left untreated the psychotic symptoms of schizophrenia (such as paranoia, hearing voices, visual hallucinations, delusions) can become permanent and affect your quality of life. Here are some reasons why teenagers turn to drugs.

how do i get my dad off drugs http://www.howdoigetmydadoffdrugs.com
  1. Curiosity- They want to experience new things, too bad they want to experience drugs.
  2. Rebellion – Because using drugs is rebellious and its illegal and forbidden.
  3. Peer pressure – They want to fit in with groups the bad thing is drugs is involve.
  4. Copying significant others – If a role model is doing drugs, they might feel justified in trying it too.
  5. Experimentation – They don’t realize that an cation today can lead to very bad consequence tomorrow.
  6. Feelings of indestructibility – Some teenagers tell themselves that they can control anything, that they can control the use of drugs, but many fails and turn to addiction.
  7. Forget problems – Teenagers turn to drugs to escape their problem with the environment he lives in.
  8. Increase creativity and productivity – Some interpret altered states as inspiration for creative ideas.
  9. Psychiatric problem – Teenagers with mental illness like depression or a personalty disorder are more prone to abuse drugs.
  10. Weight loss tool – Some drugs do suppress appetite, but addiction usually pushes the addict to place little important to health.
  11. False hope – Some teenagers who losses hope turns to drugs.
  12. Substitute to love – Teenagers who don’t feel any love from someone turn to drugs and feel love by himself.
how do i get my kids off drugs http://www.howdoigetmykidsoffdrugs.com

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Drug Abuse versus Drug Dependence, what’s the difference?

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 9:51 pm

image Summary

  • Medical professionals follow certain criteria to determine if a person abuses alcohol or drugs.
  • These established criteria also can mark whether the substance abuse has progressed to dependence.
  • Alcohol and drug dependence cause people to suffer from withdrawal symptoms when they stop using the substance. Dependence also causes major behavioral changes, such as overwhelming preoccupation with drug or alcohol use.

Some people who start as casual drinkers or drug users will stay that way. But others will become substance abusers or dependent, feeling that they need a drug to feel alive. The difference between abuse and dependence is not always clear to the general public, but medical professionals use a set of criteria to distinguish between these two categories of problem use.

The essential feature of abuse is a pattern of substance use that causes someone to experience harmful consequences. Clinicians diagnose substance abuse if, in a twelve-month period, a person is in one or more of the following situations related to drug use:

  • Failure to meet obligations, such as missing work or school
  • Engaging in reckless activities, such as driving while intoxicated
  • Encountering legal troubles, such as getting arrested
  • Continuing to use despite personal problems, such as a fight with a partner

Dependence is more severe. Medical professionals will look for three or more criteria from a set that includes two physiological factors and five behavioral patterns, again, over a twelve-month period. Tolerance and withdrawal alone are not enough to indicate dependence. And not all behavioral signs occur with every substance.

The physiological factors are:

  • Tolerance, in which a person needs more of a drug to achieve intoxication
  • Withdrawal, in which they experience mental or physical symptoms after stopping drug use

The behavioral patterns are:

  • Being unable to stop once using starts
  • Exceeding self-imposed limits
  • Curtailing time spent on other activities
  • Spending excessive time using or getting drugs
  • Taking a drug despite deteriorating health
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VIDEO: The Adolescent Brain VS. decision making

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 9:44 pm
A teen’s prefrontal cortex – the piece of brain right behind the forehead that is involved in complex decision making – is not capable of the kind of reasoning that allows most grown-ups to make rational decisions. Silvia Bunge, assistant professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley, wants to use what she knows about the teenage brain to help society deal with young risk takers.
how do i get my dad off drugs http://www.howdoigetmydadoffdrugs.com
confidential drug rehabilitation http://www.confidentialdrugrehabilitation.com
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What is drug rehabilitation?

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 7:28 pm

What is a Drug Rehab?
by Jonathan Huttner

Drug rehab — what does it mean? To begin the process of finding the appropriate drug addiction treatment, it is important to understand what drug rehab is and how it works. The term “drug rehab” is synonymous with several different terms such as rehab center, rehab, addiction treatment, alcoholism treatment, alcohol rehab or drug rehabilitation. Currently you can find a rehab center that deals specifically with one kind of addiction:

  • image Alcohol Addiction Treatment
  • Drug Addiction Treatment
  • Sex Addiction Treatment
  • Gambling Addiction Treatment
  • Eating Disorder Treatment Programs
  • Internet Addiction

It is important to understand that drug addiction is a deadly illness recognized by the American Medical Association as a disease. For these reasons, a reputable drug rehab must have proper state licensing, accreditation through the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Hospital Organizations (JCAHO), as well as a host of other monitoring regulations.

Drug Rehab Methodology
In drug rehab, the methods of treating addiction vary as widely as the number of drug rehabs in existence. In my opinion, the most basic and common goal of any drug rehab program is to provide you the necessary tools to enable you to live a drug free life, free from any type of addiction. In a drug rehab program, addicts and alcoholics become educated regarding the disease of addiction and the cravings and compulsivity that accompanies it. Therapists are available to lead individual and group sessions where the topic of discussion can range anywhere from childhood and family issues to self-esteem, relationship and psychiatric disorders. Drug rehab becomes more successful the more honest you can be during this therapeutic process. The more honest you are, the more progress you will make, and with progress comes a renewed sense of willingness. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness are the keys to a successful drug rehab experience.

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Hitler used drugs to create violent, less compassionate soldiers

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 12:29 pm

Hitler’s Drugged Soldiers

By Andreas Ulrich

The Nazis preached abstinence in the name of promoting national health. But when it came to fighting their Blitzkrieg, they had no qualms about pumping their soldiers full of drugs and alcohol. Speed was the drug of choice, but many others became addicted to morphine and alcohol.

 

image In a letter dated November 9, 1939, to his “dear parents and siblings” back home in Cologne, a young soldier stationed in occupied Poland wrote: “It’s tough out here, and I hope you’ll understand if I’m only able to write to you once every two to four days soon. Today I’m writing you mainly to ask for some Pervitin …; Love, Hein.”

Pervitin, a stimulant commonly known as speed today, was the German army’s — the Wehrmacht’s — wonder drug.

On May 20, 1940, the 22-year-old soldier wrote to his family again: “Perhaps you could get me some more Pervitin so that I can have a backup supply?” And, in a letter sent from Bromberg on July 19, 1940, he wrote: “If at all possible, please send me some more Pervitin.” The man who wrote these letters became a famous writer later in life. He was Heinrich Boell, and in 1972 he was the first German to be awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in the post-war period.

Many of the Wehrmacht’s soldiers were high on Pervitin when they went into battle, especially against Poland and France — in a Blitzkrieg fueled by speed. The German military was supplied with millions of methamphetamine tablets during the first half of 1940. The drugs were part of a plan to help pilots, sailors and infantry troops become capable of superhuman performance. The military leadership liberally dispensed such stimulants, but also alcohol and opiates, as long as it believed drugging and intoxicating troops could help it achieve victory over the Allies. But the Nazis were less than diligent in monitoring side-effects like drug addiction and a decline in moral standards.

image After it was first introduced into the market in 1938, Pervitin, a methamphetamine drug newly developed by the Berlin-based Temmler pharmaceutical company, imagequickly became a top seller among the German civilian population. According to a report in the Klinische Wochenschrift (“Clinical Weekly”), the supposed wonder drug was brought to the attention of Otto Ranke, a military doctor and director of the Institute for General and Defense Physiology at Berlin’s Academy of Military Medicine. The effects of amphetamines are similar to those of the adrenaline produced by the body, triggering a heightened state of alert. In most people, the substance increases self-confidence, concentration and the willingness to take risks, while at the same time reducing sensitivity to pain, hunger and thirst, as well as reducing the need for sleep. In September 1939, Ranke tested the drug on 90 university students, and concluded that Pervitin could help the Wehrmacht win the war. At first Pervitin was tested on military drivers who participated in the invasion of Poland. Then, according to criminologist Wolf Kemper, it was “unscrupulously distributed to troops fighting at the front.”

Thirty-five million tablets

During the short period between April and July of 1940, more than 35 million tablets of Pervitin and Isophan (a slightly modified version produced by the Knoll pharmaceutical company) were shipped to the German army and air force. Some of the tablets, each containing three milligrams of active substance, were sent to the Wehrmacht’s medical divisions under the code name OBM, and then distributed directly to the troops. A rush order could even be placed by telephone if a shipment was urgently needed. The packages were labeled “Stimulant,” and the instructions recommended a dose of one to two tablets “only as needed, to maintain sleeplessness.”

Even then, doctors were concerned about the fact that the regeneration phase after taking the drug was becoming increasingly long, and that the effect was gradually decreasing among frequent users. In isolated cases, users experienced health problems like excessive perspiration and circulatory disorders, and there were even a few deaths. Leonardo Conti, the German Reich’s minister of health and an adherent of Adolf Hitler’s belief in asceticism, attempted to restrict the use of the pill, but was only moderately successful, at least when it came to the Wehrmacht. Although Pervitin was classified as a restricted substance on July 1, 1941, under the Opium Law, ten million tablets were shipped to troops that same year.

Pervitin was generally viewed as a proven drug to be used when soldiers were likely to be subjected to extreme stress. A memorandum for navy medical officers stated the following: “Every medical officer must be aware that Pervitin is a highly differentiated and powerful stimulant, a tool that enables him, at any time, to actively and effectively help certain individuals within his range of influence achieve above-average performance.”

“Their spirits suddenly improved”

imageThe effects were seductive. In January 1942, a group of 500 German soldiers stationed on the eastern front and surrounded by the Red Army were attempting to escape. The temperature was minus 30 degrees Celsius. A military doctor assigned to the unit wrote in his report that at around midnight, six hours into their escape through snow that was waist-deep in places, “more and more soldiers were so exhausted that they were beginning to simply lie down in the snow.” The group’s commanding officers decided to give Pervitin to their troops. “After half an hour,” the doctor wrote, “the men began spontaneously reporting that they felt better. They began marching in orderly fashion again, their spirits improved, and they became more alert.”

It took almost six months for the report to reach the military’s senior medical command. But its response was merely to issue new guidelines and instructions for using Pervitin, including information about risks that barely differed from earlier instructions. The “Guidelines for Detecting and Combating Fatigue,” issued June 18, 1942, were the same as they had always been: “Two tablets taken once eliminate the need to sleep for three to eight hours, and two doses of two tablets each are normally effective for 24 hours.”

Toward the end of the war, the Nazis were even working on a miracle pill for their troops. In the northern German seaport of Kiel, on March 16, 1944, then Vice-Admiral Hellmuth Heye, who later became a member of parliament with the conservative Christian Democratic party and head of the German parliament’s defense committee, requested a drug “that can keep soldiers ready for battle when they are asked to continue fighting beyond a period considered normal, while at the same time boosting their self-esteem.”

A short time later, Kiel pharmacologist Gerhard Orzechowski presented Heye with a pill code-named D-IX. It contained five milligrams of cocaine, three milligrams of Pervitin and five milligrams of Eukodal (a morphine-based painkiller). Nowadays, a drug dealer caught with this potent a drug would be sent to prison. At the time, however, the drug was tested on crew members working on the navy’s smallest submarines, known as the “Seal” and the “Beaver.”

Alcohol consumption was encouraged

Alcohol, the people’s drug, was also popular in the Wehrmacht. Referring to alcohol, Walter Kittel, a general in the medical corps, wrote that “only a fanatic would refuse to give a soldier something that can help him relax and enjoy life after he has faced the horrors of battle, or would reprimand him for enjoying a friendly drink or two with his comrades.” Officers would distribute alcohol to their troops as a reward, and schnapps was routinely sold in military commissaries, a policy that also had the happy side effect of returning soldiers’ pay to the military.

“The military command turned a blind eye to alcohol consumption, as long as it didn’t lead to public drunkenness among the troops,” says Freiburg historian Peter Steinkamp, an expert on drug abuse in the Wehrmacht.

But in July 1940, after France was defeated, Hitler issued the following order: “I expect that members of the Wehrmacht who allow themselves to be tempted to engage in criminal acts as a result of alcohol abuse will be severely punished.” Serious offenders could even expect “a humiliating death.”

But the temptations of liquor were apparently more powerful that the Fuehrer’s threats. Only a year later, the commander-in-chief of the German military, General Walther von Brauchitsch, concluded that his troops were committing “the most serious infractions” of morality and discipline, and that the culprit was “alcohol abuse.” Among the adverse effects of alcohol abuse he cited were fights, accidents, mistreatment of subordinates, violence against superior officers and “crimes involving unnatural sexual acts.” The general believed that alcohol was jeopardizing “discipline within the military.”

According to an internal statistic compiled by the chief of the medical corps, 705 military deaths between September 1939 and April 1944 could be linked directly to alcohol. The unofficial figure was probably much higher, because traffic accidents, accidents involving weapons and suicides were frequently caused by alcohol use. Medical officers were instructed to admit alcoholics and drug addicts to treatment facilities. According to an order issued by the medical service, this solution had “the advantage that it could be extended indefinitely.” Once incarcerated in these facilities, addicts were evaluated under the provisions of the “Law for Prevention of Offspring with Hereditary Diseases,” and could even be subjected to forced sterilization and euthanasia.

image Executing a bootlegger

The number of cases in which soldiers became blind or even died after consuming methyl alcohol began to increase. From 1939 on, the University of Berlin’s Institute of Forensic Medicine consistently listed methyl alcohol as the leading factor in deaths resulting from the inadvertent ingestion of poisons.

The execution of a 36-year-old officer in Norway in the fall of 1942 was intended to set an example. The officer, who was a driver, had sold five liters of methyl alcohol, which he claimed was 98 percent alcohol and could be used to produce liquor, to an infantry regiment’s anti-tank defense unit. Several soldiers fell ill, and two died. The man, deemed an “enemy of the people,” was executed by a firing squad. According to the daily order issued on October 2, 1942, “the punishment shall be announced to the troops and auxiliary units, and it shall be used as a tool for repeated and insistent admonishment.”

But soldiers apparently felt that anything that could help them escape the horrors of war was justifiable. Despite general knowledge of the risks involved, morphine addiction became widespread among the wounded and medical personnel during the course of the war. Four times as many military doctors were addicted to morphine by 1945 than at the beginning of the war.

Franz Wertheim, a medical officer who was sent to a small village near the Western Wall on May 10, 1940, wrote the following account: “To help pass the time, we doctors experimented on ourselves. We would begin the day by drinking a water glass of cognac and taking two injections of morphine. We found cocaine to be useful at midday, and in the evening we would occasionally take Hyoskin,” an alkaloid derived from some varieties of the nightshade plant that is used as a medication. Wertheim adds: “As a result, we were not always fully in command of our senses.”

German doctors experimented on themselves

To prevent an “outbreak of morphinism, as occurred after the last war,” Professor Otto Wuth, a master sergeant and consulting psychiatrist to the military’s senior medical command, wrote a “Proposal to Combat Morphinism” in February 1941. Under Wuth’s proposal, all wounded who became addicted as a result of treatment were to be centrally recorded and reported to the “District Medical Board,” where they would be either legally provided with morphine or routinely examined and sent to drug rehabilitation treatment centers. “In this manner,” Wuth concluded, “morphine addicts will be recorded and monitored, and the entire group will be prevented from becoming criminal.”

The Nazi leadership was more lenient with those who became drug-addicted as a result of the war than with alcoholics, probably because the Wehrmacht was concerned that it could be sued for damages, because it was in fact responsible for dispensing the drugs in the first place.

Translated from the German by Christopher Sultan

 

Nazis tested cocaine on camp inmatesJeevan Vasagar in Berlin

Nazi researchers used concentration camp inmates to test a cocaine-based “wonder drug” they hoped would enhance the performance of German troops, it was reported yesterday.

Prisoners at Sachsenhausen who were given the drug, code-named D-IX, were forced to march in circles carrying 20kg packs. They were able to march 55 miles without resting.

The German news magazine Focus quoted an eye-witness report by a prisoner who wrote: “At first the members of the punishment battalion whistled and sang songs. [But] most of them had collapsed after the first 24 hours.”

The pills contained a mix of cocaine, the amphetamine pervitin and a morphine-related painkiller, according to Focus, which said that Nazi scientists began experimenting with the drug in 1944.

It was hoped the drug would give soldiers almost unlimited fighting powers at a time when the German armies were in retreat.

The researcher Wolf Kemper, who uncovered the project, said: “The aim was to use D-IX to redefine the limits of human endurance.”

Nazi doctors were enthusiastic about the results, and planned to supply all German troops with the pills, but the war ended before D-IX could be put into mass production.

Hitler was against drug use, particularly condemning the use of cocaine, a popular society drug in the 1920s that the Nazis called “devil’s stuff”.

But the Third Reich did not have the same scruples when it came to military use of drugs. Amphetamines were mass-produced for use at the front, the same article reported.

Despite doctors’ warnings about their side-effects, amphetamine pills were in every first-aider’s kit to give to exhausted soldiers.

image

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Adolf Hitler was a methamphetamine and cocaine addict

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Adolf Hitler

(1889-1945)

Adolf Hitler (1945) a methamphetamine addict a photo of Hitler, notice his premature aging

image From 1942, the Nazi leader Adolf Hitler received daily injections of methamphetamine from his personal physician, Dr Theodor Morell. The Führer was also familiar with cocaine.

Hitler’s ailments have been attributed to everything from tertiary syphilis to Parkinson’s Disease but many of The Führer’s clinical signs and symptoms may have been caused by his exotic drug regimen.

In Hitler’s Wehrmacht, methamphetamine tablets branded as Pervitin were liberally distributed to German fighting troops throughout the War.

Amphetamines are “power drugs” that reduce fatigue, heighten aggression, and diminish human warmth and empathy.

How could Hitler continue to exert such a grip on the German people until the last days of the War? Talking to a prison psychologist while awaiting trial, ex-Governor General of Poland Hans Frank (1900-1946) describes Hitler’s charismatic effect on him…

“I can hardly understand it myself. There must be some basic evil in me. In all men. Mass hypnosis? Hitler cultivated this evil in man. When I saw him in that movie in court, I was swept along again for a moment, in spite of myself. Funny, one sits in court feeling guilt and shame. Then Hitler appears on the screen and you want to stretch out your hand to him . . . . It’s not with horns on his head or with a forked tail that the devil comes to us, you know. He comes with a captivating smile, spouting idealistic sentiments, winning one’s loyalty. We cannot say that Adolf Hitler violated the German people. He seduced us.”

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Prosecutors now classifying meth production/sale as terrorism!

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

image

BOONE – A Watauga County prosecutor is using a law intended to combat terrorism to fight the spread of methamphetamine laboratories in northwest North Carolina.

District Attorney Jerry Wilson has charged Martin Dwayne Miller, 24, of Todd with two counts of manufacturing a nuclear or chemical weapon in connection with a methamphetamine arrest Friday. Miller also is charged with eight other drug-related offenses.

He was being held in the Watauga County Jail under $505,000 bond.

“This is a two-edged sword,” Wilson said. “Not only is the drug methamphetamine in itself a threat to both society and those using it, but the toxic compounds and deadly gases created as side products are also real threats.”

In Buncombe County earlier this month, authorities found evidence of a drug lab at a Black Mountain motel.

State Bureau of Investigation agents searched a room at the Apple Blossom Motel on July 7. They found chemicals and glassware used to produce methamphetamines, according to a search warrant.

In May, officers charged a Swannanoa man with operating a meth lab in his bathroom. Paul Wilson, 38, faces four felony drug charges. The Metropolitan Enforcement Group, a local drug enforcement agency, conducted the investigation.

“We’re getting our first shock of it here now,” Lt. Scott Allen of the agency said of meth production in May.

The most serious drug charges related to methamphetamine carry much lighter sentences than the weapons of mass destruction law.

The law carries a sentence ranging from 12 years to life in prison on each count. Wilson said he decided to use it while researching ways to slow the advance of methamphetamine into the region.

The law reads, in part, that the term nuclear, biological or chemical weapon of mass destruction applies to “any substance that is designed or has the capability to cause death or serious injury and … is or contains toxic or poisonous chemicals or their immediate precursors.”

The chemicals used to manufacture methamphetamine are toxic and highly combustible.

Officials with the N.C. Administrative Office of the Courts and the N.C. Attorney General’s Office said they thought that the Watauga County charges are among the first filed under the weapons of mass destruction statutes.

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Methamphetamine is spreading from rural areas

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 11:40 pm

Methamphetamine is furiously spreading from rural areas, where it’s home-brewed, into our cities and suburbs. Who is vulnerable? Often, exhausted new moms with 24/7 demands. Here’s the cautionary tale of one mom-next-door who fell into addiction image and then fought her way back.

This story by Elizabeth Fish as told to Lisa Collier Cool is reprinted, with permission, from the April 2006 issue of Babytalk magazine.

When the police car pulled me over, my first thought was "Why am I getting a ticket?" It was 8:30 p.m. and I was on my way home from Target. My baby girl, Cameren, was asleep in her car seat. After telling me that I was driving five miles over the speed limit, the officer started asking my partner, Derek, a lot of questions. Who was the man who’d talked to Derek in one of the store aisles? We didn’t know — just a stranger who’d said hi. Did we have a walkie-talkie? No, I said, getting more bewildered by the minute.

All of a sudden, five more patrol cars pulled up, their lights flashing. The police ordered us out of our car so they could search it. Derek told me not to worry: The police would realize that imagethey’d made a mistake and let us go. But there was something I’d forgotten. "What’s this?" an officer demanded, holding up a capsule of white powder from my purse.

I’d never been so terrified in my life. I’d just been caught with methamphetamine. I didn’t know it at the time, but the man in Target had been caught shoplifting Sudafed, which contains ingredients used to make meth, and the police thought Derek and I might be running a lab. The officer told me to get into the patrol car with Cameren, while narcotics detectives tested the powder. Soon a female officer got into the car and read me my rights. I burst into tears when she patted me down. How could this be happening? I was barely 20 years old and had never been in any trouble.

By the time I arrived at Linn County Jail, in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, on that March night in 2005, it was close to midnight. I had to get naked in front of a female sheriff for a humiliating body search; then I was given a green jail uniform,

image photographed, and fingerprinted. I was escorted to a cell and locked in with three sleeping women. I lay down on a metal bunk bed as quietly as possible. All night long, I shivered under the thin prison blanket. I was afraid I’d just ruined my life — and I nearly had.

Instant Attraction

Derek and I had met in June 2003, at a friend’s birthday party. He was five years older than me, tall, and good-looking. But what immediately attracted me was that he was the quiet one in the crowd, and I’m shy, too. We started seeing each other every day, then moved in together.

After we’d been living together for three months, Derek, who is now 25, told me that he’d been using meth, on and off, for about a year. I was shocked — I’d never taken any drugs, not even pot. A few days later, he showed me a tiny bag of white powder. "Want to try some?" he asked. I hesitated, but I trusted Derek. "Just a little," I said.

He poured the meth onto image a piece of foil, held a lit match underneath, and inhaled the smoke. Then it was my turn. The rush was immediate. I was filled with energy and felt like I could do anything. Soon, I was doing meth a few times a week, staying up all night, cleaning the apartment and having intense conversations with Derek. When I took meth, shyness disappeared; I could talk for hours. It was like life had become one big party.

I began needing more meth to get the high I craved. I gave up my dream of becoming a makeup artist and quit school. I avoided my family. That is, until the day I found out I was pregnant. That changed everything — I was so afraid it would hurt the baby, I quit cold turkey. I had no withdrawal symptoms and didn’t even crave the drug.

Weary — and Weak

Cameren was born on November 23, 2004, healthy and beautiful, with blonde hair, big brown eyes, and dimpled cheeks. I set out to be the perfect mom. I used hand sanitizer before I touched imageher, and boiled her bottles. But Cameren was waking up every two hours and I was worn out. I knew just what would perk me up — and I started feeling that familiar urge.

I felt guilty when I started smoking meth again, but I also told myself it was helping me be a better mom. A few puffs gave me the energy to clean the apartment, do Cameren’s laundry, run some errands, and still be wide awake whenever she cried. I was very careful, though, never to smoke around Cameren. I’d wait until Derek got home, and the two of us would put our baby down securely in her crib, turn on an air purifer to keep smoke away from her, and go downstairs to light up. I somehow managed to convince myself that by doing it this way, I could take care of my habit — and my baby.

Then I ended up in jail. Because I had such a small amount of meth, I was charged only with a misdemeanor. I was given a court date and released without bail. A few days later, a caseworker from the Department of

 

imageHuman Services (DHS) arrived at our door. She told us that we had until midnight that night to show up at a nearby hospital for a urine test for meth. We were terrified.

Later that week, the caseworker returned, with a police officer. "We’re here to remove Cameren from your home," she announced. I ran to the crib, screaming, "Why are you doing this?" Derek started yelling that they had no right to take our child. But we both knew what had happened: Our drug tests had come back positive. I was hysterical, crying and asking to hold her one more time.

For five frantic days the only thing I knew was that my baby was in foster care. Then my mother was given custody of Cameren, and I was allowed to visit her a few times a week. It was a relief, but I hated leaving her and coming home to an empty crib. I’d hold her toys and cry, wondering if I’d ever get her back. She got so attached to my mom that there were times when I visited that my baby didn’t even want me to hold her.

Crash-and-Burn Time

Still, I kept on smoking meth. It was crazy: The drug was what had caused all the problems, yet I turned to it to take away the pain. On the bad nights, I stayed up, talking to my mom on the phone, and aching from missing my baby.

My parents helped me find a lawyer, who negotiated a deal: I would enter a drug treatment program, perform 20 hours of community service, and pay a $550 fine. For six months, I’d be on probation, and if I stayed out of trouble, the drug charge would be cleared from my record.

But we still wouldn’t get Cameren back. In fact, DHS assigned us a new caseworker. She immediately suspected that I was still on meth, and warned me that if I didn’t get my act together, I could lose my parental rights permanently. That scared me enough to say, "Just tell me what to do." The caseworker felt it would be easier for Derek and me to get sober if we didn’t live together, so he went to live with his parents, and I moved in with my grandmother. She also told me about an Iowa self-help group called Moms Off Meth. I took her advice and went.

At my first meeting, on May 25, 2005, I was high. When it was my turn to talk, I was surprised at how emotional I got. Tears were streaming down my face as I shared my story about being arrested and losing my daughter. I was overwhelmed with the guilt and shame of admitting, for the first time, that I’d become an addict — and was in danger of losing Cameren forever.

Then other women told me that they’d all been down that road, they’d dealt with it, and they’d stopped using. Nearly every mom in the room had seen her child put into foster care thanks to meth addiction. I looked at these moms and thought, "If they can do it, by God, so can I."

Withdrawal made me feel miserable this time. You want to lie in bed, you’re very tired. You sweat. You feel nauseous. But every Wednesday, I went to Moms Off Meth. It was inspiring to hear what the other women were doing to stay clean. And I told them something that worked for me. One night the craving got so bad that I called my mom in tears. "Why don’t you come over?" she said. Although it wasn’t one of my scheduled visits, she figured that the caseworker wouldn’t mind. How could it be bad, if seeing my daughter helped remind me of why I had to stay sober? I played with Cameren, and hearing her laugh and coo helped so much. I put her down to sleep and lay down next to her. "I love you," I whispered. Getting my child back would be better than any drug, I thought. By the time I left that night, the craving had vanished.

When Derek saw my success at staying off meth for several months, he joined a treatment program, too. We began dating again, and helped each other stay sober. In September 2005, I went back to college. The next month, I completed probation — and rejoiced when the drug charge was officially wiped off my record.

Soon I had much more to celebrate. On January 20, 2006, Cameren moved back home with me. If I stay clean, I’ll regain full custody later in the year. That’s a challenge I’m up for: This whole mess made me realize that I need to be with my daughter. Getting a second chance to be Cameren’s mother is the greatest gift of all.

 

Lisa Collier Cool is an award-winning medical writer and mother of three in Pelham, New York.

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