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What should I do about my wife and her “friendship” with the father of her daughter?

  • Posted on May 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and she already had a 2 year old from her previous relationship. The guy is a drunk who beat her for a year in front of their daughter. He lives in the town over from us and sees his daughter when he wants to. He pays no support and can’t even drive to pick her up because he has two DUI’s and lost his license. He cried over my wife for a long time, but eventually we were married and now we have two kids together. He is still a drunk, and thinks he should call my wife when he has a problem that he can’t figure out himself, so he’ll get drunk and call, and my wife will talk to him trying to make him happy. He recently called drunk at 10am asking what to do, cause his parents wanted to commit him for being suicidal, but he was just drunk. I have told my wife I don’t want her talking to him about anything that doesn’t concern their daughter, that he doesn’t need to call her and vent his feelings to her. She seems to think this makes me a bad guy, and she can do what she wants. So she tries to be discreet about it. I ran to the store the other night to get us stuff, and when I got home she was on the phone with him, talking to him really gently, about stuff that did not concern their daughter. I see red when I think about it, I flipped. I sent him a message telling him to find his own wife to cry to. He calls when I was in the room with my daughter, all mad that I sent him that message, and my wife starts getting upset and crying. She seemed to be more upset that I upset him, than the fact that I was mad at her. I’m still mad at her, but she is just pretending like nothing happened, like we didn’t sleep in different beds. I don’t know what to do, she’s trying to be all lovey lovey with me, never said she was sorry (but she apologized for me on the phone to that bitc* when he called) but I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I don’t want to break my family up, but I won’t continue to put up with that.

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Should I feel guilty about wanting nothing to do with my birth mother?

  • Posted on May 14, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Who decided to be a heroin addict instead of being a mother. She gave me to a family member at birth. Came around every now and then as I was growing up. Never gave me a birthday party, we never decorated a christmas tree together, came to about 2 school functions and these two did not include high school graduation.

She is now old, sick and drug free and now wants to act like I’m her daughter and wants to see my kids, who know her and do love her, but I don’t. A relative called to tell me she is in the hospital and they want me to call. I’m thinking of just letting the kids call.

Does this seem evil to you all?
My life wasn’t terrible. Fortunately I was raised by a very loving elderly couple; who loved me unconditionally and raised me with good values. I know my “mama” who raised me; is so disappointed that I’m being mean to her. It’s just that I hate being fake.
She’s been clean since I was about 20, I’ll be 40 this year. She was ordered to go to rehab or prison all those years ago and has been drugfree ever since. I say good for her; but no deal with the fake mother-daughter bit.

My husband says I will have no piece until I forgive her.
She’s been clean since I was about 20, I’ll be 40 this year. She was ordered to go to rehab or prison all those years ago and has been drugfree ever since. I say good for her; but no deal with the fake mother-daughter bit.

My husband says I will have no piece until I forgive her.

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what should I do about my family disowning me over this and not losing my daughter forever too?

  • Posted on May 11, 2011 at 4:17 am

Here’s a little history,am hoping someone can help me and help me to make sense of everything.I am 30 years old.I have a 13 year old daughter that my father and my step-mother have custody of and have had since my daughter was 2 months old.I had lost custody because when I was 17 and living with my mother,my mother screamed at my baby,so badly I screamed at my mother that threw me out.I was still in school,my mother had forced me to marry at 15 since my mother didn’t want me and also too,to escape abuse. My daughter’s father had walked out on us,and so I had noway to take care of a baby or anywhere else to go. My father and step-mother took in my daughter.Well my step-mother’s son when I was 14 raped me ,he died from an OD about 9 years ago,and when I told my family about it,my step mother that was in denial about it all, she threw me out and hasn’t allowed my dad to have a relationship with me and that includes not allowing me there to see my daughter,which I have visitation rights to.
Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, she is very nasty to me,to the point I cry every time I hang up with her. My daughter has said horrible rumors about me,which aren’t true,that either my father or step-mother are telling her.I have told my daughter, I plan to go to court to make them enforce visitation,because now I am in a financial situation to be able to do so,where in the past I wasn’t..My daughter has said, she wants nothing to do with me and I know it’s from them turning her against me.
Well a month ago,my mother that lives with my brother,his wife and 2 kids,kept screaming and cussing my 2 year old nephew,telling him she hates him and hitting him over and over just for staring at her.She went on a good 10 minutes screaming and hitting him for that,which I finally talked her into walking away,that my husband heard it on speaker phone and my husband told me,we need to call social services. I didn’t want to go that route, but I have seen my mom be down right mean to my nephew once before and had tried talking sense into her and it did no good.
My husband brought up a point to me that,if I didn’t call social services,that if anything bad happened to my nephew,ie, mental problems or to be hurt physically hurt, that we’d never forgive ourselves.So we called social services and the social worker that went there to investigate the situation,couldn’t find anything wrong because they waited a week to respond after us reporting it.Anyhow, the social worker gave the time frame it had been reported and infurred so many things,my mother knew it was me.She changed her phone number,has diwonwed me and I called my father today and he said he is disowning me too because supposedly my daughter got a 15 page letter of me bad mouthing my father and I truly haven’t written anything,which leads me to believe,my mother had to of done it.
She has turned my siblings against me and apparently my father even more so and I sit here and cry,wondering where I went wrong.When I tried to explain to my dad there was never any letter from me,he got nasty and said,your whole family disowns you.He said,that’s just the way life goes. I am sad because my daughter hates me due to what my father has allowed my step-mom to do for 13 years.They have never allowed my daughter to write or call me.
You know I have forgiven my family for a lot.My mother and father knew my grandfather was sexually abusing me as a child and never did anything about it.My dad that use to be an alcoholic, beat my siblings and I daily and my mother left us kids and my dad when I was 11 to be with the man she had an affair with. There was never any discipline as far as them allowing my 2 older brothers to beat me daily,to the pont of breaking my bones, almost putting my eye out,or beating me daily and leaving bruises. However,I am not angry because I realize they’ve got their share of problems, but I am truly sad,because although I have forgiven everything and never once threw their faults in their face, they’re so hurtful to me,and I wish I knew what more to do.
Yes it’;s a toxic relationship that I should let go of,but is so hard when they’ve got my child. By the way, the judge did a court order for my dad to get custody,I fought it for 6 years but the judge denied me getting her back, due to the fact I wasn’t making enough money to support us both. After 6 years, I thought I could wait for my daughter to go to court and tell the judge herself and fight for better visitation if she wanted to stay there.However,I never would’ve thought in a million years they would not allow me there and to have turned her against me.Please someone can you offer good advice?Thank you
wow,I have never in my life done drugs,nor did I allow for him to get custody but the judge granted him the custody. Wow, so judgmental and quick to throw insults to me,when sometimes it’s cards that are delt at you.And maybe my life did suck,but I am improving it but thank you for such insults and judgment

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what should i tell my daughter about my father?

  • Posted on May 10, 2011 at 6:17 am

i kept my pregnancy hidden form my father till i was 7months. i knew he would not be supportive, because my BF is black & we aren’t married. needless to say when i told him, he asked me if i even knew who the father was, he told me i was stupid & that i “better not give THAT baby HIS last name.” i haven’t spoken to him hardly since my daughter was born (she is almost 7months). he did give my daughter (along w/my nephews) $500 for christmas. however, he still doesn’t acknowledge her at all. it’s very uncomfortable because all of my family & i are extremely close & love my daughter so much. then there is my dad, he is so awesome with my nephews & i don’t want my daughter to see that & wonder what is wrong with her. another thing is that he is a “functioning alcoholic,” so he will go off at the drop of a hat & i don’t want him to make any racial comment toward her, cuz my BF will physically hurt him. should i try to let him get to know her or just avoid him all together?
ohh john that was good! i did put the money in her account.
zesty, he is very protective of his daughter, as most decent dads are. he does not have anger issues.

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Very Extremely concerned about daughter and this guy?

  • Posted on May 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Okay she has been leaving the house without telling me, and My partner has once seen her in town with this guy that we have forbidden her to date (shes open to other guys, but she just wants this jerk) I saw a discarded pregnancy test wrapper in her room once, and we are concerned she is sexually active with this guy. She once didn’t come home till one at night (she wasn’t drunk, and she drove herself home) We also hear noises downstairs during the night, like this boy is sneaking in, we come to investigate, and her door is locked and it is completely silent. I am extreamly worried. She also has been eating allot, and she has been complaining of vomiting, and being to sick to got to school (I don’t know if these are pregnancy symptoms or not.) But we are concerned. I dont know what to think. Help me straighten out this teen.( She is also 16 years old)

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What do you think about this ?

  • Posted on May 5, 2011 at 5:20 am

What do you think about this 21 yr old girl ?
ok so theres this girl i know, shes lives in a run down trailer with her mom. her mom is a drug addict pills/meth. the 21 yr old daughter she is also a drug addict and shes pregnant. the 21 yr old daughters husband is in prison for bein a meth cook and she also doesnt know who her second baby daddy is for the baby girl shes carrying inside her and she pops vicodins and done coke/meth while being pregnant…what do you think about this 21 yr old girl ???

oh yeah and she was also carrying twins and lost one i believe because of her drug usage

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what do you think about this 21 yr old girl ?

  • Posted on May 3, 2011 at 7:20 am

ok so theres this girl i know, shes 21, lives in a run down trailer with her mom. her mom is a drug addict pills/meth. the 21 yr old daughter she is also a drug addict and shes pregnant. the 21 yr old daughters husband is in prison for bein a meth cook and she also doesnt know who her second baby daddy is for the baby girl shes carrying inside her and she pops vicodins and done coke/meth while being pregnant…what do you think about this 21 yr old girl ???
oh yeah and she was also carrying twins and lost one i believe because of her drug usage

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Legal question about children and mothers?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 9:21 am

I am in indiana. I am not 100% familiar with the laws, the situation is, my boyfriend, who has been abusive in the past and is now using heroin, and I have seperated. We have a 2 month old baby. He asked to see her and, against my better judgment, I let him. He now refuses to give her back. When I called the police to escort me over there to get her, I was told by the police that “possession is 9/10 of the law” and they “could not make him give her to me”. She is my child!!!! When I called a lawyer I was told that I should not get the police involved further because she would be taken from us both and placed in foster care and it would very difficult for me to get her out of there. I cannot believe this is happening, but I need to know what my rights as her mother are. I understand that he is also her father, however, I cannot live without my daughter. I don’t have a lot of money — I don’t work because he didn’t want me to and he’s taken care of us for two years. I just don’t know what to do. If anyone has any information, PLEASE let me know. Thank you in advance for any help

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Should I worry about custody for child?

  • Posted on April 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Step daughters mother is addicted to meth. she went to treatment yesterday for 30 days. wanted to leave child with now ex boyfriend who on the first day bailed to go skiing .. leaving his kid and step daughter with his mom, aunt and niece to trade off and watch them…. Mother called furiously after she was served papers on her way out the door to rehab… saying she will fight for her daughter etc.. she thinks we are trying to ruin her. Told daughter a lie that she was going to go take care of grandfather who broke his hip… after papers were served, we picked up step daughter from school.. we are continuing to take her to school 1 hour away from home until the hearing… Does mother have any legal grounds to get her back? If she leaves rehab early to go to hearing feb 5 or gets a lawyer to represent her.. how can she beat the system? We are in Texas. step daughter was in wierd situation. after mother got found to be on meth 3rd time in a few years, boyfriend says “hes done,move out”
she doesnt have anything… and 30 days in treatment for meth is not desirable. We should have stepped in the very first time and taken her… but we gave mother benefit of the doubt….

ex boyfriend wants step daughter to stay there… home is unstable.. mom and daughter have moved out twice in past 2 years to small apartment and then moved back in with him….

fiance and i have very stable relationship.. dont fight [ just the occasional argue about something stupid, but no fighting] and are well able to provide.

am i worrying too much?!
btw.. we have got step daughter in counseling and she is very understanding… more so than we thought… scared about change, but open to it.. we are very proud of her.
daughter 10

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Does anyone have an idea about a parents rights in a “grandparents rights” law suit in AZ?

  • Posted on April 20, 2011 at 3:21 am

I am a biological mother of a 7 yo little girl and my ex-monster-in-law wants crazy visitation. Like all summer, every other weekend and alternating ALL major and minor holidays. I submitted my visitation plan of one saturday a month and no overnights. I am being fair, considering she let my daughter go alone with her son after there was a felony warrant issued for his arrest. He is a heroin and crack cocaine user and I made it clear he was not allowed near her. Well we had a hearing for temp. orders and the judge ruled in my favor so far, but i want to know if anyone has had or heard of a situation like this at all? When I google or search for grandparents rights AZ on the web it all is more info for the grandparents. Any thoughts?

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