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Should I turn in my daughter’s violent abusive husband?

  • Posted on March 5, 2011 at 6:17 am

I want to turn him in but I’m so scared of what he could do to my daughter. A no contact order in effect for the past year that he is violating. He never did comply with the law. She says she let him back in because she needs him to pay the bills. They have two small children that are being subjected to the abuse of their mother.She is under chronic stress from his abuse there yet she won’t leave him.
He assaulted two police officers ( one was female) when my daughter called the police on him last year.
He is an alcoholic, past drug addict, has epilepsy with grand mall seizures and is so mean it’s off the charts. Also very cocky about it all. He spent a few days in jail for the assaults on the officers but other than that he never seems to have any consequences for his appalling behavior. We wish he would just leave her and the kids and never contact them again. But some have said it’s not possible. I am so discouraged but can’t take her and the kid’s abuse anymore.

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Should I turn in my daughter’s violent abusive husband?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 8:17 am

I want to turn him in but I’m so scared of what he could do to my daughter. A no contact order in effect for the past year that he is violating. He never did comply with the law. She says she let him back in because she needs him to pay the bills. They have two small children that are being subjected to the abuse of their mother.She is under chronic stress from his abuse there yet she won’t leave him.
He assaulted two police officers ( one was female) when my daughter called the police on him last year.
He is an alcoholic, past drug addict, has epilepsy with grand mall seizures and is so mean it’s off the charts. Also very cocky about it all. He spent a few days in jail for the assaults on the officers but other than that he never seems to have any consequences for his appalling behavior. We wish he would just leave her and the kids and never contact them again. But some have said it’s not possible. I am so discouraged but can’t take her and the kid’s abuse anymore.

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PLEASE HELP! moving to the usa frm uk, can my abusive ex stop me from taking our child there to live?

  • Posted on February 23, 2011 at 1:21 pm

plan on marrying my bf & moving2 the us to start a life with him,worried my ex who ive a daughter with will not give permission 4her2 move,can he stop me from taking her if he says no? i have full custody of her he just takes her when he basically feels like,doesn’t pay money4 her,no job or stable home he just stays with friends and family,given me 60 pound in her 4years of life! she wud go with him i wud have 2GIVE the Nappy’s,milk,wipes etc and if they was about2 run out i wud have2 give him money2get the replacement otherwise ther wud be hell2pay,he got outa prison in the summer 4a violent crime against his brother.been violent2me in past even when i was preg,he kicked me in stomach and said “gonna give me his own personal abortion” split with him when she was 3months,he still trys 2control me,he pretends hes gona hit me to see me flinch so he feels he still has this power over me, he messes me round for example he says hes keeping her frm fri 2 sun,he will call me saturday morn pretending hes bringing her home all day so i cant make plans because hes saying he will be at my house with her soon, he likes 2think he has this sick control over me where he thinks im just hanging on too his words,uses any excuse 2be around me,sometimes think he loves me more than his daughter, he trys2 argue with me in front of her like 2day he bribed her to go upstairs2 ‘look for a magic cat, while he has a word with mummy’ basically tryna intimidate me into thinking i was gona get a beating,i told her2 go upstairs she went and i said to him what r u gonna do then?? he flew at me and pinned me down on the couch landing punches on me but not as hard as he could he,then breaks in2 a smile saying im only kidding and trys 2plant kisses on me,this is how bad he trys to abuse me mentally,it works,he does intimidate me,try 2show him he doesn’t which seems 2make him more determined,he thinks he has the right to and fondle me as he pleases and says its my own fault for bein so sexy,he disgusts me.he drinks and smokes weed &cocaine, my daughter was getting a certificate inschool he turned up at my house drunk at 2pm in afternoon!he didnt stop ther i had half a bottle of wine in my fridge and he sneaked inthe kitchen pured some in a cup &juice in2 disguise it, im telling him how disgusted i am with him doing all this knowing he has 2go2 her school around her teachers an other parents but he just kept telling me to shut up so i kicked him out,he very manipulative&sneaky,when we were 2gether he convinced my own mother it was ME being violent 2him! people meet him they think hes very shy&quiet,innocent but he really is a bastard,worried if i take him2court he’ll make courts believe hes good person and if he has 2do drug&alcohol tests he stop so he passes and ill be made out a liar,he boasts his solicitor who he uses for his court matters ‘loves him and thinks hes great’.i mentioned moving 2usa his reply was im not taking her cos he’ll never see her again,tryed convince him sayin she will have a better life,oportunities etc and she can come and stay with him on holidays etc maybe when shes older we can split the year,when it comes2 it i dnt think he will ‘let’ me because that means if he agrees hes letting me go aswell,he has no power or control anymore,can he stop me? his names on birth certificate,which ino will count for a lot. how will it work will i have to go to court? is his yes or no the final say? will i have a good chance if go court? how long would it take? if im agreeing with her still visiting him when we move will there be no need for court wud he just have to accept it seems im not stopping him seeing her? would i have more chance if i was already married? my bf is in the military and is willing 2look after her as his own, when he comitted this crime against his brother my daughter was there and police got called and on the police report it said my daughter had seen it which meant social services got refered and came and checked me out an how her home life was with me and they were happy with that but did not support her carrying on seeing him (this was when he was in jail) they said they would be back in touch when he was realised and that was over 3-4months ago, ive heard nothing, he then showed me a letter from his probation saying social services had closed the case against him, theyv had to come and see me like 2 times because of things that have happend when shes been with him like him having a fight with his other brother whilst she was in the house but in bed, and another time when i was at his mums house and he was pestering me too stay over and i was refusing and trying to leave and he wouldnt let me then refused to let me out the house and threatend to kill himself and got a knife and cut across his wrist his mum called the police, the baby was in the house but in bed again this was night time, i have no criminal records, cautions etc, i am squeaky clean, i

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Abusive mom. What would you do?

  • Posted on October 22, 2010 at 4:22 pm

I had an alcoholic dad (who is now sober and I turn to for everything) and an abusive mom growing up. my mom had full custody of me as my dad was in prison for a DWI. my whole life i was afraid of my mom. when i was in 5th grade i over floated the toilet with too much toilet paper and she beat me. few weeks later CPS was called and nothing happened. my sophomore year of high school my mom found out i sneaked out to the front yard since my then boyfriend brought me sonic. she beat me when she found out and even gave me a black eye. CPS was called and what happened? nothing. Senior year comes around and my mom thought i was pregnant. she made me take a pregnancy test in front of her. i was really nervous and couldn’t pee right away so she beat my head on the bathroom floor and was hitting me. when she released me i ran to the neighbors house while she tried pulling my hair to make me come back in the house. i got away ran to the neighbors house and what did they do? nothing. didn’t call the cops or let anyone know. After that my mom had sent me to leave with my dad who lived in San Antonio, Texas. My mom lived in Austin, Texas with my step dad and my half sister. She always told me how she f***ing hated me and wished she never had me. the list goes on and on with my mom. she had a very abusive mother so she treats me they way her mother treated her. yet that’s not an excuse.

now here I am married and stuck on a hard decision. my mom and i hadn’t talked in a while after the fact that she called my husband and i white trash and etc. the other day she contacted me and we began talking. she told me her and my step dad were getting a divorce and she had found someone else already. i was completely shocked because she should be focusing on her youngest daughter not men. the only reason i was talking to her is so i could see my 6 year old sister. my mom said how she wanted to spend time with my husband and i which i found odd because she was just calling us names the other week..well today her now ex husband (who is my sisters dad) asked if i could testify against my mom in court and say what kind of a mom she was to me so he can get custody.

and here i am stuck. my step dad was a great man to me. while my dad was away he was there and i always felt safe around him..his business made him travel and it would come to a point where i didn’t want him to leave because i would be alone with my mom and i was scared. my mom and step dad would always fight..he showed anger towards her but not my sister and i. it got physical with them one time and my step dad got arrested..my mom was just as guilty yet she played mrs innocent. i love my baby sister with ALL my heart and only want the best for her. the thought of me testifying makes me sick..i don’t know.

if you were in my shoes would you testify and why?

please serious answers.

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my daughters abusive drug addicted boyfriend is worthless!?

  • Posted on September 25, 2010 at 6:19 am

my 21 yr old daughter, is tangled up with a total loser, he smacks around on her and is into heavy drugs,and drinks every day.. now my daughter is pregnant by him and he’s punched her in the stomach hes throwed her down, we done the right thing,letting authorities handle it, she now lives at home and he continues to harrass her, im afraid he will talk her into going back to him and the baby wont ever have a chance, with all the drugs that he’s on makes that babies chances very slim of being completely heathy.searching for some advice from one parent to another?

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Why is it so hard to leave the man I love when he is verbally abusive.?

  • Posted on September 21, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I’m in love with a man who is very high maintence and has always been a bacholar. I moved in with him 2 years ago with my 2 children, he is not a kid person but has a son of his own. He does not like my son but likes my daughter. For a long time now he tells to move out and he wants to be on his own but i’ve stayed, finally I bought a house and I got it April 3 but now he tells me he wants me to stay, he says he loves me and is going to get help. He has been very good to me lately but I’m scared he will just go back to being the same person again. I also don’t like the things he has said to me and I don’t like his weekend binge drinking. Please help with advise.

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Should I be concerned? I think his abusive ex uses the children to have a over-involved relationshipw/him.?

  • Posted on September 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

My boyfriend and I have a baby together and we live together. His ex-wife abused him when they were together and hid the entire pregnancy of their second child, from him sought no medical attention and binge-drank during this pregnancy. She primarily raised them when he was in the military and they appear to have behavioral traits that reflect low self-esteem. It is heartbreaking but not especially shocking considering the unsanitary and disheveled appearance they have when they return from their mothers’ home. He has them five days a week. I have an older child and have helped him care for these girls. This is partly because of the information I naturally had already from raising a child. Their mother continually engages in behavior that shows she is a very “passive” parent. She showed in interest in finding different pre-schools for them, When it came to Kindergarten, she showed no interest in finding or applying for a school or after-care program for her older daughter. She can’t be bothered to do basic things like treat her child for lice or consistently give her athlete’s foot medicine. I stepped in and assisted him with these things since he wasn’t. Ok. Nothing to be done about that.
My boyfriend gives me money but rarely helps with our baby. In the past five months, he has taken her on three walks. Sometimes he has managed to not see the baby for days at a time.
I asked him to go with me to a friend’s home for dinner he refused. However he agreed to go trick-or-treating with his ex-wife(which I argued with him overs so he didn’t). He went to her home for Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he attended a school birthday party w/her and was less-than forthcoming about the arrangement, then the next day he attended a pre-school event in the evening with her, that he didn’t tell me about even though I have often dropped-off and picked-up the girl from that school. His ex-wife tells him things that have nothing to do with the children. This include things such as; her brother’s girlfirend;s miscarriage, the last time she had sex, her own pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage last year. He then wonders why she calls him for trivial matters. He thinks nothing of talking to her late at night, or the two ofthem texting back and forth at odd hours. He gets annoyed that she calls him and tries to engage him in unnecessary conversation. I say he sends her mixed messages. She was married to him less than four years and still has his last name. I think he relates to her like when they were married-walking on eggshells. The children are exceptionally tired and cranky on the days their mother drops them off at school. He tells me he can’t talk to her about certain things because she will just lie(for ex. the time she gets them to bed), but then why hang around somebody so much that you feel that way about? He isn’t even sure if the child from the second pregnancy is his(his children lokk NOTHING alike), seeing as not only did she admittedly have an affair w/another soldier(one he knew) while her husband was in the ARMY, she took out a loan for this lover and put up the car her husband owned since before he knew her as collateral. She then asked her husband to repay it when the guy skipped out, and this guy may be the father of his second daughter that he is raising and that I have helped him with-he refuses to get a DNA test. I think he is in denial. With all that it seems pathetic that he works so hard to make sure the children have their mother(even though she appears distinterested) to the point where he doesn’t mind excluding me from social functions or obligating himself to them without consulting me. Seeing as she appears to be a very uninvolved parent, it seems all these arrangments and communication with her are excessive. I understand they have to havea civil relationship, but some of it appears just plain inappropriate and disproportionate considering her lack of passion when it comes to the children. She requested the divorce. He takes the girls to counseling and other activites and she does nothing. He does all this and wonders why she referred to him as her”best friend” on facebook. She also expressed regret of not being able to “go back” o what she had before. I think they are over-involved. Also, she has harasssed me in the past.
He has them five days/wk.
Actually Garnett, with all due respect….I am not questioning the acquisition of headlice. I pick the children up and I see for myself the condition the children are in. The children love me and they have behavioral problems at school that they complain about. Also the ex-wife with whom I have soken) wllingly made the arrangment for him to have them five days/wk. I havean older chil who isn’t beglected so why would I encourage him to neglect his children/. My baby with him is his child too. When he was thinking about putting them in counseling, I found different resources for him and he actually ended doing one of them.

For your attitude that appears so smug, where what University did you use when you acquired your PhD? His mother used to complain about the condition the children would present with and I didn’t assume anything until I saw it for myself. Also less than 1% of women hide pregnancies. I have known him for 17 yrs, I attended the baptismal party for her older
older child that she attended, she was 7 mths pregnant then and seeking no medical or alternative attention. Her mother and her identical twin with whom she was close and lived and worked with during part of his deployment and her pregnancy did not know about the baby. She binge-drank alcohol when she was pregnant and her husband stayed. Also, at least I am not giving out names and I am publicly asking advice, but instead of being helpful you are being hateful. I have children of my own. I don’t want his. His three year old kept complaining that “grabbed”her neck and the pre-school called CPS. Because the mother played nicety-nice, the case was dropped. Also, she has harassed me in the past, she only cemented his position on complaints. So, why don’t you reapproach with some more of that Southern Hospitality I hear about?
I think it is important to have a “civil relationship” for the kids. I think it is pathetic to use children as pawns to make a relationship where there is none. I am glad you have four well-adjusted adult children. I imagine you had the wherewithal to love them deeply and care for them properly. I imagine this included washing and brushing their hair at three and four years old. I also imagine you showed interest in where they went to school. You got too afford that I know a little of what I am talking about. It isn’t uncommon for an abuse victim to continue relating to the abuser the same way to avoid conflict even if the ultimate result is enabling.
Furthermore, while you are being so Puritanical, he actually asked me to marry him. I declined. While he is far from perfect his wife concealing a pregnancy is a strange occurence(less than 1%) of women. You have to afford I know a little of what I am talking about. He married her while she was a pregnant minor and stupidly-they offered him $10,000 extra for Basic training because of it.

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My young adult novel–help with a scene where alcoholic mother is being verbally abusive to her daughter?

  • Posted on September 12, 2010 at 2:20 am

Okay, so I really need to get past this writers block. I have had it for a week now and it is because I can’t get past this scene. It is the only scene in the whole book involving parents, and I have my character come home and her mother is drunk and fighting with her step-dad, so she gets caught up in the middle of it all and her mom turns around and starts saying rude things to her. I have tried writing this scene over and over and over and OVER again but I keep pressing backspace and drawing a blank. I have never been in a situation like this so I don’t know how to make it sound realistic. Any advice or ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance! :)

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I’m 29 with 2 kids in an emotionally abusive marriage but my husband is loyal to me. I dont know what to do.?

  • Posted on September 7, 2010 at 1:17 am

I’ll be 30 at the end of this year and have two kids with my husband of almost 9 years. He is emotionally abusive. He wakes up YELLING. He nitpicks our 6 year old daughter and hovers over her every move. He does the same to me. Criticizes her for fidgeting- gets in her face yelling. Criticizes me for pacing while I talk on the phone or for wiping the corners of my mouth. He says our daughter has an eating disorder and it seems she may as well as a more recent sleep disorder but he doesnt see how his behavior may be related to this. I struggled with anorexia and bulimia as a kid and recently have began binge eating out of stress. I also have a hard time sleeping now. Because the only time home is peaceful is when he is either gone or asleep.

To his credit he has NEVER strayed on me. Having grown up with a very abusive step dad that ALWAYS ceated on my mom and made a fool of her- this means a lot to me. I am afraid that most other men will cheat on me and/or worse. So what’s the pont in leaving him when at least he’s one oft he rare few that doesnt cheat.

At the same time I hate his behavior and the effects on our daughter and myself. I am soo stressed out. I can’tt alk to him- he overtalks me or ignores me or explodes.

He is also really careless. Today he slammed my head into the wall and my side of my face against the hard bottom of the couch. My side of my head is really swollen now and I have a headache. He didnt mean to do either and he was just “playing” but he always rough houses and ends up hurting me and I am just so frustrated!!!

I am going to be 30 at the end of this year and I have two kids and I admit I may be weak for this but I dont want to be alone raising two kids. I feel like no one will want me. And I know that’s not what life is about but it is how I feel. I am just so sad. I feel like I am failing as a mother because I am not strong enough to leave and I feel I am failing as a mother if I am not committed enough to stay and give my kids an intact family.

I dont believe stepparent love their kids really. My stepdad was so abusive. I feel like I have a chance for my kids to have their real dad and I dont want to take that from them but hes just as bad as my stepdad was except he doesnt cheat on me and he doesnt molest our daughter. I feel a stepdad would do those things. I dont know I am so frustrated. I am an intelligent and strong woman but in this area I feel like a loser no matter what. I am soooo lost right now!
I dont want to be a bad mom. At the same time I dont want to raise fatherless children like I was and I dont want a piecemeal family. And I dont want to live out the rest of my life never enjoying a Valentines day or anniversary. I guess you’e all right though. hes an awful dad. I just have to resolve to having a romance free, lonely existence. It really sucks. I had so many other options before him. I chose him

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I NEED HELP My daughter abanded her son 3 times to be with an abusive alcoholic drug user. Who can I contact?

  • Posted on September 6, 2010 at 2:17 pm

She left 3 times to be with him. Now she’s homeless, drunk, and stupid. She called to say she’d kill me if I took him(my grandson) away. Is there anyone besides Welfare associates that can help me get custody? He is in danger if he goes back. I want him to stay with me and be safe and happy. Does anyone have a friend with legal advice that won’t cost me a million dollars? Just tell me what court house to go to , (not Dover, Maine) to file a motion for custody. thank you ( a worried Nana)

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