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I am miserable, I need advise?

  • Posted on March 3, 2011 at 1:21 am

I am in a relationship (not married) and we have a 3yr old. I am so unhappy, but I am scared of kicking him out. I do like his family, and if we could get along then it would be ok. But as it stands, I am tired of getting nit picked at, I am tired of his drinking, am I hate having to walk on eggshells.

What makes it so difficult for me is the fear of how this will effect our daughter. I know she loves him, and his family. But if we split then I don’t trust that he will stick around, and if he doesn’t then I don’t know that his parents will either.

Truth be told I wonder some times if it wouldn’t be better if he was out of the pic. He constantly is lying and neglecting our daughter…I can’t even leave her alone with him. But I worry about leaving because I am nervous about him having her alone for whole weekends at a time. I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t be drinking (and who knows what else) and ignoring her. I have even thought about calling the cops on him since I found out he has a warrant. I just don’t know what to do, I feel so trapped..

When i 1st met him, he lied about everthing, when I noticed his drinking habits I left, but it was to late…I was already pregnant. So I thought I would do the “right thing” and try and work it out. That was 5 years ago.

I recently told him I was going to go get counseling, he said he would go, but I dont know that its going to help. I am willing to try, for my daughter’s sake, but I hate being around him anymore. I cant imagine that he does either (we never have sex) but when I try to talk about it he says he’s fine….I feel like I am going crazy. How can I make the correct choice? How can I leave and keep my daughter safe from his addictions and attitudes?
What about my daughter…how will this effect her?
my duaghter will be 4 in Aug
his parents did pay for him to go to rehab when I was pregnant. But before that they didn’t see his 1st kid for about 3 yrs,because he wasn’t seeing them…or his kid for that matter

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I need legal advise on how to get my daughter back, PLEASE HELP?

  • Posted on January 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

Okay, My daughters Father and I had a verbal agreement on her going to live with him until school has ended so she don’t change schools in the middle of the year. (Now this was never written or discussed through court, it was verbal between us) I am the main custody holder though. He has had her enrolled in her school under his name for 3 months now. Her situation has gotten bad, she is jumping around in house (sometimes at her dad, sometimes at her great grandmas), She don’t get bathed regularly, her toe and finger nails are long and dirty, he tells me he wont allow her to sit in a car seat cuz shes 5 (but legally, she has to, shes under weight limits and height limits), he drink and drives with her in the car, he a drunk, (the list goes on) When she first went the environment was steady for her and now its worse and worse. His excuses are that hes under way too much stress. She says she wants to live with me! Well I told him that i want to brake our agreement and have her move back in with me because i am worried and it would be of her best. But he disagrees. He says he wont allow it. He says that hes done talked to the cops, explained everything and they said i would have to go to court to get her back since he has had her in his custody for 3 months now (and the school can prove it.) Then also, I thought about saying i wanted a visitation with her and then pick her up, but not take her back… but would he be able to have call “kidnapping” then take me to court and just say that i had abandoned her, (that would be his excuse on why he got her in the first place) then be able to take my rights away cause of “kidnapping” and (supposedly) abandoning her??? I want my daughter back! Shes not safe, I cant wait for the whole school year to be over, SHES NOT SAFE! I don’t know what to do or how to “safely” get her back, any advise, please help!
I have joint custody

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Advise for Ex-wife trying to decrease visitation?

  • Posted on September 11, 2010 at 11:26 am

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years, and from the very get go we have had problems with his ex and wanting to change his visitation he currently only gets her half during christmas and between 4-6wks in the summer if his lucky, in this time that we have been together she has increased his child-support and tooken him to court for visitation several times. She states that he makes bad descisons and I guess she is trying to say I am one of them because I have a criminal background such as DWI about 7 yrs old or more (how would she even know this stuff) well she is using in court. I feel awful about the whole situation Iam not a bad person sure I made some bad choices when I was younger who hasn’t but Iam 29yrs old I work at a Catholic Church I have two daughters of my own (who are my world) and I just can not see why a mother would want to put such a strain on her daughters relationship with her father. In my book he is a great guy and a wonderful father whom loves his daughter very much, but unfortunatley shares his daughter with this women that makes him feel like she is trying to turn his daughter against him and take the little time he has with her away. Even when she is here, her mother is constianly on the phone fighting with him and making their daughter feel bad she just about always cries after getting off the phone with her, but how odd on the days she dosent speak to her mother on the phone their is no crying. His daughter is 13yrs old and I just believe that maybe she just wants to spend more time with friends in the summer but even so, he just wants to see his daughter without all the problems from the mother before she is all grown up.

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How to advise sis in abusive situation?

  • Posted on August 19, 2010 at 1:18 am

Please bare with me, it’s complicated….My financially depleted 55 year old sister needs help and won’t see it. She lives 4 hours away (one way) from me and the rest of her family so it isn’t like I can see her daily, though I speak to her daily on the phone. She has limited physical mobility due to an auto injury to her leg and a chronic illness. She walks unsteadily on a cane and many days cannot even get out of bed. Her doctor has her on some very strong pain medications long term. While I don’t doubt that she needs them for her pain, I do worry that it is easier to just take the meds than to try and become more mobile and work through the pain to keep what mobility she has. However, that’s not the most pressing issue.
The real issue is the physical, verbal and emotional abuse that she suffers at the hands of her 33 year old homeless daughter who has moved back in with her. My sister is married and her husband lives with them. But when the abuse (and verbal stuff as well) starts, he is usually powerless over my niece. My niece is very strong physically and very quick tempered. My brother in law has scars from past altercations with her and is reluctant to get in between the flying fists. Compounding this issue is my niece’s alcoholic binges and drug use. More times than I can count she has stolen my sister’s pain meds for her own use. Mostly Lorcets and the like.
Now for the 4th time in a span of 6 months, my niece has viciously physically attacked my sister in a fit of anger. The last 2 times she has beaten her to the point of unconsciousness. Every time it has been after a drinking binge (and some form of drug use). No one can stop her once my niece starts and no one wants to call the police because they know they’ll get evicted.
Each and every time the day after, my niece denies it happened the way that my sister says it happened and that my sister caused her injuries to her own self, even though witnesses to the events say otherwise. When my nephew had the actual nerve to tell his sister that she was guilty of her brutality, she intimidated him to the point that he left his mother’s house and has cut off all communication with her or my niece out of what I suspect is fear.
I have begged my sister to make my niece leave and seek help, but there is always an excuse why she can’t. I have begged my sister to come stay with me, but she won’t leave because she fears what would happen if she leaves her home. Her husband is pretty much no help in this and has his own drinking issues.
Now for the kicker in all this, my niece who has 2 small children ages 5 & 6 who live with their dad after she abandoned them as infants to live the party life. He has full custodial rights but allows her to get them on the weekends. He believes that the children need their mother in their lives. But from my perspective, they are in grave danger of having their mother turn that uncontrolled rage on them. As it is now when they are there at my sister’s home, my sister has taken the physical abuse, but they (according to my sister) have only gotten the verbal abuse.
If my niece is even there and not leaving them with my sister while she is out “partying”, her way of parenting is to stick them in front of a TV the entire time, throw some fast food at them and put them to bed as soon as she possibly can force them down. The entire time she is either on the phone, on the computer or both, drinking alcoholic beverages and smoking in their presence, until the point of being passed out in the floor. My sister isn’t much better since all I ever hear her do is shout at them and threaten to “whip their butts”. It is all appalling!
My niece has recently gotten a job after being without one for almost 2 years. While my sister says she is doing well, I have my doubts. The first time a random drug test comes up, she’ll be out. Every time my sister tells her to leave, she manipulates her into feeling sorry for her “plight” and threatens that my sister will never see her grandkids again. This is one of the main reasons my sister won’t make her leave. She knows that if she kicks her out, then she will lose complete access to the children and lose any hope of ever getting custody of them again. She won’t go for treatment, or counseling, nor does my sister have any funds to pay for it or any way to force it. Nor will my sister seek any real professional counseling on how to deal with this.
I have advised my sister that she must think about what is in the best interest of herself and the children and that being in that situation is not what is best. I have considered calling the kids father myself to warn about what is going on, but I am not sure he’d be receptive of my input. I have reason to believe that my niece has made sure that I am painted as a liar and bad person just so he wouldn’t believe anything I’d have to say. Plus I fear that my crazy niece would be and do vindictive things to my sister for confiding in me, and to me or mi

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HOw to I advise my 21 year old daughter to avoid a relationship with a heroin addict?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 10:01 pm

My 21 year old daughter just called off her October 2007 wedding to a nice, clean cut young man who she had been with for more than two years. Good call if she was unhappy. Unfortunately, she just told me that she is now dating a 20 year old guy that was in rehab in March for heroin addiction after an overdose. He is also facing criminal charges (not sure if from same incident or another). She says “everyone makes mistakes, and he is ‘clean’”. However, she revealed that they drink alcohol together. I know about cross addictions, if using alcohol, NOT CLEAN! Also, she could be arrested for contributing since he is not 21 and she is. Also, he told her he stole from his friends and family to feed his addiction. When her dad and I tried to talk to her calmly she became very defensive and refused to hear anything we have to say. I am very concerned about her. More pertinent information, I am actually her step-mom; her estranged mother died in May of this year – alcohol related heart attack

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How do I advise my daughter to avoid a heroin addict?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:00 pm

My 21 year old daughter just called off her October 2007 wedding to a nice, clean cut young man who she had been with for more than two years. Good call if she was unhappy. Unfortunately, she just told me that she is now dating a 20 year old guy that was in rehab in March for heroin addiction after an overdose. He is also facing criminal charges (not sure if from same incident or another). She says “everyone makes mistakes, and he is ‘clean’”. However, she revealed that they drink alcohol together. I know about cross addictions, if using alcohol, NOT CLEAN! Also, she could be arrested for contributing since he is not 21 and she is. Also, he told her he stole from his friends and family to feed his addiction. When her dad and I tried to talk to her calmly she became very defensive and refused to hear anything we have to say. I am very concerned about her. More pertinent information, I am actually her step-mom; her estranged mother died in May of alcohol related heart attack. Any advice?

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