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How To Break Out of the Comfort Zone

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:56 pm

This fear of failure is the single biggest “affliction” in society. The comfort zone and a fear of failure paralyze people from making the steps they need to in order to improve their situation. If you look at anyone in a low paying, dead-end job or who stays in an unhealthy relationship you are seeing a person who is in a comfort zone.

Incessant planning and contemplation as opposed to action are a means of maintaining ones place in the comfort zone and can be your own worse enemy.

With the Fire, Ready, Aim strategy, you take your big goals and break them down into smaller, more accessible goals. That’s why we use the belt system in the martial arts. The goal for all of my students is black belt. While I have accelerated courses that can get you to black belt in as little as six-months, it takes most students 3-5 years of classes. That is a long time, so we break that time frame with short-term goals represented by belt colors.

In most schools, the darker the belt, the closer to black belt you get. So in my school, you would start with white belt. The white represented that you didn’t know anything about martial arts or very little. Within six-weeks, you would earn your gold belt and then in eight to twelve week increments, you would go to orange, green, blue, red, 4th degree brown, 3rd degree brown, 2nd degree brown, 1st degree brown and then black.

Each belt was earned through an examination process. With each belt earned the students felt a sense of progress. These acted as mini-victories that motivated them to continue classes. It was important for student retention that the every eligible student take their exams. We knew from tracking our statistics that students who did not take exams were our highest drop out risks. Progress creates motivation. Fire-Ready-Aim creates progress which creates momentum and motivation.

To be clear, Fire-Ready-Aim can create some challenges and set-backs that could have been avoided with more preparation, but in my experience, and this book is only my perspective on this things, the results far outweigh the risks.

Despite what all of the business books say, I’ve never written a business plan nor have I ever used on. I’ve never written a marketing plan either. For small businesses like mine, I don’t see the need to outline and prepare for every contingency. For large businesses, I can see how having plans can help keep everyone’s ladder on the same wall. But for small business with just a few employees, I think that’s less necessary. I would rather spend that time attacking my next project.

Fire-Ready-Aim can create some problems of its own that you may avoid with more planning but the key word is “may.” You may encounter the same problem with planning, who knows? Who cares, just get on with it. I believe that if you pull the trigger you will get the feedback you need to adjust from the market rather than a theory. I guess another way of looking at this to “Make the mess and clean it up later.”

John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you’re not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. It’s the feeling you’ve been faking it and are about to be found out. Learn more about the book at:

http://www.theimpostorsyndrome.com

http:www.johngraden.com

Article Source: How To Break Out of the Comfort Zone

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Seasons of Sadness

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:36 pm

I’ve never really been a summer person but since 1994, the dog days of summer have really become my season of sadness. My first husband died on August 19 of that year. Ever since, the weeks surrounding that date have been difficult for me.

Most people mark their year with anniversaries – the celebration of birthdays, holidays, and days significant to us for one reason or another. After a loss, those anniversaries can be quite painful. I, personally, have found the days and weeks leading up to each anniversary date to be harder than the day itself. I call this anticipatory grieving.

The dictionary defines grief as, “keen mental suffering, distress over affliction or loss, and sharp sadness.” We often associate grieving with the death of a loved one but we can grieve any time we suffer a loss. We can grieve over the loss of a job, a relationship, or our health. We can grieve when we move from a home, have financial difficulties, or do not realize a dream. We can grieve alone, as a family or community.

While we share the experience of grieving with every other person on this planet, the way we grieve is unique to each of us. Some describe the act of grieving in different stages. Yet grieving is not a linear experience but a process that weaves through the fabric of our life. While the intensity of our grief can ebb and flow, there are no time boundaries to our grief. Even if our loss occurred years ago, we can experience grief at any time. Sometimes our grief surprises us as if it is saying, “Hey, I’m not done with you yet!”

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with my grief. Grief is good; it just hurts so badly. Because I had experienced many losses prior my husband’s death, I was familiar with grieving and healthy ways to do it. In the days, weeks, and months after Max’s death I even welcomed those times of intense sadness and pain because in some way they made me feel closer to him. But, when my heart began aching, my natural inclination was to run away from the feelings rather than let them wash over me. I have to constantly remind myself to just “be” in my grief.

I have found the following strategies helpful during my seasons of sadness. I hope you will find them helpful in yours.

Embrace Your Grief
We all have built defense mechanisms to help us deal with pain. This is not the time to use them though. As a wave of grief begins to pass over you, let it flow. Acknowledge that you have good reason to feel this way and the more you let yourself experience grief, the less it will stick around. While the wave may last for minutes, hours, or even days it will eventually play itself out and you will feel peace again. My dad’s favorite expression was “this too shall pass.” He used it throughout his life but especially during the pain at the end of it. Your grief too shall pass. Embrace it until it does.

Experience Your Uniqueness
Each of us experiences grief in our own way. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t let others tell you how to grieve. Our loved ones don’t like to see us suffer. In order to avoid this, they often encourage us, in not so subtle ways, to hide our feelings. Or they may be quite up front about telling us to get over it. Accept your own uniqueness. Grieve in the way that is right for you.

Be Kind to Yourself
During times of grieving we should be especially good to ourselves. That means we should take care of ourselves by getting enough sleep, eating well, drinking plenty of water, and doing some kind of physical exercise frequently to alleviate our stress. Don’t push yourself to do things you don’t want to do but be careful of the stress caused by avoiding doing those things. Being kind to yourself also means not anesthetizing yourself from your grief. Be careful not to use alcohol, drugs, or even food to avoid feeling your pain. If you feel overwhelmed, seek counsel from the leader of your faith community, your health care provider, or a therapist.

Express Yourself
The expression of grief can be in words, actions, or tears. Crying can be quite a relief yet many of us are afraid to cry during times of intense sadness because it feels as if we start we will never be able to stop. Don’t worry, you will eventually stop but in the meantime you will reap the benefits of a good cry. If you are like me, and do your best crying in private, be sure to find the alone time to let the tears flow. You may also gain comfort in writing what you feel. If you feel awkward in doing this, try writing your feelings in the form of a letter to a trusted friend. You don’t necessarily have to mail the letter but the writing can be the cathartic experience you need.

Surround Yourself with Love
While you may be a very private person and prefer to experience your grief alone, this is not the time to isolate yourself. Reach out to friends and family. They may need you more than you need them. When you’re with other people you will have more opportunities to laugh (a wonderful grief reliever), gain perspective, and share your pain. Share rituals with others, too. You may want to commemorate the anniversaries of loss with a time to reminisce or even a celebration of hope.

We need to honor our losses by letting ourselves grieve them. Life has many seasons of sadness. Just like spring follows winter, our sorrow is eventually followed by joy. We need both to truly make our life work.

Karen Rowinsky works with women, couples, and families in Kansas City and Overland Park who want to create the life they desire. You can learn about Karen’s marriage counseling, family counseling, and individual counseling services by going to http://www.karenrowinsky.com.

Article Source: Seasons of Sadness

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