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I’m going to my first alanon meeting tonight. What do I tell my husband?

  • Posted on October 14, 2010 at 7:23 am

What can I expect at the meeting? Right now I feel like I like I just can’t take anymore. It’s my husband, dad, and EX. They same junk. Lying all the time. Sometimes I wonder how I am surrounded by so many pathalogical liars. Everyone believes them …. and likes them. EXCEPT for the kids. None of my siblings like my dad, my EX doesn’t have a relationship with any of his children, and my current husband has 2 sons who have absolutely nothing to do with him, one who comes over when she needs money, and the one who lives the farthest away has the best relationship. They talk on the phone every week, but when he comes to town, he doesn’t stay with his dad. He stays with the grandparents.

I have overheard my husband just flat out lying about me, trying to make me sound like I am horrid. Naturally they don’t like me. He seems to have a need to always make his daughter look bad to me and vice versa. He tries to stir things up.

Anyone able to relate?
I just want to thank all the posters who understand the situation. Thank you for giving me hope. I had absolutely no idea that my dad was a closet alcoholic, I never saw him drink. My EX was a mormon, and none of them drink or do drugs….. right….. and I went to premarital counseling before I married my husband, to make sure that it would be ok. He lied to me and the counselor. He hid his habits. He was always clean around me before we got married. He knew I wasn’t a “partier.”

I was only asking if anyone could relate. I just feel overwhelmed and need support. So, for those who did that, thanks.

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I’m going to my first alanon meeting tonight. What do I tell my husband?

  • Posted on October 13, 2010 at 12:23 pm

What can I expect at the meeting? Right now I feel like I like I just can’t take anymore. It’s my husband, dad, and EX. They same junk. Lying all the time. Sometimes I wonder how I am surrounded by so many pathalogical liars. Everyone believes them …. and likes them. EXCEPT for the kids. None of my siblings like my dad, my EX doesn’t have a relationship with any of his children, and my current husband has 2 sons who have absolutely nothing to do with him, one who comes over when she needs money, and the one who lives the farthest away has the best relationship. They talk on the phone every week, but when he comes to town, he doesn’t stay with his dad. He stays with the grandparents.

I have overheard my husband just flat out lying about me, trying to make me sound like I am horrid. Naturally they don’t like me. He seems to have a need to always make his daughter look bad to me and vice versa. He tries to stir things up.

Anyone able to relate?
Alanon is for the family members who have to deal with the people in their lives that have a substance abuse problem. He doesn’t get that he has a problem.

AA is for the abuser.

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I’m going to my first alanon meeting tonight. What do I tell my husband?

  • Posted on July 28, 2010 at 5:23 pm

What can I expect at the meeting? Right now I feel like I like I just can’t take anymore. It’s my husband, dad, and EX. They same junk. Lying all the time. Sometimes I wonder how I am surrounded by so many pathalogical liars. Everyone believes them …. and likes them. EXCEPT for the kids. None of my siblings like my dad, my EX doesn’t have a relationship with any of his children, and my current husband has 2 sons who have absolutely nothing to do with him, one who comes over when she needs money, and the one who lives the farthest away has the best relationship. They talk on the phone every week, but when he comes to town, he doesn’t stay with his dad. He stays with the grandparents.

I have overheard my husband just flat out lying about me, trying to make me sound like I am horrid. Naturally they don’t like me. He seems to have a need to always make his daughter look bad to me and vice versa. He tries to stir things up.

Anyone able to relate?
I just want to thank all the posters who understand the situation. Thank you for giving me hope. I had absolutely no idea that my dad was a closet alcoholic, I never saw him drink. My EX was a mormon, and none of them drink or do drugs….. right….. and I went to premarital counseling before I married my husband, to make sure that it would be ok. He lied to me and the counselor. He hid his habits. He was always clean around me before we got married. He knew I wasn’t a “partier.”

I was only asking if anyone could relate. I just feel overwhelmed and need support. So, for those who did that, thanks.

  • Share/Bookmark

I’m going to my first alanon meeting tonight. What do I tell my husband?

  • Posted on July 25, 2010 at 4:06 pm

What can I expect at the meeting? Right now I feel like I like I just can’t take anymore. It’s my husband, dad, and EX. They same junk. Lying all the time. Sometimes I wonder how I am surrounded by so many pathalogical liars. Everyone believes them …. and likes them. EXCEPT for the kids. None of my siblings like my dad, my EX doesn’t have a relationship with any of his children, and my current husband has 2 sons who have absolutely nothing to do with him, one who comes over when she needs money, and the one who lives the farthest away has the best relationship. They talk on the phone every week, but when he comes to town, he doesn’t stay with his dad. He stays with the grandparents.

I have overheard my husband just flat out lying about me, trying to make me sound like I am horrid. Naturally they don’t like me. He seems to have a need to always make his daughter look bad to me and vice versa. He tries to stir things up.

Anyone able to relate?
Alanon is for the family members who have to deal with the people in their lives that have a substance abuse problem. He doesn’t get that he has a problem.

AA is for the abuser.

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Why is Al-Anon / Ala-Teen so religious & spiritual? Is there a non – religious alternative?

  • Posted on July 25, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Okay I don’t want to bore you with my life store But…I am the 18 year old daughter of an alcoholic. I am not the only one in the family who knows about the problem – we all know. but for some reason I am the only one who this really is taking a toll on (besides my mother obviously) My dad knows & it bugs him but he won’t do anything constructive about it & it almost slips his mind (or he just acts like nothings wrong) for a while till its brought to his attention again. & my brother is too young to understand and I don’t want him to worry. It tears me up inside to no end.

I decided to try ala-teen to help how bad it hurts me etc but its sooo darn religious! I don’t belive in god or any of that spiritual stuff. please don’t judge. I went to one meeting & most of it seemed like a bunch of churchy nonsense… I cannot relate to alot of the the 12 steps or twelve traditions b/c they don’t mesh with my beliefs and are too religious.

THE TWELVE STEPS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought though prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

-Reprinted with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

 

THE TWELVE TRADITIONS

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.

2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority – a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or A.A. as a whole.

5. Each group has but one primary purpose – to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.

6. An A.A. group ought never endorse, finance or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.

7. Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

8. Alcoholics Anonymous should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.

9. A.A., as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.

10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.

————-
is there a non religious alternative? I mean what does “god” have to with my mom being a drunk? She refuses treatment and I just need a some support without being so religious about it

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