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The things that my alcoholic mother says and does hurt really bad. How do I help my family and myself?

  • Posted on April 23, 2011 at 6:18 pm

She left me in Mexico with my grandparents when I was a child. At the age of 18 I came to the USA looking for a mom, I found an alcoholic mother who always had a mess in her house. I joined the Army and left. I have a 7 year old daughter but got divorced 3 years ago. I came to live at my mom’s house in California after my divorce and took half of all expenses. My mom’s husband past away a year ago and she lost her house to a foreclosure. Now her, my brother and sister live with me. She drinks every day, the arguments have gotten worse every day specially because I don’t want a mess in my house and I don’t want to see her drunk in my house. Finally today we had the biggest argument, I don’t think I will ever speak to her again and I want her out of my life already. What should I do? I do have heart and feel bad, but this toxic environment everyday is driving me crazy!

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my dad is an alcoholic?

  • Posted on April 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

my dad is an alcoholic. we had alot of “family” talks about him and his drinking. we said things like i love you, we want you to quit, we want you to be healthy so you can live a long life with us, it hurts us, and so on. he is a mean when he drinks and embarasses me when my friends come over. he always has an apology for the morning but he never seems to quit or attempt to. he gave me some pills to give him daily-they are like non abusive pills- so he would get sick whenever he has anything with alcohol in it. he took them back and told them that my grandma said she would give them to him. he recently was hospitalized due to a heart blockage. i was scared for his life. i still love him and want him to quit, but i have been sympathetic about this for years and now everytime he drinks i want to beat the s.h.it out of him. im tired of trying to help him. i know i am his daughter and i love him and want the best for him, and i know it is hard for him to quit, but this is getting out of hand. ANY SUGGESTIONS? anything would help

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my mom is an alcoholic.. i had a talk with her and she didn’t hear me, do i need to do anything else?

  • Posted on April 21, 2011 at 1:23 am

if you want back story here is my last question, it’s kinda long.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq6Ox6230N0Ktt9pTrc5ll3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091229195801AASrNVv

anyways i talked to her about the problems her drinking has caused.
poor judgment, being at the bar instead of with family on holidays, the poor example it sets for my kids…

she blamed me of course. she said i was judging her and i have no place to judge her for what she does on her free time. she even said my husband and i drink in front of our kids like on thanksgiving. well yeah, i had a glass of wine. but she spent thanksgiving at the bar and didn’t show up until hours after the meal… big difference. i am somewhat familiar with an alcoholic deflecting onto others.. she blamed everyone but herself, talked bad about everyone in my husband’s family (who by the way are wonderful people) so she didn’t look so bad… and then proceeded to ask for my daughter this weekend. -this was the basis of this talk in the first place. she can’t have either of my kids like this..

so from any of your experience, is there anything else i can or should do to make myself clear to her or is it a lost cause? part of me telling her about her problem was also so i could absolve myself of any guilt if/when she kills someone while driving drunk.. so should i just leave it at that and wait for her to come to her senses someday before i talk to her again? i’m just not sure, i feel like i owe her something, but at the same time i know i owe her nothing and that she will make her own bed.. i just don’t know.. my husband is ready to write her off. i don’t blame him and i almost agree. i just want to know i have done all i could.
your experience with an alcoholic is appreciated. thank you.

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17weeks pregnant with a alcoholic mom?

  • Posted on April 21, 2011 at 12:17 am

Im 17 weeks pregnant and my mother is a sever alcoholic, She has been drinking for about 6 years but the last 3 have gotten so much worse. I keep having dreams that she was drunk and dropped the baby, or she has died due to her excessive drinking. She also has two younger children, who have seen her wasted passed out or fighting with her boyfriend. I don’t live with her because when she drinks we argue or physically fight. She is very excited about the baby and is telling me she is going to change but i’ve heard this all before. I woke up this morning to a text saying mommy passed out again on the bedroom floor, which scared me because i had yet another dream of her being drunk and fighting with me over my child who ws then dropped. In pregnancy i know you have crazy horrible dreams, but i think i should tell her that if she doesn’t get help before the baby’s here then she is not allowed to see or hold her grand daughter. I need help to see if this is a good or really bad idea. FYI she is a very big drama queen and a violent drunk. Im 18 years old with alot n my plate

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my mom is an alcoholic.. i had a talk with her and she didn’t hear me, do i need to do anything else?

  • Posted on April 20, 2011 at 3:22 am

if you want back story here is my last question, it’s kinda long.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq6Ox6230N0Ktt9pTrc5ll3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20091229195801AASrNVv

anyways i talked to her about the problems her drinking has caused.
poor judgment, being at the bar instead of with family on holidays, the poor example it sets for my kids…

she blamed me of course. she said i was judging her and i have no place to judge her for what she does on her free time. she even said my husband and i drink in front of our kids like on thanksgiving. well yeah, i had a glass of wine. but she spent thanksgiving at the bar and didn’t show up until hours after the meal… big difference. i am somewhat familiar with an alcoholic deflecting onto others.. she blamed everyone but herself, talked bad about everyone in my husband’s family (who by the way are wonderful people) so she didn’t look so bad… and then proceeded to ask for my daughter this weekend. -this was the basis of this talk in the first place. she can’t have either of my kids like this..

so from any of your experience, is there anything else i can or should do to make myself clear to her or is it a lost cause? part of me telling her about her problem was also so i could absolve myself of any guilt if/when she kills someone while driving drunk.. so should i just leave it at that and wait for her to come to her senses someday before i talk to her again? i’m just not sure, i feel like i owe her something, but at the same time i know i owe her nothing and that she will make her own bed.. i just don’t know.. my husband is ready to write her off. i don’t blame him and i almost agree. i just want to know i have done all i could.
your experience with an alcoholic is appreciated. thank you.

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How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can’t?

  • Posted on April 20, 2011 at 2:17 am

We just had a family reunion after a 9-day novena prayer for my grandma who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I was so sad bec. she was so close to me and took care of me when my mom left us when i was still 6.It was bec. of my dad who is an alcoholic and used to fight with my mom that made her fly away into another country & leave all the responsibility with my grandparents,aunts and uncles. After the reunion, i am starting to become an angry person i can’t help but compare & see how sad & unhappy my childhood was while all of my cousins have great families.i blame it all to my alcoholic dad. Everyone in our family & in the place where we live knows my dad is an alcoholic,out-of-school,unemployed guy while all of his cousins are so happy,successful and wealthy.Before my dad has lots of money coz my grandpa still has a business but it went bankrupt,but now my dad is now alone, we don’t have our own house,just renting an apartment,he has no money and depends on my aunt to support him. I love him but i feel i am not a daughter to him for all those years when i was still young, he never cared about my school,never paid for my studying but just care about his friends and drinking. I feel tremendous shame, guilt, anger, resentment and can’t help ask why i have such an unhappy childhood. I feel so bad and so angry of my broken past bec. of my dad. I don’t know how to forgive my past,my dad, myself. I don’t know how i can build up my self-esteem when people think of my dad as good-for-nothing guy. It hurts so much. My aunts keeps making me feel guilty that i have to take care of my dad bec. he is my responsibility.But i feel so helpless bec. i just graduated and will start my job in a call center next week. All i can help is contribute a part of my salary to aunt for my dad. But i still feel guilty and angry of the fact that my dad keeps on being a parasite to my aunt. I don’t know how i can move on. I pray to God but so many things i cannot understand and it is the question of why did God made me live such a sad and broken childhood?why is my dad unlike those other dads who are kind,loving and responsible for their children and not let the relatives take the responsibility. I sometimes think i must be cursed and wanted so much to break the curse but don’t know how. I keep praying to God that i would still love and honor my dad. But now, it makes it so hard bec. reality slams it to my face that i can never proud of my father.I wanted to be but i don’t see what can make me. How do you forgive a father who has deprived you of the kind of childhood that every child has longed for?

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How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can’t?

  • Posted on April 19, 2011 at 4:17 am

We just had a family reunion after a 9-day novena prayer for my grandma who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I was so sad bec. she was so close to me and took care of me when my mom left us when i was still 6.It was bec. of my dad who is an alcoholic and used to fight with my mom that made her fly away into another country & leave all the responsibility with my grandparents,aunts and uncles. After the reunion, i am starting to become an angry person i can’t help but compare & see how sad & unhappy my childhood was while all of my cousins have great families.i blame it all to my alcoholic dad. Everyone in our family & in the place where we live knows my dad is an alcoholic,out-of-school,unemployed guy while all of his cousins are so happy,successful and wealthy.Before my dad has lots of money coz my grandpa still has a business but it went bankrupt,but now my dad is now alone, we don’t have our own house,just renting an apartment,he has no money and depends on my aunt to support him. I love him but i feel i am not a daughter to him for all those years when i was still young, he never cared about my school,never paid for my studying but just care about his friends and drinking. I feel tremendous shame, guilt, anger, resentment and can’t help ask why i have such an unhappy childhood. I feel so bad and so angry of my broken past bec. of my dad. I don’t know how to forgive my past,my dad, myself. I don’t know how i can build up my self-esteem when people think of my dad as good-for-nothing guy. It hurts so much. My aunts keeps making me feel guilty that i have to take care of my dad bec. he is my responsibility.But i feel so helpless bec. i just graduated and will start my job in a call center next week. All i can help is contribute a part of my salary to aunt for my dad. But i still feel guilty and angry of the fact that my dad keeps on being a parasite to my aunt. I don’t know how i can move on. I pray to God but so many things i cannot understand and it is the question of why did God made me live such a sad and broken childhood?why is my dad unlike those other dads who are kind,loving and responsible for their children and not let the relatives take the responsibility. I sometimes think i must be cursed and wanted so much to break the curse but don’t know how. I keep praying to God that i would still love and honor my dad. But now, it makes it so hard bec. reality slams it to my face that i can never proud of my father.I wanted to be but i don’t see what can make me. How do you forgive a father who has deprived you of the kind of childhood that every child has longed for?

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How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can’t?

  • Posted on April 18, 2011 at 6:17 am

We just had a family reunion after a 9-day novena prayer for my grandma who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I was so sad bec. she was so close to me and took care of me when my mom left us when i was still 6.It was bec. of my dad who is an alcoholic and used to fight with my mom that made her fly away into another country & leave all the responsibility with my grandparents,aunts and uncles. After the reunion, i am starting to become an angry person i can’t help but compare & see how sad & unhappy my childhood was while all of my cousins have great families.i blame it all to my alcoholic dad. Everyone in our family & in the place where we live knows my dad is an alcoholic,out-of-school,unemployed guy while all of his cousins are so happy,successful and wealthy.Before my dad has lots of money coz my grandpa still has a business but it went bankrupt,but now my dad is now alone, we don’t have our own house,just renting an apartment,he has no money and depends on my aunt to support him. I love him but i feel i am not a daughter to him for all those years when i was still young, he never cared about my school,never paid for my studying but just care about his friends and drinking. I feel tremendous shame, guilt, anger, resentment and can’t help ask why i have such an unhappy childhood. I feel so bad and so angry of my broken past bec. of my dad. I don’t know how to forgive my past,my dad, myself. I don’t know how i can build up my self-esteem when people think of my dad as good-for-nothing guy. It hurts so much. My aunts keeps making me feel guilty that i have to take care of my dad bec. he is my responsibility.But i feel so helpless bec. i just graduated and will start my job in a call center next week. All i can help is contribute a part of my salary to aunt for my dad. But i still feel guilty and angry of the fact that my dad keeps on being a parasite to my aunt. I don’t know how i can move on. I pray to God but so many things i cannot understand and it is the question of why did God made me live such a sad and broken childhood?why is my dad unlike those other dads who are kind,loving and responsible for their children and not let the relatives take the responsibility. I sometimes think i must be cursed and wanted so much to break the curse but don’t know how. I keep praying to God that i would still love and honor my dad. But now, it makes it so hard bec. reality slams it to my face that i can never proud of my father.I wanted to be but i don’t see what can make me. How do you forgive a father who has deprived you of the kind of childhood that every child has longed for?

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My Dads An Alcoholic &+ I Cant Deal With It Anymore.?

  • Posted on April 13, 2011 at 4:19 pm

My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as i can remember. I remember when i was little that he used to beat my mom cuz of the alcohol. Remind you im 16 now. He doesnt abuse her anymore. But its just the simple fact that hes letting the alcohol take over his body. He doesnt know how to control it. He yells over the stupidest things and i try to ignore him but i doesnt work. Me and him argue till the point the police are always at our house.All the shit he did i still love my dad. he calls me bad names such as a bitch, cunt, ho, whore,slut. And what he says really hurts me cuz i think no father should call his daughter that. But i know its just the alcohol thats talking. I try to be nice to him and not yell back but then he will just keep yelling. He yells about the stupidest things. The lowest things he ever yelled about was toilet paper. I feel as if i cant deal with this anymore. But i cant just leave him and my mom doesnt want to leave him either. He went to rehab and alcohol counseling but nothing works. Everytime hes been in jail is because of his alcohol. Hes on ssi and he cant get a job. All of his money goes to his beer and cigarettes. He forces my mom to spend her money on alcohol and cigarettes. I just dont know what to do anymore and i need some advice on how to just get through this. Somebody please help me or anybody else with this problem please give me advice on how you got through it.

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Would you care if your husband was an alcoholic if It didnt affect anything?

  • Posted on April 10, 2011 at 12:17 am

When I met and started to date my husband I realized shortly after that he was a really bad alcoholic. At that point he was really bad. When he asked me to marry him, I said that I would… but I would not be married to an alcoholic. I was raised in a house with drunk parents, and I wanted better for my kids ( I had 2 boys at that point). He wanted to be with me so he stopped drinking. We got married, had a daughter, went through years of being married without him drinking. Then about 6 months ago he started again. At first it was social so I didn’t mind much. But I explained to him That I would leave with the children if it got to the point it use to be. Then about 2 months ago, it started every day. Some days its only a few beers after work, and then some days its 18 beers after work. The thing is, He still gets up, he still goes to work, still is a good husband and father. So is it fair to him for this to bother me? As long as he is still doing everything that needs to be done, should I just let it go? It just scares me because he was HORRIBLE before we got married, and I am scared to death that this is going to happen again. He tells me it wont, but I cant help my fears. I refuse to let my children be around it. But as I said, at this point it effects nothing, I have no idea what to do?

Edit: He was drinking every day like a 30 pack and a fifth. At one point in time he was living on his friends couch. Then him and I got together and I told him I wouldnt be with him. He changed for SOOOO long. I dont mind a social drinker, but can you be a social drinker if you use to be an alcoholic? From what I see you cant be both. He has slipped a few other times. But it was a one day thing, he realized what he did and stopped. I feel like I am being unfair because he is still being a husband and father. Infact, he may be better with the kids now. I dont know anymore… advice?
it started with him thinking he could have a beer if we went out to dinner. as I said, it started as a social thing.

I dont deny it, I know its a problem. If I didnt know, I wouldnt have asked. The fact is getting him to see it as a problem, when it affects nothing in his life, that he can see.

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