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My fiances kids are awful to my 17 yr old daughter and I?

  • Posted on November 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm

They lhey live in Maryland (thank god) but they go thru Daddy to say whatever stories they can make up to get to me and my daughter. I believe its because he left wen they were young due to a cocaine addiction, he didnt want them to go thru it with him so he left the kids with the mother and got himself cleaned up (19 yrs and holding) He has done everything he possibly can to make up for the lost yrs and stayed in contact with them the whole time. They visit alot and he pays for plane tickets AND whatever they want basically! When he DOES say no – which is rare, all hell breaks loose and they attack me with the worst 4 letter words they can come up with!
The daughter who is 25 has a 6yr old son who we adore, the last visit a month ago went well or at least I thought? His Grandson told me while he was here that he WANTS to call me Gma but hes not allowed to and things to that nature– As soon as they were home it was horrible! I was a F**King B**ch and on and on ?? I have no clue as to why she feels this way and it threw us all for a loop but daddy does nothing when it comes to her and NO ONE else does either. Shes LITERALLY the boss of all who know her except me! I will ask her ?s about whats going on and she hates to be “called out” on anything and Ive learned to just let it go for the sake of my fiance and I so we dont fight over it.
The son- 22 just had a baby with a married girl who has 2 other kids and lives with her husband. He is also in Maryland and will not set foot in WI since he has warrants out for his arrest. So shes Pregnant and were buying clothes, helping her with a new place to live, shes coming over for family night etc etc.. In the meantime she is goin behind our backs telling his son how horrible we are which led to my fiance disowning his son. Once again I was the MAIN person under attack?? We had to get Restraining orders, call CPS etc etc!! Horrible stuff that I just cannot understand! My fiance has NO problems putting him in his place even tho it doesnt help at all and just keeps the fire burning so weve stopped and now arent allowed to see the baby that is now 2 months old?
She had the baby took off to MD and LEFT her 2 yound kids alone with the father- HE CALLED US and we dont even know the guy– he needed diapers, food etc so we got it for him- that bit us just as hard?? Im so confused on what to do or how to handle this? Ive tried everything and it only makes it worse so Im working on accepting it all and letting it go however in the meantime his daughter is saying awful things about me and my daughter and he does nothing? The resentments are growing due to this but he tells me its between me and his daughter?? I strongly DISAGREE and I do think he has some control to make this nonsense stop. These 2 still live with their bipolar alcoholic mom, and both of them are as well addicted to everything and also have bipolar, depression and anxiety!!
I feel awful for the 6yr old living in those conditions but nothing can be done? The baby lives 10 min away from us yet we arent allowed to see him or even talk to her – once in awhile she will email to ask if we wood come see the baby and the fiance says NO! I dont blame him one bit with all thats happened yet I want a part in the babys life since we are the only somewhat of a “normal” family- Im not at all saying we are perfect, we are the average family! Much more has happened and has been said but itd be a novel to write, All I can say is any negative talk or actions have been on them and I havent spoken to any of them thru this whole thing except for his daughter ONCE!! Anyone going thru anything similiar or have any suggestions so I can at least sleep at night. I worry about my daughter as well as she has been greatly affected too, shes my #1 priority and anything that happens I do my BEST to keep her from knowing ! This is a tough one to write but Im hoping someone out there will understand my SHORT version of this whole mess??
Thanks
Not sure why you would tell me to keep my legs closed? I have ONE daughter who is 17 and in high school – shes also a very respectful smart beautiful girl. Im talking about my FIANCES KIDS and their situations

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I’m awful, but what do you think of this (long, I’m sorry)?

  • Posted on October 28, 2010 at 4:32 pm

This is such a long story, I’m very sorry. I really love my dad, when I was really young (I’m a teenager now) I always chose my dad as my hero when we had to write about someone, I strove to be as bright as my dad, and I always wanted to be there for him. However, I’m so tired of everything he does (he’s always been the way I’m going to describe here, by the way), I literally work all the time to gain his love (I earn straight 100s, applied to the Ivy Leagues, I cook and clean non-stop, I broke my own ankle when we were missing a tool I needed to do work outside for him so as to not let him down (he didn’t know it was on purpose) and I ended up getting even more responsibility if that’s possible, and I do tons of other things (he confides in me about everything, marriage problems to wanting to leave us all to wanting to die). Despite how hard I try it’s never enough, he never just says “Thanks for cleaning the house,” it’s always something. I’m tired of his alcohol, too. He yells at me constantly when I don’t even misbehave, ever. I had an eating disorder, so I get that it’s an addiction (I did recover by myself though and am fine now, but my dad never notcied, it was still all about him. He has no idea I had suicidal thoughts because he would get angry at me and I don’t want to burden him, but my dad can’t wait to tell me that he’ll die soon). I know alcoholism and EDs are different (and I don’t blame him for his drinking). I never let my mood get the better of me, I’m depressed and I smile all the time and I’m there for everyone I know. I already decided I would never have children, because I am not ruining someone. I sound selfish, but my parents were selfish to have a child simply because they wanted one. Out in publc my dad looks so perfect, everyone loves him, but as soon as he gets home the drinking and the yelling begin. I gave up my chilhood to basically be his parent, and I stopped seeing my friends years ago to try to cheer him up and to be with him constantly (plus, he gets upset when people invite me over, and I don’t want to hurt him).

My dad puts me down all the time, yet brags about himself. I’m tired of it. I have tried so hard to be this “perfect” daughter and I get called selfish by him. I’m the selfish one (I hate myself so much, and hearing that hurts a lot because I secretly worry that I am)? I’ve never had anyone, aside from him, ever call me selfish. People at school and strangers who speak to me tell me I’m the nicest person (I wish so badly that I was truly sweet and kind, but deep down something tells me I’m bad).

There is a ton more to this, but I won’t get into it or it’d be so much longer. But, do you have any advice for me? I just want to cry anytime I’m near my dad, because I’m so afraid of losing his love and of disappointing him, but I can’t handle it anymore either. My dad is a really nice guy, he just can’t see that he’s not the only with problems (though if he sees someone who is homeless or someone stops to talk to him randomly, he is super nice, he just doesn’t control it at home I guess).

Thank you very much! Again, I’m so sorry for the length. I feel terrible, because I sound selfish and cruel in this post, but I’m feeling lost and it came out sounding awful but, still, there’s no excuse for me.

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