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Today is my birthday so here’s a joke to laugh with me…!?

  • Posted on March 23, 2011 at 1:22 pm

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and cost ten dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.”

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

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Today is my birthday so here’s a joke to laugh with me…!?

  • Posted on March 22, 2011 at 1:21 pm

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and cost ten dollars, a lot cheaper than a doctor.”

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.”

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.

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Happy Birthday To New Moon Daughter!!?

  • Posted on January 21, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Just wanted to say happy birthday to my home girl New Moon!

RHH: What was the last RHH mixtape you bought or downloaded?

Also how good was it?

I just got Yo Gotti mixtape Cocaine Muzik and it was pretty good actually.

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Would you let your 9 year old daughter go to a birthday party of a classmate and ride around town in a LIMO?

  • Posted on January 21, 2011 at 5:23 am

One of my daughter’s classmates is having a birthday party. The parents have decided to ask all the girls from the class and take the riding around in a limo. They are planning to pick the girls up from school, take the to the park and have cake then ride around and predent to drink with grape juice. I have a problem with this….what are we teaching our children? That it is OK to ride around and drink? So far most of the Moms think this is a great idea…”sounds like fun” I must be from the old school. I am not sure how to handle this when all my daughters friends get in the car and drive off and she is left standing there. I know she will be upset. I need help, Please!!!

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My daughter’s father called to wish her Happy Birthday at 10:15pm. I didn’t answer the phone was that mean?

  • Posted on October 2, 2010 at 4:21 am

My husband and I have been separated for over 2 months, because of his methadone addiction. Anyway, he finally called our daughter who turned 3 yesterday to wish her a Happy Birthday at 10:15pm. I thought he was calling too late, so I didn’t answer the phone. Why call his daughter now and at such a late hour! He left a message wishing her Happy Birthday and that he loves, misses her and how he wishes he could be with her. Was it wrong of me not to answer the phone? Should I feel bad that he didn’t get to talk to her?
This morning I did let my daughter listen to the message. She was happy to hear his voice and she asked for him. They were very close. I told her that he was away at school and that she would see him again. I just didn’t say when.
My daughter was a sleep at 9:00pm and my husband already knows tha’ts the time she falls asleep.

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18th Birthdays: How’d You Celebrate Yours? (18th Birthday Gifts)

  • Posted on January 11, 2010 at 1:06 am

While some societies have momentous coming of age ceremonies (boys in Papua New Guinea wear a conical hat draped in leaves which reach to below the waist), we in Britain stick to the tried and tested routine of opening 18th birthday gifts in the morning, then spending the day in the pub getting merry.

But while that’s fun, it’s hardly original – and many of us do that every weekend, birthday or no birthday. If you want to be a bit more creative, there are all sorts of ideas for celebration themes which are entertaining, and they don’t have to feel like a kid’s party. Here are just a few ideas, along with some suggestions for suitably themed 18th birthday gifts.

A country theme: There are a couple of ways to do this. One is the classic of picking a country and getting everyone to wear appropriate clothing and eat themed food and drink. For example, a Japanese theme could see guests dressed as sumo wrestlers and geisha girls, eating sushi and drinking sake.

Another twist is to do a global theme where every guest comes as a different country. You can even award prizes for whoever manages to wear the most different items relating to their chosen country. And to make things fun, challenge everyone to find 18th birthday Gifts that relate to the country.

A celebrity theme: OK, so you might have been to quite a few parties where guests dress up as famous people, but there are other ways to do it. One is to limit it to celebrities and public figures from the year the birthday guest was born. Another is that everyone has to pick a famous person with the same first name as the birthday guest.

A Krypton Factor theme: Anyone receiving 18th birthday gifts in the next couple of years should still remember this classic show hosted by Gordon Burns. You can adapt it into a day-long event with your own twists, and either make it a contest for everyone, or just a challenge for the person celebrating their birthday.

The mental agility, observation, intelligence and general knowledge rounds will probably be best during the evening when a few drinks will make them more challenging.

That leaves the co-ordination and physical ability rounds for the day time. If you don’t have a flight simulator in your back garden, you could always pick one of the many flight-related ‘experience day gifts‘ on the market as one of the 18th birthday gifts.

A football theme: If the birthday boy or girl is football crazy, you could arrange a kick-about, go to a game, wear replica shirts or hold a soccer-based quiz. The beauty of this theme is there are dozens of suitable 18th birthday gifts based around football, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

A tube station theme: Challenge guests to find a costume that relates to one of the London Underground stations. This might seem hard, but there are plenty of possibilities. You could come dressed as Paddington (Bear), Victoria (Queen or Victoria), All Saints or Grange Hill – or if you’re really stuck, just sling on a West Ham shirt. If you live in London, you can make the birthday guest go on a station-based treasure hunt before they get all of their 18th birthday gifts.

An £18 theme: Guests have to come in as stylish, fashionable and trendy a costume as they can put together. The only catch is that their entire outfit – from head to toe, including underwear and shoes – has to cost less than £18. It will challenge their creativity, and it leaves everyone a bit more cash for those all-important 18th birthday gifts.

A casino theme: This has plenty of possibilities. You can serve Vegas-style cocktails, hold a buffet (though it’s unlikely to be all you can eat), and play a variety of games, whether for cash, drinks or just forfeits for the losers. The dress code is up to you: you can theme it with the black and red of roulette, or go the whole hog with evening dresses and dinner suits – and don’t forget that cufflinks make classy 18th birthday gifts.

A golf theme: This can be as simple as a night out dressed in polo shirts and plus-fours or something more elaborate. We don’t recommend visiting 18 watering holes, but an 18-round quiz could make the day memorable – particularly if each round is about a year in the birthday guest’s life. Lessons with a pro make great 18th Birthday gifts for golf-lovers.

A party themed around the year of birth: For those getting 18th birthday Gifts in 2008, this gives you the chance to celebrate 1990 with a German-themed party to celebrate the country’s re-unification, or a Russian-themed event to mark the Soviet Union’s collapse.

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The Most Suitable Guide For Your Sweet 16 Birthday Party

  • Posted on January 11, 2010 at 12:07 am

When you are planning for your child’s sweet sixteen birthday party, bear in mind that you are planning for a big and memorable occasion. The age of sixteen is very significant in the life of a growing young girl. Usually the sixteenth birthday ushers the girl into maidenhood. Therefore its quite necessary to plan it alongside with her, but relatively children at sixteen often time prefers celebrating the party outside their homes. This gives them an ample opportunity to have wonderful time with their friends. A comprehensive list of her best friends should be drawn, that will enable you to know the scope of the party.

A beautiful well designed invitation card that will suit an exclusive sweet sixteen birthday party should arranged for. It will be more appreciated if the background of the invitation card is designed with a group photograph of your daughter and her best friends. One thing you should understand is that listing the items serially on the invitation card will arouse the mind of your guests and also make them to know what package the party holds for them. However, you may wish to surprise your guests, but in all make sure that the preparations for the birth day party are quite unique.

Now that the invitations have being sent out, the plans for the sweet 16 birthday party must carry the entire day. Checkout arranging for a breakfast in the morning as an appetizer for the entire guest and the celebrant. Followed by a steam bath, manicure and pedicure at the spa for body refreshment. After taken their bathe, they will proceed to a restaurant for a well garnished lunch, which afterwards they will have a little recreation to watch movie. By the time they are done with the movie they will be ushered to the hotel where the birthday party will properly take place.

Please, you should realize the people like to make their choices when it comes to imbibing beverages. I should therefore advise you to lay out a buffet in a well position part of the venue so that your guests can have their picks unhindered. Bear in that some of your guest will not drink alcohol, so provide for sodas and juices and milk shakes, after all many of them will be children. Serve assorted foods so that you guest will eat what they like. Make your main course universal and then serve several different types of desserts
Conclusively, you must be aware that the importance of your daughters sweet 16 birthday party is to make her journey from childhood to adulthood memorable.

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Having a 21st birthday Party for my daughter, what kind drink should i make?

  • Posted on January 6, 2010 at 8:06 am

My daughter turning 21 this March, we are trying to figuere out what kind of drink we should make, any ideals?

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