I have been dating him for 2 years – we are talking and planning a future together.. we are both 41…and divorced. I was divorced when my kids were 5 (their dad is remarried and they do not like their stepmom… dad got involved with step mom before divorce was final and that is ok, but maybe rushed in the kids minds kind of thing)… I had one bf prior to this one and he ended up lying and cheating all the time (*he drank a lot too – and I was clueless at first but ended things as I grew to find out who he was versus who he told me he was)… problem is the kids grew attached to him and he was ‘fun’ in their eyes MOST of the time.. he was like a big kid…
current bf is more mature – in some ways.. he likes video games with my son (also 9) and my son has bonded with him… he has two sons of his own, older (17 and 14)… and they are hit or miss with my kids – you know the age differences and such… and my son is iffy on them.. but my daughter LOVES them…
I thought she really liked BF too – but one night she was over tired and emotional and broke down telling me she doe snot want me to marry him, that she wants me and daddy back together… I told her me and daddy both love her and we will always be a family, but mommy and daddy will not get married to each other again… then she broke down further and said how do you know (bf) is not cheating on you when he is not at our house? mom, I dont trust him, I think he is cheating. Is aid honey, he is not cheating why would you think that? She said I just dont want you to get hurt (mind you she is 9 and saying all this) I said I am not going to get hurt honey… dont you like (bf)? She said, yes sometimes, but not really, I mean he can visit and stuff but I dont want him and you to ever get married… I said oh… well, do you not want me to marry him or just never get married again? She said mom you cant trust people I never want you to get marrid what if you get marrid and get hurt and divorced? Why cant you and daddy have stayed married?
Mind you this is 4 years after the divorce. I emoathize with her.. but I do not know what else to do.
when she had some rst and was in a great mood a few days later, I asked her, did you mean all what you daid or do you think you were just a little tired, She said I was a little tired but I meant it, I do not want you to marry (bf).
Do I try to encourage a bond with hima dn her – he is sort of cluess with girls, he had no sisters and no daughters… and I know she is expecting or was expecting my bf to be more ‘fun’ like the lat one.. but she doe snot understand the seriousness of the ex bf’s addictions and behaviors… but she does know he cheated..
I do not want her growing up not trusting people.. I do not know what to do.
I DO put my kids first! I am also a woman with adult companionship needs too… my life does NOT revolve around my relationship – it revolves around my kids – however, I DO have a life outside them… that they SHOULD know and see… a mom is a mom, but also a woman! No one judged dad for getting remarried, but now I am not being a good mom because I want stability for me and my kids too? Huh…
Wow. No wonder women are so insecure… we are our own worse enemies.. I really though on marriage and divorce, some experienced step families would answer – not just the “i am better than you because I am not divorced’ types.. lord help you if you ever find out your ex is a lying in the closet gay man having sex with creepy people anonymously.. I suppose I should have stayed married and just pretended to be happy.. then I would be a hero to some of you.
Yes, I will just break up with him and instead of showing her how to deal with stress, I will show her how to wish for things that are not going to happen and put your life on hold instead of living a full life…
Did I bump my head and travel back to 1950?
Its been two years.. we ARE going slow!
