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Very Extremely concerned about daughter and this guy?

  • Posted on May 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Okay she has been leaving the house without telling me, and My partner has once seen her in town with this guy that we have forbidden her to date (shes open to other guys, but she just wants this jerk) I saw a discarded pregnancy test wrapper in her room once, and we are concerned she is sexually active with this guy. She once didn’t come home till one at night (she wasn’t drunk, and she drove herself home) We also hear noises downstairs during the night, like this boy is sneaking in, we come to investigate, and her door is locked and it is completely silent. I am extreamly worried. She also has been eating allot, and she has been complaining of vomiting, and being to sick to got to school (I don’t know if these are pregnancy symptoms or not.) But we are concerned. I dont know what to think. Help me straighten out this teen.( She is also 16 years old)

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Concerned about my father-in-law’s health. Should my husband be concerned?

  • Posted on November 29, 2010 at 4:32 pm

My father-in-law is 72 and in very poor health. He was a 3 pack a day smoker when he was younger. He also has a history of alcoholism and using pot. He is a diabetic, has chronic heart failure, COPD, emphysema (unsure), and anorexia due to illness. He weighed around 175 pounds when I first met him over 5 years ago. He had open heart surgery in July of last year for a heart valve replacement. He was doing very well, until, he feel and broke 4 ribs in October. He suffered from the flu in December and has not been the same since. Today, my husband and I went to visit him for dinner. He was short of breath, wheezing, asthmatic symptoms, and producing large quantities of phlegm. I was a nursing assistant for 14 years before a back injury. I also had college courses to enter nursing school, but never finished because of family obligations. I am concerned that he is not eating regular meals. He drinks beer everyday on an average of 6-22 ounce cans. He has lost almost 30 pounds since his accident. He is literally just skin and bones. I believe what he is experiencing now is CHF symptoms. His breathing respiration was barely 12 breaths per minute. His coloring was very pale, he was taking chills, and color almost grayish. Should I have my husband talk to his father about seeing a doctor asap. I’m concerned this could be fatal if not tended to soon. Am I correct? A caring daughter-in-law.

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My daughter writes very morbid stories and I am concerned? ?

  • Posted on November 25, 2010 at 4:21 am

I am concerned about my daughter. She’s always had a gift for writing; she would win competition for her witty poems. The other day I discovered a book of hers with tons of stories in, so I though I would go through it, all of the stories turned out to be very morose, very melancholic stories. The stories were excellent, but frightening. One of the stories was about two girls who are best friends in high school who become lovers. One of the girls is being sexually abused by her step father. Her friend then kills the step father. The whole context of the story is about how the friend struggles and fights and the girls love for each other.

Another story is about two friends in high school again who run away together and engage in promiscuous behavior with boys, drink and use drugs. One of the girls get pregnant and the other suffers from depression, the story is about their challenges and how they eventually return home, both very different from when they left.

Another story is about a housewife, she has everything she ever wanted, but she is lonely. Until one day she sees an old friend of hers from high school. The friend suffering from drug addiction, depression and anorexia. The house wife leaves her life behind to rejoin her friend and re-live her youth. But ignores her friends many problems, the friend later dies and the housewife returns home.

These are just some stories out of the hundred I found. I am very concerned about my daughter. What should I do?

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I’m concerned about my Sons drinking and weight?

  • Posted on November 2, 2010 at 11:23 am

My son is 22, he is 6’0, an only 142 pounds. I have recently become very aware of his increasing alcohol abuse and alot of weight loss. He weighed about 170-180 about 2 months ago and his drinking has been gradually increasing. He lives with me an his step mom, Because he was laid off and had to move back in with us. He used to drink about once a week, Now he drinks EVERY day. He drinks around 1/2 a fifth to a full fifth of Absolute Vodka a day. He sometimes doesnt drink until around 7pm an sometimes he drinks as early as 10am Sense he started drinking heavily his 2 year relationship with his girlfriend has failed, he has lost an immense amount of weight and he doesn’t seem to care about himself, His beard is un-kept. He doesn’t hang out with his friends or have any interest in getting back together with his ex girlfriend. All he does is sit around the house, drink, and smoke. How can i talk to him about this….what should i do? I wont throw him out, so that’s out of the question. He’s a grown man an i don’t like telling him what to do, but me, my wife, an my daughter have all shown concern over him. He even went to her wedding rehearsal dinner highly intoxicated…
He takes the money for alcohol out of his savings account. He has not asked me or my wife for money sense he was 18 or so.

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I’m concerned about my Sons drinking and weight?

  • Posted on November 1, 2010 at 1:24 pm

My son is 22, he is 6’0, an only 142 pounds. I have recently become very aware of his increasing alcohol abuse and alot of weight loss. He weighed about 170-180 about 2 months ago and his drinking has been gradually increasing. He lives with me an his step mom, Because he was laid off and had to move back in with us. He used to drink about once a week, Now he drinks EVERY day. He drinks around 1/2 a fifth to a full fifth of Absolute Vodka a day. He sometimes doesnt drink until around 7pm an sometimes he drinks as early as 10am Sense he started drinking heavily his 2 year relationship with his girlfriend has failed, he has lost an immense amount of weight and he doesn’t seem to care about himself, His beard is un-kept. He doesn’t hang out with his friends or have any interest in getting back together with his ex girlfriend. All he does is sit around the house, drink, and smoke. How can i talk to him about this….what should i do? I wont throw him out, so that’s out of the question. He’s a grown man an i don’t like telling him what to do, but me, my wife, an my daughter have all shown concern over him. He even went to her wedding rehearsal dinner highly intoxicated…
He takes the money for alcohol out of his savings account. He has not asked me or my wife for money sense he was 18 or so.

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Should I be concerned for my 19 year old daughter or is this just normal??

  • Posted on September 20, 2010 at 9:22 am

My 19 year old daughter is a freshman at college. She took 4 courses worth 4 credits a piece and dropped one because she was failing it. Then was only taking 3 classes.

She ended up receiving a 1.7 GPA for her first semester.
I thought it was just that my daughter was having trouble transitioning to college life…but apparently I am wrong.

I recently found NUMEROUS photos of my daughter drunk on her facebook page as well as photo’s of her smoking marijuana. She has her car on campus and from what I’ve heard has been driving around to visit friend’s on other campus and has been drinking there as well.

My niece who everyone thought was going to be the “problem child” and who had a learning disability and struggled throughout high school and only got accepted to 1 university ended up receiving a 3.0 for her first semester!!
My sister tells me I need to be more concerned about my daughter. But, I as a mother feel that my daughter is in college and I should let her have the college experience and let her make her own mistakes in life.

I am concerned don’t get me wrong but this is her life and I don’t feel I should act like my sister and be overbearing like she is to her daughter.

My daughter also is only taking classes on Monday afternoons after 3PM and has no Friday classes. My sister told me that could be a sign of her planning on drinking and not having to worry about hangover’s on Monday mornings….

Could that really be the case??
Should I be more concerned with my daughter and what she is doing at college??
Or should I just let her have her college experience???

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Should I be concerned? I think his abusive ex uses the children to have a over-involved relationshipw/him.?

  • Posted on September 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

My boyfriend and I have a baby together and we live together. His ex-wife abused him when they were together and hid the entire pregnancy of their second child, from him sought no medical attention and binge-drank during this pregnancy. She primarily raised them when he was in the military and they appear to have behavioral traits that reflect low self-esteem. It is heartbreaking but not especially shocking considering the unsanitary and disheveled appearance they have when they return from their mothers’ home. He has them five days a week. I have an older child and have helped him care for these girls. This is partly because of the information I naturally had already from raising a child. Their mother continually engages in behavior that shows she is a very “passive” parent. She showed in interest in finding different pre-schools for them, When it came to Kindergarten, she showed no interest in finding or applying for a school or after-care program for her older daughter. She can’t be bothered to do basic things like treat her child for lice or consistently give her athlete’s foot medicine. I stepped in and assisted him with these things since he wasn’t. Ok. Nothing to be done about that.
My boyfriend gives me money but rarely helps with our baby. In the past five months, he has taken her on three walks. Sometimes he has managed to not see the baby for days at a time.
I asked him to go with me to a friend’s home for dinner he refused. However he agreed to go trick-or-treating with his ex-wife(which I argued with him overs so he didn’t). He went to her home for Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he attended a school birthday party w/her and was less-than forthcoming about the arrangement, then the next day he attended a pre-school event in the evening with her, that he didn’t tell me about even though I have often dropped-off and picked-up the girl from that school. His ex-wife tells him things that have nothing to do with the children. This include things such as; her brother’s girlfirend;s miscarriage, the last time she had sex, her own pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage last year. He then wonders why she calls him for trivial matters. He thinks nothing of talking to her late at night, or the two ofthem texting back and forth at odd hours. He gets annoyed that she calls him and tries to engage him in unnecessary conversation. I say he sends her mixed messages. She was married to him less than four years and still has his last name. I think he relates to her like when they were married-walking on eggshells. The children are exceptionally tired and cranky on the days their mother drops them off at school. He tells me he can’t talk to her about certain things because she will just lie(for ex. the time she gets them to bed), but then why hang around somebody so much that you feel that way about? He isn’t even sure if the child from the second pregnancy is his(his children lokk NOTHING alike), seeing as not only did she admittedly have an affair w/another soldier(one he knew) while her husband was in the ARMY, she took out a loan for this lover and put up the car her husband owned since before he knew her as collateral. She then asked her husband to repay it when the guy skipped out, and this guy may be the father of his second daughter that he is raising and that I have helped him with-he refuses to get a DNA test. I think he is in denial. With all that it seems pathetic that he works so hard to make sure the children have their mother(even though she appears distinterested) to the point where he doesn’t mind excluding me from social functions or obligating himself to them without consulting me. Seeing as she appears to be a very uninvolved parent, it seems all these arrangments and communication with her are excessive. I understand they have to havea civil relationship, but some of it appears just plain inappropriate and disproportionate considering her lack of passion when it comes to the children. She requested the divorce. He takes the girls to counseling and other activites and she does nothing. He does all this and wonders why she referred to him as her”best friend” on facebook. She also expressed regret of not being able to “go back” o what she had before. I think they are over-involved. Also, she has harasssed me in the past.
He has them five days/wk.
Actually Garnett, with all due respect….I am not questioning the acquisition of headlice. I pick the children up and I see for myself the condition the children are in. The children love me and they have behavioral problems at school that they complain about. Also the ex-wife with whom I have soken) wllingly made the arrangment for him to have them five days/wk. I havean older chil who isn’t beglected so why would I encourage him to neglect his children/. My baby with him is his child too. When he was thinking about putting them in counseling, I found different resources for him and he actually ended doing one of them.

For your attitude that appears so smug, where what University did you use when you acquired your PhD? His mother used to complain about the condition the children would present with and I didn’t assume anything until I saw it for myself. Also less than 1% of women hide pregnancies. I have known him for 17 yrs, I attended the baptismal party for her older
older child that she attended, she was 7 mths pregnant then and seeking no medical or alternative attention. Her mother and her identical twin with whom she was close and lived and worked with during part of his deployment and her pregnancy did not know about the baby. She binge-drank alcohol when she was pregnant and her husband stayed. Also, at least I am not giving out names and I am publicly asking advice, but instead of being helpful you are being hateful. I have children of my own. I don’t want his. His three year old kept complaining that “grabbed”her neck and the pre-school called CPS. Because the mother played nicety-nice, the case was dropped. Also, she has harassed me in the past, she only cemented his position on complaints. So, why don’t you reapproach with some more of that Southern Hospitality I hear about?
I think it is important to have a “civil relationship” for the kids. I think it is pathetic to use children as pawns to make a relationship where there is none. I am glad you have four well-adjusted adult children. I imagine you had the wherewithal to love them deeply and care for them properly. I imagine this included washing and brushing their hair at three and four years old. I also imagine you showed interest in where they went to school. You got too afford that I know a little of what I am talking about. It isn’t uncommon for an abuse victim to continue relating to the abuser the same way to avoid conflict even if the ultimate result is enabling.
Furthermore, while you are being so Puritanical, he actually asked me to marry him. I declined. While he is far from perfect his wife concealing a pregnancy is a strange occurence(less than 1%) of women. You have to afford I know a little of what I am talking about. He married her while she was a pregnant minor and stupidly-they offered him $10,000 extra for Basic training because of it.

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