You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'contrary'

Ask WHAT Instead of WHY

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Every now and then life throws us a curve-ball. This is unavoidable even for the most grounded and successful people. There are a number of causes of frustration and unhappiness, and one of these is the expectation that ‘everything should always go exactly as I want it to go’. Books on the subject of the Law of Attraction would have you believe that you CAN have everything your way all of the time, I’ve never seen this proven beyond a shadow of a doubt.

This is not to say that I’m not a fan of the Law of Attraction; on the contrary, I’m a big fan and I use the principles in my every day life. For the most part I am happy. I’m able to create the things I want and I’m living my life on purpose. But like everybody, I have days where I just want to cry out with frustration. We all have those days. The key to getting through them is to let go of your attachment to things being ‘just so’ all of the time.

One of the most common questions we can ask ourselves when things aren’t going quite as we had planned is ‘Why?’ This question can often leaves us feeling stuck and defeated, because the answer is usually something we don’t want to hear or acknowledge. The ‘why’ question very often finishes with the phrase ‘I don’t know.’ If they are not used correctly, ‘why’ questions can exacerbate the existing problem rather than assisting us to generate a solution. The ‘why’s are particularly prevalent among my weight loss clients. Here are some of the more disempowering ‘why’ questions:

* Why am I doing this?;
* Why did he do that to me?;
* Why me????’;
* Why Can’t I lose this weight?

When you ask these kinds of questions you often end up going around in circles. Many of my clients become stuck in victim mentality. They hang onto past hurts and resentments, continually asking ‘Why??’, and continuing to get the same answer. ‘I don’t know’. The truth is it’s likely that most times you will never know the answer to life’s mysteries. Most often we never really discover the real reasons why some things happen to us, so if we allow ourselves to become attached to finding that answer then it only causes more frustration, pain and emptiness.

Take weight loss for example. When I conduct the initial weight loss hypnotherapy consultation, I very rarely ask the client to describe her current eating habits. Whatever she’s doing, it’s not working; that’s why she’s come to see me. So from where I’m standing, asking the client about what she is doing now only serves to give the unwanted behavior more power and waste valuable time that could otherwise be used to discuss more positive strategies. Even if I was to engage the client in discussion of her current behavior, she would probably tell me: ‘I don’t know why I do it.’

‘Danielle’ found herself going around in circles. She was 50 kilos overweight and getting bigger every day. No matter what work we did together, she continued to hang onto her old behaviors. Each session she would earnestly say to me: ‘I don’t know why I keep doing this’. Unfortunately, ‘Danielle’ was looking to me to provide the answer and when I couldn’t, she went away deeming the therapy a ‘failure’. You can’t win’em all.

But all was not lost; my experience with ‘Danielle’ inspired me to focus on the solution rather than the problem with my clients. Remember, your subconscious mind gives you whatever you focus on. When focusing on solutions, I like to use ‘what’ questions, such as:

* What emotions are you feeling when you overeat?;
* What purpose does overeating serve you at the time?;
* What specifically are you willing to do differently to change your circumstances?

This last question is very important. At the end of the day, ‘Danielle’ continued with her old habits and behaviors because she was not willing to do something different. No amount of hypnosis can help a person who is not willing to change what they are doing. Now, I’m not saying we should never explore the reasons why people overeat and refuse to exercise. Diagnosis is an intrinsic part of my program.

What I AM saying is that most times we don’t need to know why we are behaving in a certain way in order to be able to move away from that behavior. We simply need to get ourselves out of that stuck mindset that says ‘because I have always done this in the past, this means I am destined to do it forever.’ So the next time you feel stuck, try a ‘what’ question instead. This will open your mind to creative solutions and inspire you to do something different. Here’s to positive change.

Sonia Devine is one of Australia’s leading experts in weight loss hypnotherapy. Want to learn more about how to achieve permanent weight loss? Claim your FREE Weight Loss E-book here => http://loveyourselfslim.com.au/free_stuff

Article Source: Ask WHAT Instead of WHY

  • Share/Bookmark

Meditation Techniques, Know about Effective Techniques for Meditation

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

What exactly is meditation? You ask people and they will very likely refer you to the internet to “Google” it. On the internet, you’ll find thousands of web pages defining the exercise of meditating and trying to explain it in their own terms. Unfortunately, a lot of these sites explain meditating in a very complicated and esoteric fashion…extremely difficult to understand and just plain boring.

First of all you have to find a comfortable and quiet place where you can meditate, this can be in your own home or anywhere outdoors that you feel comfortable, such as the country side, the beach or even your back yard. Make sure that you are in a comfortable position, either lying down or sitting, however you are more comfortable as this is very important to be able to relax and start the meditation.

The first technique that I would like to explain is called Dynamic Meditation. If the four stages in this simple meditation technique is followed correctly, you will have mastered a very effective meditative technique. Contrary to some beliefs, not all meditative processes involve only quiet, peaceful contemplation. As this technique demonstrates, some forms of meditation require a more loud and energetic approach! Each of the four phases in Dynamic Meditation last for ten minutes and require a different activity. In stage one, you will prepare you body to move freely. Breath deep and fast through your nose and move physically in any way that will increase the supply of oxygen to your lungs.

Meditation techniques that focus on one’s free flowing thoughts, reflection and observation are termed as “expansive”, while the ones that pay attention to only a specific object are called “concentrative”. For them to work, slip away to your own quite world that could be anywhere out of the post-card waterfall or monk monastery picture. All you need is a calm, nice and quiet place where you can let your mind concentrate. It could even be the bathroom, provided it is noise-free and you do not end up taking a luxurious bath instead.

Find a place that you are unlikely to be disturbed. It could be a bedroom, a garden or an open space with plenty of fresh air. Gentle background noises while you answer the question “how does one learn to meditate” are fine. A running stream, bird song or even crickets chirping are fantastic background noises. The sound of cars racing along a highway is less likely to give you the sense of calmness while you learn how to meditate.

The actual art goes back to Hindu and Buddhist traditions. The long and rich history will tell you that thousands of years ago, this was a technique practiced by nearly everyone in order to attain spiritual and psychological well being. Although the activity has definite religious or ritualistic roots, it has evolved into something that can be practiced by anyone, irrespective of religious affiliations. In fact, one can even say that meditation has attained the status of a secular practice with the object of ensuring general well being of individuals.

how do i get my son off drugs http://www.howdoigetmysonoffdrugs.com how do i get off drugs http://www.howdoigetoffdrugs.com best drug rehab clinic http://www.bestdrugrehabclinic.com best drug rehabilitation clinic http://www.bestdrugrehabilitationclinic.com

Article Source: Meditation Techniques, Know about Effective Techniques for Meditation

  • Share/Bookmark

Act As If: A Good TC Maxim

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:57 pm

“Act as if” is a basic concept for those who travel through the Therapeutic Community. This concept at first glance seems to run counter to the perceived wisdom of changing the way we think before we can change the way we act. But it requires at least an element of thinking that we can change the way we act before we embark on this course.

“Act as if” requires us to behave in a way that we would rather be, than the way we have been. We have all at some time put on an act of confidence when we feel like hiding in a hole. We may have attended a job interview where we feel inside that we may be out of our depth, or had to stand up in public and speak to a group of people when the butterflies start. But we take a deep breath and enter in to the part of acting confidently and we begin to adapt to the part.

Despite feelings to the contrary, we often “act as if” in our families and communities. It means keeping a right attitude and adopting shared values. It avoids stereotyping and discrimination and includes being self motivated and adopting an optimistic outlook about our future. George de Leon, whose work founded the Therapeutic Community model, suggests, “In the Therapeutic Community view, acting as if is not just an exercise in conformity but a powerful mechanism for making a more complete psychological change. Feelings, insights, and altered self-perceptions often follow rather than precede behaviour change”.

So, this means that trying a new role often leads us to embrace a new way of thinking. As we act on our desire to become, we reinforce the behaviours necessary for the new role. Act as if you already are, and you will become. The new role will start to fit and the need for acting as if will no longer be necessary. You become the person you want to be.

If you want to become a writer, start writing. If you want to be an actor, start acting (isn’t that what we are doing when we act as if?). If you want to change your self centred lifestyle, start helping others, become a volunteer. Want to be addiction free? Start acting as if you are already there.

Acting as if does not have room for the negative. There is no “I Can’t”, or “I am not good enough”. What do you want to become? You already know it. That still small voice inside will guide you. You will pick up the skills as you go along. This is ‘on the job’ training.

Positive feelings lead to positive actions. “Acting as if” is focusing on what is beneficial to us as well as others. So the order is ‘act as if, think as if, feel as if, believe as if’.

A variant of acting as if is the phrase, “do it right, then you will understand why you have been doing it wrong”. This helps to overcome scepticism. In particular, it speaks to those individuals who resist acting as if, often seeking intellectual understanding before they try to change.

This instruction directs us to go ahead and change the behaviour even before we understand why the change is good for us. It helps to bypass the question “What if?” and goes straight to the heart of the matter. More generally, by living right, we come to understand why we have been living wrong.

Alan Butler is a freelance writer. He has worked with recovering alcohol and drug addicts for the last 10 years. Three years were spent as a resident staff member on the Ovis Farm Project in North Devon England this is a Christian run Therapeutic Community. His interests are Internet Marketing, Walking and Grandparenting. He would welcome your comment on this article or any of the postings on http://www.therecoverycoach.co.uk

Article Source: Act As If: A Good TC Maxim

  • Share/Bookmark