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What should I do about my wife and her “friendship” with the father of her daughter?

  • Posted on May 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and she already had a 2 year old from her previous relationship. The guy is a drunk who beat her for a year in front of their daughter. He lives in the town over from us and sees his daughter when he wants to. He pays no support and can’t even drive to pick her up because he has two DUI’s and lost his license. He cried over my wife for a long time, but eventually we were married and now we have two kids together. He is still a drunk, and thinks he should call my wife when he has a problem that he can’t figure out himself, so he’ll get drunk and call, and my wife will talk to him trying to make him happy. He recently called drunk at 10am asking what to do, cause his parents wanted to commit him for being suicidal, but he was just drunk. I have told my wife I don’t want her talking to him about anything that doesn’t concern their daughter, that he doesn’t need to call her and vent his feelings to her. She seems to think this makes me a bad guy, and she can do what she wants. So she tries to be discreet about it. I ran to the store the other night to get us stuff, and when I got home she was on the phone with him, talking to him really gently, about stuff that did not concern their daughter. I see red when I think about it, I flipped. I sent him a message telling him to find his own wife to cry to. He calls when I was in the room with my daughter, all mad that I sent him that message, and my wife starts getting upset and crying. She seemed to be more upset that I upset him, than the fact that I was mad at her. I’m still mad at her, but she is just pretending like nothing happened, like we didn’t sleep in different beds. I don’t know what to do, she’s trying to be all lovey lovey with me, never said she was sorry (but she apologized for me on the phone to that bitc* when he called) but I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I don’t want to break my family up, but I won’t continue to put up with that.

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My step daughter has raked up old problems?

  • Posted on May 14, 2011 at 8:17 pm

….when I thought everything was OK. My step daughter is now 25 and I have lived with her father since she was 12. Her mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug addict and lived 300 miles away – no contact. When I and my 2 boys moved in everything was fine – she had a brother of 13 as well – so there were 4 kids. Then the weird stuff started to happen. I caught her pretending to cry in front of a mirror. She was always saying that my boys who were then 6 and 4, were trying to watch her when she got undressed. Loads of my stuff – jewellry (heirlooms), money from my family when they visited went missing and her brother got the blame. Cut a long story short – we thought she was jealous of me with her father and we tried to address it. She confided in a teacher who was also a friend of ours and between them my partner was ‘forced’ to let her foster my step daughter. A year went by and I approached her to make amends and to start being a family.
Her mother whom she had no contact with committed suicide. My partner and I were the first to be told by the police and we went and told s/daughter and brother personally and saw them through an emotional time. Next, her dad got nasty txts off her and a nasty letter bringing up the past but getting it ever so wrong. What does he do – confront her – ignore it – if he agrees with her then what? Why do you think she is doing this when we have been there for her through loads of probs over the last 8 years (when she left home). How can this be resolved?

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Like father like daughter??

  • Posted on May 13, 2011 at 10:17 pm

I’m 13, in 8th grade. Okay, so I was at a party last night and I wasn’t wasted, but I was tipsy. I was dancing with this guy and this jealous girl came up to me and saw me holding a drink and said “Like father like daughter.” I got sooo offended though I tried to shake it off. My dad got in some crazy stuff in Dartmouth. Where I live it’s pretty infamous. My dad only drinks at things like corporate events and fancy dinners, and I’m nothing close to an alcoholic, I only drink at parties.

Can alcoholic-ness (or whatever) be genetic in any way? Or can alcohol abuse patterns exist in families?
Oh, and my mother or daddy don’t know I’m out at these parties, or drinking. They can’t even talking to each other.
And I can stop drinking when I want, and I never drink alone. Like if my dad is out, I don’t go rummaging through his liquor cabinet. I associate that with kids that have hit rock bottom. I only do it at parties, and have a maximum of the drinks, even if I want more. I’m still a really smart girl.
When I was 12 and drank, it was after I learned my close friend committed suicide. I went to a party and got so wasted I puked. I’ve never drank that much since.

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Is leaving your daughter in a bar a felony?

  • Posted on May 13, 2011 at 12:17 am

My ex made me watch my daughter last night because she had to work. I already had plans to go to the bar and get plastered with my friends. Let me say, first that I am a proud and functioning alcoholic. Scotch and craft beer are my life. Anyhow, I brought her with me and left her sitting at a table while we just got sloppy drunk. She fell asleep and I stumbled to my car and miraculously made it home. Anyhow I got a million messages last night that I just recovered this morning. Two from the police and about 20 from my ex. No charges are pressed yet, but is there potential for it? It won’t be the first time I’ve been arrested due to my drinking, but I’m worried that because my daughter was involved I may be facing tougher charges. I don’t see the big deal, my daughter was fine. Teaches my ex to dump her on me with such short notice I guess

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10 pts. If I was your daughter would you ever forgive me for my mistake?

  • Posted on May 12, 2011 at 3:23 am

(Sorry its so long but I made the biggest mistake in my life)

I’m Angela and I’m 16 years old and my sister is Heather and she’s 15. Last Friday night I went to a house party at my best friend’s house and I invited my sister along. She’s had never been to a party and I go every week, she’s the good daughter in the family.

I told our dad we were going out to the movies with my friends and sleeping over at my friends house for the weekend. He didn’t want to but finally agreed because my sister was coming with me. He dropped us off at the theater and my boyfriend picked us up and drove us to the party.
There was alcohol and drugs at the party and my sister promised not to drink or do drugs, she knows me and my bf drink alcohol and smoke weed. There was over 80 people at the party, most of them were from our high school. Heather stuck with me and my boyfriend most of the night but then my bf wanted to go to the motel cause the house was too crowded and I told my sister I was leaving, she BEGGED me not to leave but I told her it would just be for an hour and that I’ll be back.
I left her alone just to go have sex with my bf. We left to a motel and were gone for more than two hours and when we got back to the party my friend said my sister had gotten drunk and left with some man.

I was drunk and high and couldn’t think straight, my bf drove me back home and I told my dad EVERYTHING that happened and he was really pissed off. He kicked my bf out of the house and after making a call to the police station my dad pulled me out of the house and into the car with him.
We drove to the same motel me and my bf were in earlier and he told me to wait in the car, after talking with a cop who was outside of the motel he went over to a room with the cop. Minutes later he walked out with my sister in his arms, she was unconscious, she only had bed sheets wrapped around her.
The cops arrested a 35 year old man who admitted to say he slipped a roofie (the “date rape drug”) in her drink and brought her to the motel and raped her. No one knew what the man was doing at the party, no one knew him. Later the police found out he had raped 3 other girls before.
I know it was my fault for leaving her alone when she wanted me to stay. My dad told me yesterday morning I was going back to juvie. I’ve been in juvie three times already, once for drugs, once for stealing a car and once for running away with my bf.
My sister was in the hospital all day saturday and brought back home sunday. I wanted to talk to her and apologize but she didn’t want to see me, my dad didn’t let me get close to her.

She HAS to know I’m sorry for being such a bad sister. She was a virgin and I caused for her to be raped for being selfish. I can’t eat, sleep or stop crying, I need to talk to her before I’m put I’m juvie on friday. My probation officer said I’ll have to stay in juvie for TWO YEARS for breaking my probation by doing drugs.
I know that’s where I belong, I’m a bad person and need to stay away from my sister to keep her safe with my dad. Our mom works ALL the time and we hardly ever see her, maybe once every two weeks, my mom came back and she told me she wished I was never born because I’m always causing trouble. I know she’s right.
Everything would be better without me here. I feel like if I’m dying inside, I have so much pain in me and no one in my family to comfort me, my dad doesn’t want to talk to me either. I hate myself for having this happen to her. My bf and friends try to comfort me but its not helping at all.

How can I apologize to my family, what can I say?

Will they ever forgive me?

Any advice???

I made all my mistakes for being in a gang, there is no way out, my bf is the gang leader and we love each other. I don’t think I can live with myself if they never want to see me again, I need help knowing what to do. My bf wants me to run away to Mexico with him, he doesn’t want me to be in juvie for two years, we love each other so much and I don’t know if I should go, if I go I won’t be able to come back and see them ever again.

I posted this question yesterday also, I don’t know what I’m exactly looking for, I know there is nothing that will change what happened.

Plz if you are parents, what would you do if I was your daughter???

Plz help!
The reason why I was writing a story is because I was writing about what I was going through! My mom was my child psychologist and she tried to help me out but it didn’t work, I was in too deep in the gang to get out.
I’m a good student in school, I just can’t deal with life outside, my english teacher is the only adult who tries to help me, he understands me but I haven’t been able to tell him about what happened, I haven’t been to school.

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Very Serious answers please re: daughter 27?

  • Posted on May 12, 2011 at 2:17 am

Serious Opinions please…re: daughter 27 yrs old?
My daughter has been w/her BF and engaged 2gether 4 11 yrs. 1 child going on 10, 1, 1yrs old.

My daughter (molly) left her BF home & rented an apt. no power, she can’t take her kids w/o power. Father/daycare is doing it. Dad, IM’d me last nite & said, I will do anything, I told her that., I need her want her, I miss her, I told her when she came back 1st time tell me molly if I screw up, show me, he said, she left, went to the park that day, she was quite and I didn’t think much she left that night and never came back, she is in contact w/her kids everyday, but last night killed me when he said KK was saying mama mama ca ca mama he said she misses her and I said, molly please come by and put KK to bed w/me and that is it then U can do what U want, she said I can’t, she told me that her baby that is 1 has never been away from her and she is dieing inside missing her, but, she said I have to do what I have to do. Please just accept it mom, don’t judge me, I have to do this. (I would understand, if she was ALONE trying and thinking, but he is staying w/her and the Dad stopped by her apt/last nite and he said molly come to the door and talk w/me, her 1/2 brother started running her mouth & the dad said U know I did right back. Like the dad said, he (the 1/2 bro. has nothing to loose, the dad said we lose not him. I just found out that the 10 yr old knows and this is going to destroy her (she is very dramatic), molly just told me she will be getting the kids when the power comes on perhaps wed.
Now, she left about 1 wk ago & stayed in apt. 4 6 hrs, went back to her BF at 2:30 am that morn. Now her 1/2 brother is staying w/her to make her feel safe, she don’t & won’t be alone. I keep trying to tell her to go C the baby tonite she said I saw her this morn. I think she is jumping the gun on this.
for over 6 months, things have been bad, not physical, just words and him being a jerk, now he knows he shouldn’t of, but he kept telling her pack your fJ&&** bags get 2 F#$ out. she would call me crying & crying and I did tell her, Molly, U have to make this decision, she said Mom, I wish U would just tell me what 2 do, I said I can’t. Went to C the same Landlord got credit and a 1 bedrm @ this time.
About her 1/2 brother, he is almost 40, has nothing, he is an alcoholic and is staying w/her until she gets power, but, I think Molly should B by herself to go over what just happened, I mean how can she throw away 11 years and 2 kids? They have been physical w/ea. other in the past yrs ago, not now.
I feel her 1/2 brother should leave and let her B, she says, MOM, stop it, I am 27. (she has never ever been on her own, went from ME to HIM. Now that she has left him, she still isn’t alone, she is w/her 1/2 bro.
Molly always put her family 1st, she is a cna, works @ the same job over 7 yrs, never been in a bar, she didn’t drink or smoke, good girl, I told her so many times I am so proud of U.
Now, she is drinking w/her 1/2 bro, smoking too.

I no she is 27, she will not go 2 a counselor, she said mom just support me, but I feel she should put more thought into this, so it is hard to do. And the kids, OMG<
Should I say something to her 1/2 bro?? She will have a fit! and then some
Should I just stay out of it and see where the chips fall?
should I just be here if she needs me?

And really what do U think of a 1/2 bro, that she has only been close to for less than a yr, and never hung out w/or saw in years?

Please serious replys I wouldn’t request that, but 2 children are involved, please advise me, perhaps, U know of something I could say to my daughter to open her eyes?

Please help
thank you
Please before you anwser, consider that the 1st 2 people were really ignorant and hurtful. People come on here for answers, that is the name answers.
It only shows that some people are just cruel!

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what should I do about my family disowning me over this and not losing my daughter forever too?

  • Posted on May 11, 2011 at 4:17 am

Here’s a little history,am hoping someone can help me and help me to make sense of everything.I am 30 years old.I have a 13 year old daughter that my father and my step-mother have custody of and have had since my daughter was 2 months old.I had lost custody because when I was 17 and living with my mother,my mother screamed at my baby,so badly I screamed at my mother that threw me out.I was still in school,my mother had forced me to marry at 15 since my mother didn’t want me and also too,to escape abuse. My daughter’s father had walked out on us,and so I had noway to take care of a baby or anywhere else to go. My father and step-mother took in my daughter.Well my step-mother’s son when I was 14 raped me ,he died from an OD about 9 years ago,and when I told my family about it,my step mother that was in denial about it all, she threw me out and hasn’t allowed my dad to have a relationship with me and that includes not allowing me there to see my daughter,which I have visitation rights to.
Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, she is very nasty to me,to the point I cry every time I hang up with her. My daughter has said horrible rumors about me,which aren’t true,that either my father or step-mother are telling her.I have told my daughter, I plan to go to court to make them enforce visitation,because now I am in a financial situation to be able to do so,where in the past I wasn’t..My daughter has said, she wants nothing to do with me and I know it’s from them turning her against me.
Well a month ago,my mother that lives with my brother,his wife and 2 kids,kept screaming and cussing my 2 year old nephew,telling him she hates him and hitting him over and over just for staring at her.She went on a good 10 minutes screaming and hitting him for that,which I finally talked her into walking away,that my husband heard it on speaker phone and my husband told me,we need to call social services. I didn’t want to go that route, but I have seen my mom be down right mean to my nephew once before and had tried talking sense into her and it did no good.
My husband brought up a point to me that,if I didn’t call social services,that if anything bad happened to my nephew,ie, mental problems or to be hurt physically hurt, that we’d never forgive ourselves.So we called social services and the social worker that went there to investigate the situation,couldn’t find anything wrong because they waited a week to respond after us reporting it.Anyhow, the social worker gave the time frame it had been reported and infurred so many things,my mother knew it was me.She changed her phone number,has diwonwed me and I called my father today and he said he is disowning me too because supposedly my daughter got a 15 page letter of me bad mouthing my father and I truly haven’t written anything,which leads me to believe,my mother had to of done it.
She has turned my siblings against me and apparently my father even more so and I sit here and cry,wondering where I went wrong.When I tried to explain to my dad there was never any letter from me,he got nasty and said,your whole family disowns you.He said,that’s just the way life goes. I am sad because my daughter hates me due to what my father has allowed my step-mom to do for 13 years.They have never allowed my daughter to write or call me.
You know I have forgiven my family for a lot.My mother and father knew my grandfather was sexually abusing me as a child and never did anything about it.My dad that use to be an alcoholic, beat my siblings and I daily and my mother left us kids and my dad when I was 11 to be with the man she had an affair with. There was never any discipline as far as them allowing my 2 older brothers to beat me daily,to the pont of breaking my bones, almost putting my eye out,or beating me daily and leaving bruises. However,I am not angry because I realize they’ve got their share of problems, but I am truly sad,because although I have forgiven everything and never once threw their faults in their face, they’re so hurtful to me,and I wish I knew what more to do.
Yes it’;s a toxic relationship that I should let go of,but is so hard when they’ve got my child. By the way, the judge did a court order for my dad to get custody,I fought it for 6 years but the judge denied me getting her back, due to the fact I wasn’t making enough money to support us both. After 6 years, I thought I could wait for my daughter to go to court and tell the judge herself and fight for better visitation if she wanted to stay there.However,I never would’ve thought in a million years they would not allow me there and to have turned her against me.Please someone can you offer good advice?Thank you
wow,I have never in my life done drugs,nor did I allow for him to get custody but the judge granted him the custody. Wow, so judgmental and quick to throw insults to me,when sometimes it’s cards that are delt at you.And maybe my life did suck,but I am improving it but thank you for such insults and judgment

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what should i tell my daughter about my father?

  • Posted on May 10, 2011 at 6:17 am

i kept my pregnancy hidden form my father till i was 7months. i knew he would not be supportive, because my BF is black & we aren’t married. needless to say when i told him, he asked me if i even knew who the father was, he told me i was stupid & that i “better not give THAT baby HIS last name.” i haven’t spoken to him hardly since my daughter was born (she is almost 7months). he did give my daughter (along w/my nephews) $500 for christmas. however, he still doesn’t acknowledge her at all. it’s very uncomfortable because all of my family & i are extremely close & love my daughter so much. then there is my dad, he is so awesome with my nephews & i don’t want my daughter to see that & wonder what is wrong with her. another thing is that he is a “functioning alcoholic,” so he will go off at the drop of a hat & i don’t want him to make any racial comment toward her, cuz my BF will physically hurt him. should i try to let him get to know her or just avoid him all together?
ohh john that was good! i did put the money in her account.
zesty, he is very protective of his daughter, as most decent dads are. he does not have anger issues.

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Very Extremely concerned about daughter and this guy?

  • Posted on May 9, 2011 at 9:22 am

Okay she has been leaving the house without telling me, and My partner has once seen her in town with this guy that we have forbidden her to date (shes open to other guys, but she just wants this jerk) I saw a discarded pregnancy test wrapper in her room once, and we are concerned she is sexually active with this guy. She once didn’t come home till one at night (she wasn’t drunk, and she drove herself home) We also hear noises downstairs during the night, like this boy is sneaking in, we come to investigate, and her door is locked and it is completely silent. I am extreamly worried. She also has been eating allot, and she has been complaining of vomiting, and being to sick to got to school (I don’t know if these are pregnancy symptoms or not.) But we are concerned. I dont know what to think. Help me straighten out this teen.( She is also 16 years old)

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My 17 year old daughter was busted for “selling alcohol to minors”?

  • Posted on May 9, 2011 at 8:17 am

She worked as a part-time cashier for Foodlion as an after-school job. She was preoccupied checking out customers one afternoon (it was very busy and she had a long line) and some kid brought up a can of what seemed to be one of those energy drinks and she rang it through without thinking about it. It turned out that the “customer” behind the young man was an undercover agent and what the young man had purchased was an alcoholic drink. (I’m Mormon, I don’t drink alcohol, and I don’t even know what it was or how to identify it. My daughter didn’t know what it was, either.) She got fired from her job, of course, and came home in tears. I was so sad for her, because she loved her job and loved to work.

My daughter is pretty much a responsible girl, although a little naive. She has never been in trouble before. She gets pretty decent grades in school and was planning on going into the army–in fact, she had an appointment with the recruiter this Thursday.

Well, anyway, we had to go to court. This was an utter goat-rope of gigantic proportions. I was trained as a paralegal and yet I never imagined that court would be like this! There was about 300 people of all ages crammed into the courtroom and they had to form a line around the room to make their way up front and plead their case. When it was her turn, we got to this guy who pulled her file and said that she could plead guilty and pay a fine, or go to a juvenile rehab program for which I was to pay $300. Those were our only options. I asked about the option of pleading not-guilty and he just kind of fumbled around and stuttered for a while, and said we could come back to court on another day. He didn’t say when.

Well, sorry, I was a single parent, I spent 2 1/2 months out of work this summer because I was laid-off from my job and had hell trying to find another, and I didn’t have $300 to give to juvenile rehab programs, especially when my daughter doesn’t need rehab. She needs to concentrate on finishing her last year of highschool and go on to her career.

I spent the last couple of months trying to find work and now that I have a job, I can’t afford to take days off to fool around. My time being unemployed caused me to be late on my bills–now I have bill collectors ringing me up all day. I came awful close to being homeless this summer–my church paid my rent for me.

Well, this was back in August. It’s December now and I just got home from work and met my crying daughter at the door. It seems that the sherriff came by to let her know that she would be going to jail tomorrow. What the freak?!! She’s just a little 17-year-old kid and all. Where’s the justice in this?! I now have to take a precious day off work to figure out what I am going to do.

The undercover cop is sitting back all smug and snotty saying he was just doing his job. I can’t stand this.

What can I do?
It was a sting operation, the “customer” and the undercover cop were acting together

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