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Future step daughter is disrespectful to me, how do I deal?

  • Posted on April 8, 2011 at 4:17 am

I’d like to hear from step daughters mostly as to how I can make things better. I’m willing to do whatever it takes but I’m at my whits end and stressed to the max. I’m sure my future step daughter is feeling an equal amount of stress based on her actions. Here are the facts. I’m 31, my FH is 44 and my FSD is 25. My husband and his Ex divorced about 13 years ago. He raised his daughter by himself and she doesn’t have a good bond with her mother so her father says. FSD is married and has a 3 month old son. Her father and I got engaged about 3 months ago and it’s been total drama ever since. She will not speak to me when I greet her or say bye. She complains about the food I cook for parties stating she doesn’t eat Mayo, which is a lie. At her brothers wedding she told her father I couldn’t sit with him because we weren’t married. Although her grandfathers live-in GF was seated with him and honored with a corsage. She insisted her father gets a prenup (which I will gladly sign) but I’m not certain that’s her business. Her father confronted her about her rudeness and not speaking. She told him she didn’t even realize I was saying hey to her (he’s seen it happen first hand). I FEEL like I’ve been more than nice to her and her family. I cancelled a vacation we had planned because I feared we would miss the birth of her son. I attended her baby showers (which were for family and I’m surprised I was invited as family but excluded from the wedding for not being family). I bought her son a babies first christmas ornament and included his picture from minutes after he was born and gave it to her the same day he was born. (yep that took a little juggling to do but I thought it was a nice gesture). I made her husband and her a movie basket for Christmas with movie rental gift card and tons of goodies to munch on while they were at home with the new baby. Didn’t even get a thank you. Bought her baby a little valentines treat, okay he can’t eat but I bought burp clothes, etc. Didn’t even get a thank you. Volunteered for her dad and I to babysit on Valentines night so she and her husband could enjoy a romantic dinner out. She declined and didn’t even say thanks for the thought. She says that her dad doesn’t NEED her anymore. However neither one of them make an attempt to be around the other when I’m not there. My fiance doesn’t work on Fridays, I do, and his daughter doesn’t work. I’ve suggested that he take her to lunch or breakfast every Friday but he just says that’s a good idea and nothing happens. I’ve suggested that maybe she could cook him dinner one evening, we don’t live together so she could have his undivided attention any evening. Her father does not like her husband because he is supposedly an alcoholic and drug addict that didn’t complete rehab. I’m not sure about this, he SEEMS like a wonderful father and husband. However my fiance is not as polite and welcoming to his son-in-law as he could be. I’ve explained that this is a two way street and that he must treat her husband with respect if he expects her to treat me with respect. My fiance has tried to talk to his daughter but things aren’t getting any better, possibly worse even. My parents are not divorced so I can not begin to understand how my FSD feels from that standpoint. And I do understand how she feels regarding the prenup, etc. She has every right to feel that way but she should still treat me with respect IMO. Please offer any advice you can, I have always wanted a big family and so very much want this to work out.

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How should I feel about disrespectful, out of control pregnant 18 yr old daughter?

  • Posted on October 1, 2010 at 9:25 am

My daughter is 18 and is 3 months pregnant. Since she turned 16, her father and I have had numerous problems with her. We have found 3 liquor bottles hidden in her room, driving drunk, LYING, cussing us, the list goes on and on. Her boyfriend, the father of her child, is a LOSER. Their relationship began around 4 years ago. They dated for a little over a year and then broke up. After they broke up he dropped out of High School during his senior year, wouldn’t work, and got mixed up in drugs. A few months later my daughter wanted to get back with him and my husband and I would not let her date him. Periodically throughout the next few years she would sneak out to see him. Because of him and all the problems listed above we have taken her to 3 therapists, none of which seemed to help. As soon as she turned 18, she advised us that she would be with him and if we didn’t let her then she would move out. We gave in and let her see him as advised by the last therapist.
I took her in January to the gyn dr. and she was put on birth control. I have had many talks with her regarding sex, pregnancy and how it would affect her life. So we find out 3 months ago she is pregnant by this LOSER. She moved out and now lives with him in his mother’s basement. He still doesn’t have a job. Everytime we bring it up she gets defensive. She has said so many hurtful things to us. We love her so much and miss her tremendously. We are filled with so much dissappointment, sadness, and anger. I hope their is someone out there that has been in or heard of a similar situation and can give us advice. Did we as parents do all we could to prevent this? We talked to her, put her on birth control, which she ran out of without my knowledge, took her to therapists, and most of all loved her. She has no remorse about anything. She even seems happy about being pregnant. She thinks we are the ones with the problem. Thank you in advance for any advice you might have.

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