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Top 5 Strategies – How to Communicate With Your Children’s Other Parent

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 10:39 pm

I heard a journalist say recently that “there’s a vicious and respect less way of communicating that’s reserved exclusively for the ‘divorced with children’”. Ouch, that hurt! Probably because it’s so true. It doesn’t have to be like that and for the sake of building a bridge with our children’s other parent here are some ground-rules for practicing how to play fare. (For the sake of ease here, I’m going to assume that we’re talking about divorce or separation and that the children have residence with their mum; their dad having moved to a separate home).

1. Focus on the Present and the Future
Conversations between separated Mums and Dads about the past often get heated, stressed and even dangerous. Ideally, you want to get to a point where your communication is calm and actively contributes to a positive future. If you have unresolved issues relating to your past relationship, you must find a way to process these independently to your conversations with your ex. Find a good counselor, a qualified friend or family member (i.e. they know how to keep you moving forward and are not going to spend time just agreeing with you), or an anger-management therapist – whoever it is, work through your feelings about your ex-partner in a constructive and forward-focused way in your own time.

2. Focus on the Children’s Wellbeing
Remember that regardless of what you think about your child’s other parent, your child loves you both and is not a pawn. Try to encourage a good relationship with their dad after he’s moved away and build up the time your children spend with him to a level where everyone’s happy. Initially it may be that the children just want to be in familiar surroundings for the majority of the time. Encourage and equip them to talk about how they feel and be aware not to manipulate or colour their thinking. Asking what they want is a good start, however sometimes they will have to be stretched out of their comfort zone (like they may just have to go and spend the weekend at Dad’s flat) for the long-term benefit of all their relationships.

3. Give Yourself a Time Limit for Conversations
If you find that your tolerance level for being civil to your ex-partner is limited, then make sure you only talk in short blocks of time. Practice, ‘doing diaries’ in under 10 minutes. If you feel yourself start to get anxious, then suggest that ‘we look at this again next week’.

4. Get Comfortable With Not Concluding
Not all conversations about our children have to be concluded right now. Try to plan ahead when negotiating access, holidays, saving for gifts, having your children be at their friend’s parties, etc. Mention ahead of time that you’d like to take the children to Cornwall, or you want to have them visit their Granny on her birthday. This will allow time for both parties to consider the benefits for the children and to consider what a compromise or re-negotiation might look like.

5. Be Respectful
Challenging though it might be, talking to your ex with respect is the best way to begin to change things for the better. I know how hard this can be – especially in the early days; but it will get easier with practice and persistence. You owe it to yourself and to your children and ultimately it will reduce anxiety and increase happiness all round.

Jennifer Broadley is a qualified executive coach and the founder of www.SuccessfulSingleParenting.com
For more information and a FR*EE Special Report “ The 5 Secrets for Successful Single Parenting” visit: www.SuccessfulSingleParenting.com

Article Source: Top 5 Strategies – How to Communicate With Your Children’s Other Parent

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Anti-Snoring Devices that Work

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 7:15 am

Hearing a person who snores can be amusing, it can even be funny. But if you are living with someone who snores, a relative or a family member perhaps, then the sound might become very disturbing. If you cannot get a good night sleep and always wake up several times in the middle of the night by a sound that can be as loud as a lawnmower or a jet engine in action, then you should be thinking of anti snoring devices as a solution to the problem.

Here are popular anti snoring devices you can buy for your family member and stop him from disturbing your sleep:

• Anti snoring pillow

One of the reasons why people snore is because they have an improper sleeping position. This causes the air passage to stretch and tighten making it more difficult for air to come in and out. To solve this, there are anti snoring pillows that relax your airways and maintain the right sleeping position to prevent a person from snoring throughout the night.

• Throat spray

One natural remedy to stop snoring is the snoring spray. Formulated with natural ingredients, snoring spray contains essential oils that when sprayed on the throat, provide a lubrication that reduces that amount of vibration, hence effectively reduce snoring. However, it is ironic that when throat spray is used frequently, it can lead to more snoring.

Before using throat spray, the doctor’s evaluation on the patient is necessary to avoid any other complication.

• Nasal dilators

Usually made of stainless steel coil or plastic, nasal dilators help keep the air passage open which cut down the throat’s vibration which leads to snoring. Nasal dilators are used by inserting it into the nostrils.

• Nasal strips

Like nasal dilators, nasal strips are used to open the airways on the nose and keep the right amount of airflow during sleep. Nasal strips are often made of plastic. This is one of the more popular anti snoring devices since it is cheap, safe, and effective. In fact, nasal strips are used by athletes for better airflow and respiratory efficiency while playing.

• Sleep Position Monitor

This device emits a beeping noise to alert the snorer when he shifts to a position where snoring usually occur (sleeping on their back). However, if you are a relative of a snorer and would want his snoring to stop, then this device may become a whole new problem. But, the aim of this device is not to replace the snorer from keeping you a wake in the middle of the night. Instead, it is there to create a brand new sleeping habit.

Once the snorer starts to sleep on his side, the sleep position monitor can be removed.

• Snore ball

Snore ball is placed at the back of the snorer (inside his pajama). When he changes his sleeping position from side to back, the snore ball emits discomfort, a.k.a. pain. In other words, it prevents the snorer from sleeping on his back. It might not be the device a person wants to feel in the middle of the night but some really need it in order to change his sleeping position for good. Some people use golf balls, baseballs or tennis balls as snore balls.

All these anti snoring devices can prevent a person from snoring, however, snoring can be caused by other medical condition that may need medical attention. To be safe, have your relative or family member be checked by a doctor to know exactly what treatment does he need.

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Article Source: Anti-Snoring Devices that Work

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Does Travel Cause You Back Pain? – Here’s How to Avoid It…

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

The old saying goes: “Vacations are fun, but traveling is a pain in the neck!” Actually, traveling can be an even bigger pain in the back.

The stress of making plans, packing the essentials, getting to the airport on time, waiting to check in and the whole security scenario really pack a tough one-two psychological punch to the low back.

Then there’s the physical stress and strain of lifting bags, dragging them through the parking lots and airport, carrying all those over-stuffed carry-ons with gifts and paperbacks.

But the number one complaint by plain, train and automobile travelers – when describing the onset of their back pain – is sitting for too long. Airplanes and even trains advertise that their seats were ergonomically designed by specialists to properly support to low back and neck during travel. But I know the one’s I sit in feel horrible. And it’s not only me… people complain about them all the time, and their continuous pain gives them fair reason.

Luckily, the pain associated with travel can be greatly reduced, and in many cases avoided, with these simple tips:

- To reduce stress-induced muscle cramping and pain in the neck, shoulders and low back, it is advisable to plan your trip well in advance, pack two days before, load suitcases in the car the night before, use online check-in to reserve your seat, and check your bags at the curb. These seemingly little things can reduce the stress and anxiety of rushing around, waiting in lines, and dragging bags. If planned and executed well, the low back pain associated with stress can be avoided.

- Only pack what is absolutely necessary for your carry on. Each family member gets one carry on, plus a purse (for ladies). To avoid the neck and shoulder strain of lugging these around, and of trying to place them into and remove them from the overhead compartment, the lighter the better.

- The poor seating designs of most travel vehicles cause back pain due to incorrect support of the spine, and forward pitching of the shoulders. To avoid this, always bring a small pillow, or use one that is offered and place it behind your low back or neck for support. If I can’t find an in-flight pillow to use, I will roll up my jacket or even the inflight magazines, and use them as supports. Seated posture is so important for preventing strain to the spine, and pain to the neck, shoulders and low back that by whatever means… find and use a support.

- Be sure to remain well hydrated during your travel time. One of the most basic, yet common, causes of pain is dehydration. Not having enough fluid in the body to keep the body cool, the blood moving, the muscles supple and the tendons relaxed. Not only must you drink plenty of water, but you must also avoid coffee, tea and soda during travel, as these all cause you to sweat, urinate… to dehydrate.

- If you are taking a long drive, train ride or flight, be sure to get up and move every hour. Simply standing up for a few minutes and doing some light stretching, twisting or bending will help keep you limber, relaxed and the blood moving in and out of the muscles. And when the blood does not move or moves too slowly, the muscles and tendons become tight and painful!

- And lastly, be sure that when lifting bags, holding children and reaching for items that you plant your feet flat for support and bend from the knees. Incorrect lifting or over-reaching for items is one of the most common causes of back pain… and one of the easiest to avoid.

Travel does not have to be as stressful or painful as many of us make it out to be. If we plan well, execute well and take care of our bodies while in transit… the trip will be painless. And what better way to relax on vacation or arrive on business after travel, than stress free, hydrated, supple and… pain free!

Dr Wiley is Editorial Manager at The Healthy Back Institute. For more FREE back pain articles and videos, go to http://www.losethebackpain.com/backpainvideos.html

Article Source: Does Travel Cause You Back Pain? – Here’s How to Avoid It…

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Things to remember before working as a nanny

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Are you looking for a job as nanny, and then you are likely to need to go on several interviews and meet with new families face to face. A nanny interview is different from other job interviews in that you will likely be going to someone’s private home rather than a business location. So it is important to keep your safety in mind while still being open to having a positive experience. What follows are safe interviewing tips for a nanny post.

Keep People Aware

Always leave someone else – a friend or a family member – know where you will be and at what time you will be there. Give information such as the address of the family’s home or the location where you will be meeting, the time the nanny interview will be starting, and the time you expect to be finished

Perform a Background Check

Always go for a background check on one or both parents before your nanny interview. From this you can learn a great deal about the family and can judge whether they are legitimately looking for a nanny and if they will be a safe family with which to work. Collect as much information you could to be on the safer side.

Ask Questions

As a nanny you will be working closely with the family as their nanny. Therefore, don’t be afraid or shy to ask questions about the family and to listen carefully to their answers. If you feel uncomfortable about any of their answers, then you want to reconsider working as their nanny.

Conclusion

After having many cross checks and ensuring your safety you can come to a conclusion whether to be a nanny for that particular family or not.

Charles is an expert author, who is presently working on the site nanny services. He has written many articles in various topics. For more information about nanny jobs.Visit our site nanny agencies. Contact him at noblenanny.articles@gmail.com

Article Source: Things to remember before working as a nanny

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Aspire To Be Yourself

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:05 pm

In the everlasting journey called life, human beings are almost amusing in a strange kind of way. Most people think and believe that they have to “live up” to another family member, relative, or screen idol. Some even have become envious or jealous of popular celebrities and want or even aspire to look, think, and act and be like the famous stars of the silver screen. TV ads and commercials tell us that we “need” those particular services and products to “make” us look better, think better, feel better and smell better. Because of this, some people have become so obsessed in their desire and constant search for perfection that they lose sight of who they really are in the first place.

One of the most unusual ideologies of most individuals is that they truly believe that they could literally “alter” or “transform” themselves into another person. Other societal influence is exhibited and displayed by models and almost perfect celebrities—as they all possess those seemingly unreachable physical attributes, with matching innate self-confidence to boot. But the bottom line is: no one is born perfect and not all actors and models have flawless face and bodies. Not all people are born with fabulous hair and smooth and great skin. So what do we do about it—we improvise and then we compromise. We improvise or experiment with makeup, clothing, products, and services and so on.

We compromise ourselves in the process though, because we become no longer “true” to our inborn natural form. And people who think and feel that they “should” actually alter themselves to look like other person, is moreover an issue of self esteem—or lack of it. The best and most successful goal in life is to “aspire to be yourself.” Okay, now try looking at yourself in the mirror. Ask that person the following questions: 1.) What defines me as a person and what are my goals in life? 2.) What do I want to do and am I happy with my self? 3.) How do I wish others to see me? 4.) What are my aspirations and dreams? 5.) Am I even confident with my self? 6.) Do I really “need” to alter or transform myself? 7.) What more can I do to be happier and most significantly, do I even know where am I going in my life? When you begin to aspire to be you, one does not need to compare for other personalities.

In aspiring to be you, there are no paradoxes. A person has to merely look within to find her/his distinct definition of life and how he/she expresses himself/herself in the community. When you begin to aspire being you, you don not have to be a superhero or a rich and famous celebrity. Just be yourself—in body, mind and spirit. Aspire to be like yourself, the gift of nature to mankind. When you aspire to be you, it is how you present yourself to you, and not defining yourself by becoming somebody else. When you like yourself and find contentment within you, the journey of life would be sailing smooth.

The author of this article Amy Twain is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem overnight. More info about this “Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You” is available at http://www.FabulousSelfEsteem.com.

Article Source: Aspire To Be Yourself

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The Truth About Anticipating Grief

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:36 pm

The thought and feeling that our loved one is going to die is never a consoling fact. Hence, anticipating grief is not an easy thing to do for everyone else involved. Anticipating grief is the period during which a family member or a patient is expected to die. This sorrow is somewhat the same to the after-effects of losing someone you love. The emotions felt are the same feeling of loss and it just hurts as bad. It is no less different than when one has gone through a sudden or tragic death of a loved one. It comes with some of the similar emotions of shock, denial and guilt and is related with social and cultural reactions regarding the loss.

And because some people are still in a state of denial they may not go through anticipatory grief. Their grief will happen after the loss of their beloved. The grief experienced before the demise doesn’t shorten the grief after the demise. It’s still the same sorrowful grieving process and it does not make any better way to endure. The only distinction between anticipating grief and coping with a sudden loss is that it gives the entire clan some time to talk and spend the remaining time with the person as well as accepting and coming to terms in the reality of their demise.

There is still time left to talk about things that were kept as secrets. There is still time left to make any amends to the existing relationships. There is still time left to finally forgive any faults or mistakes in the past. And there is till time left to hear and carry out the last dying wishes of a parting loved one. This grief in anticipating the demise of someone we love builds a great concern for the dying person, painful and sorrowful preparation of the departure of the loved one, and making the necessary adjustments in living without our dearest beloved.

When somebody dies suddenly and so tragically, the pain that goes with it could be more overwhelming than that of anticipatory grief because of the shock and trauma. There is not even a warning signal or no more time left to reminisce the past with the person. This puts the bereaved in a corner to confront the unexpected which could minimize the coping capacities of that person and make normalcy seem so far away. The impact of that great loss might be hard to imagine and may not be realized right away. Thus, acceptance seems barely discernible. Learning to accept the possibility of the passing of a loved one would leave you feeling that you are slowly abandoning that person.

Expecting the death might only build more emotional attachment to the dying person even stronger which doesn’t make it any way easier to accept the future. The dying person on the other hand also undergoes pain for leaving everyone and makes it more painful and unbearable for everybody involved. No matter how our loved one dies, it all depends on each person and how much they cope with grief in their lives.

The author of this article Amy Twain is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy just published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem overnight. More info about this “Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You” is available at http://www.FabulousSelfEsteem.com.

Article Source: The Truth About Anticipating Grief

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Healing Grief: Finding Help After Loss

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:36 pm

Grief and bereavement are horrible but natural parts of life. It’s inevitable that someone you know and love will die someday, and grief is a normal part of recovering from such a loss. Grief isn’t easy; it is painful, debilitating, and can leave you feeling empty and alone. The best thing you can do is find constructive, positive ways to deal with your grief before it cripples you or causes long-term harm to your mental and physical health.

Grief is a term used to describe any number of negative psychological states that occur after the death of a friend or family member. Depression, sorrow, apathy and lethargy are very common consequences of grief. Recognizing your grief is the first step in coping with it and moving on. Ignoring grief is a dangerous and temporary fix, and can do major harm in the long run.

Grief is separated into five common “stages of grief”; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Developed in 1969 by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the five stages of grief act as your guide to grief, cluing you in as to what emotions you should expect after the death of a loved one. They by no means apply to everyone — grief affects different people in different ways — but knowing what emotions are common amongst the bereaved will help you through your grieving process.

There are a number of ways to cope with grief in a healthy, positive way. Some people seek out spiritual guidance from pastor, rabbi, or other religious leader. Some people prefer the more structured support of a psychologist or support group. Others might briefly seek out isolation as a time to reflect on the memory of their loved one. Whatever path you choose in dealing with your grief, remember; as long as you are not doing yourself or anyone else harm, there is no wrong method. Pick what works best for you and surround yourself with people that support your grieving process.

One of the most popular forms of coping with grief is to find a support group or enter counseling. Surrounding yourself with supportive people, especially ones that have been through or are currently going through the same thing you are going through will help lift your spirits when you’re feeling low and sustain them when you’re feeling good. Support can come in many forms; religious congregations, family members, friends, discussion groups, or counseling. It can be as simple as having someone to take a walk with or a friendly chat with a coworker. Whatever form your support system takes, make sure it is consistent and positive.

Another great way to cope with grief is to stay busy. Find a creative outlet and let yourself get lost in it. Arts and crafts, home improvement projects, and keeping a journal are all great ways to keep your mind focused and yourself productive. You can even combine your creativity with the memory of your loved one by starting a memorial journal or scrapbook. These are great ways to honor the deceased and deal with grief.

Make sure you exercise and maintain a healthy diet during your grieving process. Many people fall into unhealthy patterns that keep them from progressing past their grief and ultimately cause them long-term health problems.

Grief is difficult, yes, but it is not impossible to deal with. By surrounding yourself with a positive support system, making healthy lifestyle choices, and keeping busy, you will find that your grief will soon fade and you’ll be left with the wonderful memory of a life you are glad you were a part of.

~Ben Nystrom, 2009

Share Your Memories: Find helpful grief support and online memorial information at Virtual Memorial.

Article Source: Healing Grief: Finding Help After Loss

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