I watch this almost 6 yr old girl after school. She’s in the same K class as my daughter, who is 6.5 yo. We are neighbors. They never hung out together until school started due to this family having kids in daycare, and my kids stay home with me, attended PT preschool. My daughter said she does not play with this girl at school and they have different friends. After school–80% of the time, they play well, some bickering. In the beginning of the school year the friend was very bossy and mean to my daughter. My daughter is more of the timid girl…so she was miserable about it always doing things her friend’s way. I encouraged my daughter to seek other friends at school, and for her to speak up when other kids are not playing fair or not doing the right things, like taking turns, ask for a turn….etc. She does not have problems at school. It’s only at home after school with this girl. The neighbor girl would do things like, “I’m not playing” if she didn’t get her way. Or quit playing after she has played once her way–and it is my daughter’s turn to go first or decide on what to play. Needless to say my daughter starting doing pretty much the same things back to her. Then the neighbor girl would whine and tattle on my daughter. I have sat with both of them telling them that they have to treat each other how they want to be treated. And gave all sorts of stories–like “you can dish it out but can’t take it”. I told them that they should listen to each other’s ideas, take turns…and play fair….stop being bossy. The school year is almost over and I am still having problems—but now it is mostly when we have other “friends” over or stop to play at the park. Since the friend has somewhat of a stronger personality–she naturally takes the lead. She gets her way, as well as she just really doesn’t care and keeps on playing if someone says something. She manipulates the other friends to play with her, her way. She’s a little more savvy and will quickly say–Let’s go play over there—and take the other kids away. So, my daughter is trying to stick up for herself or little brothers or even other friends—and is left in the dust a lot. So, I spend a lot of time being a referee and trying to be bias, but I feel really bad for my daughter. I try to encourage her to let it roll, but it is hard for her.
I doubt these girls will be friends down the road. And I am only doing this job for the extra money–and have 2 more years of it. So, I told the girls it was ok to not be BEST FRIENDS, but being unkind to each other is not allowed. So, I spoke to the mom last night–briefly. I told her I have forbidden the girls to play certain games that are causing problems. I have also gone so far as to tell the girls that I will separate them after school if they cannot play together. Now what sucks is my daughter enjoys having friends come over or play at the park, but the experience is not a good one—and I am avoiding it.
ANYWAY—my daughter is no angel, but sticking firm to her ground is causing grief now. Is there anything more I could do to help girls play together better in a group? Any good books, videos or lessons on friendships I can share with them?
I do let them resolve on their own….after I empowered my daughter to stick up for herself. The problem is the neighbor girl is still very overpowering. I only butt in if I feel the hurt has gone a little too far and I am starting to have to referee more than I would like. I am thinking I need some new rules….and let the mom know I am not going to tolerate this form of bullying. For ex, the doll thing…I have told my daughter she does not have to share all her toys if she doesn’t want to. The neighbor girl is not allowed in her room. But, the girl will get upset if she doesn’t get the doll she picked. Next thing I know, she is tattling on my daughter for not “sharing”. WTH??? Anyway….thanks for the answers so far.
