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Inspire Others – The Impact Of Attention

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 7:15 am

Early in my career I discovered a phenomenon which you may well recognize in your own area of work. It turned out to be a powerful way to lead and inspire.

My first job was a software developer and this entailed fixing bugs in programs. Sometimes a bug was really hard to find and, with a big program, a day or two could pass without finding it. In frustration I would call on a colleague and ask him to help.

As he sat by my desk I would start to explain the fault and what the correct outcome should be. He listened closely and after five or ten minutes, without him having said a word, I would suddenly see the flaw in the program and how to fix it!

Simply by giving me attention, my colleague was able to influence my thinking for the better. By receiving that attention, I was able to achieve in ten minutes what had eluded me for two days! I also discovered it works the other way round too – I could give attention to help someone else.

This phenomenon is at the heart of Nancy Kline’s great book ‘Time To Think’. She puts it like this: “When someone is thinking around you, much of the quality of what you are hearing is your effect on them. In fact, the quality of your attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking”

Notice she refers to the quality of attention – if it is high quality then the influence on the other person enhances their thinking. However, if the attention is poor quality, then it exerts a negative influence on the other person.

You can prove this for yourself. Think back to when you were trying to interact well with other people and subjected to poor attention. For example, you may have been speaking in a meeting or presentation when members of the group were not paying attention. Or you may recall a social situation when you were trying to tell a story and your thinking became muddled and your speaking was tongue-tied because people were not showing interest.

So what’s all this got to do with inspiring others?

Imagine you give quality attention to the people around you. You listen closely, ask questions and show a genuine interest. You respect each person as an individual and you are sensitive to what is important to them.

In those moments, you will be determining the quality of their thinking and they will notice. It can lift them from the habitual, the mundane and the frustrating towards new perspectives and possibilities. They will be able to connect with more of their latent potential – for most people, this is inspiring!

Remember it is quality of attention that counts, not simply quantity. You don’t have to sit down with someone for 2 hours to pay them attention. Charismatic leaders show that you can develop high quality attention to a fine art. Even if a conversation lasts only a few minutes, you can let the other person know that they are valued by the close attention you give.

Trevor helps people who want to inspire themselves and inspire others. If you would like to receive regular articles like this one or get a FREE copy of Trevor’s ‘Passport To Inspiration’ simply sign-up at
http://www.inspiration-at-work.co.uk

Article Source: Inspire Others – The Impact Of Attention

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Twelve Signs You Are Not Listening

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

It is difficult to listen to the chatter of our self-talk in our head and effectively listen to someone else at the same time. If we are concentrating on other things, re-playing past conversations, rehearsing what we are going to say next, getting defensive, judging what the other person is saying, trying to read their mind or day dreaming, then we are being fully present and listening completely to what the other person is saying. This is when miscommunication can result in conflicts, frustration, hurt feelings, resentment, misinformation, money loss, relationship loss or job loss. Simply said, you can not listen to two people at the same time, yourself and someone else. Do you think you are a good listener? Take a look at the scenariors below and see how you rate.

1. You are rehearsing what you want to say.

2. You are thinking that I don’t have time to listen to her.

3. You are planning what you are going to do this weekend.

4. You are feeling defensive and want to fight back.

5. You are thinking how much your boss sounds like your father.

6. You are anxious to find out how the show you have been watching is going to end.

7. You are worried that you will miss your bus.

8. You are gazing out the window at the beautiful, sunny day and wish you were outside.

9. You remember having this same conversation with your wife many times before.

10. You interrupt him and start telling him what to do.

11. You are thinking, “How can he be saying that, he doesn’t know what he is talking about.”

12. You keep telling yourself that your sister doesn’t really mean what she is saying.

Do you want to improve your communication and listening skills? My newly released book, If I Could Just Get Out of My Own Head: A No-Nonsense Guide to Communicating Effectively, can help. This book offers concrete and practical skills for quieting the chatter in your head so that you can be present and participate fully in all your conversations and also outlines the three building blocks to clear communication. Visit http://www.barbsmallcoaching.com for more details.

Article Source: Twelve Signs You Are Not Listening

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How To Deal With A Child’s Tantrum

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:06 pm

Even the best behaved toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. A tantrum can range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They’re equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas for other children, tantrums may be rare. Some kids are more prone to throwing a temper tantrum than others.

Toddlers are trying to master the world and when they aren’t able to accomplish a task, they often use one of the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration – a tantrum. There are several basic causes of tantrums that are familiar to parents everywhere: The child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of children’s frustration with the world. Frustration is an unavoidable part of kids’ lives as they learn how people, objects, and their own bodies work.

Tantrums are common during the second year of life, a time when children are acquiring language. Toddlers generally understand more than they can express. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach, which will make struggles less likely to develop over them. Distract your child. Take advantage of your little one’s short attention span by offering a replacement for the coveted object or beginning a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one. And choose your battles: consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn’t. Accommodate when possible to avoid an outburst.

Make sure your child isn’t acting up simply because he or she isn’t getting enough attention. To a child, negative attention (a parent’s response to a tantrum) is better than no attention at all. Try to establish a habit of catching your child being good (“time in”), which means rewarding your little one with attention and praise for positive behavior. This will teach them that acting appropriately makes mommy and daddy happy and proud, and they’ll be anxious to do it again and again.

Visit the Free Tips Online website to learn about babysitting tips and potty training tips.

Article Source: How To Deal With A Child’s Tantrum

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What YOU Want – Choosing Goals Right For YOU

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:05 pm

The selection of any goals is something one should take seriously considering that what you want may not always be right for you. Deciding upon what your goals are going to be should be made only after carefully considering certain factors behind your decision.

Learning how to set goals that truly benefit you either personally or professionally is more of a process and less an impulsive choice.

By simply reviewing the factors that led to your choice of any particular goal you can better determine if it is right for you. Achieving goals usually involves work, commitment and sacrifice so it’s best to be sure the goal is worth your time and effort.

Here are 3 things you want to consider when establishing the goals you choose to pursue:

Are Your Goals Realistic

Establishing realistic goals is always the first step in your selection process. It serves no purpose to pursue something you’re not capable of attaining. An atheist is not going to be the pope, a blind man will not play pro ball, nor will an American become the queen of England! This type of exercise in futility will only lead to frustration that can hinder any inner drive you may have for more realistic goals in the future. It is simply a bad plan initiated by a bad choice.

Remember to review all your decisions or choices based upon their feasibility. If it is doable great, if not move on!

Are Your Skill Sets What They Need to Be

Many goals and objectives will likely require the need of certain skill sets to be accomplished successfully. Do you possess the necessary skills to reach these goals? If not are you capable of learning or developing them in order to be successful?

Realistically embracing from the start whether you have the capabilities or could acquire them in order to reach your goals is a determination that MUST be made. Certain skill sets are natural talents while others require training or experience. If training is involved do you have the motivation and resources to undergo and complete the training? These are only questions that you can answer.

What is Your Intrinsic Motivation

What are the ‘real’ reasons behind selecting your goals? Are the objectives you’ve chosen for your own personal needs or gratification or are they the desires that others may have for you? If you do not share the same desires that someone else may have for you it’s likely you won’t possess the motivation needed to be successful.

This is a tricky question and one that you must be completely honest about, at least with yourself.

The deep inner drive or intrinsic motivation you possess will play a significant role in the successful accomplishment of any goals you may set. If you’re not completely driven to succeed the outcome will likely be unmet goals. You must make these goals YOURS and NOT somebody else’s

Establishing your goals involves more than simply choosing what you want. Further consideration needs to be given to your own abilities and other motivating factors that were behind your choice. Knowing how to set goals that best fit you and your circumstances will save you plenty of hard work, frustration, and heart break. Achieving goals that are better tailored to your needs will be more fulfilling and beneficial to you in the long run.

TJ Philpott is an author and Internet entrepreneur based out of North Carolina.
For additional Online Success Tips
and a free guide that demonstrates how to find both profitable markets and products visit:http://affiliatequickstart.com/

Article Source: What YOU Want – Choosing Goals Right For YOU

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Need Motivation? Here are some Inspiring Motivation Tips for YOU!

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Ever had a bad day?

I’m sure you’ve had a day when everything seems to be going wrong. Your car won’t start, your boss is screaming at you about your impending deadline, or you just found out that your girlfriend became a lesbian!

Well i don’t know about you, but the most common reactions people have in dealing with a bad day is to either keep all the frustration and anger inside, or to just curse and swear at every little thing. These people go about their day absolutely radiating negative and somewhat aggressive vibes. They snap at their children over insignificant things like leaving breadcrumbs on the floor, or when someone cuts them off while driving on the road, they go utterly ballistic, screaming every known expletive known to man and just bashing the wheel like they were Chris Brown and the honk was Rihanna.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that such behavior isn’t healthy and that there are better ways to deal with your bad day. It is also pretty obvious that you aren’t going to be motivated to do anything being in such a foul mood. So instead of feeling all sulky and angry when things don’t go your way, try what the kid above is doing and just SMILE !! =)

Smiling releases endorphins (not some new age dolphin) which are chemicals which make you feel better and happy. It has also been scientifically proven that smiling not only relieves stress, it also lowers your blood pressure. Furthermore, smiling also makes you more attractive to others which also helps to increase your motivation as well, but we’ll touch on that another time. Therefore, to counter all the negative feelings that your bad day will bring, and to motivate yourself towards your goals.

Being happy leads to you feel more positive and hence more motivated to achieve your goals. Its free, easy and only takes a second. SMILE !! =) Smile and the world smiles with you.

Motivate Me~!

Jason a.k.a The Motivator is a self confessed self improvement addict. Take a look at his shiny new blog for some more of his inspiring and self improvement tips which will motivate you to get your butt off your chair. To take a look at his shiny new blog, go to Motivation!

Article Source: Need Motivation? Here are some Inspiring Motivation Tips for YOU!

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