I adopted our youngest when she was four months old after her biological parents gave her up for adoption. She is now 14. Both parents had severe addictions to crystal meth, and realized that so long as they were addicts, they could not take care of their daughter.
We opted for an open adoption, and Ashley’s mother was very active with her. They seemed to have a very good relationship and was welcome in our home anytime. She and my daughter had a great relationship, and while she feels like part of our family she loved being around her bio.
She never did kick her habit, but she NEVER visited Ashley whilst high or withdrawing and for that I commend her. They had a very healthy bio/adoptee relationship despite everything. She tried multiple times to quit, but she eventually died a couple of months ago after her heart gave out. Of course our daughter was completely shattered after losing her.
Her father was a different story. She’s met him all of six times since she was born, and every time we’ve met up with him to visit he was tweaking out of his mind, and kept calling her by the name of one of his other children. She usually leaves the visit in tears and very confused. He has had very little to do with our daughter, and she has typically wound up calling him for visits out of a great need to reconnect with him. He has never shown initiative and it hurts her a lot. She eventually gave up, and stopped contact.
But ever since her mother died a couple of months ago, her father has been showing up at her school, calling her cell phone and showing up at the house without calling. She is horribly torn, she feels betrayed by her father and (quite understandably) scared by his bizarre behavior. But at the same time, she feels like she may lose out on a chance to reconnect with him and have a relationship with him.
I cannot make this decision for her, it’s not my place to do. But it is my place to protect her, and this man doesn’t seem safe to me. He is still constantly coming around while high. Not to mention seeing his past behavior i’m inclined to think he cannot change. I don’t want to see my daughter hurt, physically or emotionally. But I don’t want to deny her the chance at a relationship with her father after she just lost her mother. She seems distraught every time he comes around and she comes to me for advice on how to handle the situation, and i’m afraid I cannot give her any answers.
Does anyone know how to handle this?
