You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'Helping'

Helping a friend deal with sucide?

  • Posted on October 20, 2010 at 3:23 pm

This starts off sad, on friday morning my friends boyfriend hung himself in their garage, nobody knows why he did it but its a huge shock to us all, especially when he was a very happy person, but there is some talk he may have been intoxicated, not sure on those details cause i didnt wanna pry too much cause its a huge thing for someone to deal with. My friend and her 5 yr old daughter found him haning and I have never experienced a situation like this but basically my question to the community here is, how can i help her has far as getting her someone to talk to who can help her deal with this and definitely some conseuling for her daughter who had veiwed the site, it just breaks my heart to no end that she had to see something like that, im sure it was gruesome to view, even if someone out there has even witnessed something similar, i just need advice on this right now, we live in NJ also, so any type of support group or something i could advise her to, thanks in advance

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Suggestions for helping to raise step-daughters ages 8 and 11?

  • Posted on July 28, 2010 at 7:22 am

I love my step daughters very much and they love me ;however, their mother is very jealous of me ( I am 11 years younger than her and she was married to my husband for 12 years). The children often say mean things to me that they have heard from their mother. I have been married to their father for 3 1/2 years.My husband attempted to get custody immediately after their divorce and was awarded joint custody;however, their mother has recently been arrested for conspiracy to manufacture amphetamines, so we are trying to get custody again. This has agitated the children because their mother has convinced them that their father had her arrested and is trying to “take them from her”. It is a sad situation.
My step-daughter’s mother is by no means an example. I realize she’s their mom and they will always love and protect her, but at the same time she is hurting them mentally and emotionally in many ways and I am asking how I can help. Also, my husband has never said a bad word about their mother in their presence. We have talked to the girls about our concern for their well-being and ensured them that they will be allowed to see their mother anytime they wish. The woman peels out in my drive-way and has threatend me several times in the children’s presence. I haven’t mastered the art of being the bigger person , but I am pretty darn good. As far as not worrying about how this affects me, I have a two year old daughter with my husband. She idolizes my step-daughters and that is what is causing my concern with the way they talk to me and disobey me. I don’t want my own child to think that behavior is okay.

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Helping Your Alcoholic Child

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm

When you are dealing with an alcoholic child, you have to be firm and not think that things will change. You cannot think that this is just a phase that they are going through. Many parents prefer to think that their child young or old is just having a rough time and just needs to unwind. This is what can lead to alcohol abuse and future problems. Someone that drinks because they need to unwind or because the parent thinks it is just a phase can become an alcoholic if this type of behavior continues. Parents never want to believe that their child has a drinking problem.

If your child is an alcoholic, you need to understand that sticking up for them when they do something wrong is not going to help them. If they are a younger child or an adult child with a family, you as a parent cannot allow them to continue doing the things that they do. You have to be responsible enough to see that there is a problem and take steps to help. Making excuses or believing that your child could never do something bad is wrong. You do not know for certain what they are capable of doing when they are drinking.

No matter if is an adult child or a young child, you need to be firm and not coddle them. A parent that sees nothing and does not want to know anything is just asking for trouble. Coddling a child that is an alcoholic can show them that what they are doing is acceptable. This could lead to something horrible happening. If you believe that your child could never be abusive or that they have a drinking problem, you are just enabling them to continue. Waking up one day to find out that your child has hurt someone or his or her self can be devastating.

It was probably coddling that got them into the mess they are in now. If you wear blinders where your children are concerned, it is more than likely going to be your fault if something happens. If you know that there is a drinking problem, you must be strong. Allowing your child to drink in excess can lead to repercussions. As a parent of an alcoholic child, young or old, you must deal with the problem instead of coddling them and making excuses for them.

If a spouse or partner tells you that your son or daughter has a drinking problem, never blame the spouse or partner. They are not the ones who are drinking. Alcoholics do not need a reason to drink. They drink because they have a disease and an addiction that they need help overcoming. By turning a blind eye to the problem, you are making matters worst. If a spouse tells you that your child has a drinking problem and is abusive at times, tell that person that it is their fault is not going to help your child.

Parents do not want to hear that their child is an alcoholic. No parent wants to hear this, but the facts are that any child from any background can have a drinking problem. If you as a parent do not address the problem, you are enabling your child to continue drinking and endangering anyone around them including yourself. You must help and be supportive of the spouse and your child, but you cannot deny there is a problem. You as a parent have to take steps to get your child help.

 

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