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Mental Health Question: I’m in a relationship that has gone wonderfully. However, out of the blue and for

  • Posted on November 22, 2010 at 4:32 pm

reason my girlfrien (she’s in her mid 30s and so am I) has sent me a letter saying we should not see each other because she is afraid of hurting me (not physically) and that she felt we should break up before she does. When I questioned her about it, she said that for some unknown reason she has done that in the past and it has ruined relationships for her before. she can’t explain why out of the blue she says those things. Last week she sent another text message that its best we not see each other. Again I questioned her about it and she apologized and said she did not mean to send the letter but feared that again she didn’t want to hurt me in the long run. She can’t explain what she meant by hurting me. It sounds like a fear of commitment or abandonment. her previous husband died of alcoholism (i don’t drink), her mom died at 45 years of age, her and her dad have no relationship. She has a daughter who she spoils. We’ve never argued, we always laugh, have a ton in common.
She has a wonderful job, even attends night school to add a second career. She is stable in every appearable way. She’s well respected by her friends, colleagues, is very intelligent and has a sense of humor. I can’t understand why out of the blue she acts the way she does, she can’t explain it either and she refuses to see a counselor. Is this borderline personality? a split or dual personality disorder? It seems to go well beyond a fear of commitment. I have said i’d be happy to work through whatever it is. I don’t pressure her, support her in anyway i can (mentally, emotionally, and as a boyfriend). I see a lot of good in her that is worth maintaining the relationship. How do i work through this, how do i help her, why would someone do these things. She insists that she has a history of doing these things without explaination and is very sorry afterwards. She too has stated that she’d like to maintain the relationship.

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I’m thinking about divorce, however worried about my 8 year old daughter, she loves us both?

  • Posted on October 8, 2010 at 4:17 pm

She hasn’t seen any problems because I have kept her sheltered as much as possible, so she feels like she has a good family unit. However, it has been a nightmare for me with him being an alcoholic. What do I do?

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