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I just realized my husband is an alcoholic. What now?

  • Posted on May 15, 2011 at 6:17 pm

What do I do? I’ve teased and thought for a while that maybe he was and we’ve been starting to have a lot of problems and are looking for a counselor but haven’t made it yet, I just don’t get the feeling he really wants to, you know..I don’t know how to explain it to someone who isn’t or hasn’t been in a similar situation. Well, anyway after a while, I’ve read up and I’ve studied the so called steps they take and well they are about 3-4 steps and he’s on his way to the second step. I know his parents notice it. His real dad is a alcoholic and he’s never met him nor ever wanted to and swore when his mom told him (after my husband got a DUI**, Yeah I know) he didn’t want to turn into his dad that he’s been turning into him. things were fine until certain events in our life happened. We have a two year old daughter and I just don’t what to do, as of now I just don’t feel like things will change but I don’t want to give up. I don’t know if I should leave for a while and let him get his sh*T together or what, but if I leave him I don’t know how our finances will work, our set up is weird. Please anyone, I don’t know what to think or what to do, or what to say to him or should I go to his parents.
He hasn’t touched either of us and I truly don’t believe he will, but I didn’t think I’d be in this situation with him he really is a complete different person then I married, a lot of people are telling me it may be because he’s cheating on me, I can say sometimes I truly believe he is, but I don’t have proof and can really say either way.

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How can I divorce my husband if I don’t know where he is?

  • Posted on April 24, 2011 at 4:20 pm

He abandoned my daughter and I to pursue his meth use, so I left the state with my daughter to live with my family. Once I meet the state’s residency requirement of six months, how can I proceed with a divorce if I don’t know where he is in order to serve him with divorce papers?

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Would you care if your husband was an alcoholic if It didnt affect anything?

  • Posted on April 10, 2011 at 12:17 am

When I met and started to date my husband I realized shortly after that he was a really bad alcoholic. At that point he was really bad. When he asked me to marry him, I said that I would… but I would not be married to an alcoholic. I was raised in a house with drunk parents, and I wanted better for my kids ( I had 2 boys at that point). He wanted to be with me so he stopped drinking. We got married, had a daughter, went through years of being married without him drinking. Then about 6 months ago he started again. At first it was social so I didn’t mind much. But I explained to him That I would leave with the children if it got to the point it use to be. Then about 2 months ago, it started every day. Some days its only a few beers after work, and then some days its 18 beers after work. The thing is, He still gets up, he still goes to work, still is a good husband and father. So is it fair to him for this to bother me? As long as he is still doing everything that needs to be done, should I just let it go? It just scares me because he was HORRIBLE before we got married, and I am scared to death that this is going to happen again. He tells me it wont, but I cant help my fears. I refuse to let my children be around it. But as I said, at this point it effects nothing, I have no idea what to do?

Edit: He was drinking every day like a 30 pack and a fifth. At one point in time he was living on his friends couch. Then him and I got together and I told him I wouldnt be with him. He changed for SOOOO long. I dont mind a social drinker, but can you be a social drinker if you use to be an alcoholic? From what I see you cant be both. He has slipped a few other times. But it was a one day thing, he realized what he did and stopped. I feel like I am being unfair because he is still being a husband and father. Infact, he may be better with the kids now. I dont know anymore… advice?
it started with him thinking he could have a beer if we went out to dinner. as I said, it started as a social thing.

I dont deny it, I know its a problem. If I didnt know, I wouldnt have asked. The fact is getting him to see it as a problem, when it affects nothing in his life, that he can see.

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Why does my EX husband think that is okay to drink and drive with my children?

  • Posted on April 9, 2011 at 3:23 am

On the weekends he has the kids, he drinks. If he takes them out to dinner, he has drinks. Then he gets in the car with my our kids and drives them home. My daughter is 12 and really concerned when this happens,but is too intimidated to say anything to her father. So when I gently bring up the subject of how this makes the kids feel, he makes me the b!@#$%. Then says its no big deal, or says he can do whatever he wants when it’s his child time. Even his mother (my ex mil) never says anything, and she’s even been with him when this has occurred. Any advise??? I have an ex from HELL.

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Should I leave my husband?

  • Posted on April 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm

My husband and I have been together, on and off since I was 13, I am now 24 and we have a 19 month old daughter. My husband has been battling a drug addiction for about 4-5 years now and although he has stopped using heroin, he is now injecting subutex. We have tried everything and spent around 70,000 dollars on rehab and he is still using. I’m not sure I love him anymore and dont want my daughter growing up with a junkie for a father. I dont trust him to babysit her and am finacially dependant on him, which is not going well. I dont know if I should try to separate from him, I feel sorry for him but my mental health is now at risk, any advice?

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Can I ever truly trust my alcoholic husband to stay sober?

  • Posted on April 3, 2011 at 2:18 pm

He’s a very unpleasant drunk – usually talks too much, follows me everywhere in the house loudly complaining about everything from work to the way I trim our daughter’s hair. He can be verbally abusive, even when sober, and yes, it has gotten physical. Nothing too serious. He readily admits to being an alcoholic and apologizes profusely every time he “slips”, then swears it won’t happen again. It’s happened literally hundreds of times in our 9 years of marriage, and I often leave with our young children to a safe place in another town. He shows up the next day or two, we go through the whole apology/make-up thing, everything is great for a while, then we start over. I truly believe he loves me and the kids and wants to stay together, but the alcohol is a demon that I don’t know he can overcome. He’s also depressed but won’t admit to that so readily. He has some great qualities, but self-control is NOT one. What kind of future can I really expect with an alcoholic?
About divorce: Yes I have looked into it, and in my state you have to be separated for a full year. He’s incredibly persistent and I’ve never been able to stay away from him for more than a few days. He always talks me into coming back. Not through force – just convinces me. I love my community, my church, my house, and I don’t want to lose them, which I would if we divorced. And yes, I live in constant anxiety. I can sense trouble brewing tonight, and I’m nearly sick about it…

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My husband blames his drug addiction on me?

  • Posted on March 26, 2011 at 4:21 pm

My husband has a long history of drug abuse. Before we married, he told me about it and also promised he was clean. Twice in the past 7 years he smoked crack and cleaned up again when I said I would divorce him. Now, he has become addicted to Vicodin which his doctor gives him for a pain issue. I found out 2 days ago he took 140 pills over a period of 2 weeks. I called his mother, his brother, and his adult daughter to tell them what problem I am having with him because I want help. I love my husband and I want everyone to help me to help him. This led to a huge fight which got out of hand last night because now that he ran out of pills he is drinking alot of alcohol. He threatened to leave the house and live on the streets because he would prefer “freedom” over my “control” of his addictions. Things calmed down and now I’ve convinced him to go inpatient and get detoxed.

The problem is the family is blaming me… and saying I was on a mad woman rant when I called them to say he was using drugs. They said they already know he has a drug problem… and only he can deal with his drug problem. I guess they don’t want to help him… I don’t know. But when I listen in on their phone calls with him, they are talking to him as if they need to protect him from me because I am a psycho, or abusive, or controlling… but in reality he has got to the point in his life where he can’t take care of himself and I am the only one who works and does everything around the house. He stays on his pills or drunk and I am scared to death the man I married is going to kill himself on his addictions.

I guess it was wrong to ask his family to help me. What is wrong with everyone over here?
enjoy – I really appreciate your honesty. Believe me I want to help him and I thought I was doing the right thing. I feel so lost because I never dealt with a drug addiction before and I didn’t know what would happen in my marriage. I feel lost. I thought his family would all come to my aid and tell him he needs to clean himself up. I didn’t expect them to blame me when I have never done anything wrong.

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My husband says if I’d have went with him, he wouldn’t have got so drunk…?

  • Posted on March 25, 2011 at 11:24 am

I know I’m now his babysitter, and I have responsibilities at the house (he wanted me to bring our child with us when she needed to do schoolwork). He made his choices, and I made mine. I chose to not go to my family’s get together because of my prior commitments for the past weekend. I suspect there being something mixed in with his drinks or that there was a bad reaction with his medications, he says he drank a lot more than he remembered drinking after calling someone else who was there. I still don’t trust the situation. The guy could have been telling him that he went off alone with someone else or did something else, but my husband told me supposedly what the guy said. If my husband was accurately truthful, then all he did was he went out for a long time on a bad note with me. To me, that is not faithfulness and comittment to the marriage and our family and our plans we had which we ditched. He says he is sorry. He had me worried about him and I thought he could have alcohol poisoning or something else, which is serious, and also especially since I did not know where he was and could not come pick his sorry but up and check on the situation to make sure if a promiscuous woman was taking advantage of him or not or if he was acting wrong otherwise. I don’t think I could have stopped him even if I had been there, or even if I had made ultimatums before he left. He has had another time years ago he left me stranded at a hotel for I don’t know how many hours while he was supposedly test driving the car for problems. He supposedly went to his partying relatives house (in the daytime). But I still have suspicions that something else may have gone on, even if he did go to those particular relatives. I didn’t want him to put me in another situation and worse to involve our daughter with seeing a bunch of drunks or people cursing and stuff…..
My questions are these: Do you think I did anything wrong by not going with him and by not getting myself and our child stuck in this situation with him? Do you think he is right that he would not have gotten so messed up if I had been there with our child? And can you understand (even if you don’t agree) how I see this as being not faithfully committed to the family, even if he was accurately truthful and did not do something sexual with another woman?
Sorry this is so long, but please try to read before answering….

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How can I convince this woman that I am not in love with her GAY husband and she should leave him for me?

  • Posted on March 25, 2011 at 12:20 am

I’m a 32 year old single father raising my 11 year old daughter since my meth addict ex-girlfriend lost custody of her. I’m juggling a job as a dancer at a gay bar, studying for my master’s degree and taking care of my child. I’ve been known to fool around sexually with men but I consider myself predominantly heterosexual. For the past 8 months, I’ve been dating and having sex with a married couple, a woman named Julie and her husband Linus. They are in their upper forties but they look GREAT and they are very nice people. They are successful and accomplished. They have a beautiful home, dogs and a 20 year old son in Princeton. I met them on facebook and we met in person at my job when I danced for them.

I assumed that the Linus was a bisexual man with a very open-minded wife but its not that simple. I spent more and more time around them, especially Julie. She and I got close and fell in love and sometimes had sex even without Linus being there. She confided in me that her marriage was a lie because Linus came out to her as gay but they stayed together because he’s afraid to come out of the closet to his family and friends at nearly 50 years old and because Julie is still very much in love with him. Julie appreciated the affection and love I showed her that she was not getting from her husband. In fact, according to Julie, she only gets to have sex with Linus when the three of us are having threesomes!!

But lately, I feel that Julie is resenting me because Linus is being overly nice to me and she’s afraid that he might leave her for me. Now don’t mistake me, Linus is a good guy but I don’t look at men for anything beyond sex or friendship. I look for love with WOMEN ONLY. I’m deeply in love with Julie and I would love for her to be my wife and have a mother for my daughter. How can I convince her to leave her bogus marriage and let Linus find a MAN he can be happy with so she can start a real relationship with me?

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My alcoholic ex husband is suing me for custody….?

  • Posted on March 16, 2011 at 6:18 am

and I don’t have the money for a lawyer, this will be the second time in 4 months I have needed one. The first was to try to get his visitation supervised due to the fact that he is a raging alcoholic. They denied me this b/c my son is 12 and they say he is old enough to care for himself if his dad is passed out! He drinks a fifth of Jack Daniels everyday. Had to be rushed to the hospital with a BAC of .4, almost dead! He has shot my son in the face with a pellet gun. He was investigated and took a pre trial diversion for abusing his step daughter. Now he is suing me for custody b/c he doesn’t want to pay child support. He makes 29 bucks an hour so they modified his support to 140 a week. He is angry! He is almost $2000 behind in support now! My question is will they appoint me a lawyer b/c I cant afford one even though this isnt a criminal trial?
I don’t wait for the support payments, I dont need them. But I have had CPS go over there and all they do is go in and ask a bunch of questions during business hours and he lies. I told them to go over to the house after 9 pm but they wont do it. CPS and the police have both been involved and I thought I had plenty of evidence b4 when I tried to get his visits supervised in the first place. No one will help me b/c of my sons age, they say he is old enough to care for himself if something happens. It is RIDICULOUS! He was too drunk to take him to the hospital when my son was hit in the head with a bat by a drunk man at my ex’s house and the neighbor had to take him, i proved all this, had the witness there testifying and still couldn’t get the visits supervised. I am at my wits end!
Oh and my son thinks it is great b/c he is 12 and loves the fact that there are no rules, that there is a party every weekend that he is there. That he can stay up late as he wants..what 12 yr old wouldn’t love that!! So he is no help b/c he likes to go there. And I forgot to mention that my exhusband moved his best friends wife in while he was away on business, and got her pregnant.

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