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I WANNA BE HERE FOR MY HUSBAND BUT I WANNA LET HIM KNOW THAT I AM TIRED OF THE BS, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

  • Posted on March 10, 2011 at 7:24 pm

My husband has mentally, and emotionally cheated on me and i have read text messages to other women and i also read myspace and facebook messages to other women, so i know he was doing me wrong. i never cheated on him and he say he never cheated on me but when he went to the atl. he stayed the night at his ex house claiming he fell asleep, and he stayed at a girl house he saw in the club he was in because his bf left him at the club and wouldnt come get him. I never believed him and i thought i forgave him but it still pops in my head and i’m in pain all over again. I found out he sent nude pics to a girl on facebook and he claim he never met her. she live in another state but that dont give him the right to do it. When i asked him about it, he claim she was a friend, i even asked her and that ***** said she was just his frien. looking at his phone bill he had been talking to her for many nights at 4 and 5am…..i even caught im on the phone and he tried to act like he wasnt on the phone. now he is in the Navy and when he went to bootcamp he met a girl in there and was trying to be with her but when i found out about it and wa sleaving him he begged me to stay. she was a real woman and we had a very good convo and she never knew about me. BEFORE HE JOINED THE MILITARY HE USE TO DRINK A WHOLE LOT. HE USE TO DRINK AND DRIVE A WHOLE LOT. NOW THAT WE ARE AWAY FROM FAMILY AND WE LIVE TOGETHER, HE DONT GIVE ME MONEY BECAUSE HE USE IT TO DRINK AND CHEW TABACCO. ON HIS OFF DAYS HE ALWAYS GO TO THE CLUB. HE WOULDNT GIVE ME ACCESS TO HIS BANK ACCOUNT AND HE ACT LIKE WHEN HE OFF HE CAN JUST CHILL AND PLAY THE GAME WHEN HE DONT EVEN HELP ME WITH OUR DAUGHTER. A WEEK AND A HALF AGO HE GOT CAUGHT DRIVING DRUNK ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET. NOW HE IS IN TROUBLE WITH THE CITY POLICE AND THE MILITARY POLICE. HE HAS TO PAY ALOT OF FINES AND WE DONT EVEN HAVE MONEY LIKE THAT. NOW HE IS IN THE MILITARY JAIL FOR 30 DAYS. AFTER ALL OF THIS, HE NEED ME. HE DIDNT WANT ME DRIVING HIM TO WORK BUT NOW HE NEED ME TO BECAUSE HE CANT DRIVE FOR A YEAR, HE GAVE ME ACCESS TO HIS BANK ACCOUNT BECAUSE HE NEED ME TO PAY THE BILLS WHILE HE IS LOCKED UP, HE NEED ME TO GET HIS CAR FIXED BECAUSE WHEN HE WAS DRIVING DRUNK HE MESSED HIS TIRE UP…..BUT ANYWAY I DONT HAVE A JOB BECAUSE I DIDNT HAVE ANYONE TO WATCH OUR DAUGHTER, AND WHEN I WAS GOING TO GET AN ABORTION HE BEGGED ME NOT TO AND WE EVEN GOT INTO PHYSICAL FIGHTS BEFORE, WHILE AND AFTER I WAS PREGNANT, IT WAS HIM HITTING ME. HE DRAGGED ME ACROSS THE FLOOR BY MY HAIR WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. I WORKED AT A RETAIL STORE UNTIL A WEEK BEFORE I WAS DUE…….NOW HE NEEDS ME LIKE I NEEDED HIM. AND I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR HIM I HAVE NOT TOLD HIM IM UPSET AND TIRED OF THE BS, I JUST BEEN TELLING HIM WE ARE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER BUT WHAT SHOULD I REALLY DO???? PLEASE HELP ME
every time he mess up he tell me he’s sorry and then it’s right back to the dumb things. this is the most serious one. all of the female drama and drinking drama is just building up and i cant handle it. i am just tired of it.

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Should I turn in my daughter’s violent abusive husband?

  • Posted on March 5, 2011 at 6:17 am

I want to turn him in but I’m so scared of what he could do to my daughter. A no contact order in effect for the past year that he is violating. He never did comply with the law. She says she let him back in because she needs him to pay the bills. They have two small children that are being subjected to the abuse of their mother.She is under chronic stress from his abuse there yet she won’t leave him.
He assaulted two police officers ( one was female) when my daughter called the police on him last year.
He is an alcoholic, past drug addict, has epilepsy with grand mall seizures and is so mean it’s off the charts. Also very cocky about it all. He spent a few days in jail for the assaults on the officers but other than that he never seems to have any consequences for his appalling behavior. We wish he would just leave her and the kids and never contact them again. But some have said it’s not possible. I am so discouraged but can’t take her and the kid’s abuse anymore.

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My husband wants a relationship with his daughter?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 9:22 pm

What should I do ?

Here is the story, after our oldest(12) was born me and my husband seperated. He had a breif relationship with a woman which resulted in her having a child. After that he came back to his family and we worked things out and had 6 more kids. My husband always paid child support for her and saw her maybe 15-20 a year. My kids do not know about her, she knows the exist. About 2 years ago I told him it’s either her or us his real family. He chose us. Her mother is a meth user and was taken to jail and the girl was sent to live with an uncle. I told my husband to break all contact with her. We have a family she is not part of it. Things were going fine until late at night my husband got a call from her, I don’t know how she got his cell number. She was crying and begging to live with us and now he is considering it! How can I stop this,
He did not cheat we were seperated for three months before he met her. They were together for a month before he came back to his family. We found out she was having a baby a few weeks later

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Should I turn in my daughter’s violent abusive husband?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 8:17 am

I want to turn him in but I’m so scared of what he could do to my daughter. A no contact order in effect for the past year that he is violating. He never did comply with the law. She says she let him back in because she needs him to pay the bills. They have two small children that are being subjected to the abuse of their mother.She is under chronic stress from his abuse there yet she won’t leave him.
He assaulted two police officers ( one was female) when my daughter called the police on him last year.
He is an alcoholic, past drug addict, has epilepsy with grand mall seizures and is so mean it’s off the charts. Also very cocky about it all. He spent a few days in jail for the assaults on the officers but other than that he never seems to have any consequences for his appalling behavior. We wish he would just leave her and the kids and never contact them again. But some have said it’s not possible. I am so discouraged but can’t take her and the kid’s abuse anymore.

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Alcoholic husband, do they ever actually keep their promises?

  • Posted on March 1, 2011 at 2:17 pm

so me and my husband have been married for almost two years. when I met him he had a drinking problem. when I got married and got pregnant things only got worse. long nights of sitting up when he wouldn’t come home since he was out at bars with his friends, money missing, coming home from work to a passed out husband, it has been a long road. last summer we had split up after he had left to supposively go to iowa where his mother is to look for work and got incacerated after 2 days of being there for public intox. at that time I had made up my mind and told myself i was done! well six months went by and he started doing good. i talked to him everyday and he got a job and started sending money and i let him come back home. since january he hasn’t drank but I could never give hima fresh start and always brought up the past. his dad who is an alcoholic is on person though I never trusted him around becuase he just was a bad influence on him and I knew what would happen. well off of a sudden he started sneaking around my back and started talking to him and having him meet him up at his work. I would get mad and we’d fight, so bad that I’d even come up to his work starting things. I just never trusted him and couldn’t let the past go. well come to find out my husband started talking to another girl and I’d hear accusations that he was wanting to leave me, that he just couldn’t take the fighting anymore. I just had a hard time, to me I felt I gave you all this time to straighten up and over the years I took so much emotional abuse that my mind was so messed up and I just couldn’t trust him, where was my time?? well my mom and dad start hearing the accusations and I begin to hear more and more that he just wasn’t in to me and didn’t want to be with me so we split up. 2 months has went by and he is now begging me to give him another chance and to try to work things out if I can give him that fresh start but I just don’t know what to say? all these accusations that were made, my parents hate him! how could it ever work,could they ever forgive him?? we are getting divorced no matter what, but what can I say to him. he calls me crying everyday, he sends money to help support our daughter, he isn’t drinking, nor is he trying to see anyone else right now. I also don’t know what was true, al these accusations of things he supposively said and did, I feel like how could he do this after so much I went through with him and tried to be there and stay with him. I just don’t know, so far all I told him is that right now we should be friends. since we spilt up I had to move back in with my parents and if they even had a clue I was talking to him they would probably disown me as their daughter and want us out! I can’t jeopardize a roof over my head right now nor my relationship with them… I’m just so confused and son’t know where to go from here???? he has made so many promises in the past and broke everyone of them!!!

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Should I leave alcoholic military husband? Kids involved.?

  • Posted on February 26, 2011 at 8:17 pm

My husband has been an alcoholic since I married him in 2001. We had a long distance relationship and then got married without ever really spending quality time together. I had no idea he was an alcoholic. He is a good man but so consumed by the need to get drunk every night that I find myself completely miserable. We now have 2 beautiful daughters and I am scared to death. My 7 year old has to go to counseling this week because her behavior is out of control. She is exhibiting classic characteristics of “children of alcoholics.” I have been avoiding this and trying not to notice for years now. I have begged and pleaded with him. I have told him the things that he has said and did (never violent) while he was drunk. He ignores us, disappears into the garage all weekend and passes out on the couch by 7:30 pm on the couch during the week. I am left to pick up the pieces and take care of everything anyway regarding the kids. I cannot go out with my friends because I cannot trust him with the girls – I am worried he will pass out and leave them without supervision (this happened in the past). But if I leave then he will get visitation and I will worry about what will happen on those nights when they are with him and he is the only adult there to watch them. I worry about the finacial aspect. We live on 2 incomes. But I worry that if I stay then the girls will have to live this life because I didn’t have the nerve to leave and that kills me.
Here is the thing. I am so worried about what everybody else is going to say or how they will treat me. Most people just love him and have no idea. The girls love him and don’t really get it. They are too young to understand that his drinking is affecting the family unit. They see me upset but I don’t think they know why. My husband is currently deployed to Iraq which makes me look so bad. I am a military spouse and I hate hearing stories of wives or husbands upsetting or leaving their spouses during deployments. It tears my heart out to think about it.
I find myself wanting to make him happy. Not wanting to hurt his feelings or make his life harder. How sick is that? I know he loves me and the girls. He is a good man, a hard worker, and a good provider. But the one thing we need – his attention, his presence – is what we are missing everyday. He refuses to get help and thinks that he can stop on his own. He does stop for about 2 weeks at a time and then it strats right back up.
Does anybody have any ideas or feedback? It just feels so wrong to start this process and do this to him while he is deployed. If I wait until he gets back, when is the right time to do it then? Is there ever a “right” time?
My children come first. The realization this past week that my daughter needs counseling has sent me into overdrive. I am so angry and I feel so guilty for allowing this to happen to her. She has a hard time making friends, she gets angry very easily, she is taking things from other children then pretending to find them and give them back, she is lying a lot and defiant to me. She does not trust that people will follow through with promises because so many have been broken. I know I am doing what I need to do to take care of her. But what do I do to take care of all of us?
Can I get him to leave the house? We own our house but have a sizable mortgage. Since I am the one thinking of leaving is it my responsibility to leave the home and find somewhere else for the girls and I to live?
He will not be open to discussing this. He will be absolutely devastated and heartbroken. I am beyond that. My heart was ripped out a long time ago. I am empty of emotion, I have no energy anymore. I actually look forward to going to work just to escape everyday.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.

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my husband refuses to give up smoking cocaine it’s been one our kids are older now what should i do. i pray

  • Posted on February 17, 2011 at 1:22 pm

you know wedding vows are serious. we have been married 18 years and have 3 daughters. age of girls 19, 14, & 12. to have this continue is not good how do i get him to seek help.

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How do I make my workaholic husband move out?

  • Posted on February 4, 2011 at 1:21 pm

Not a bad guy, just a terrible husband and father.
I really want my husband out of my life so that I can get a fresh start and give my daughters a better idea of what being in a relationship is all about. Married 17 yrs, 2 early teenaged kids, no cheating (at least I think not!), 13 years w/o ANY physical contact. Think I’m pissed off and ready to move on…..you bet!

He leaves at 6am & comes home after 10pm after a 80 min commute. Years ago, I thought this was a phase – hard work to advance on the corporate ladder. Things got better but since moving to NY he’s become a total workaholic. He manages a sm. dept. Manage is the wrong word, because usually he is the only one there and work manages him. He’s had addiction issues in the past (smoking, adderall-my daughters, cocaine-years ago). In front of other’s he DENY’s that he works those hours. He GETS ANGRY if I EXPOSE him. He BREAKS COMMITMENTS, he calls to say he’s leaving shortly & doesn’t. ADDICT. How do I get him out??

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My daughter and her husband are alcoholics…..?

  • Posted on February 3, 2011 at 10:17 pm

and in a rapid downward spiral. I’m losing her and nothing I say or do makes any difference. Any ideas on what to do? Nothing religious please.

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I am separated from my husband. We have an 8 year old daughter together.?

  • Posted on February 3, 2011 at 1:23 am

He is what he calls a “functioning alcoholic.” What that means to me is, he goes to work everyday and I won’t lie he is one of the hardest workers I have ever known. However starting on the drive home he starts drinking and is usually buzzed when he would arrive home. What we saw at home every day was anywhere from a buzzed person to a mean drunk and every combination in between. He makes 90K a year and won’t pay a cent of support for his daughter. Yes, I have a case started through the registry for child support. The reason he feels he shouldn’t have to pay is because I moved back “home.” This so happens to be from Georgia to Washington state so I really mean we moved. But? I had to go to where we would have support. I sort of had a feeling I wouldn’t get any support from him at first, so I was only planning ahead. He and I have both moved on in life. Now that he has this “new family” he won’t even write to his daughter, won’t call. She turned 8 this last weekend and she cried leaving him messages to call her. He never did. He won’t answer my calls or emails. I couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t even call his daughter on her birthday. She has been crying for most of the weekend and keeps telling me she isn’t pretty and she is fat. She is about as tiny and petite as they come. She has asked me I don’t know HOW MANY times, “Mommy, why doesn’t Daddy love me anymore?” I spent all weekend biting my tongue. I honestly don’t know how to answer this question. What is the correct thing to say? Is there a correct thing to say?
A Very, Very Sad Mommy.
Just to update some of the questions here…Yes, she IS old enough to understand. She remembers what it was like living there and the unpredictable behaviors exhibited by her Dad. I have not sugar coated a thing. We speak very openly to each other. She understands he is an alcoholic and what that means. One of her questions to me a while back was, “Mommy? Why does Heineken even make beer? They make my Daddy act dumb.” Her words, not mine. I explained to her that it is not the fault of Heineken, but that of her Daddy’s inability to stop drinking. I explained that all beer companies state warnings on their products to drink responsibly.

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