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How do I get past the emotional devastation my mother has imposed on me with her betrayal?

  • Posted on September 9, 2010 at 1:26 am

I am 37 years old with 2 children and one on the way. Let me give you a bit of background…From the age of 12 – 16 my step father sexually abused me…my mother says after 10 years of counselling she was the victim and I am to blame ( she says I should not have worn bikinis to turn him on!!) It took years to get over but I did…with the help of drugs.( A couple of years ago I fell into a drug addiction (stupid…not proud) with Ecstasy.) I used it as a psychotherapy tool to release the hurt from my past but when it became a problem quickly got off!!! I told my mother at the time about my problem with Ecstasy hoping for support but instead was told I was the worst mother in the world. I never used around my kids…only when they were at Dad;s (joint custody). Oh yeah she told me I was a failure too when I left the Dad even though that had been the plan for 5 years. (He slept on the couch for 5 years straight!!!) I got married 2 years ago and just finished a 2 year Architectural Interior Design program.My husband and I had gotten clean, he got a great job, I got an education and we have a gorgeous house. My ex had been demanding for 6 months I give him joint custody and every second weekend off in the same breath or he would go to child services about my past drug use. I told him to go ahead. He had his girlfriend call me with the same threat. I told her to fuck off. In june I had a friend tell me my mother and my ex were going to try to take my kids away and put me in rehab. (My mother assumed I was still on drugs because I told her I had taken Jesus into my heart.) The day I finished school they called child services saying I was a drug addict, abused alcohol in front of the kids, emotionally abused my daughter and had mental health issues. None of these were true!!!! Child services bamboozled me into signing a “safety plan” while they “investigated” and then helped the ex get an ex parte granting him temporary sole custody. Child services had proof of 4 clean drug tests, 2 psychiatric evals saying Post traumatic stress disorder due to the sexual abuse and lots of letters validating my character (even one from my daughter’s teacher). The child protection worker lied to me repeatedly and lied to the judge on stand about many issues. I lost custody. The children are now pretty much home but I still don’t have custody returned. I find it appalling that child services, my ex and my mother would put my children and myself through such hell!!! I am now 25 weeks pregnant and have no intention of speaking to my mother ever again or letting her meet her third grandchild. I am left reeling that they would do this to our lives when we had made such great strides to make it. Any suggestions on how to get over the loss and pain and feelings of betrayal and abandonment?

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