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I’m confused, and looking for some other people’s input…?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 4:21 am

I’m struggling with the way a family member is handling her current pregnancy, and I don’t know where to go from here. I’ll start with a little background, so you can hopefully understand where I’m coming from.

She’s high-risk, having had extreme HBP early on during her last pregnancy. She ended up having the baby at 27 weeks gestation but only 24 weeks developed. He was less than 1.5 pounds at birth. Tough little guy won the fight for his life, but those first couple of months were very difficult for him. We know he’s a miracle baby because now, other than being a bit small for his age (he’s about 1 year old and the size of the average 8-9 month old), he’s as developed as a normal 11-12 month old.

Although this baby had a happy ending, I fear she’s pushing her luck with her current pregnancy. She smokes like there’s no tomorrow and drinks a bottle or two of Mountain Dew each day. She’s almost 6 months along, and the doctors are fairly certain she will go early with this baby also, they just don’t know how early. (We don’t know if she smoked or had so much caffeine when she was pregnant with the baby before this one, I haven’t dared to ask. It was a shock to find out about it this pregnancy.)

She adores her little guy and she anticipates the healthy arrival of a new little one, but I don’t understand how a woman that cares that much for her children can treat her body this way during her pregnancy. She’s asking for another premature delivery with likely birth defects and/or the chance this baby won’t survive, and it scares me that she would do that to her child.

The worst part is, she understands the loss of a child: she already lost two daughters in a car accident a few years ago and had another daughter taken away from her by the state. She’s now trying to repair her life and show the state she’s now a good mom so she can get her daughter back.

I know addictions are hard to beat, but aren’t healthy children worth it? Isn’t giving up cigarettes worth having a baby with a higher chance of healthy lungs and lower chance of birth defects? Not to mention the poor effects of so much caffeine every day? I trust that she truly loves her kids, I see it in the way she interacts with her little guy, but her habits say the opposite.

Is there someone who can help me understand how a loving, caring mom can be this way? Or am I out in left field with this one? I probably wouldn’t have such a personal attachment to the matter, except these children are my flesh and blood and I care deeply for them, including the baby yet to be born.

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HELP!!! i miss my daughter! i need some input?

  • Posted on November 11, 2010 at 5:59 pm

I had Custody of my daughter for the first 2 years of her life.I was employed and went to school full time. Then me and her dad got divorced. I started drinking and going out . Also, I always had my mom watch my daughter while I was doing that She was keeping her alot. soon I was told by my family to sign some papers and trusting them I did without reading what I signed. but no matter if I would have signed or not I always left my daughter with my mom bc i knew I was going through a difficult time and had to get my life back together.so i signed.Also, they tried to get her Dad to sign the papers too and he said he was going too but the papers never went thru. I caught him smoking pot and he had an addiction to porn on the computer when we where married. Later on about 6 mos down the road I was told I had signed my full costody over!!!So now all i had was supervised visitation i could not believe it. I was only 22 at the time And my family failed to inform what I was signing they pressured me and pressured me and where almost demanding I sign saying my mom was going to “temporarily keep karlye. .Now I am about to be married I have a son who is 16 mos old I have raised him with my new fiance ever since he was born .l.my daughter comes to visit everyother weekend.the past 2 years I would get her 1 weekend and her dad would get her the other weekend and my mom her grandma kept her mon night tue and wed and thur. but she went to school tues and thurs. this has been going on 2 years. I feel like I have been left in the dark on a lot of things. I was adopted at birth so she is not my biological mother. My mom has a lot of money she even has her own Lawyer for my daughter !That she fails to ever mention what she says to that lawyer to me. she recently put my daughter in tTHERAPY .and now her dad is taking her to his apt to live basically. Me and my mom do not talk anymore we never really have since the whole situation or relationship is uncomfortable..I just miss my daughter and love her and I do not feel 2 or 3 days everyother week is enough time. And if you only knew what kind of person her dad really is!! What should I do? What are my chances ? what would a judge think about this? what is your overall opinion about this situation?

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Do you have any input for my character?

  • Posted on August 13, 2010 at 4:32 pm

He’s not quite finished, but these are some of the basic details:

Character Four – Franz Carter
Main relation to story: protagonist’s neighbour, good friend
PART I. PHYSICAL
Full name – Franz Lucas Carter
Date of Birth/Age – 81
Address – neighbour to Madelyn
Race/Ethnic Background/Nationality – German (mother) and English (father)
Height – average
Weight/Body Build – average, with a little bit of a tummy, still looks strong in his age, wide, strong shoulders
Hair – white with small amounts of silver still remaining
Eyes – bright twinkly blue, round and expressive
Peculiar Physical Traits – rosy cheeks, deep laugh lines, eyebrows always raised up with interest,
Glasses/Contacts – reading glasses, old school large frames, keeps in shirt pocket,
Smokes – trying to quit, uses patches
Distinguishing Marks – bushy eyebrows, burn marks on arms and hands,
Health – arthritis in hands, tries to be active and walks a lot,
Smell – musky cologne
Voice – tosses head back and touches stomach to accompany hearty laugh, throaty voice, tends lean forward and speak quietly, esp. for important conversation,
Usual Walking Style – average pace, tends to get distracted when he’s around the neighbourhood
Mannerisms, Nervous Habits, eating habits – nods and uses hands to speak, repeats himself, points at people when he talks to them, punches air to get his point across, eats large portions, loves barbecuing ,
What type of clothes/shoes/accessories does he/she wear? – loafers even in house, tucked in striped button down t-shirts, wristwatch at all times,

PART II. GENERAL
Occupation/Social Class – middle class, retired independent business owner (carpentry)
Views on Money/Spending Habits – frugal, spends money only on ‘good food’
Education/Intelligence – didn’t complete high school, no college, self made man
Marital Status – recently separated, wife left him for a richer, “man about town”, misses her terribly and wants to get her back
Birth Order – third of four boys and 2 girls
Political Party/Views –
Religious Beliefs/Strength of Beliefs – once catholic, since son’s passing, now atheist until his faith in God is renewed
Sexual Orientation/Values – straight, strong family values, doesn’t believe in superficiality,
What is his/her usual disposition? –
Optimist/Pessimist? – depends
Introvert/Extrovert? – friendly introvert
Confident/Self-conscious? –
How does he/she feel about his/her appearance? – appearance has no value to him,
Type of car – grey, rusted car, old but reliable, velvety burgundy seats repaired in a haphazard manner,
Most important possession – his wedding ring
Hobbies/Recreations/Sports – likes to feed birds, learning French to impress his wife (to be more ‘sophisticated’ and ‘worldly’), enjoys karaoke at the local pub,
Talents – used to be carpentry
What is a normal day like for this character? –
Greatest Fear – never getting his wife back, losing everything
Major Goals –

PART III. RELATIONSHIPS
Significant Other/Relationship – separated wife, Ellen,
Who does he/she live with? – alone
Who does he/she spend the most time with? – Madelyn
Father/Relationship with him/Occupation – father was hard on him, he passed away, resentful
Mother/Relationship with her/Occupation – mother died in a childhood (fire ->burns, saved sisters, not mother)
Siblings/Relationships – eldest brother died as soldier, second oldest brother died from alcoholism, other brother and one sister died of old age, youngest sister alive and living in France,
Children/Ages – One son, Eric, died on duty as a police officer (age 38), driving him to alcoholism, estranged daughter Sophia (now 55)
Best Friend – Ted, bartender from the karaoke pub
Other Important Friends – Madelyn
Feelings toward animals – likes any animal that doesn’t destroy furniture
How does he/she view his family? – misses them terribly and regrets many of his decisions
How does he/she view his friends? -
How does he/she view his boss/co-workers/employees? -
How does his family view him? – frustrated and resentful towards him,
How do his friends view him? – kindest, most gentle soul ever, hard to see him as being angry or violent like in his past
How do his boss/co-workers/employees view him? -
Who is his hero? – his oldest brother
Other comments: had the same ficus plant for ten years, takes good care of it -> represents his ten years of sobriety, recovering alcoholic (after son’s passing), hard worker, compassionate, regretful, *almost relapses

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Why is there such a negative perception of responsible adults who try to have some educated input into their..?

  • Posted on August 12, 2010 at 9:21 pm

…prescribed medications?

I ask this as a 32 year old mother of a toddler, who has been dealing with serious back problems for over 13 years now (stemming from my 6 years in the Army). I have been to every type of medical and alternative type of professional out there and so far the pain only increases. Now it’s one thing to go from being a fully functioning, high level achiever to someone who is “disabled,” but add to that the responsibilities of single motherhood and all I want is to be the best mom I can for my daughter.

Over the past 8 years or so I have educated myself tremendously about the various medications and treatments I’ve been prescribed and those available. Unfortunately my only medical care is through the VA hospital so I am limited in my options. Over the 13 years of this ordeal thus far, doctors have prescribed probably 50-75 different types of medications and combinations thereof to try and treat my pain level. As of August 2007 (when I found out unexpectedly that I was pregnant) I was on 160 mg of Oxycontin plus about 8 Percocet, plus Valium, muscle relaxers, and two different types of depression medications – all just naturally prescribed by my doctors (not at my request, but without my objection). When I found out I was pregnant my pain management doctor actually told me it was OK to stay on all that medication and my baby would “just have to detox” after birth! I said no way in hell and I began to taper down my meds on my own, which I did incorrectly at first until I found another doctor that agreed with me about detoxing myself over the course of the pregnancy. By the time my daughter was born (perfect and healthy) I was down to 20 mg of oxycontin/day, one anti-depressant (although not the best treatment for my issue but best for my daughter while growing inside of me) and a very mild anti-anxiety med once in a while for severe attacks. I stayed at that level for 6 more months while breastfeeding then my doctor wanted to start increasing my pain meds again. I was in tremendous pain and was OK with increasing at that point. About 3 months ago I was up to 80 mg Oxycontin again and finally I decided it was enough and I requested to be tapered off the meds again since they weren’t really helping my pain level much anyway. OK, I realize this is long but I feel I need to give a little background, please bear with me.

So now with my narcotic pain regimen tapering down again (already to 40 mg/day) I decided to try to take control of the other aspect of my prescription care, which is my depression. The medication I am on now is not working that well for me and I am constantly exhausted, lack motivation and have a lot of trouble concentrating on anything. I asked my mental health professional if it was possible to change my prescription to another med, which is controversial but I have read a lot about it in treatment of depression and it has worked well for a friend of mine with similar situation. Instead of talking about that med or any other suitable similar meds, she INCREASED my dosage of the med I am already on.

So a few days ago I asked a question on here about why my doctor may have been so against the med I researched and asked her about and the answers I got were pretty darn dismissive and judgmental. It got me thinking about how I have been treated by everyone in my life when they find out about my prescription regimens. All I want, obviously, is to be the most functional, “whole” person I can be, especially now, for my daughter. What is wrong with that? Why is there so much judgment, criticism and discrimination against people who are merely trying to live more normal lives without horrible pain and suffering? I just don’t get it. Can anyone help me understand?

Thanks!
Honeysuite – Thank you. I am on the “list” for therapy at my local VA. Unfortunately, the VA system is way overburdened with all the soldiers coming back from the Middle East, and with all the ridiculous budget cuts… well, you get the idea.

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