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Manage Motivate and Inspire Others (article Two)

  • Posted on January 13, 2010 at 10:08 am

Use Your Imagination

I am going to ask you to use your imagination to conjure up some mental pictures. We can use them to make some valid points about management techniques.

Picture in your mind an airline pilot. Do you now have an image in your head? Describe him. How does he dress? Is his hair in a particular style? Does he wear a moustache or beard? Think about his uniform. Does he wear epaulets? Now, having created your mental picture, would it be fair to say that all airline pilots tend to look extremely similar? If so why is this?

Hold that thought for a while.

Now imagine a tramp, hobo or drunk lying half awake on a park bench.

Now answer this question. If he were to apply for a career as an airline pilot, would he get the job?

I suspect your answer is no. If this is the case I would now like you to consider why this is.

There is certainly an element of feeling comfortable about how the pilot appears. Most people would prefer to be in total control of their life. Unless you are a trained pilot you will need to relinquish control to some other person and obviously you would prefer that person to be totally reliable and dependable. Certainly not someone that might fall asleep at the controls.

Going back to your mental image of the typical airline pilot – a pilot wears a uniform to indicate he is adequately trained. This badge of office is the epaulet. Gold braid suggests quality. Numerous bars of gold braid indicate rank and experience.

It is hard to imagine the tramp, hobo or drunk making the transformation from Mr Unreliable to immaculate master of the skies. Our opinion of him is heavily coloured by his appearance.

Think about this for a moment. Who would you describe as your best friend? Picture that person now. Now answer this simple question: does your best friend like you?

This seems a blatantly obvious statement, yet it clarifies an important point in human behaviour. We tend to like people that like us. This same rule applies in the work environment. If your employees think you like them, they will like you.

If someone were to tell you that your best friend has been saying unpleasant things about you, then you will quickly begin to question how much you really like your so-called best friend.

Depending on the nature of the information you receive, you may relegate the person from best friend to just friend. If you are particularly low after hearing the comments supposedly said you could go so far as to drop your one time best friend to that of acquaintance.

Think back to the time when you last looked at a group photograph in which you appeared.

Perhaps a photograph taken showing a class you were in at school or university. Who was the first person you look for when initially viewing the picture? I would be surprised if you came up with a name other than your own. Of course you are extremely interested in yourself. We usually love ourselves. If we didn’t do so who would?

Unless our self-love becomes excessive it is perfectly normal. Narcissus was a mystical youth that was in love with his own image when seen reflected in water. To be deemed to be a narcissistic person you are generally considered to be uncaring towards other people and their feelings or needs. Such people tend to favour a ‘me first’ philosophy to the total exclusion of all others. I suspect you do care about others and enjoy the company of a partner or spouse.

Next time you are out and about town take particular attention of young teenage couples. Notice whether they dress in a similar way. Do they have similar physical features?

You will find that very often they do look alike in dress and appearance. You could be forgiven for thinking that they could be mistaken for brother or sister. The only way to be sure that they are not is to see if they are holding hands. Anyone who has teenage children will know from experience that it is impossible to get them to hold hands in public!

I remember my daughter taking her first educational holiday organised by the school. It also happened to be the first holiday without other members of her family.

She telephoned home so excitedly to tell everyone she arrived at the destination, the sun was shining and she was looking forward to a welcome break. After she had spoken to her mother and I, the telephone was passed to her brother who was then in his early teens.

He was at the time in his life where he was reluctant to speak with his sister if at all possible. I insisted he do so in the hope that he might say something nice, like he was missing her. He grudgingly grabbed the telephone to tell his sister, ‘I never knew you had so many interesting girly things hidden in your bedroom’.

Thankfully this awkward stage of adolescence does eventually pass and males acquire a more acceptable relationship and interest in the opposite sex.

People’s interest in potential partners is a fascinating area.

Have you ever considered what attracted you to your partner? Often we will choose a partner or spouse that looks a little like us. I do not mean that my wife wears a beard but that she had similar characteristics to me, which determined my initial interest.

In the United Kingdom teenagers tend to socialise in public bars. Men congregate together, often standing around in small groups and drink beer. Women also tend to socialise in the company of other women.

When I first met my wife it was in a pub in London. She was standing some distance from me chatting to other women. My initial attraction was to her physical appearance. Her nose looked familiar. No wonder, as it was similar to mine.

After the initial introduction pleasantries we then start looking for other similar characteristics. Is the person from a similar social background to me? Are they of a similar intellect, educational level, etc?

Square Pegs and Round Holes

So, in the above section we have run through a wide range of common sorts of behaviour. Now let’s transfer some of what we have been imagining and examining to the workplace. We need to see how the things we subconsciously make assessments on can affect the way we reach decisions and assessments concerning those around us.

It is obviously important to use mainly objective testing against relevant standards when attempting to assess a job applicant’s suitability. How often, in your experience has appearance been part of the criteria used? In its place, as part of an objective recruitment process, appearance has a role to play. Regrettably, I have known recruiters who place an over-emphasis on this aspect and let their personal prejudices skew their assessment of the candidate. It is one thing to have a requirement for a smart, sensible dress code, and quite another to be, for example, totally against all men who wear moustaches, or ladies with white handbags.

Have you ever considered why you were hired for your job? Spend a little time now and think about it.

Unfortunately, on many occasions candidates for a job are selected as they walk through the door of the interview room. As they enter, the interviewer thinks to himself, ‘this is the right person for the job.’ They then waste the next 30 to 45 minutes attempting to find evidence that will justify what was little more than a gut feeling.

Successful managers put some thought into the recruitment process and will understand the need for objectivity in making an assessment.

Let us assume that you have been tasked with finding a replacement for a receptionist who is leaving. Take a few moments at this point to consider what skills and abilities are necessary in the replacement.

You might be thinking along the lines of polite, friendly, reliable, good telephone manner, copes under pressure, works well with others, etc. I am sure you could come up with a much longer list if you spent longer on this.

Of course the one thing managers often lack is time itself. That is why good managers often delegate such tasks to others, who may in fact be better placed to decide the criteria needed.

Let me ask you another question. Whom do you consider to be best placed to list the skills and abilities that are necessary for the job of receptionist?

In many cases, the answer is another receptionist! After all, who knows most about the demands and requirements of the job?

A good manager may well ask employees to list what they consider to be the qualities and skills required for the job that they hold. If you do this as part of an annual assessment program, you will develop a useful insight into how each person sees their job. Naturally, you will need to review the information and adjust it as necessary in the light of your viewpoint as a manager. You may be aware of aspects of the job that you wish to develop in future, for example. If you can put together such a list, you will also have an interview aid that will assist you in checking whether a candidate has the necessary qualities to perform the job.

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Inspire Your Kids To Achieve!

  • Posted on January 8, 2010 at 10:06 am

Somewhere, somehow, as parents we lost something.

We lost something very important to our childrens’ futures.

Too many teenagers today are no longer inspired to achieve, they think work is a bad four letter word. They don’t have the hopes and dreams that we did. They do not respect their elders anymore, and see their parents as slaves.

Before you defend your ‘Johnny’, there are incredible exceptions, there are teenagers who are an inspiration to us all, but sadly they are in a very small minority. The high percentage of poorly motivated teens, becomes even more obvious in the lower income, or lesser educated, socio-economic brackets.

A cultural shift happened and we were so busy giving our kids a childhood, that we stopped doing our primary function as parents, helping them grow into adults and be independent.

What do you think would happen in nature if Eagle parents stopped encouraging their fledglings to fly? If those feathered parents protected  the rights of their eaglets to remain children much longer, and kept them safely tied to the nest?  Eagle populations would decline, parents would die exhausted from trying to supply enough food for their young adults, cleaning the nests would be impossible, overcrowding and eventually a weakening of the species with disease.

The first responsibility of any parent is to slowly, and without trauma, teach their fledglings the ability and desire to function as responsible adults. The second responsibility, is regardless of the circumstances of that parent, to inspire their children to dream – to want to achieve those dreams, and to do everything to encourage their children to fly.

Where did we lose it? Somewhere in the last two decades the western developed world changed. In an effort to curb child abuse, we went way too far! We stopped being parents, and started to become slaves to our children and giving them everything possible, whilst asking nothing in return. The developing countries did not, because they could not. It is indeed fortunate that we have not yet been able to replicate this insane parental  paradigm onto the third world, or we would have an international disaster the size of which is unimaginable!

There is a difference between child abuse and child disciplines and responsibility. This has been often lost in modern parenting. Further consequences, are sometimes the lesson needed to help a child understand that what they are doing is wrong, or dangerous. The three times and you are out philosophy. After a warning, and a reprimand, there needs to be action if a child willfully continues to misbehave. This may be sending them to their room, or removing a pleasure like internet for a day, but it must be something that works.

There is a huge negative impact on children, and their parents,  of overprotection and pandering to their every desire. As the children get older, into their late teens this becomes even more burdensome for parents, as demands increase, and behavior is very hard to change.

Often the parents also have full time jobs, but are catering to their adult childrens every whim. These ‘children’ I am meeting, in hundreds of situations,  are between 18 and 30 years old, and their mothers are washing, ironing, cooking hot meals, serving breakfasts, making beds, cleaning bedrooms, and more. Driving a shuttle service for the ones that do not have a car, or a license, because they cannot plan.

Worse though, many of these ‘children’ do not appreciate any of it, they believe it to be their right. Some of them have no job, others have jobs where they earn as much money as their mother, or father , but pay no fee to stay at home. I frequently hear of situations where the ‘child’ is telling the parent – ‘You may do nothing, or I will call a welfare agency or the police’  Some parents and teachers have admitted to me they are intimidated.

In Europe, this is not helped by the most extraordinary set of laws surrounding young people, supposedly to protect them. Although at 18 they receive all the rights of an adult: they may borrow money, gamble, vote, join the armed forces, marry, sign contracts – their parents are still responsible for them whilst ever they live at home! This means that if a young man of say 25, gets drunk and kills someone with his car, that his parents may have to sell all their assets to pay for his misdemeanor, even though they had no authority to stop him. Or as in the case of a friend of mine, her daughter did not pay her insurance and the sheriff arrived and began to note down my friends assets, as her daughter lived at home, it would be her mothers things that would be taken to pay the debt!

I have clients who are in desperate situations because of their young adults irresponsibility, and with no protection for the rest of the family. Stories abound of having to sell everything, including the other childrens possessions, because a ‘child’ over the age of 21 has done something wrong, and refuses to resolve the situation or take responsibility. This is beginning to create a fairly onerous social problem in families in my community. Some parents are facing very difficult times when they had planned to be getting ready for retirement, and this has nothing to do with the economy!

I also have a clients who struggle to make ends meet, whilst their 26 year old live at home son, has a good job and earns the same money as his Father, drives a BMW Cabrio and buys his girlfriend expensive gifts. The parents really believe that society will not think well of them if they ask this boy to move out, or to pay a more realistic share of expenses. They have two other children, and one is disabled. They are not a social case, they are intelligent and kind people, but they feel caught in a system of judgement.

To give children, or adults, rights without responsibility associated is wrong! To allow actions without teaching our children that every action has a consequence good or bad is wrong!

It is up to individual parents to challenge the current paradigm, to find their own lives and not be throttling back their children from growing into responsible adults. I know parents who have taken this responsibility, at the same time as inspiring their children to grow and blossom and have gorgeous children, grown into young adults and achieving amazing things!

We must, as responsible parents, teach our children the value of a good work ethic, the benefit of dreaming and planning to realize those dreams, encouragement to do well academically for those who can, and have the courage to assist those who are not so academically gifted to find good, honest occupations as soon as they can leave school. We must teach our children the dignity of independence, they should be able to take care of themselves, thus have learnt the basics of cooking, laundry, basic first aid, cleaning, how to manage their pay and budget, how to read a contract and borrow money, how to manage a credit card. We should also ensure we have taught them good social skills, and the basics of good manners, if we want them to have good self esteem and be well received in the community.

So instead of pandering to their laziness, inspire your children to dream, and whilst they are dreaming to find their independence and strength as responsible community citizens. This can even be fun as you grow together with your child of whom you are proud, and he or she is incredibly empowered to be all they can be. Don’t take this shared joy away from your relationship with your children.

In my experience, the parents who became slaves remained so, and were not respected and admired by their children, at any time. The parents who took a more responsible parental approach from an early age, enjoy respectful and close adult relationships filled with mutual respect.

As parents, you also have a right to a happy, independant life once you have provided for your childrens needs and a sound education matched to their ability and ambition. Do not be afraid there will be a gap, this space will be filled by discovering personal interests, and seeing your children achieving a new life.

As a parent, it really is up to you – Be an Inspiration to your Children, Not a Slave!

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