Has there ever been a time when you didn’t procrastinate? Probably not, if you’re really honest with yourself. For the most part, procrastination is something we all live with and it typically doesn’t seem to interfere too much with our daily lives.
But what about the times we procrastinate to such a degree that we become immobilized? Perhaps you may recall Shakespeare’s Hamlet who, when he discovered that his uncle had murdered his father, wanted revenge. Unresponsive to his initial best instinct, he hesitates. Tormented with doubt, rationalizations, love and hate for his mother (who marries his uncle), and a myriad of other excuses, he hesitates. Or does he? Is he biding his time, waiting for the right moment, or merely procrastinating? For Hamlet, this wasn’t a moral reason. Then why did he hesitate? Or did he? Let’s look at the possibilities, while apparently enduring his torment.
1. I must find the opportune time.
2. How would it affect my mother? (Those of you familiar with Freud’s Oedipal complex theory might insist: Of course, it would be logical!)
3. How would others in the royal court respond?
4. The timing must be right.
5. I abhor violence. (highly unlikely)
6. How do I make it look like an accident?
One other possibility would need to be examined. What if Hamlet never really hesitated? Perhaps he was merely contemplating various ways he could carry out the act. (But then the play would be too short). The question remains: Did he procrastinate at all?
You’re probably wondering why I used such an extreme example to illustrate an issue with which most of us have had to cope at various time in our lives. In my work with individuals however,
I’ve used the Hamlet example to help defuse the intensity of their own struggles with procrastination be they minor or major. While not always successful in their attempts, their willingness to confront the matter has often led to at least modest changes in their lives.
One of the more memorable participants in an ongoing “ Decisions Decisions” workshop that I conducted a short while ago was somewhat skeptical, at first, about her participation. Having had five years of psychoanalysis for symptoms of depression, anxiety, and low self esteem, which had some positive resolution, Rita nevertheless felt that her propensity towards procrastination had not been sufficiently addressed. Attractive, physically healthy and active for a woman of sixty years, she took an early retirement from a Federal government position with the intention of traveling and pursuing her interest in watercolors. Divorced at age fifty, following fifteen years of marriage, Rita had had several relationships which she considered superficial. During the course of the workshops, she was helped to realize by other group members that her procrastination regarding travel and painting was related to strongly felt financial obligations towards her twenty-five year old single son and fear of traveling. Despite her years in psychoanalysis, she continued to believe that a child’s needs were more important than the parent’s and felt guilty about spending “all that money on myself” for travel throughout the US, China and Europe.
The group was asked to answer several questions in an exercise entitled: What’s Hidden Behind Procrastination?
1. What are my excuses for not acting on my behalf?
2. What am I afraid of?
3. Do I feel I don’t deserve what life has to offer me?
4. Am I afraid of change?
5. Do I feel that things I wish to do take too much effort?
6. Do I feel guilty and selfish for wanting things for myself?
7. Do I have difficulty letting go of things?
8. What if, what I want doesn’t turn out the way I expected?
You can imagine the vitality the group took on in attempting to address these questions for themselves. Most interesting, however, was the group’s focus on Rita’s dilemma and her defensive attitude expressed in anger at first, but then changing, as the meetings progressed. Feeling “ganged up on” at times, Rita soon began to realize how she had been denying her very powerful need to make the most out of her life.
If you’re curious about whatever happened to Rita, a year later, following the end of the workshop months before, I was pleased to hear from another group member with whom Rita had become friends, that she had had received a postcard from her somewhere in China.
I have a suggestion for those of you struggling with procrastination over minor or major matters. Why not take each of the questions I presented above, and write down a few responses to all, or just a few of them. Don’t feel constrained. You may even devote a page or two for each of your responses. You’ll be amazed at your revelations.
Dr. Rollin is also the author of The Psychology of Communication Disorders in Individuals and Their families as well as Counseling Individuals with Communications Disorders. He has an active therapy practice in Sacramento, California and continues to offer his popular decision-making workshops. Visit his website at http://decisiondr.com.
Article Source: I’ll Do It Later But Later Never Comes
