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Should I leave alcoholic military husband? Kids involved.?

  • Posted on February 26, 2011 at 8:17 pm

My husband has been an alcoholic since I married him in 2001. We had a long distance relationship and then got married without ever really spending quality time together. I had no idea he was an alcoholic. He is a good man but so consumed by the need to get drunk every night that I find myself completely miserable. We now have 2 beautiful daughters and I am scared to death. My 7 year old has to go to counseling this week because her behavior is out of control. She is exhibiting classic characteristics of “children of alcoholics.” I have been avoiding this and trying not to notice for years now. I have begged and pleaded with him. I have told him the things that he has said and did (never violent) while he was drunk. He ignores us, disappears into the garage all weekend and passes out on the couch by 7:30 pm on the couch during the week. I am left to pick up the pieces and take care of everything anyway regarding the kids. I cannot go out with my friends because I cannot trust him with the girls – I am worried he will pass out and leave them without supervision (this happened in the past). But if I leave then he will get visitation and I will worry about what will happen on those nights when they are with him and he is the only adult there to watch them. I worry about the finacial aspect. We live on 2 incomes. But I worry that if I stay then the girls will have to live this life because I didn’t have the nerve to leave and that kills me.
Here is the thing. I am so worried about what everybody else is going to say or how they will treat me. Most people just love him and have no idea. The girls love him and don’t really get it. They are too young to understand that his drinking is affecting the family unit. They see me upset but I don’t think they know why. My husband is currently deployed to Iraq which makes me look so bad. I am a military spouse and I hate hearing stories of wives or husbands upsetting or leaving their spouses during deployments. It tears my heart out to think about it.
I find myself wanting to make him happy. Not wanting to hurt his feelings or make his life harder. How sick is that? I know he loves me and the girls. He is a good man, a hard worker, and a good provider. But the one thing we need – his attention, his presence – is what we are missing everyday. He refuses to get help and thinks that he can stop on his own. He does stop for about 2 weeks at a time and then it strats right back up.
Does anybody have any ideas or feedback? It just feels so wrong to start this process and do this to him while he is deployed. If I wait until he gets back, when is the right time to do it then? Is there ever a “right” time?
My children come first. The realization this past week that my daughter needs counseling has sent me into overdrive. I am so angry and I feel so guilty for allowing this to happen to her. She has a hard time making friends, she gets angry very easily, she is taking things from other children then pretending to find them and give them back, she is lying a lot and defiant to me. She does not trust that people will follow through with promises because so many have been broken. I know I am doing what I need to do to take care of her. But what do I do to take care of all of us?
Can I get him to leave the house? We own our house but have a sizable mortgage. Since I am the one thinking of leaving is it my responsibility to leave the home and find somewhere else for the girls and I to live?
He will not be open to discussing this. He will be absolutely devastated and heartbroken. I am beyond that. My heart was ripped out a long time ago. I am empty of emotion, I have no energy anymore. I actually look forward to going to work just to escape everyday.
Any input would be greatly appreciated.

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My 15 year old daughter wants to get involved with a boy who is a bad influence. I need advice, please.?

  • Posted on January 18, 2011 at 11:22 am

My 15 year old daughter was involved with a 17 year old boy, soon to be 18. What started out as a typical teenage “romance” turned much more serious. The problem is that he is not a good influence, poor grades, can’t hold a simple job, has been kicked out of his home twice by his mother, for reasons I don’t know. He drinks, drives too fast in his piece of crap redneck truck, and “modulates” on his c.b. radio. He has cheated on her twice that she knows, but I’m sure there have been more times. The last time he “dumped” her was the greatest news of my life. We thought she was finally rid of him. We had “gently” coaxed her to move on, she is worth SO much better, etc.She met a great boy, her age, great family, VERY pleasant to be around. I just found out today that she broke up with him, and has been “talking” to the creep again. Her dad and I are SO dissapointed, We have forbidden her to become involved with him. Is this the right thing to do, I mean she’s still a kid. I’m nauseous!Help

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My 17YO daughter broke up with a guy 22YO and he drinks smokes weed should I get involved? He keeps calling.?

  • Posted on October 28, 2010 at 9:23 pm

He drinks and drives and she has a new boyfriend her own age. I’m worried he will lead her back and she will get hurt. She plans on going to college to be a probation officer, the last thing she needs is to be with him if he gets arrested.

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Need advice with difficult parents, (alcoholism, inappropriate behavior,children involved)?

  • Posted on January 6, 2010 at 8:06 am

I am a middle aged man. My daughter, 10, and former wife would occasionally go to visit my parents house, to visit and cut Mom’s hair.
Last time it got ugly with grandpa crossing a line with a little too much affection with my daughter’s mother, he also would not let go of her. She also said that my daughter stated, quote”Grandpa was acting funny” When I attempted to contact my Mother via phone, he answered and said “stop being an A#$hole, goodbye” I assume he thinks I told my daughter’s mother not too go there any more but it was her decision. I do feel bad for my mother, but codependency and denial is rampant in that house; I don’t know what to do.
I am tired of the old mans behavior,smoking indoors, drinking to excess, age-innapropriate references; he has been difficult for years, and my daughter’s well being is my main priority as a parent.

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