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need help quick with child custody issue?

  • Posted on May 9, 2011 at 1:20 am

anyone know a quick for sure way i can get my 3yr old daughter removed from mothers custody?she is many diffrent me staying the night at her home my daughter tells me about it.she uses meth around child,she mentaly and physical abuses her and tells her to tell me she hates me and im friggin stupid,dumb,mean and so on.ive got tape recordings of child saying all this got pics of abuse and been to dss,cps,police and had lawer and they let her walk on 3 diffrent felony neglect and abuse charges!no one will take any action agianst her for the terrible things my child is going through i think she is a informant for the police and they protect her plz someone tell me something i can do to get my child out of there and to my saftey!plz anyone?godbless you

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Need advice on relationship issue involving my fiance and I and his 19 year old daughter.?

  • Posted on November 21, 2010 at 7:21 pm

My fiance has a 19 year old daughter who is a bit defiant, but not in a drug addiction/going to jail kind of way. She’s not in college right now and that seems to bother my fiance. He talks to me about it and then waits for my opinion and tell him, he jumps down my throat and tells me to shut up and not to talk to him. I’ve told him before I dont want to know since he doesn’t seem to like my answers. And it’s getting worse. I just tell him he needs to back off her and just love her and support her decisions. I wasn’t 19 too long ago either. But always says i dont know what she is going through b/c i was brought up by loving parents. And says i dont know what she is going through. I told him he was right, I don’t. I don’t know what to tell him anymore. He seems to get upset at everything I say. He tells me I need to help her out. But she’s not my daughter. I shouldn’t have to call her and ask her if she needs advice. If she wants someone to talk to, ive told her to call me. She doesn’t, so nothing much I can do. I just dont get what he wants me to do for her. I can’t make her do anything, she’s not family to me. How should I handle it? Pls Help! BTW, im 27. Thanks
Everything else we can agree on. This is the only subject that really gets his feathers in a ruffle. For the most part things are really good.
There was a few years he didn’t see his daughter b/c the mom refused her to see him. Mom is a mental case. Even daughter says so. We get a long together. We hang out sometimes. But I can’t make her listen to me. I can give her advice, if she chooses to take it great if not, I can’t do much else.
I told him she is not moving in with us. No way. Not supporting someone that isn’t mine. I don’t make enough money to support her, nor am I financially responsible for her.
I don’t think I should have to financially help her through college or help her buy things like a car, etc. Her mom and dad are the ones that are suppose to help her. I have my own college expenses to pay for. She is 19 now, an adult. She has a job. She makes her own money. I tell her maybe she should try to save up money on the things she needs to get to where she wants to be. She asks me how I was able to do the things I did when I was her age, and I told her I didn’t spend money on things that were not absolutely needed. And I learned to spend my money wisely.
Her and I are good friends. We like each other. I just don’t like the way he jumps down my throat when I just try to tell him he just needs to show her love and not jump down her throat b/c she isnt doing exactly what he wants her to do. I’m willing to help her emotionally and for advice, but she even says she doesn’t want me to be her mom and she likes that i’m not trying to butt in. I just get my head chewed off when I tell him he needs to back off her. She will do what she wants to do, no matter how many times he tells her what he wants her to do. He can do it till he is blue in the face. She will do what she needs to do when she is ready, and he wants her to be ready now.

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Okay Im back, asking you to be my jury! Custody issue here?

  • Posted on October 30, 2010 at 8:23 am

Well i was a real good momma , I thought. My children were 18 months and 3 years old when my ex surprised me and servd me with a petition for custody. I had left him, took the kids and moved in with grandma.The ex and I were both using drugs, he drank everyday-I was more of a weekend drinker, we both on ocassion used cocaine after a night drinking-Me one line, him a lot. After I was served with papers I appeared in court a few days later. He demanded I be tested for drugs-A shock to me, cuz I figure we both are gonna lose the kids. HE WAS CLEAN, I was dirty-SHOCK!! He knew it was coming, I didn’t. I immediatly called and got help for my problems. Now, almost two years later, I am remarried to a wonderful man whom has a daughter, does not drink or use, he has supported me 100% in my recovery, I attend AA, sponsor a woman myself,have beeen through drug out patient rehab for 2 months last year. over 150 hours of counseling and I am happy, clean and sober, with 10 drug test (hair, and urine) to prove it.
In the beginning the oppsing lawyer demanded that I give up custody of the girls to get help for 90 days. 90 days came and went one and a half years ago. We went back to court and they all laughed and said “that wasn’t written in the record”. Bad attorney I had.. I used to get the girls everyother weekend. They were always sick as dogs, bleeding diaper rashes,ear infections e.t.c I always took them to the doctor and helped them, because he would not. Then they accused me of having Munchausen syndrome by proxy! Then they insisted on Supervised visits only. Then they put me on supervised after having a P.I follow me last year and he lied in his testimony about seeing me take the kids to see my father whom had an injunction on him not to see the girls because they dug up an old charge that was public lewdness from 1986! They won-supervised visits only for me. I pay $200.00 a week to see my girls for 4 hours. This actually turned out to not be so bad, because the supervisor documents all the abuse the girls are claiming, the jealous new 15 year younger girlfriends negative comments about me, e.t.c Now comes trial in a few months, I have opted for a jury of my peers. His side of the story- A bad mom who was on drugs and her family has a history of drug abuse (yep, family of origin issue here). Me- A mom who has proof I paid all the bills, he never worked, has no tax returns, sold dope (will have witnesses), used drugs, had DWI, jailed 7 times in the past 7 years for tickets, has been through no recovery, drinks like a fish daily and in the car with kids (they tell on him) ,non payment of his support for his son, warrants for bad checks e.t.c. I also despite my smoking weed a couple times a week, took my children to the library, parks,had great b-day parties, was very involved in every aspect of their life. Now of course I can do even better with NO addictions. Let me know what yall think my chances are of regaining custody. I hear the longer the kids are there, the harder it will be to get them back with me. They cry when they leave me, they beg to come and live with me, this is all documented. But the law in my state clearly states-There must be a substantial or material change to warrant the removal from him of custody-I think it’s there do you?
thanks,
sad lost mommy without my babies

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How can I solve a Father in law – retirement money issue?

  • Posted on October 2, 2010 at 4:32 pm

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have a beautiful 6 month old daughter.

My husband’s father was a dentist until he had an episode with mental illness and alcoholism 15 years ago. This caused his practice to collapse and ended his marriage. He’s been living comfortably off disability payments since then and his mental illness is in reasonable control with the proper medication. There have been some medical scares, but I assume he has some medical insurance at this time. The problem is that he is two years away from “retirement” when the disability payments will end. He has not saved nearly enough for a secure retirement taking into consideration the main expenses: home and medical care.

My husband brought up my FIL’s money situation a couple years ago. He carries the weight of his mother and father’s well-being on his shoulders. At that time he said that we’d probably have to pay his dad’s rent and some expenses someday because his father hasn’t been careful with his money. I ask my husband to ask his father to change his ways, his words fall on deaf ears. In my eyes my FIL has been very irresponsible with the generous disability benefit he’s received over the years. He played the stock market and lost his home to foreclosure 10 years ago. He drives a late model luxury SUV that he doesn’t yet own. He’s taken many fancy vacations over the years. He lives alone, yet he rents in an expensive 3 bed 2 bath home. What little money he’s saved he wants to buy a home so he has someplace to live in his retirement. I ask how he’s going to afford his rent on 1200 of social security, let alone what might happen if he were to develop a medical issue as he ages. He shrugs his shoulders and says he’ll work it out. He’s in a great deal of denial about the precariousness of his future.

At that time my husband brought up bankrolling his father’s lifestyle, I considered it, because he’s family. Two incomes no kids was a comfortable lifestyle for us. That was before I knew the feeling of the responsibility of being a parent myself. I want the very best for my child, for her to have a financially secure and fun life. I also want the opportunity to be a stay at home mom when I have a second child. If my family were to pay my FIL’s rent/expenses I would be locked into working for the foreseeable future… just to pay his rent. It breaks my heart to think I might not have that opportunity.

My parents have carefully saved for their retirement, and were very careful to raise a frugal daughter. My husband’s mother has worked very hard over the last 15 years to put herself in a very good financial situation with far fewer resources than her ex husband. We will only need to give these parents our love and our time, not our money.

I am so angry at my FIL for wasting the last 15 years living frivolously, I can’t look him in the eye. He doesn’t believe that he’ll need our money and he will not listen to me. And I’m angry with my husband for not putting his foot down with his father and his spending and just assuming the way out of the problem is to spend our way out of it. This is the number 1 issue in our marriage and I need help on how to proceed.

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I need to go to family court about a custody issue and i need advice please.. read on..?

  • Posted on August 30, 2010 at 12:22 am

I have 2 children with my ex and he has not seem them for a year because he was abusive with them in means of language and hitting our oldest daughter and she was only 6.. After that he said he would not bother the kids until they wanted to see him because they were scared of him.. I have physical custody of them and he only has supervised visitation on the weekend for 4 hrs…
Now he is taking me back to court to see the kids..
This is a bit of his history. Drugs, Alcohol Abuse, Violence..Just a bad situation and my daughters are both sacred of him because of what he has done to them…
My question is as follows: We have been to court before over and over again and he sees them for a month and then decides not to but i would like to know how and if i can obtain the records from when he got arrested for drugs and dwi..
He also recently had a situation where he was molesting his own niece.. Should i get a court appointed lwr ? Can i get his records on my own.. Please help…
Also wondering if there is a way to get a real lawyer instead of court appointed one, My only problem is that I dont have that much money because i am paying for everything and never recieve support..

Also this is in NYS If that helps..
Thanks deb

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Alcohol Abuse Child care Issue?

  • Posted on August 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Ok I have a 12 year old girl, and My wife (her step mother) and I had found out last minute that we were to go to a function. my dad and Alchie said he would watch her. when we came back 4 hrs later he was TRASHED he could not see straight and he did not know where he was/what he was doing

Much to my disappointment and my wife’s Shock

I have not said anything to him, he stayed the night because he could not drive. Or make it down the 3 flights of steers and left this am about 9 ish back to his mothers house…

He does not admit he has a prob or that he needs help.

I have already cut all unsupervised access to my daughter by my dad, He is removed from the authorized pickup list at my daughters school, He has 1 OUI/DWI . Probably not necessary but at this point I’m securing her as much as i can..

I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I Survived an Abusive childhood and will Never subject my daughter to what I went through , By 10th grade I had been to more AA meets than
most recovering alcoholics have been to in 3 years, I had to make sure he went. 3 nights a weekend 2 on Sat and 2 on Sunday… (I never went with the “Cool kids” to drink because I knew the road they were heading down and i didn’t want that ride… )
I’ve read the “Big Blue Book” 3 times and can recite any of the hit rock bottom stories..

To put it mildly I don’t drink.

I need to protect my daughter from the affects of alcoholism. She has already had a rough life. He mother broke it off with me and marred/divorced a deadbeat and my daughter was being taken for the emotional ride.

What do i do..

Other than know the i cant do anything does not help. the Serenity prayer just doesn’t work for me

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my teenage daughter doesnt see an issue with drinking.i’ve gone to all the sights and she has great comebacks!?

  • Posted on August 2, 2010 at 4:32 pm

I’ve gone to all the parenting sites and did and said exactly what I read. She’s not drinking but showing signs that she’s curious and doesn’t see it as a big deal. I told her there is a greater risk of alcoholism if you start drinking at a young age, it’s a gateway to drugs and gave religious reason all the while staying calm and understanding. She still has these comebacks! She says adults drink recreational and there fine….why not teens.
Thank you for you help. To answer your questions: she’s 14 and just started high school. I didn’t play the religious card-just a few times. I have said and explained all that you all suggested to her but I just think she thinks it will “never happen to her”. I think I will contact Dare to see if they have anyone that could talk to her about their experiences and visit a morgue as suggested. I might contact a local AA program. She has a girlfriend that basically gets to do whatever and I also found out she drinks. I think maybe my daughter is getting peer-pressured? I always know where she’s at and my house is always the place the kids come too so that’s good. She’s a good girl and I’m on top of her but I think she envies this girls freedom and party life.

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