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Lessons You Learn When Your Child Is In An Accident

  • Posted on January 12, 2010 at 10:08 pm

I watched as my three year old grandson was wheeled out of the emergency room fastened tightly to a gurney with a huge head brace encircling his tiny head. I arrived on the scene just in time to tell him that I loved him as men with medical equipment ushered him out to an awaiting helicopter. He was being flown to a larger hospital where a specialist for his kind of head injury was waiting to perform an operation on his brain to save his life. Both of his parents had tears streaming down their faces as they helplessly watched their beloved child being flown away.


It was just a typical trip to the grocery store with his mom and 2 year old sister. Except this time instead of walking beside mom in an orderly fashion he thought he would help himself to a few choices of his own. Mom quickly took control and Chad was lifted into the back of the grocery cart and told to sit down. Chad became defiant and in a split second he perched himself on the edge of the basket only to lose his footing and fall backwards onto the cement floor below.


Anyone who has ever been a parent has had to deal with childhood accidents of all kinds. Broken bones, lacerations and of course the occasional bug bite that causes an allergic reaction once again forcing you to rush to the emergency room. It’s just part of life, but how we react to the accidents illustrates to everyone whether we learned from the incident and changed our approach on how to protect them in the future!


This is the formula that every good parent must come to understand in order to once again walk into their child’s future without fear! The key to activating the knowledge that teaches every parent how to protect their child from an accident.


Parenthood is one of the most difficult jobs that two people will ever undertake. As a parent you must learn how to love beyond your ability to understand why, discipline in ways that take consistency, imagination and fortitude and protect your precious child from all of the horrors of life. This process alone can make any parent question their ability to stand up to the challenge of a child who knows how to take everything you think you know and make you feel like you know nothing at all!


This is the genius of the Almighty God on how he uses a small child to teach parents Spiritual wisdom. Knowledge that can’t be anticipated unless you have the responsibility of raising a child. A wisdom that produces insight in the hearts of those who cling to God in order to teach their children how to live the right kind of life. Most of all a God that demands you depend on Him in order for you to have success in your family.


Isaiah 41: 10, “Do not be afraid -I am with you! I am your God-let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.”


This is what it takes to be the kind of parent that survives raising a child. This is what it takes to face a world that is filled with twists and turns that can drive any sane person fearing their ability to survive till the next problem. This is the reason as a parent you need God as a supernatural fighting force for your family. You must read your Bible so you know how to react to problems. You must pray about everything! And you must raise your children with Christian knowledge and loving discipline. Most of all you must understand that there will be times that you will fail!


In order to teach your children you must listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit and do whatever the Spirit tells you to do. God equips us with the knowledge we need so we will never give up on our children. He gives us the ability to handle whatever problem Satan throws.


We live in a teaching world. A world surrounded by an unseen spiritual world of good and bad forces. A world of spirits that enter the minds of men and influence them on their quest to find the answers to what is good and what is bad.


Satan the demon of all evil will use rebellious behavior from a child to make a parent fill totally incapable of doing a good job. He will work in the minds of moms and dads making them get angry and discipline in the wrong way. He will destroy a marriage by having a child play one parent’s emotions against the others.


In order to protect our children we must understand who we are fighting against. Satan is the god of this world and his goal is to destroy families and make parents and children play the blame game when a child is in an accident. He wants to make us see our children as opponents and to hate them when something bad happens to them. The devils goal is to separate us from God by having us blame Him when we face something hard.


When Satan takes away the saving power of Jesus Christ then he has defeated families and rendered them helpless to do his will. He loves chaos and turbulence. He lives to replace love with hate. He does everything possible by influencing the hearts of men to give into their desire to roll up in a ball and become depressed and hate their families for causing the problem in the first place.


As parents we must understand the great game of life and our real opponent; Satan. God answers prayers when we give our problems to Him. But on the other hand everything that happens to us is a test. A test that teaches us endurance. A test that makes us better parents.


I Corinthians 10: 13, “Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.”


Parenting is the hardest job but it is also the same kind of role that God plays in each of our lives. God takes the bad things that happen to us in life and teaches us a multitude of different things. Like how to keep our cool when we face a difficult accident. How to stop blaming our mates. How to love unconditionally when a child is rebellious. How to pray in an emergency! He teaches us who our real friends are! Is your friends going to stand by you or are they going to blame you for the accident. Which of your family members you can count on, etc.


We live in a world where we must go through things in order to learn. But with God we can overcome all the things that happen to us. There may be a moment of sorrow, but in time Jesus changes it to a story of celebration of how you survived a horrible accident with victory.


Satan wants to isolate us from God and destroy the peace of a family. God on the other hand takes the accident and shows us how to defend ourselves against it happening in the future. God reacts in love and gives insight and knowledge to parents that are reaching out to Him for comfort and help. He tells us to pray the Lord’s prayer and to pray for protection from Satan!


Just one week before Chad’s head trauma his two year old sister rolled out of bed and broke her collar bone in two places. My son and his wife were panicked over their children’s accidents. They did everything possible to correct both problems by putting guard rails on their beds to having another person present when shopping. Nevertheless they still had to go through the pain of feeling helpless to their children’s suffering, but they learned valuable lessons on how to protect their children in the future.


Both children and parents survived their accidents for God answered all of our prayers because we ran to Him in our time of need. I was very proud on how our entire family rallied to their support. Each of us learned many valuable lessons, my other son and his wife put guard rails up on their young daughter’s bed. And all of my adult children, learned the danger of shopping carts and standing children, even if it’s just for a few seconds so they can see the toys on the higher shelves.


My daughter-in-law loves her children very much but unfortunately she learned other lessons from her children’s unexpected accidents. She had been running a day care for the past three years and after the accident many of the parents took their children even though no child had ever been harmed in her care. This is the reason why every person needs to understand Satan’s role in the game of life. We will at times fail according to the world, but when we put our trust in God, He will never abandon us and judge us like the world. He is our help and shield against Satan, who is the real enemy of children.

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Lessons From the Life Classroom, a Grandfather’s Legacy

  • Posted on January 11, 2010 at 11:06 am

Many lasting life lessons are not academic, but are the soul’s spiritual lessons for growth through adversity. These are moments of transformation and illumination felt deeply as you are in alignment with a universal higher and greater power.I was honored to witness many of these lessons through my daughter, during the final days of my stepfather’s life.

Treasuring my daughter from the moment he knew she would arrive, we all saw their special connection. As Parkinson’s disease and strokes began robbing him of independence and his tremendous intellect, she was eleven. She had lived through her parent’s divorce, moving, my Mom’s cancer and her father’s suicide. I wondered if she would protect her already fragile heart, or be open and vulnerable by loving him through his full lifespan.

Seeing him as the precious grandparent he had always been, through more than 2 years of hospitalizations and nursing home stays she lit up his face with every visit. After wheeling her new bike up to the second floor of the nursing home to show her Dan-Dan, she proudly rode it right out the front door! My daughter creatively included him in her life, and as she adapted, found her love still fit.

During our last Christmas together my stepfather struggled to share his last advice for her to “take advantage of every opportunity”. A simple message,it reflected his life philosophy. After the holidays, his life’s journey was nearing an end, and hard decisions for end of life measures brought anguish for my Mother.From three hours away, the stress of being apart was enormous, and weekend visits and late night phone calls left us living on edge.

Then came a mid-week call indicating that the time was near; sleeping more than awake, doctors said soon he would only sleep away. School was concerned about absences,but we knew we had to go, as we knew the pricelessness of closure, and the empty pain of having none.

The bright blue February day contrasted with the grayness of the pain we felt; we had lived through the death of my ex-husband, and knew what my 75 year old Mom was soon to endure.Entering the hospital room felt like we had entered a different dimension; it was not the setting but the circumstance that felt alien. This was not what life should come to, not a life well-lived in service to others. Our hope was for a meaningful and memorable visit, but I saw that we had entered a different form of “life classroom”.

He was no longer hooked up to tubes he hated but seemingly unaware of our presence; we learned that he had been awake the day before. Perhaps we had missed the opportunity for him to know our goodbye. Uneasy, but staying close, my daughter hated seeing him so thin, his white hair not so clean. Together we gently washed it one last time, and like always, she gently put lotion on his thin skin.I watched her care for her “Dan- Dan”, much as he had cared for her as an infant,her eyes filled with love and acceptance. Life is a full circle!Loving them both, it was almost more than I could bear as I witnessed the essence of my child truly loving another soul, just as they are.

My stepfather had spent his life striving for perfection in all he attempted, to “earn” or deserve acceptance. Even a masters degree in divinity, chemistry, and physics, and a doctorate in education did not lessen his drive to prove himself worthy. Giving thousands of hours in public service, as a spiritual, personal, community and professional role model, he was not satisfied that he had done enough. He always graded himself slightly short, denying his Parkinson’s diagnosis for as long as possible, and embarrassed as he lost strength and balance.

The purpose and meaning of his experience had been a topic of private discussions between us as I suggested his illness was a way for him to be humbled enough to finally love and accept himself. He knew intellectually that grace is a gift and not a pre-paid plan, and I reminded him that he was perfect as he was, with a wheelchair or hospital bed. Now I was saying goodbye to a man truly humbled, and still loved beyond measure. Was that not Grace? Did he feel it in his heart?

Moreover, his long illness had shown my daughter growing in grace, patience, compassion and love. She had come to see love as not only good times, like playing catch, helping with homework, or coming to watch school plays and basketball games. Loving now encompassed loving someone even when pared down to the very essence of life, vulnerable and fragile. Since her Dad’s death, she understood why love is to be treasured and never taken for granted.

Now, it was time to head home. My stepfather had been lightly awake at times, and hopefully he had heard us tell him how much we loved him. I whispered in his ear a wish to let me know when he “got where he was going”,to let me know if he and my husband were together again. (They had been great buddies,sharing a sense of humor unique to their relationship.)

As we neared the door, my daughter turned back for one last try. I believe she needed something she did not get from her Dad, to hear this goodbye. She had encouraged him all afternoon to speak, but he had not spoken in a couple of days. I ached for her disappointment, and questioned whether I had exposed my child to too much. Had I hurt her in trying to help her?

Leaning over the railing very close, she said slowly one more time, “I love you Dan-Dan.” Now awake, I saw he was looking right at her, focusing very intently. We heard a very soft, but clear and precious “…Love …(pause) .. You”. They were the last words that kind, generous and wise man ever spoke, a true gift to a devoted granddaughter who needed that last goodbye so very much.

Almost two years have passed since my stepfather’s death, and tears are hitting my keyboard even now. There is no doubt in my mind that I had the guidance of a higher power helping me parent that day and perhaps heal a small part of the ache for her Dad.

We are faced with so many decisions as parents, the sum total of which help to shape who our children are and will become. Yet, many singular decisions made day- to- day, over and over, appear to be of no great consequence. How do we know which decisions are life-changing? If we reflected too greatly on that, we would make no decisions at all!

I often hear parents who are struggling with major life decisions voice a desire to protect and shelter their child, even staying in unhealthy relationships believing it is best for their child. What are we teaching our children in that classroom that is Life? Children are resilient, and wiser and stronger than we imagine. Lessons they take away from observing and living our choices will one day influence the choices they make when it is all up to them.

Listen to your heart. We hear that so much because the messages of the soul offer guidance, whether through prayer, meditation, music or quiet reflection. By appreciating and respecting a child’s spiritual needs, we are able to place them in a path of learning through adversity, or to try to steer them out of the path. Sometimes the best path for their emotional growth is right beside you, learning from you, while you are still able to hold their hand.

My daughter listens to her heart, even if it hurts. She reaches out to help others,such as in comforting cousins as their Mom was suddenly dying. She sat by her Aunt’s hospital bed to tell her goodbye when others were hesitant to enter that hospital room, taking my Aunt’s hand, and saying goodbye. Her sensitivity and compassion have helped a close friend who recently lost her brother in a car accident, with an inner wisdom greater than her years.

Would I wish for a less traumatic childhood for her? Of course, but I also trust in a Purpose for us all, and see her growing into a young woman with compassion and a deep capacity for understanding. I know in my heart that she will continue to follow her unique life path in a way that honors and expresses her many special gifts. Guided by her promise to her “Dan-Dan”, I know he is also making sure she takes advantage of that opportunity.

And, if you are wondering, he did let us clearly know when he “got there”.

“No exercise is better for the heart than reaching down to lift up another.” Tim Russert

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