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Fake It Until You Make It

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

In 1987, I was hired by Allstate Insurance to present a motivational seminar for their sales team. One of their executives saw me speak on TV and thought I could help his team. This was my first motivational speech. Funny thing was that I was dead broke in the time and would be “motivating” a group of salesmen earning six-figure incomes. But, in the spirit of “fake it until you make it,” I created a 20-minute presentation mixing martial arts and motivation. For instance, I’d have one of my students attack me and I’d take away his balance by sweeping him to the floor. I’d then turn to the audience to describe the importance of balance in life. I was way out of my league, but they loved it. Allstate doubled my pay to $1,000 and booked six more seminars. More than the money, the confidence I gained from the experience was life changing. Had I not been willing to fake it I would have no chance to make it.

Part of my pay that day was a room at the downtown Hilton in St. Petersburg, Florida. This was the nicest hotel I’d even been in at the time.

Even though I lived just two miles away; I opted to spend the night at the Hilton. That evening, I sat in the lounge, creating list after list of new goals for myself.

The response to the seminar was so positive that it catapulted my confidence to new levels and I made these goals with a new sense of daring and ambition. This was a major emotional threshold in my life. Had I sat down a couple of days earlier to make a list of goals, they would have been far less ambitious than the list I made that night in the Hilton.
While you may not have yet had an experience such as speaking for a group of executives, what would be the equivalent for you in your life? Is there a short-term goal or accomplishment that you seek that would give you the same confidence boost? Here is a little technique that will help you to get that confidence boost right now. It’s meant to be done with your eyes closed and relaxed so read the next two paragraphs and then close your eyes and walk through the process.

I want you to name that goal or if the goal is really large, name the first step and then repeat this process for each step towards accomplishing that goal. For instance, if you want to change careers, you may want to start with taking a class or a seminar in the field you want to transition to. Second would be to get whatever license or certification that may be required. The third step might be to make the transition. Write these steps down or fix them in your mind right now.

Close your eyes and project your mind forward and imagine that you have accomplished that first step. What does that feel like? See yourself accomplishing your goal. Listen to the congratulations from your friends and family. I want you to feel it, see it, hear it, taste it, and smell the sweet smell of success for yourself. Drink it all in for a moment before moving on to the next step and the next step until you have accomplished your goal.
How does that feel? Pretty good I bet. This projection technique is a powerful way to motivate you and stimulate your sub-conscious mind. It attracts you to the activities required to accomplish the goal.

This works best when you isolate yourself for part of a day and surround yourself in an environment of wealth. The best place to do that for me is to do my goal setting in a nice hotel. When I did this that first night in the Hilton, I just felt rich by being around wealthier people. Mind you at the time, if you had $100 in the bank, you were richer than me, so it didn’t take much, but I think you get the idea.

The opulence of the surroundings convinced me that I would go to a nice hotel each year to do my goal setting. I’ve done this now in Dubai, London, Paris, Hawaii, Germany, Aspen, Grand Cayman and other fabulous locations and you can too.

Spend at least one day in a five star hotel reviewing this year and planning for the next. Even if you don’t stay at the hotel, do this in the lobby or lounge. The strategy is to surround yourself with privilege and an atmosphere of wealth to help you formulate your goals for the New Year.

Here some simple annual goals to set:((

1. Improve your net worth by 10%
2. Increase personal income by 20%((
3. Pay off all debt other than your mortgage
4. Pay off your mortgage (I’ve never had a mortgage last more than three years. My current home is worth nearly two-million dollars)

Another enjoyable goal projection technique is one of my favorites. On weekends realtors open houses to visitors. Go visit million dollar homes. I did this for years. I’d walk in and kind of pretend this was my house. I’d take a deep breath and smell the smell of a millionaire’s home. I’d imagine I was coming home from work and heading for the hot tub with a cool drink to relax and enjoy my surroundings.

Rich glossy magazines like the Robb Report are also ways you can visit fabulous homes without having to leave your own. The purpose of these goal projections exercises is to stimulate your sub-conscious mind to pull you in the direction that you want to go in. If you’ve never experienced wealth or set a goal and accomplished it, then it may be difficult to imagine yourself getting there. These techniques create an internal sensation that you are already there. Remember, the sub-conscious doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is a step towards creating a new reality for your self.

John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you’re not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. It’s the feeling you’ve been faking it and are about to be found out. Learn more about the book at:

http://www.theimpostorsyndrome.com

http://www.johngraden.com

Article Source: Fake It Until You Make It

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Your Personal Identity: How Do You Define Yourself?

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

In 2004, I lost my $3 million business in a vindictive lawsuit that also led to me losing my marriage and all of my savings. While I could easily give up and crawl into a corner somewhere, how I choose to frame these events is entirely up to me. While I can’t control what other people do, I can control how I choose to frame or view what is happening.

People marveled at my positive attitude in losing everything. My response is, “What’s the alternative?” The way I choose to frame these events is that losing everything is a fascinating process. I’m not trying to say I didn’t have stress. No way. Pepto Bismol was always within arms reach. But I found it amazing how people respond when you go from being the top guy to having all of your resources taken from you. In the majority of the cases, the friends and family members who I would have bet money would try to help out completely abandoned me while people I hardly knew stepped up big time.

Let me tell you. Having to empty your savings, your children’s college funds and going from debt free to $750,000 in debt in three years is a very painful experience. However, I refuse to allow those events to define me anymore than I would allow my successes to define me. All that matters is how I respond to these events. All I can control is my patterns of thought and behavior.

The first 20-years of my training, the martial arts defined who I was. I used the martial arts to transform myself from chubby teenager to athletic “karate jock.” Martial arts was virtually all I talked about. All my friends were martial artists. Even if I went to a volleyball tournament, it was usually with a bunch of black belts. It wasn’t until I launched the National Association of Professional Martial Artists (NAPMA) in 1993 that I began to realize that, while martial arts helped me to reinvent myself identity, the job was only half-done. I had to reintegrate my martial arts with my inner self so that martial arts became a facet of who I was, not the entire definition.

When good or bad things happen to you it’s important that you not let them define you. Being a champion black belt on TV was my identity for years. If you are allowing your success to be your identity, then your hiding your real self. Think about film stars who choose not to live in Hollywood. They view their stardom as an extension of who they are instead of the definition of their identity. Sandra Bullock lives in Texas and it’s pretty clear when you see her in interviews that she views acting as a high paying job she enjoys but also that there is much more to her than just acting. In contrast, Jack Nicholson is iconic in his identity as film star. Being a movie star is his identity.

By the same token when something bad happens to you or you do something you wish you hadn’t, be careful not to let it define you as well. This is not always easy, but it’s critically important. Often when something bad happens or someone does something bad to you, it creates a prison that confines your self-image and potential for growth. When the action against you is really horrendous, such as molestation or abuse, the prison so tightly confines you that your self-image is built around this event.

Here’s the reality. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you and while you are obsessing with the negatives associated with the event, and they are horrible, the person who committed the act is doing laundry. You are not on their mind, they are on your mind for as long as you allow them to be.

If I allowed myself, it would be easy to be mired in the mud of self-pity and absorb myself in negative thoughts and behaviors about the man who sues me for fun. What I’ve realized is that like all of us including anyone who has wronged you, he is a product of his own programming. Once I understood that, it was easy to forgive him. Forgiving him does not condone what he did nor does it make it right. I think what he did is sick. But, I refuse to allow what he did to me to keep me in a prison of a negative mind. What is the alternative? I obsess with his attacks on me while he goes and plays a round of golf. If I hold onto the negative effects of his attacks I give him permission to compound the effects into all areas of my life. Well, permission is not granted.

What has happened to you good and bad is not you. What matters is how you deal with it.

John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you’re not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. It’s the feeling you’ve been faking it and are about to be found out. Learn more about the book at:

http://www.theimpostorsyndrome.com

http://www.johngraden.com

Article Source: Your Personal Identity: How Do You Define Yourself?

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How To Break Out of the Comfort Zone

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 7:56 pm

This fear of failure is the single biggest “affliction” in society. The comfort zone and a fear of failure paralyze people from making the steps they need to in order to improve their situation. If you look at anyone in a low paying, dead-end job or who stays in an unhealthy relationship you are seeing a person who is in a comfort zone.

Incessant planning and contemplation as opposed to action are a means of maintaining ones place in the comfort zone and can be your own worse enemy.

With the Fire, Ready, Aim strategy, you take your big goals and break them down into smaller, more accessible goals. That’s why we use the belt system in the martial arts. The goal for all of my students is black belt. While I have accelerated courses that can get you to black belt in as little as six-months, it takes most students 3-5 years of classes. That is a long time, so we break that time frame with short-term goals represented by belt colors.

In most schools, the darker the belt, the closer to black belt you get. So in my school, you would start with white belt. The white represented that you didn’t know anything about martial arts or very little. Within six-weeks, you would earn your gold belt and then in eight to twelve week increments, you would go to orange, green, blue, red, 4th degree brown, 3rd degree brown, 2nd degree brown, 1st degree brown and then black.

Each belt was earned through an examination process. With each belt earned the students felt a sense of progress. These acted as mini-victories that motivated them to continue classes. It was important for student retention that the every eligible student take their exams. We knew from tracking our statistics that students who did not take exams were our highest drop out risks. Progress creates motivation. Fire-Ready-Aim creates progress which creates momentum and motivation.

To be clear, Fire-Ready-Aim can create some challenges and set-backs that could have been avoided with more preparation, but in my experience, and this book is only my perspective on this things, the results far outweigh the risks.

Despite what all of the business books say, I’ve never written a business plan nor have I ever used on. I’ve never written a marketing plan either. For small businesses like mine, I don’t see the need to outline and prepare for every contingency. For large businesses, I can see how having plans can help keep everyone’s ladder on the same wall. But for small business with just a few employees, I think that’s less necessary. I would rather spend that time attacking my next project.

Fire-Ready-Aim can create some problems of its own that you may avoid with more planning but the key word is “may.” You may encounter the same problem with planning, who knows? Who cares, just get on with it. I believe that if you pull the trigger you will get the feedback you need to adjust from the market rather than a theory. I guess another way of looking at this to “Make the mess and clean it up later.”

John Graden is the author of The Impostor Syndrome. The Impostor Syndrome is the feeling you’re not as smart, talented, or skilled as others think you are. It’s the feeling you’ve been faking it and are about to be found out. Learn more about the book at:

http://www.theimpostorsyndrome.com

http:www.johngraden.com

Article Source: How To Break Out of the Comfort Zone

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