It is difficult to listen to the chatter of our self-talk in our head and effectively listen to someone else at the same time. If we are concentrating on other things, re-playing past conversations, rehearsing what we are going to say next, getting defensive, judging what the other person is saying, trying to read their mind or day dreaming, then we are being fully present and listening completely to what the other person is saying. This is when miscommunication can result in conflicts, frustration, hurt feelings, resentment, misinformation, money loss, relationship loss or job loss. Simply said, you can not listen to two people at the same time, yourself and someone else. Do you think you are a good listener? Take a look at the scenariors below and see how you rate.
1. You are rehearsing what you want to say.
2. You are thinking that I don’t have time to listen to her.
3. You are planning what you are going to do this weekend.
4. You are feeling defensive and want to fight back.
5. You are thinking how much your boss sounds like your father.
6. You are anxious to find out how the show you have been watching is going to end.
7. You are worried that you will miss your bus.
8. You are gazing out the window at the beautiful, sunny day and wish you were outside.
9. You remember having this same conversation with your wife many times before.
10. You interrupt him and start telling him what to do.
11. You are thinking, “How can he be saying that, he doesn’t know what he is talking about.”
12. You keep telling yourself that your sister doesn’t really mean what she is saying.
Do you want to improve your communication and listening skills? My newly released book, If I Could Just Get Out of My Own Head: A No-Nonsense Guide to Communicating Effectively, can help. This book offers concrete and practical skills for quieting the chatter in your head so that you can be present and participate fully in all your conversations and also outlines the three building blocks to clear communication. Visit http://www.barbsmallcoaching.com for more details.
Article Source: Twelve Signs You Are Not Listening
