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I have lost perspective can someone offer hope?

  • Posted on November 9, 2010 at 7:22 pm

I’m a middle aged woman with a severely disabled husband (due to doctor and pharmaceutical negligence). My 21 year old daughter is shooting heroin and abusing and neglecting her 2 year old son. I have fought child protective services for a year and a half to protect my grandson and his case has been closed and re-opened six times. The caseworkers have changed 5 times. I have had to fight lazy, apathetic law enforcement and child protection agencies. The mantra is always “we are underfunded and understaffed”. I have been fighting insurance companies that don’t want to honor our claims and are trying to exhaust us through appeal processes. My husband has been to so many specialists in the last three years and his condition has only declined. The doctors keep putting him on large pharma cocktails and he has been hospitalized three times for ADR (adverse drug reactions) in a one month period. Doctors don’t cure people nowadays and agencies that were initially put in place to care for the sick and helpless just don’t give a damn anymore. Our country is falling apart before our eyes and our government is not responding properly. Everywhere I look I see greed, apathy, hostility, and false pride. I believe in God but I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be learning from all of this, if anything.
Thank all of you so much! I was pleasantly surprised at the love you have shown for another. My faith is already being restored by your thoughtfulness. It has brought me to tears. Good tears.

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Psychopathology: Adlerian Perspective

  • Posted on January 2, 2010 at 8:21 am

Psychopathology

When we use pathology as a concept and apply it to the mind, we are in fact using a metaphor.  Pathology is either the study of the diseases of the body or a description of the whole range of diseases to which the human body is subject. Are we then saying that the mind is invaded by disease in the same way that, say, that the body is invaded by disease? Clearly not, since there are no counterparts to the body’s pathogens such as viruses, bacteria and poisons, which we could combat in order to restore the mind. And a mental disease is not a brain disease.

The mind has a function to direct the life of the individual and when this function breaks down, we are entitled to say that the mind is malfunctioning. If organic disease is ruled out, we may even go so far as to say that the mind is ill. The difference between the illness of the body and that of the mind is that the latter is the work of the mind itself.

Alfred Adler gives us a very clear yardstick by which we can measure how mentally unwell a person is. That yardstick is the sense of the self in connectedness with humanity and is expressed in the degree of courage or commitment to socially significant contributions to life. This is made visible in the actions of the individual and in the extent to which he tackles the problems of life to the mutual benefit of himself and his fellow men sub specie aeternitatis. Thus it is not in reference to what mankind may normally do but in a sense to what mankind would do if the sense of self were not held back by ego-centeredness and anxiety for its own protection and advancement at the expense of others. Fritz Künkel, writing in the ’20s and ‘30s called this the We.

Our history and our daily life deliver damning evidence of how far humanity is from this level of mental health or optimal functioning. We are all, it seems, flawed. But some are more flawed than others. We range on a continuum from what we may call normal, through neurotic, to psychotic. The differences can be both quantitative and qualitative. The kinds of mental malfunction can be different but also the degree to which a particular difficulty operates within us. The neurotic, though discouraged, is still operating in the world, having to admit his obligation to social interest. His approach is affirmative but with reservations. A case of Yes, but. Likewise his private logic has to be denied in the face of common sense. The psychotic has given up on operating in the real world and is content to live in his own fantasy, where he attempts to cut himself off from common sense entirely.

Our difficulties lie in our lifestyles, which could be expressed as self-imposed limitations that we have created to deal with our early discouragements. Feeling less than equal to the challenge of our environment we have learned in various ways to hold ourselves back from full participation in life. This feeling less than equal is the sense of inferiority or a sense of discouragement. The Adlerian, Erwin Wexberg, the first systematizer of Individual psychology, pointed out that every inferiority feeling is an anxiety. And just as Adlerians have produced schemes of typical inferiority feelings and the compensatory strivings of the individual trying to master them, so it must be also possible to produce a typology of the basic anxieties.

Fritz Riemann did exactly that in his book Grundformen der Angst. He saw that there were four fundamental anxieties:

Schizoid Anxiety in the face of connecting or belonging to others, merging with  others, threatening one’s identity, independence and existence: Self-protecting distance Depressive Anxiety in the face of being independent and separate from others: Self-protecting attachment Compulsive Anxiety in the face of change, threatening insecurity, dissolution and death of the self: Self-protecting stasis Hysterical Anxiety in the face of unalterable necessity, experienced as finality, compulsion and extinction of freedom: Self-protecting flight into novelty, change and action

It can be seen that the first two anxieties form a pair of opposites along the axis of distance-attachment. The  remaining two anxieties form a pair of opposites along the axis of stasis-change. In and of themselves they are none of them pathological and are shared by people we would consider to be functioning well. The problem of distance versus attachment is common to us all, since life requires that we assert our own separate existence as well as attach in mutuality to others. The problem of change versus stasis is also common to us all, since life is based on the conservation or maintenance of our selves as well as the change and development of our selves. The healthy individual works to combine the seeming opposites in a creative way.  When we feel unequal to the tasks of life, we cling grimly to one pole as our salvation and see the other as our downfall.

Thus I share both the general position of depth psychology and in particular the psychogenetic assumptions of Alfred Adler, in which, however, acknowledgment is made that organic influences may also play a part. Ailments of the body affect the mind and sometimes a physical cure alone can restore the mind to normal functioning.

However, I am suspicious of the readiness of many to find or assume physical causes. It is very easy to say that such and such is genetic. We often hear this without the slightest shred of evidence. But we must be prepared to accept such causes when they are proven or seem likely. I have myself witnessed how a doctor was able to see that a client’s problem was not a mind problem at all but physically mediated. The client exhibited strange, convulsive movements, which appeared mad to non medics. The doctor surmised that these were caused by the client’s nervous habit of over-breathing when stressed. When the client learned this he was able to relax and break the habit and rapidly those strange symptoms disappeared. Given that humanity is a mind-body unity, full or partial physical determination can never be ruled out.

But even in the cases of physical malfunction impacting on mental function, psychotherapy has often been able to help the individual to overcome or manage his difficulties.

Taxonomies of psychopathology such as DSM-IV differ greatly from Adlerian diagnoses in which an attempt is made to ascertain the psychic movement towards personal goals and away from personal felt minuses. Instead of Adler’s dynamic approach, which incorporates the development and destined crises of the lifestyle, DSM-IV is like a sorting box with subdivisions for isolated types. Like every classification system built that way it poses difficulties at the borders of the subdivisions, separates lifestyles that may have much in common, and treats these as static.  We have not really understood a person or her difficulties if all we have done is to find a general category in which they can be fit. She shares  that category with millions if not billions of others. This applies to both the DSM-IV approach and also to our own Adlerian approach if we merely assign a priority such as pleasing or controlling to her.

An approach such as DSM-IV offers a check list of symptoms for the determination of drug and medical treatment regimes. From our point of view the symptoms are not the problem. A person has selected her symptoms for her own mostly unconscious purposes. However it is useful for psychotherapists in helping to determine the degree of severity.

The psychotherapist and counsellor are dealing with only one side of the mind-body unity and the DSM-IV represents the medico-psychiatric field with which we need to cooperate in order to serve our clients well. We need access to the medical knowledge of our colleagues in the other field to guide us, especially in working with personality disorder, psychosis and clients subject to suicidal ideation. We have to be prepared to acknowledge our limits and pass on the severe and dangerous cases where institutional support and cooperation are required. Even in simpler cases we should be working with GPs so that organic aspects of the clients’ problems are not missed or misinterpreted.

Adlerians and other depth psychologists need to be able to communicate with professionals and clinicians in other disciplines. The DSM-IV categories  enable us all to use a common language and they do after all incorporate the traditional idea of a continuum from neurotic to psychotic. Furthermore the categories do remind us that psychotics such as schizophrenics, being at the the more severe end of the spectrum are likely to be more difficult to treat than the mildly schizoid neurotics.

In my experience so far it has been helpful to know that a client has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist or by his CMHT. But it should not become a distraction. We need to be able to put the diagnosis to one side while we make our own assessment, based on our own approach.

As a psychotherapist sometimes the people I see come with definite diagnoses and sometimes with rather vague ones. It has always proved better for me to put to one side the diagnosis and just first listen. The stories that I hear also remind me that a condition like personality disorder is not a box but a stage in a personal history. And the story gives us clues as to how that history could be rewritten.

Cases

Adrian is almost 40. he is a client of an alcohol service and also a patient of a CMHT. He is a problem to both. He seems to make no progress with his evident but not fully diagnosed personality disorder. And his impulsive drinking has never been brought under control. The CMHT is frustrated by his drinking and the alcohol service can never get him to commit successfully to controlled drinking or abstinence, despite his expressed willingness to be a good boy. CBT sessions fail to make an impact on his behaviour and periods of apparent stability are violently interrupted by impulsive drinking sessions with public order offences on the streets. When he is in subdued mood he is able to acknowledge that drink gives him courage. he is also able to sustain apparently stable and quiet periods, complying with both clinical services but they never last. How did he come to be like this? The files are incomplete but the scraps of evidence point to a birth family of considerable instability, neglect and violence. As a baby he suffered broken ribs, was separated from his mother, herself with severe mental problems and adopted. He was adopted by a couple who had been unsuccessful in producing children but who had a child of their own immediately after. Adrian has a growing conviction that he is not wanted and becomes the naughty child and a foreign body in the family.  The father of the family inflicts physical and humiliating punishments frequently, reserved for him alone. “My life was hell; it still is.” Adrian now has frequent nightmares of death, humiliation, blood and violence. He frequently cuts himself and at least once this has brought him close to accidental suicide. He is impulsive and acts without continuity, easily led by others and by his own moods. Before this phase of personality disorder appeared he had made a brave effort to to be normal and successful. This collapsed shortly after his wedding about 10 years ago when he fled from the strain of his new obligations.

Bob is a drinker with a drug problem. For the past three years he ha s suffered from agoraphobia. He has a jovial, matey approach to people and before the descent into problem drug and alcohol use worked as a care-worker in an old people’s home. He looks back fondly on that time, having felt useful and having enjoyed the company of those he looked after. He traces his collapse to loss of his job and the breakdown of a relationship with a woman, leading him into a short career of drifting, drug use and drinking. He feels that the early loss of his father undermined his confidence at school and made him feel inferior to others. Recently he has worked out some of the lifestyle aspects which have shaped his life and has taken the first steps to overcoming his agoraphobia. At the same time he has reduced his drug and alcohol use.

Inge is an Austrian woman living in the UK. She traces her lack of confidence to her mother’s tendency always to find fault. She was never good enough, it seems, and anything she did would be criticized. Habitually and pointedly her mother would praise the daughters of other families in her presence. Feeling where here lack of confidence originated has helped to lead her to a more positive orientation.

Adler, Alfred Der Sinn des Lebens Frankfurt am Main, Fischer: 1973

Antoch, Robert F Beziehung und seelische Gesundheit Frankfurt am Main, Fischer: 1994

Künkel, Fritz Einführung in die Charakterkunde 12e Stuttgart, Hirzel: 1959

Riemann, Fritz Grundformen der Angst Münich, Reinhardt: 1990

Sperry & Carlson (ed) Psychopathology & psychotherapy 2e Philadelphia, Accelerated Development, 1996

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The Problem of “prostitution” an Indian Perspective

  • Posted on January 2, 2010 at 12:20 am

A prostitute is a person, “who allows her body to be used for lewd purposes in return for payment”. Prostitution is the sale of sexual services, such as oral sex or sexual intercourse, for money. Prostitution the word itself speaks about the plight of a women .It is not a problem which exists in India but exists throughout the world. Prostitution was a part of daily life in ancient Greece .In the more important cities, and particularly the many ports, it employed a significant proportion of the population and represented one of the top levels of economic activity. In the ancient city of Heliopolis in Syria, there was a law that stated that every maiden should prostitute herself to strangers at the temple of Astarte. In Armenia the noblest families dedicated their daughters to the service of the goddess Anaitis in her temple at Acilisena.In ancient India prostitutes have been referred as to devdasis. Originally, devadasi were celibate dancing girls used in temple ceremonies and they entertained members of the ruling class. But sometime around the 6th Century, the practice of “dedicating” girls to Hindu gods became prevalent in a practice that developed into ritualized prostitution. Devadasi literally means God’s (Dev) female servant (Dasi), where according to the ancient Indian practice, young pre-pubertal girls are ‘married off’, ‘given away’ in matrimony to God or Local religious deity of the temple. The marriage usually occurs before the girl reaches puberty and requires the girl to become a prostitute for upper-caste community members. Such girls are known as jogini. They are forbidden to enter into a real marriage. The system of devadasi started only after the fall of Buddhism and records about them start appearing around 1000 A.D. [Bharatiya Sanskruti Kosh, IV, 448]. It is viewed that the Devadasi`s are the Buddhist nuns who were degraded to the level of prostitutes after their temples were taken over by Brahmins during the times of their resurgence after the fall of Buddhism. According to the 1934 Devadasi Security Act, this practice is banned in India. This ban was reinforced again in 1980s but the law is broken every day. Poverty and ‘Untouchablity’ contribute to the persistence of this terrible practice. Reference to dancing girls in temples is found in Kalidasa’s “Meghadhoot”.The popularity of devadasis seems to have reached its pinnacle around 10th and 11th century CE. The rise and fall in the status of devadasis can be seen to be running parallel to the rise and fall of Hindu temples. The devdasi system was mostly prevalent in southern India and it reached its height during the Chola Empire. Though government has taken adequate steps in order to combat with the problem of devdasi, even the devdasi prohibition act was not fully successful in solving the problem in India. Most important reason still being poverty, ignorance and hunger which are forcing them to this kind of exploitation. Now this was the old story or the beginning of prostitution apart from these there is also references of prostitution in Kama sutra written by Vatsyayana sometime between the second and fourth centuries A.C.E. India is home today to Asia’s largest red-light district–Mumbai’s infamous Kamathipura, which originated as a massive brothel for British occupiers and shifted to a local clientele following Indian independence. The Mughal Empire (1526 -1857) also witnessed prostitution the word “tawaif” and mujra became common during this era. During the Mughal era in the subcontinent (1526 to 1857) prostitution had a strong nexus with performing arts. Mughals patronized prostitution which raised the status of dancers and singers to higher levels of prostitution. King Jahangir’s harem had 6,000 mistresses which denoted authority, wealth and power. Even during the British era prostitution flourished the famous kamathipura a red light area in Bombay was built during this era for the refreshment of British troops and which was later taken over by Indian sex workers.

The prostitution continued from ancient and medieval india and has taken a more gigantic outlook in modern india, the devdasi system still continues ,according to a report of National Human Rights Commission of the Government of India,” after initiation as devadasis, women migrate either to nearby towns or other far-off cities to practise prostitution”. The practice of dedicating devadasis was declared illegal by the Government of Karnataka in 1982 and the Government of Andhra Pradesh in 1988. However the practice is still prevalent in around 10 districts of north Karnataka and 14 districts in Andhra Pradesh. Districts bordering Maharashtra and Karnataka, known as the “devadasi belt,” have trafficking structures operating at various levels. The women here are in prostitution either because their husbands deserted them, or they are trafficked through coercion and deception. Many are devadasi dedicated into prostitution for the goddess Yellamma.

Causes of prostitution:

·         Ill treatment by parents.

·         Bad company.

·         Family prostitutes.

·         Social customs.

·          inability to arrange marriage,

·         Lack of sex education, media.

·          Prior incest and rape.

·         Early marriage and desertion.

·         Lack of recreational facilities, ignorance, and acceptance of prostitution.

·         Economic causes include poverty and economic distress.

·          Psychological causes include desire for physical pleasure, greed, and dejection.

Notorious red light districts of India include GB Road in Delhi, Sonagachi in Kolkata, Kamathipura in Mumbai, Budhwar Peth in Pune and Reshampura in Gwalior. There are around 2.8 million prostitutes in the country and their number is increasing, as informed by Lok Sabha. Most of the girls are brought from Nepal and Bangladesh. ”Young girls are trafficked from Nepal to brothels in Mumbai and Kolkata at an average age of twelve. They are trapped into the vicious cycle of prostitution, debt and slavery. By the time they are in their mid-twenties, they are at the dead end. In modern India different kinds of prostitution is prevailing apart from prostitutes in brothel there are:

·         Street prostitutes

·         Bar dancers

·         Call girls

·         Religious prostitutes

·         Escort girls

·         Road side brothel

·         Child prostitutes

·         Fricatrice prostitutes

·         Gimmick prostitutes

·         Beat prostitutes

 Every hour, four women and girls in India enter prostitution, three of them against their will.

Prostitution is a problem in itself and child prostitution is making it more complex. Quoting a study on ‘Girls/Women in prostitution in India’, Minister for Women and Child Development Renuka Chowdhury said that out of the total number of prostitutes in the country, 35.47 per cent entered the trade before the age of 18 years. Though in cases like Gaurav jain vs. Union of India [1]direction where given for the upliftment of prostitutes and establishment of the juvenile home for the children’s of prostitutes.

.

 

    Laws related to prostitution in India:



Suppression of Immoral Traffic in Women and Girl Act -1956
Prevention of Immoral Traffic Act-1956
Immoral Traffic  (Prevention) Act-1956

 

 

The Immoral Trafficking Prevention Act, 1956 (“ITPA”), the main statute dealing with sex work in India, does not criminalise prostitution or prostitutes per se, but mostly punishes acts by third parties facilitating prostitution like brothel keeping, living off earnings and procuring, even where sex work is not coerced.

 

Section3. Punishment for keeping a brothel or allowing premises to be used as a brothel.

(1) Any person who keeps or manages, or acts or assists in the keeping or management of, a brothel, shall be punishable on first conviction with rigorous imprisonment for a term of not less than one year and not more than three years and also with fine which may extend to two thousand rupees and in the event of a second or subsequent to conviction with rigorous imprisonment for a term of not less than two years and not more than five years and also with fine which may extend to two thousand rupees.

(2) A any person who, -

(a) Being the tenant, lessee, occupier or person in charge of any premises, uses, or knowingly allows any other person to use, such premises or any part thereof as a brothel, or

(b) Being the owner, lessor or landlord of any premises or the agent of such owner, lessor or landlord, lets the same or any part thereof with the knowledge that the same or any part thereof is intended to be used as a brothel, or is willfully a party to the use of such premises or any part thereof as a brothel, shall be punishable on first conviction with imprisonment for a term which may extend to two years and with fine which fine which may extend to two thousand rupees and in the event of a second or subsequent conviction, with rigorous imprisonment for a term which may extend to five years and also with fine.

(2-A) For the purposes of sub-section (2), it shall be presumed, until the contrary is proved, that any person referred to in clause (a) or clause (b) of that subsection, is knowingly allowing the premises or any part thereof to be used as a brothel or, as the case may be, has knowledge that the premises or any part thereof are being used as a brothel, if, -

(a) A report is published in a newspaper having circulation in the area in which such person resides to the effect that the premises or any part thereof have been found to be used for prostitution as a result of a search made under this Act; or

(b) A copy of the list of all things found during the search referred to in clause (a) is given to such person.

 

Section5. Procuring, inducing or taking person for the sake of prostitution.

(1) Any person who-

(a) Procures or attempts to procure a person whether with or without his/her consent, for the purpose of prostitution; or

(b) Induces a person to go from any place, with the intent that he/she may for the purpose of prostitution become the inmate of, or frequent, a brothel; or

(c) Takes or attempts to take a person or causes a person to be taken, from one place to another with a view to his/her carrying on, or being brought up to carry on prostitution; or

(d) Causes or induces a person to carry on prostitution; shall be punishable on conviction with rigorous imprisonment for a term of not less than three years and not more than seven years and also with fine which may extend to two thousand rupees, and if any offence under this sub-section is committed against the will of any person, the punishment of imprisonment for a term of seven years shall extend to imprisonment for a term of fourteen years:

Provided that if the person in respect of whom an offence committed under this sub-section, -

(i) Is a child, the punishment provided under this sub-section shall extend to rigorous imprisonment for a term of not less than seven years but may extend to life; and

(ii) Is a minor; the punishment provided under this sub-section shall extend to rigorous imprisonment for a term of not less than seven years and not more than fourteen years.

 

So it can be seen that both the sections namely section 3 and section 5 punishes only the acts of the 3rd party and same does the other sections in the Act and so new legislation shall be passed as to punish the client who are visiting the prostitutes.

 

 

 

The prostitution leads to many health problems for the prostitutes like:

·         Cervical cancer

·         Traumatic brain injury

·         HIV

·         STD

·         Psychological disorders

In a country like India where most of the people indulge themselves in unprotected sex with prostitutes it is very difficult to eradicate the problem of aids.

Historically, the AIDS epidemic in India was first identified amongst sex workers and their clients, before other sections of society became affected. The sex workers are themselves taking steps to combat with aids in some brothels in India for example sonagachi a brothel in Kolkata; where the sex workers are insisting their clients for use of condoms in order to avoid aids. But in all the other brothels in India social workers and NGO`S are trying to acquaint the sex workers about the ill effects of AIDS and are insisting them for using

condoms.

CASE STUDY

 

Meena was married off at 12. Soon after she was taken to Delhi by her husband, where she found out that he was a pimp. In the last three years, she has serviced up to six clients a night. The major part of her earnings goes to pay rent on the little room; the rest goes to her husband.

Maya, 10, was taken to Gorakhpur in Uttar Pradesh by her aunt who was paid Rs 3 000. When she refused to have sex with a client, she was locked in a room for two days, scared with snakes and beaten unconscious. When she came around she was raped by the client. Four years on, Maya lives in the red-light area of Mumbai. Her two year old spends the night in a crèche run by a social service organization. When he was only a few

Months old, she used to drug him and put him under her working cot.

 

 

Steps that should be taken in order to fight with prostitution:

 



Formal education should be made available to those victims who are still within the school going age, while non-formal education should be made accessible to adults
The Central and State Governments in partnership with non-governmental organizations should provide gender sensitive market driven vocational training to all those rescued victims who are not interested in education
Rehabilitation and reintegration of rescued victims being a long-term Recruitment of adequate number of trained counsellors and social workers in institutions/homes run by the government independently or in collaboration with non-governmental organizations
 Awareness generation and legal literacy on economic rights, particularly for women and adolescent girls should be taken up.
Adequate publicity, through print and electronic media including child lines and women help lines about the problem of those who have been forced into prostitution.
Culturally sanctioned practices like the system of devadasis, jogins, bhavins, etc. which provides a pretext for prostitution should be addressed suitably.

 

 

Shall India legalize prostitution?

 

Some people opine that prostitution shall be made legal in India and accept them as a part of society because the problem of prostitution is inevitable. The benefit of legalizing prostitution in India will be that atleast we will have a track record of Sexworkers as for example when dance bar in Bombay were closed most of the bar dancers migrated to Gujarat and Karnataka and other neighbouring state and started their business  undercover. Legalising prostitution will see these women, who live life on the edge everywhere, gaining access to medical facilities, which can control the spread of AIDS. There is a very strong need to treat the sex industry as any other industry and empower it with legal safeguards. The practical implications of the profession being legal would bring nothing but benefits for sex workers and society as a whole. Keeping prostitution illegal also contributes to crime because many criminals view prostitutes and their customers as attractive targets for robbery, fraud, rape, or other criminal acts. The criminals realize that such people are unlikely to report the crimes to police, because the victims would have to admit they were involved in the illegal activity of prostitution when the attacks took place, now if it is legal then they will easily go and report this to police.Benifits of legalizing prostitution are:



Legalization of prostitution and the sex industry will stop sex trafficking.
Legalization of prostitution will control the sex industry.
Legalization of prostitution will decrease clandestine, hidden, illegal and street prostitution.
Legalization of prostitution will protect the women in prostitution as they will have rights.
Women in systems of Prostitution want the sex industry legalized as they are the one who suffers the most as they don’t have any rights.
Legalization of prostitution will promote women’s health as they can have easy access to medical facilities which they don’t have when it is illegal.
Recognizing prostitution as an economic activity, thus enabling women in India to obtain working permits as “sex workers”.

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

Thus either India shall legalize prostitution which is the most suitable step that can be taken or shall make such deterrent laws as to curve up the problem of prostitution. Laws should not be such as to  just  remove the prostitutes but also to change the mentality of people who are interested in paid sex by punishing them in such a manner  that people of same mentality will dare to indulge themselves in similar activities.

[1] AIR1997SC3021, 1997(2)ALD(Cri)199, 1997(2)Crimes40(SC), JT1997(6)SC305, 1997(4)SCALE657, (1997)8SCC114, [1997]Supp2SCR105


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Tips on Saving your Marriage

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 10:40 pm

“Help save marriage from falling apart!” comes the cry from many who see their marriage sinking quickly. You have been watching the ship you are on sinking but haven’t figured out what to do to stop it. If you aren’t ready to see your marriage sink into the abyss, you need help save marriage advice. You need an S.O.S. You need to learn to sacrifice for your marriage, you have to learn to open up and communicate, and you have to learn to simplify your lives so things aren’t so complicated.

Sacrifice:

Many times those who are wanting help save marriage are really more interested in trying to get the other person to fix their problems. If you are looking at the other person as the root of the problem, take a close look at yourself. It may very well be that the other person is causing all the problems but you need to make sure that you aren’t making matters worse.

Most of the time marriages fall apart because one or both of the people start getting selfish and feel that the world revolves around them. The truth is that if that is your perspective, the marriage is doomed. The two of you are supposed to be as one and this can not be if you are only looking out for #1. You have to be able to sacrifice parts of yourself for the existence of the marriage. It takes the two of you realizing that if you want to be as one, you may have to sacrifice yourself. The choice is simple, live as one or live as two people.

Open Up:

There is a tendency that many people have to bottle things up when we are stressed. This isn’t healthy for any individual and it especially isn’t healthy for a marriage. When contents are under pressure for too long and that pressure grows, things are likely going to build up too much. When thing build up too much they may reach the point that there is an explosion.

Remember you were hearing fireworks going off when you first kissed. Encourage open communication in your relationship. Lay your cards on the table and talk things through. Dont wait for that time where it is too late to patch things up because you didnt sit down and discuss you problems. Dont put this off and this will save your marriage.

Simplify:

We have a tendency to make things a lot more complicated than what they need to be. We make big issues out of little ones and mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion is something that many who need help save marriage will do that makes things worse than they need to be.

Think about what the qualities that you look for in a partner. Dont make it too complicated and get to the bottom of your issues.

Maybe you have a lot of demands. Perhaps you are hard to please or expect too much from your partner.

Take a step back and consider that you may be making things more complicated than they need to be. Simplify and you just may be able to help save marriage.

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Article Source: Tips on Saving your Marriage

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Pull It Together – Help Save Marriage

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm

Those who want help save marriage from ending in divorce need to PULL it together. It is a hard thing to watch a marriage that was once so precious and important fall apart. It’s heart breaking to sit by as the two of you start going your separate ways. If you don’t want that to happen then do something about it. Pull it together to help save marriage.

Chill out:

Take a moment to catch your breath and step back from the situation. Not necessarily take a break from it but to just calm down. It is easy for things to get over-heated. Take a moment to catch your breath and give it a moment to cool off. When you were young you were probably told to count to 10 when you got angry so that you could give yourself a chance to get yourself under control.

The same principle applies here. Before you do anything else, take a breath. The next time something is said to you that makes you mad, calm down, get a hold of yourself and then let go of your anger. Only then can you truly learn how to communicate and take the next step to help save marriage.

Understand what is happening:

While you are taking a breather, try to see things from someone elses perspective. It may not be as bad as you think.

Look at it from another perspective and your mates opinion on things. You might find out why things were blown out of proportion. Perhaps there is an uncomplicated answer to your marital problems.

Laugh at yourselves:

A light hearted approach is better than letting your issues affect you. You might realize that what you were worrying about might not be that big of a deal.

How amusing is it to worry about something so insignificant when in fact the solution can be really simple at times. When people go through difficult times they say, Sometimes I wish we can look back at this and laugh!

Look for ways to improve:

Try to see things from another standpoint and keep moving forward. Understand that the challenges that you have are most of the time unimportant and you can easily take control of the situation.

Change you attitude to improve yourself. If it was your fault those things spun out of control and you overreact every time then do something to stop it. Your approach in handling situations should be better this time to help you with fixing your problems.

Work as a team all the time to help save your marriage.

How To Get Over A Breakup? Watch a video that shows you the mistakes you should avoid when trying to get your lover back. Visit the website below. How To Get Over A Breakup

Article Source: Pull It Together – Help Save Marriage

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Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 9:30 pm

A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it’s own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.

Getting married was the right thing to do at that time and it made a lot of sense. But when times are difficult because of the problems that you had this might wear you out. If you dont want your marriage to end then you need to take the steps to keep it alive.

Get Counseling:

The solution to a marriage in trouble is quite easy to deal with. Going to a marriage counsellor can definitely help you understand what both of you were doing wrong and what you need to work on to rebuild your relationship. Counselling will help you appreciate each other.

Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don’t come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.

Get Some Perspective:

If your marriage is in trouble it is vital if you can get some perspective on the situation that you are in. A marriage counsellor can give you their points of view regarding the relationship that can help you resolve your issues.

From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn’t understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.

Find a Resolution:

You begin to get another perception on the issues that you have on hand. Again having a marriage counsellor to give you a different perspective will give you ideas on how to restore you relationship. Have a plan in hand to get started with your mission to save your marriage.

Now that you have a lot of ideas about fixing your marriage, make sure that you act on it now and dont put things off. This will only worsen the situation.

Don’t sit back and watch your marriage fail. Take the necessary action to identify the factors that contribute to your broken relationship. Save it by resolving to do what is needed to make it right.

Stopping A Break Up Again ? Watch a video that shows you the mistakes you should avoid when trying to get your lover back. Visit the website below. Stopping A Break Up Again

Article Source: Getting CPR For Marriage In Crisis

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The Safest Way To Approach Your Ex Girlfriend And Ask Her Back

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

If you are looking for ways on how to get your ex girlfriend back but have no clue as to where to begin, I have good news for you. You have found what you are looking for. I’ll share with you some ways on how to effectively get your ex girlfriend back using the safest and fool-proof means.

Leave her alone for the mean time. This is one important advice to be taken if you want to get your ex girlfriend back. Remember that not giving her the proper time and space will not get you any closer on getting her back. This is the most common advice you’ll ever get. This means no texting, calling or talking to her for a period of time. Give her about 2 weeks or a month to calm down and gain some perspective to be open to you again. Give her time to think about what really happened in your relationship. Let time heal her.  If she realizes that all that has been done is not worth losing you, I tell you she might even be the one to try and win you back.

Be her friend again. After a month of no communication, you can now send her a simple text message asking how she is. If she ignored you then it’s not yet the right time but if she does then start letting her know that you’re still there for her. You can start by chatting with her when she’s on-line but do talk about your break-up yet; she’ll just turn away. Offer your help in case she needs it. Make her know that you’re there to listen to whatever she needs to say.

Apologize and mean it. I mentioned this last because this is the most important tip especially if you are the one who had a mistake. Now that you are her friend again, tell her how really sorry you are for causing the break up. Show her that you still care and want her back. Be sincere when doing this. Remember to look into her eyes.

Are you up to the challenge? It will not be easy at first, but if you do exactly as what I said, then you will see that how to get your ex girlfriend back is easy to do. You just need to be determined and patient enough. Be courageous and remember that sincerity will take you a long way.

Just broke up?

Getting your ex girlfriend back should be easy if you know that right thing to do. Carefully choose what you say and the steps you take to make her fall in love with you once again.

Visit How to Get Your Ex Back to find out more tips on how to win your ex girlfriend back and reclaim the lost love.

Article Source: The Safest Way To Approach Your Ex Girlfriend And Ask Her Back

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Alternative methods of pregnancy and delivery

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

Labor and delivery; it brings joy but also pain for the woman. Obviously joy is involved with the new baby, but if you ask most woman, they will also describe it was a source of unspeakable pain. Well because of the pain that woman go through, there are two different schools of thought on how labor and delivery should happen. I am going to offer some perspective on one particular school of thought that I have gained first hand experience with in my profession as a midwife.

There is the medical model for delivering babies which is tied in with using drugs to kill the pain, and sometimes c -sections to finish the delivery. While there is another model, which though not widely accepted, for those who believe in it and have experience it consider it much safer and natural for the woman. That model is called the midwifery model. That is in obvious contrast with the usual medical model way of doing things.

The medical model is where you rely heavily on medicine, while the midwifery model relies on the natural. Midwifery believes that pregnancy and delivery is a natural process and thus should be allowed to happen naturally. This model is carried out by a profession called midwives. Midwives are generally woman, who attend the birth, often times at the mother’s home. This midwife would help the woman try to deliver the baby as naturally as possible without the use of drugs. Against most popular beliefs, not using medicine during labor actually allows the labor to happen quite a bit faster because drugs usually slow down the labor.

The midwife is a profession that has a regulatory board that oversees, certifies, and licenses the individual. Although a lot of the times they are not a nurse or a doctor, a midwife sometimes is a nurse also. Even though they are not a doctor or nurse, they do carry with them some medical equipment, such as resuscitation devices and suturing equipment.

So in regards to pregnancy and delivery this is what a midwife is and generally what midwifery is about.Their objective is to let the labor and delivery to occur as naturally as possible. This reduces the likelihood of a c-section. Doesn’t allow you to be subject to invasive hospital procedures such as episiotomys. Less medical management like breaking the water or using drugs to slow or speed up the pregnancy. And the best part of all that a woman will love, generally labor happens much quicker naturally.

My hope is that this information has given you more information on the benefits of midwifery and using a midwife in your pregnancy. At the very least, hopefully it gives you more options to explore.

If you would like to learn more from a San Diego midwife visit her site.

You will learn from her experience assisting women in labor as well as from other midwives San Diego

Article Source: Alternative methods of pregnancy and delivery

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