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Are you ready for a funny joke? Let Me know what you think, thanks?

  • Posted on May 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Bob says to Mike behind him, ‘My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I’d better see a doctor.’

‘Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,’ Mike replies. ‘There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs $10 – A lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Bob deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He deposits $10, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

10 seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

‘You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in 2 weeks.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart.’

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Bob began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Bob hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits $10, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins, They aren’t yours, Get a lawyer.

5. If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ WalMart

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getting ready to marry but family doesnt agree?

  • Posted on May 2, 2011 at 1:21 am

well from the beginning i have been dating this girl off and on she is the love of my life and she loves me the same we have found new understanding in our relationship when we got back together i found out she was prego and then found out it wasnt mine i agreed to stay with her and call the baby my own her mother and family saw it different they have never met me but feel that she shouldnt be with me i never did anything to provoke them into that way of thought but instead took her daughter in when they were mistreating her at home… her mother told her not to bring me home for the holidays cus it would ruin her christmas and now her mother is calling my mother telling her all sorts of lie like im doing heroin and selling which i never touched in my life and telling my fiance that my mother said that my life was alot better with out her which is also a lie, keep in mind too that my mother is a ordain minister who has no reason to lie and her mother is a more worldly person, thanks
my mother is also diagnosed with cancer and is getting worse it seems and understand that her family is in ohio and im in arizona…. i am very happy with her im not pathetic and dont have any problems picking up women but i feel i can have a very happy life with this one just by the way we connect… her mother is very childish when i brought her back out here her mother threatend to take all her vicodin and slit her wrist it was so frustrating for the both of us, she has told her family to back off and does stick up for me… her mother wants her back with her ex, which isnt going to happen for one he’s an ugly redneck and didnt treat he with the respect and dignity a women deserves because she isnt a child anymore and i try to tell her that to build confidence im just so confused with the situation im almost in tears in thoughts of her family breaking us apart…. how should i feel, say, think i dunno please help me!

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I am ready to leave but don’t know how to say?

  • Posted on October 21, 2010 at 12:17 am

it without starting a fight. MY husband, for the millionth time in our short 3 year marriage, spent the entire day getting plastered yesterday. He left our daughter at daycare for 10 1/2 hours so that he could drink. I got home and he was passed out drunk on the couch. He woke up drank some more and then went out and BOUGHT MORE BEER. I’d finally had enough so I put our daughter to bed and I went to sleep. This morning I am not wearing my rings, and I feel incredibly guilty about it, but I am ready to end it. I don’t want our daughter, who is 11 months old now, growing up in such an unhealthy envrionment. My husband will be the first to tell you, when he’s sober, that he shouldn’t touch alcohol. Then he goes on these binges and it’s drama and chaos and mayhem in our home and I don’t want it anymore. How do I tell him I’m done without starting a blowout? I don’t want any more drama!
If anything did you read the part about us being together 3 years? You don’t think that in that time I have BEGGED him to get help?! He refuses.
Thanks Grunt but we are in two totally different situations…my husband has an illness a disease. Your wife is probably post partum and could use your love and support to get herself some help.
Jersey it is definitely an addiction but I don’t buy his excuses anymore. We have a child involved and enough is enough. I will not raise her in an unhealthy environment. So I’m not buying anything, well except maybe my own house but anyway.
Bill C are you ready for this? HE is the police?!! I am married to a cop!

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How did you know when your child was ready for the potty?

  • Posted on August 18, 2010 at 9:24 am

My daughter is 17 months and I am starting to think ahead for potty training. She finally does not drink milk through the night so she is much dryer through the night. She does not tell me when she pees or poos so would it be much harm for me to introduce her to the potty yet?

How did you know when your child was ready and how old were they when you started?

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I am ready to leave but don’t know how to say?

  • Posted on August 17, 2010 at 11:17 am

it without starting a fight. MY husband, for the millionth time in our short 3 year marriage, spent the entire day getting plastered yesterday. He left our daughter at daycare for 10 1/2 hours so that he could drink. I got home and he was passed out drunk on the couch. He woke up drank some more and then went out and BOUGHT MORE BEER. I’d finally had enough so I put our daughter to bed and I went to sleep. This morning I am not wearing my rings, and I feel incredibly guilty about it, but I am ready to end it. I don’t want our daughter, who is 11 months old now, growing up in such an unhealthy envrionment. My husband will be the first to tell you, when he’s sober, that he shouldn’t touch alcohol. Then he goes on these binges and it’s drama and chaos and mayhem in our home and I don’t want it anymore. How do I tell him I’m done without starting a blowout? I don’t want any more drama!
If anything did you read the part about us being together 3 years? You don’t think that in that time I have BEGGED him to get help?! He refuses.
Thanks Grunt but we are in two totally different situations…my husband has an illness a disease. Your wife is probably post partum and could use your love and support to get herself some help.
Jersey it is definitely an addiction but I don’t buy his excuses anymore. We have a child involved and enough is enough. I will not raise her in an unhealthy environment. So I’m not buying anything, well except maybe my own house but anyway.
Bill C are you ready for this? HE is the police?!! I am married to a cop!

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Why is that now that he is ready to get help I just want to leave?

  • Posted on August 16, 2010 at 4:18 pm

It’s been 3 long years of being married to an alcoholic who binges every other weekend. This last weekend was the final straw for me when he got drunk and beligerent because I refused to give him his car keys. My mother, sister, 12 year old nephew and 15 month old daughter where there. He was yelling at me and my sister stepped in, he went off on her, my mom stepped in, he went off on her. My nephew left the house to get away from the chaos and our daughter woke up scared because daddy was yelling. His friend came and retrieved him and I took our daughter and stayed at my dad’s for the night. Much of the next morning he threatened divorce and made phone calls to family members claiming I was going to screw him to the wall in court, when he’s the one that wanted the divorce. Within hours he was a sobbing mess telling me how sorry he was and he wants to be a different man. We even have a counseling appt tomorrow evening. My heart just isn’t in this marriage anymore and it hurts me to say that, I have no energy to console him or reassure him and i am going tomorrow simply to “try” because I feel it would be wrong to just walk away when he is going to FINALLY get help. Do I stick it out and see if he is sincere about changing? Anyone have any similar experiences? I would love to hear some encouraging stories please.

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