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What should I do about my wife and her “friendship” with the father of her daughter?

  • Posted on May 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, and she already had a 2 year old from her previous relationship. The guy is a drunk who beat her for a year in front of their daughter. He lives in the town over from us and sees his daughter when he wants to. He pays no support and can’t even drive to pick her up because he has two DUI’s and lost his license. He cried over my wife for a long time, but eventually we were married and now we have two kids together. He is still a drunk, and thinks he should call my wife when he has a problem that he can’t figure out himself, so he’ll get drunk and call, and my wife will talk to him trying to make him happy. He recently called drunk at 10am asking what to do, cause his parents wanted to commit him for being suicidal, but he was just drunk. I have told my wife I don’t want her talking to him about anything that doesn’t concern their daughter, that he doesn’t need to call her and vent his feelings to her. She seems to think this makes me a bad guy, and she can do what she wants. So she tries to be discreet about it. I ran to the store the other night to get us stuff, and when I got home she was on the phone with him, talking to him really gently, about stuff that did not concern their daughter. I see red when I think about it, I flipped. I sent him a message telling him to find his own wife to cry to. He calls when I was in the room with my daughter, all mad that I sent him that message, and my wife starts getting upset and crying. She seemed to be more upset that I upset him, than the fact that I was mad at her. I’m still mad at her, but she is just pretending like nothing happened, like we didn’t sleep in different beds. I don’t know what to do, she’s trying to be all lovey lovey with me, never said she was sorry (but she apologized for me on the phone to that bitc* when he called) but I don’t want to be anywhere near her. I don’t want to break my family up, but I won’t continue to put up with that.

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I’m afraid my ex-husband’s new wife might be abusing our 2 year old, what should I do?

  • Posted on May 15, 2011 at 4:21 am

My ex and I seperated early last year. When we were going to try to work things out, I found out he was seeing a known enemy of mine, so I went ahead with the divorce. They’re married now, she has 3 kids from a previous marriage and now they have another on the way. First off, her children are savages. The two boys and girl, lack discipline and attention. They obviously spend no time teaching them anything and more time putting them in front of TVs so they can smoke their marijuana. (They’ve recently spent their welfare money on medical marijuana cards) So other than the fact that my daughter comes home (from every other weekend at Daddy’s) with sugar addictions and cranky whining (I guess this is how her children get THEIR way instead of using words) she’s starting to act straight traumatized. Her father has recently started attending school so apparently my daughter is spending God knows how much time with this barbaric woman and her disorderly kids. Today, my boyfriend tells me, as he and our daughter arrive home, that she raced out the door in tears. It took me about an hour to calm her down and when i asked her father about it, he promptly responded 45 minutes later (after I confronted his wife) with “She’s fine, you’re ridiculous.” So in conclusion, I know I can’t gain full custody for ill-parenting and nutrition, but what CAN I do?

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Should I feel guilty about wanting nothing to do with my birth mother?

  • Posted on May 14, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Who decided to be a heroin addict instead of being a mother. She gave me to a family member at birth. Came around every now and then as I was growing up. Never gave me a birthday party, we never decorated a christmas tree together, came to about 2 school functions and these two did not include high school graduation.

She is now old, sick and drug free and now wants to act like I’m her daughter and wants to see my kids, who know her and do love her, but I don’t. A relative called to tell me she is in the hospital and they want me to call. I’m thinking of just letting the kids call.

Does this seem evil to you all?
My life wasn’t terrible. Fortunately I was raised by a very loving elderly couple; who loved me unconditionally and raised me with good values. I know my “mama” who raised me; is so disappointed that I’m being mean to her. It’s just that I hate being fake.
She’s been clean since I was about 20, I’ll be 40 this year. She was ordered to go to rehab or prison all those years ago and has been drugfree ever since. I say good for her; but no deal with the fake mother-daughter bit.

My husband says I will have no piece until I forgive her.
She’s been clean since I was about 20, I’ll be 40 this year. She was ordered to go to rehab or prison all those years ago and has been drugfree ever since. I say good for her; but no deal with the fake mother-daughter bit.

My husband says I will have no piece until I forgive her.

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what should I do about my family disowning me over this and not losing my daughter forever too?

  • Posted on May 11, 2011 at 4:17 am

Here’s a little history,am hoping someone can help me and help me to make sense of everything.I am 30 years old.I have a 13 year old daughter that my father and my step-mother have custody of and have had since my daughter was 2 months old.I had lost custody because when I was 17 and living with my mother,my mother screamed at my baby,so badly I screamed at my mother that threw me out.I was still in school,my mother had forced me to marry at 15 since my mother didn’t want me and also too,to escape abuse. My daughter’s father had walked out on us,and so I had noway to take care of a baby or anywhere else to go. My father and step-mother took in my daughter.Well my step-mother’s son when I was 14 raped me ,he died from an OD about 9 years ago,and when I told my family about it,my step mother that was in denial about it all, she threw me out and hasn’t allowed my dad to have a relationship with me and that includes not allowing me there to see my daughter,which I have visitation rights to.
Every time I talk to my daughter on the phone, she is very nasty to me,to the point I cry every time I hang up with her. My daughter has said horrible rumors about me,which aren’t true,that either my father or step-mother are telling her.I have told my daughter, I plan to go to court to make them enforce visitation,because now I am in a financial situation to be able to do so,where in the past I wasn’t..My daughter has said, she wants nothing to do with me and I know it’s from them turning her against me.
Well a month ago,my mother that lives with my brother,his wife and 2 kids,kept screaming and cussing my 2 year old nephew,telling him she hates him and hitting him over and over just for staring at her.She went on a good 10 minutes screaming and hitting him for that,which I finally talked her into walking away,that my husband heard it on speaker phone and my husband told me,we need to call social services. I didn’t want to go that route, but I have seen my mom be down right mean to my nephew once before and had tried talking sense into her and it did no good.
My husband brought up a point to me that,if I didn’t call social services,that if anything bad happened to my nephew,ie, mental problems or to be hurt physically hurt, that we’d never forgive ourselves.So we called social services and the social worker that went there to investigate the situation,couldn’t find anything wrong because they waited a week to respond after us reporting it.Anyhow, the social worker gave the time frame it had been reported and infurred so many things,my mother knew it was me.She changed her phone number,has diwonwed me and I called my father today and he said he is disowning me too because supposedly my daughter got a 15 page letter of me bad mouthing my father and I truly haven’t written anything,which leads me to believe,my mother had to of done it.
She has turned my siblings against me and apparently my father even more so and I sit here and cry,wondering where I went wrong.When I tried to explain to my dad there was never any letter from me,he got nasty and said,your whole family disowns you.He said,that’s just the way life goes. I am sad because my daughter hates me due to what my father has allowed my step-mom to do for 13 years.They have never allowed my daughter to write or call me.
You know I have forgiven my family for a lot.My mother and father knew my grandfather was sexually abusing me as a child and never did anything about it.My dad that use to be an alcoholic, beat my siblings and I daily and my mother left us kids and my dad when I was 11 to be with the man she had an affair with. There was never any discipline as far as them allowing my 2 older brothers to beat me daily,to the pont of breaking my bones, almost putting my eye out,or beating me daily and leaving bruises. However,I am not angry because I realize they’ve got their share of problems, but I am truly sad,because although I have forgiven everything and never once threw their faults in their face, they’re so hurtful to me,and I wish I knew what more to do.
Yes it’;s a toxic relationship that I should let go of,but is so hard when they’ve got my child. By the way, the judge did a court order for my dad to get custody,I fought it for 6 years but the judge denied me getting her back, due to the fact I wasn’t making enough money to support us both. After 6 years, I thought I could wait for my daughter to go to court and tell the judge herself and fight for better visitation if she wanted to stay there.However,I never would’ve thought in a million years they would not allow me there and to have turned her against me.Please someone can you offer good advice?Thank you
wow,I have never in my life done drugs,nor did I allow for him to get custody but the judge granted him the custody. Wow, so judgmental and quick to throw insults to me,when sometimes it’s cards that are delt at you.And maybe my life did suck,but I am improving it but thank you for such insults and judgment

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what should i tell my daughter about my father?

  • Posted on May 10, 2011 at 6:17 am

i kept my pregnancy hidden form my father till i was 7months. i knew he would not be supportive, because my BF is black & we aren’t married. needless to say when i told him, he asked me if i even knew who the father was, he told me i was stupid & that i “better not give THAT baby HIS last name.” i haven’t spoken to him hardly since my daughter was born (she is almost 7months). he did give my daughter (along w/my nephews) $500 for christmas. however, he still doesn’t acknowledge her at all. it’s very uncomfortable because all of my family & i are extremely close & love my daughter so much. then there is my dad, he is so awesome with my nephews & i don’t want my daughter to see that & wonder what is wrong with her. another thing is that he is a “functioning alcoholic,” so he will go off at the drop of a hat & i don’t want him to make any racial comment toward her, cuz my BF will physically hurt him. should i try to let him get to know her or just avoid him all together?
ohh john that was good! i did put the money in her account.
zesty, he is very protective of his daughter, as most decent dads are. he does not have anger issues.

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should they make a drug dealer list?

  • Posted on May 10, 2011 at 12:21 am

they have a sex offender list. Why not a drug dealer? who wants them by parks and schools? They usually are sexually deviant like 90percent. Also they produce sex predators!! Do you know haow many normal guys beome deviant after meth? ALOT. What about burglary they should be on a list too. They are most likely to break in in the middle of the night. Murderers they are the worst of all they take life. If my daughter was raped i would appreciate it if she was at least still alive. so would she!!

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should I go to psychologist or psychiatrist?

  • Posted on May 3, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Hi all, sorry if this is long but please help me:
I am 21 years old, and am a senior in college. My maternal grandmother who had alzheimer’s disease for many years died very recently (six days ago) and I am very conflicted on what to do. My maternal grandmother and I did not have a relationship at all, even though my mom and I lived with her for many years. To make a long story short, when I was younger, my grandmother would allow my cousin who is severely bipolar and addicted to perscription pills and heroin against the wishes of my mother and I to visit her at the house. My mom and I were strongly against this because my cousin tried to kill my mother twice in front of me, and myself the third time. We would also have to lock all of our medications and valuables away. My mom and I would also have to deal with my biological father because my cousin and his father were trying to make my mom look like an unfit parent, and take my grandmother’s house away that my grandmother was going to pass down to my mother. My mom and I tried to talk to her numerous times about it, but she refused to listen and treated him like her “golden child” despite everything he had done, even though I was sober, doing well in school, and involved in my community. It seemed like he was given all of the attention and love by her, and I was given none. She was also very mean and disrespectful to me and my mother, and friends. She was always very mean and cold even before she was diagnosed with her disease. The last time my cousin came to visit when I was 17, my mom was given an ultimatum by her mother to choose her daughter (me) or her mother. Like any other mother, she chose to protect me, and that resulted in us being kicked out of our home. I rarely saw or spoke to her after that incident, even after we had to move back to her house last year, after living for a few years in a mobile home. Now that my grandmother is dead, I unexpectedly have been feeling hurt, angry, and surprisingly sad. I feel like I have tried to talk to everyone in my family and my closest friends about the depth of my feelings, especially my mother, but I feel they will never truly understand. I never have expressed any of my feelings about my past with my grandmother or the above incident with anyone. Sorry this is so long, but where do I go from here please help!!!! All advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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Should I report my son-in-law’s uncontrolled addiction to authorities?

  • Posted on April 29, 2011 at 11:20 am

He is addicted to meth and gets really crazy. He has ADHD too. He has guns. He’s had trouble with the law many times. I am worried about my two little grandchildren. My daughter keeps hoping he will just get better. She focuses more on him than the kids. We know he won’t get better any time soon. Should I make a report to a family services agency? The children have shown signs of abuse. CPS has already visited them. Would they do anything with this additional information, and would my daughter have the children taken away? I can’t just watch and wait while this damage is being done. What else can grandparents do?

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My Dad is an alcoholic? What should i do?

  • Posted on April 27, 2011 at 10:17 am

Ok, my Dad has been an alcoholic since I can remember. Due to his excessive drinking, he developed the disease Pancreatitis. Recently, we had a really bad scare. According to his wife, he got out of bed and had symptoms of a stroke. He went to the doctors after we forced him to by calling the police and his blood work came back really messed up. They made him come back for more testing and a full body scan (forgot what it’s called). We were all thinking the worst, cancer or something along those lines and my dad was very scared. When the results came back, surprisingly, everything was fine. He had slight liver damage but was told it could easily be repaired if he changed his lifestyle. Fast forward two weeks… Last night, my dad shows up at my place, where me and my 4 month old son live drunk. I was so pist, it was like a huge slap in the face. So i told his wife today and she said she knew he was drunk yesterday too, that she could tell. She went home on her lunch break and told him that if he doesn’t stop she’s going to leave and told him what I said about how he was drunk last night. He texts me an hour later and tells me “Thanks” (meaning thanks for telling his wife, what she already knew!) And i told him “Thank youself.” And then he went on to insult me and tell me to worry about my dead beat bf and blah blah blah. I simply told him he could insult me all he wants if it makes him feel better. I’m done caring about him because he obviously doesn’t. And he told me not to contact him anymore and I said Gladly.What would you do in this situation? I really want to disconnect from the dysfunction all together but feel like I have a responsibility as his daughter to help him. Keep in mind, we have tried everything and nothing seems to work. I am at a loss…
Aside from the fact that he’s killing himself with alcohol, he is completely abnoxious and inappropriate when he’s drunk and says things that make me really uncomfortable. Like last night he was talking about how his upstairs neighbors are gay guys and said “yea.. i heard one say, “ugh i got poop on my weiner.” He obviously didn’t hear them say that… but he says inappropriate stuff like this when he’s drunk ALL THE TIME.

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Should I worry about custody for child?

  • Posted on April 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

Step daughters mother is addicted to meth. she went to treatment yesterday for 30 days. wanted to leave child with now ex boyfriend who on the first day bailed to go skiing .. leaving his kid and step daughter with his mom, aunt and niece to trade off and watch them…. Mother called furiously after she was served papers on her way out the door to rehab… saying she will fight for her daughter etc.. she thinks we are trying to ruin her. Told daughter a lie that she was going to go take care of grandfather who broke his hip… after papers were served, we picked up step daughter from school.. we are continuing to take her to school 1 hour away from home until the hearing… Does mother have any legal grounds to get her back? If she leaves rehab early to go to hearing feb 5 or gets a lawyer to represent her.. how can she beat the system? We are in Texas. step daughter was in wierd situation. after mother got found to be on meth 3rd time in a few years, boyfriend says “hes done,move out”
she doesnt have anything… and 30 days in treatment for meth is not desirable. We should have stepped in the very first time and taken her… but we gave mother benefit of the doubt….

ex boyfriend wants step daughter to stay there… home is unstable.. mom and daughter have moved out twice in past 2 years to small apartment and then moved back in with him….

fiance and i have very stable relationship.. dont fight [ just the occasional argue about something stupid, but no fighting] and are well able to provide.

am i worrying too much?!
btw.. we have got step daughter in counseling and she is very understanding… more so than we thought… scared about change, but open to it.. we are very proud of her.
daughter 10

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