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This computer is Smart……..?

  • Posted on March 7, 2011 at 1:21 pm

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.” His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks…….

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ……. twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.
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Smart Computer?

  • Posted on March 3, 2011 at 1:21 pm

One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind Him “My Elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I’d better see a doctor!”

“Listen, don’t waste your time down at the surgery,” Mike replies.

“There’s a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid…..a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Club card points”.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks”.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and “pleasured himself” into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
5) And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better…..

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“divorce”! i am a pretty smart cookie until now…..HELP?

  • Posted on September 11, 2010 at 7:18 pm

ok lets try to give it to you in a nut shell.married my sweetheart 22 years ago we were living the dream until about 6 years ago i hurt my back and got hooked on pain meds and over time crushed all that we had ..she asked me to go back to ny and get help i did ..but my addiction got worse… her and my daughter were in florida and i was alone with mom in ny i did not get help i got put in jail for presciption fraud ….i still thru the help of family managed to support her ,,,,and remained loyal ,,as did she ,it is now 1 year and my whole life is turned around i have been clean 13 months and i am on a drug called suboxone go to therapy ,meetings and am commited to myself to get help for the rest of my life ,and one day at a time i have earned alot of respect back from my family ,wife and co workers …….and i am finally forgiven by my wife.and it looks like in a few months we will be a family under the same roof,part of us moving foward is she wants me to sign divorce papers in case i go on a binge again so she got a lawyer and i dont know what to expect,or what to sign or not sign i make 87k a year and have no assets ,we have beenspeaking to a counsler and we do love each other but for her there is still the fear of me going off on a binge,and the way i feel now at 45yrs old it wont happen ,but nobody can predict the future…again i am in ny she is in tampa what shoul i do about these papers she filed with the courts in tampa what should i expect

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