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Can my boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife legally say I can’t be around her daughter?

  • Posted on January 5, 2011 at 10:20 am

My boyfriend, who also happens to be the biological father of my oldest daughter, is going through a nasty divorce. Right after his ex left we started seeing each other. We have been ever since, it’s been almost 16 months. He still hasn’t got divorced because the ex is trying to get back with him, and keep contesting it over and over. Also he has been very back and forth on whether or not he wanted to give her another chance, so he didn’t really “rush” this divorce along. He was very naieve about the whole process.
It’s hard to put this all into a short lil composed story, but basically she moved 1 state over months and months ago and he’s been making the trip there so that she can see her daughter, even a couple of times towards the end he let his daughter stay the night with her.
All was well, until last weekend she called to say she was driving to town and staying in a hotel and wanted to see their daughter. My bf told her he didnt want their daughter staying in a hotel so she could have her the next day. He proceeded to drop her off with her in the morning, when time came to pick her up, the ex didnt respond to any calls or txts. We later learned she fled to another state with her and he could do nothing about it until he recieved a temporary custody paper.
Ok so onto my problem now… she still has the child and is telling him that I will never be allowed to be around his daughter, which is also mind you, my daughter’s sister. We will be getting her back once he gets paperwork, but when they have divorce court in a few months I’m wondering if she can try and break us up by not allowing the child around me. Obviously she has to have grounds for this, which are the following: I have been arrested, but before I was ever dating him, or around his child, and everything but 1 thing was dropped in court, which was resisting arrest, which I spent 8hrs in an anger mgmt class and 36 days house arrest for. Also before we were dating, or I was ever living with his child I tried to kill myself and spent 30 days in the hospital, 5 of which were in a mental facility, where i was cleared to go home.
Should I be worried? I have been raising his lil girl for over a year bc her own mom has barely been around. Now all the sudden she wants to keep her from me bc I was mad and txtd her that her daughter will know all about her mom one day. She feels that she is going to use my past against me.

Ok now onto her past:
While she was pregnant she smoked pot and took pills to get high, they drug tested the baby when she was born and she came up positive.
During their marriage she cheated on him with almost every single one of his friends, inlcuding his roommate while he was in the other room.
She has done every drug imaginable even after the baby was born, including smoking crack, and meth.
She would have family members come over to watch the baby every single day so that she can go meet up with random men and get drugs.
After she left him she started stripping at a local strip club.
She has repeatedily threatened to kill herself if he doesnt take her back.

Please, I welcome any and all responses. I want to know LEGAL stuff more so than opionions. Thank you in advance.
I am not a threat to her in anyway what so ever, but can she use my past against me? My past is in no way abusive or involving children.

Also, she is trying to claim that I am still suicidal, and that I am on drugs. Can she even bring this up in court or will they just realize she is a jealous ex-wife?

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How do you treat a narcissist soon to be ex?

  • Posted on November 19, 2010 at 9:22 pm

My wife said she loved me to death and that she would die if I ever left her. We had a big argument 4 weeks ago….she left me. She then tried to trash me to the neighbors and trashed me to her family like it was all my fault. The woman had an abortion before she left, has been driving around on a expired license with her daughter and drinks like a fish. Nobody knew this and she said her family would be horrified if they knew. I kept it in confidence until she left me and decided to trash me. They say the best thing to do for a narcissist is to expose them. They are little kids and nobody has ever exposed their flaws. On the outside they appear like saviors and pillars of the community. She verbally abused me like no one else I’ve ever been with and then left and played the victim after she verbally abused my 9 year old son. I’m sure her father never stood up for her in front of her verbally abusive mother. I did stand up for my son. The cycle stops at me and I don’t think she could take that I was telling her she was out of line so she left (a narcissistic injury to her ego). She’s furious and I did love her but I realized she’s a spoiled brat and the only way to help her is to expose her and for her to own up to her behavior. From the love of my life (her words) I haven’t heard from her in 3 weeks. How do I treat a narcissist like this?

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Should I give my soon to be ex husband heads up on divorce decree?

  • Posted on October 15, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Just got my divorce decree draft yesterday from my attorney and I am worried my husband will go crazy when he finds out that I am requesting supervised visitations…I found out him and his girlfriend smoke pot WITH my 16 year old step son occassionally. (my step son told me himself) I don’t want my 7 year old daughter around them while they’re doings drugs and my husband has been to jail for two separate DWI charges. (he was given probation) I am being fair on not seeking arrears and hope that he will realize that it’s all in the best interest and safety of our child. My attorney also mentions in the decree that he should not contact me directly anymore and if he does he will order a restraining order against him since he has recordings of all the horrible messages he has left on my cell. I am sure I will hear from my husband by the end of the week when he receives the paper work…my attorney said that’s great if he calls yelling at me because that is proof he RECEIVED all paper work….I am so stressed out and hope that I am doing the right thing by doing what attorney is advising me to do…am I being fair? = (
I left him because he started smoking crack and became addicted…I’m not sure if he has done that lately and that’s REALLY the reason I mentioned smoking. I have been told that smoking that stuff can cause hallucinations and NO WAY I want my daughter near him without supervision. Smoking pot is illegal and I don’t agree that it’s no big deal, always will be against it.

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Legal advice:Is it okay for my soon to be ex husband have the locks changed on the house we both own?

  • Posted on August 26, 2010 at 4:22 am

We are in the middle of going through a divorce. He has his ex-wife staying there. He had the locks changed. I can’t get and half of my and our 4 year old daughter’s things are still in the house. We both have a toorneys but they are closed for the weekend. I sent my husband a text saying I was on my way over to get my new key with a cop escort. He said I have no right to do that and he would call the cops too! It’s still my house! Do I not have a right? My husband is getting drunk at our home and he is on probation for a dwi with our daughter in the car.
sorry for all the typos! I was typing fast!
Texas. I left b/c we were fighting, not b/c we were divorcing. He texted me later that week he wanted a divorce.

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soon to be ex wants to introduce GF and her child to my kids?

  • Posted on August 8, 2010 at 7:20 am

my soon to be ex who has had drug issues with oxycontin hasnt been there much for my daughters he also has been put of state. The other day I let him take the kids to the movies unsupervised even though the court says that hes supposed to be supervised. I let him take them and he calls me from the car to tell me hes meeting that girl vicky and her daughter. I get really mad and say know that the kids haven’t been prepared for that. Now he hasnt seen my kids in six weeks and he wants to bring another child and gf into the mix, by the way I kicked him out of the house originally becasue he pushed my 3 year old daughter onto the floor and her big sister had to protect her. He actually said the my kids who never see them that this girl’s father did not call her on her birthday and my daughter’s father did not call her either (he must have forgotten that one) he said it right to her does he have no feelings for my children, or is he too busy playing father to this other little girl?
I know I was irresponsible sometimes I think he is not using and it gets really hard when I have to superivse and get no break at all I don’t have much of a support system and I am very lonely. He gets to get a relationship and I dont get a break and no relationship. I know I was worng and thank all of you for your blunt answers I needed to hear it. THANK YOU!!!

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my soon to be ex husband is threatening to take my daughter from me because he does not like my boyfriend?

  • Posted on July 30, 2010 at 8:29 am

my ex husband says that he does not want his daughter to be brought up in a home with my boyfriend, he has a criminal record that has 2 dwi, communicating threats, and assault on a gov’t official should i be wooried about being with this man, or do you think that i have anything to worry about as far as my ex getting full custody

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My soon to be ex-wife needs help!!! (Kinda long, but full of juicy details)?

  • Posted on January 5, 2010 at 8:07 am

We’ve been seperated for almost 3 years now, and our divorce settlement is a few weeks away from being finalized. We have a 4 year old daughter together. It was a very bad breakup and we didn’t speak or have any contact for about a year and a half…working with our families to take care of our kid. This past summer we started a dialogue and we have been able to re-establish our friendship in effort to raise our daughter without conflict. However, I have become increasingly concerned for her health and well being lately and I’m not sure what to do or how to approach it.

When we started talking again this summer, she had a boyfriend in California (3000 miles away) and they were ‘together’ pretty much since I had moved out. A few weeks later she called me crying, and told me she’d been getting drunk alot and sleeping with another guy. She dumped the guy she had been cheating with, and the guy in CA dumped her. She was upset that she had sabatoged yet another relationship in her life, and cited depression, heavy drinking and partying as the source for her bad decisions. For a few weeks I checked up on her and she said she was doing better, not drinking and not partying. All seemed better.

This past weekend she called me again…crying. She is apparently back to her old ways of drinking, partying and sleeping with casual acquaintances. She had apparenly put some amount of faith in her latest “friend”, but could not deal with certain realities about him so she dumped him. Once again, she cited depression, heavy drinking and partying for her poor judgement. She has also admitted a couple recent close calls with the law while drinking and driving. We talked at length, and I told her that it is apparent she is repeating the same cycle with every man in her life. She starts out being very affectionate and fully giving up herself and her body to these guys. Then she learns that these people are not who she thought they were and regrets her choices. It’s not even that there’s anything wrong with these guys, she just can’t deal with situations that aren’t ideal for her. She has dumped or cheated on every guy she’s ever been with and has ended these relationships “because she can’t deal with people once she really gets to know them and see that they aren’t all perfect”. She is not permiscuous when she is not drunk, so it’s like she’s a whole other person when she’s partying.

Yesterday, she’s back to “everything is OK” and “I’m going to stop drinking and partying”so much. Basically, now she’s in total denial that there’s any signifigant issue at all…its all under control all the sudden after completely falling apart the day before. I’ve told her that there really is a problem and it’s not OK, and I’m not going to ignore it or just watch her continue hurting herself. I am certain she will revert back to the drinking and party scene after a few weeks. She is definitely taking a lot of risks (sexually and driving drunk) and her drinking / partying is out of hand. She’s a 33 year old mother, but she’s living like a 19 year old college girl. I have our daughter over 60% of the time each week, and I’ve been paying child support for almost 2 years…apparently to fund her nite life. Ironically, I had turned to the bottle as we approached the end of our relationship (to deal with the stress), and she cited that as a major problem at the time. Now the tables have turned and she’s the one binge drinking to cope with her problems. I had more than a few problems when we broke up, and she watched me fall to pieces and drink myself into oblivion. It’s OK now that she’s the one who drinks to cope? I’ve told her a few times lately…she seems like a whole other person than the girl I had married years ago. The “friends” she has, all the booze / weed and the whole party scene she frequents have drastically changed this girl, and destroyed her integrity. Why is she doing this to herself?

When the divorce is settled I am taking 1/2 of the value of our equity in the house and the support will be revoked. I have agreed to joint legal custody but I will not hesitate to seek full custody if she continues on her downward path. She is visibly exhausted when I see her, and she basically refuses to see a counselor even though I provide good insurance for her till the divorce goes through. I keep telling her to take advantage of it while she can. I feel like the divorce will be a real hardship for her due to the reduced income and sale of the house…it may perpetuate or worsen her current behavior. I really worry that she will wait for something to go really wrong before she addresses these issues and starts to deal with her problems. There are definitely some underlying problems from her past that are coming into play, including being molested by her cousin when she was a child, and an alcoholic father. She needs help, and to some degree I still have love in my heart for her…probably always
will. I can’t just stand by and watch her destroy herself, or give herself up to men who really don’t deserve a girl like her. I always felt like she would find someone better than me after we split…I had no idea she would become who she is today.

What more can I do to help her, without being overbearing and over-assertive? I don’t want to push her away. I have told her that I really care about her…she is my child’s mother and our daughter needs her mom to be there for her. Our child also needs a mom that she can be proud of, and not a drunk who keeps giving up her body to guys who don’t respect her and that she ultimately regrets. I just wish I could get her to understand the gravity of the situation before it’s too late. I truly hope she finds her way out of this mess she’s in.

I appriciate any similar stories, constructive feedback or any advice. Please help me help her! Thanks!

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I have a custody question about my soon to be 18 year old daughter?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:36 pm

My question is, I have custody of my daughter and she’s soon to be 18 and she has one year of high school left. When she turns 18 can she leave to stay with her mother and, can her mother get welfare for her even though I have custody? I have custody cause her mother was or is doing methamphetamines. Any good advise would be greatly appreciated

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