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My step daughter has raked up old problems?

  • Posted on May 14, 2011 at 8:17 pm

….when I thought everything was OK. My step daughter is now 25 and I have lived with her father since she was 12. Her mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug addict and lived 300 miles away – no contact. When I and my 2 boys moved in everything was fine – she had a brother of 13 as well – so there were 4 kids. Then the weird stuff started to happen. I caught her pretending to cry in front of a mirror. She was always saying that my boys who were then 6 and 4, were trying to watch her when she got undressed. Loads of my stuff – jewellry (heirlooms), money from my family when they visited went missing and her brother got the blame. Cut a long story short – we thought she was jealous of me with her father and we tried to address it. She confided in a teacher who was also a friend of ours and between them my partner was ‘forced’ to let her foster my step daughter. A year went by and I approached her to make amends and to start being a family.
Her mother whom she had no contact with committed suicide. My partner and I were the first to be told by the police and we went and told s/daughter and brother personally and saw them through an emotional time. Next, her dad got nasty txts off her and a nasty letter bringing up the past but getting it ever so wrong. What does he do – confront her – ignore it – if he agrees with her then what? Why do you think she is doing this when we have been there for her through loads of probs over the last 8 years (when she left home). How can this be resolved?

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My step daughter’s behavior?

  • Posted on May 8, 2011 at 10:17 am

My husband and I have been happily married for almost 3 years now; we both have daughters from previous marriages and would like to start trying for another child. My daughter is a real sweet girl and cares about others as well as obeys her parents. However my step daughter’s behavior is totally unacceptable and she does not want to listen to me or her father, and yells at us whenever we confront her.

She recently came to live with us after she was in a rehab facility for anorexia and drug abuse. We have had uncountable episodes where she would come home at 4 in the morning totally drunk and high on drugs. After she was grounded. I recently found drugs in her room, and seen cuts on her arm. She also skips school, barely eats and I haven’t seen her sleep at all in a while, I have even caught her having sex. She knows the rules in our house, yet she disobeys them.

My husband and I have no idea what to do, I have tried talking to her, but I don’t know what to say.

She has had a really hard live, her little sister died when she was 4 and that totally shattered her father and mother’s relationship. Her mother, an alcoholic, then took off with her and no one could find them.

Her mother’s boyfriends severally abused her and raped her. After her mothers suicide she was sent from foster home to foster home, because she would cry, kick and scream all the time. Only after her suicide attempted did my husband and I track her down and admitted her to a rehab facility, however we felt so guilty leaving her there we wanted to give her a chance at a normal life, since she’s only 16. I have no idea what to do.

thank you for the advice.

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Future step daughter is disrespectful to me, how do I deal?

  • Posted on April 8, 2011 at 4:17 am

I’d like to hear from step daughters mostly as to how I can make things better. I’m willing to do whatever it takes but I’m at my whits end and stressed to the max. I’m sure my future step daughter is feeling an equal amount of stress based on her actions. Here are the facts. I’m 31, my FH is 44 and my FSD is 25. My husband and his Ex divorced about 13 years ago. He raised his daughter by himself and she doesn’t have a good bond with her mother so her father says. FSD is married and has a 3 month old son. Her father and I got engaged about 3 months ago and it’s been total drama ever since. She will not speak to me when I greet her or say bye. She complains about the food I cook for parties stating she doesn’t eat Mayo, which is a lie. At her brothers wedding she told her father I couldn’t sit with him because we weren’t married. Although her grandfathers live-in GF was seated with him and honored with a corsage. She insisted her father gets a prenup (which I will gladly sign) but I’m not certain that’s her business. Her father confronted her about her rudeness and not speaking. She told him she didn’t even realize I was saying hey to her (he’s seen it happen first hand). I FEEL like I’ve been more than nice to her and her family. I cancelled a vacation we had planned because I feared we would miss the birth of her son. I attended her baby showers (which were for family and I’m surprised I was invited as family but excluded from the wedding for not being family). I bought her son a babies first christmas ornament and included his picture from minutes after he was born and gave it to her the same day he was born. (yep that took a little juggling to do but I thought it was a nice gesture). I made her husband and her a movie basket for Christmas with movie rental gift card and tons of goodies to munch on while they were at home with the new baby. Didn’t even get a thank you. Bought her baby a little valentines treat, okay he can’t eat but I bought burp clothes, etc. Didn’t even get a thank you. Volunteered for her dad and I to babysit on Valentines night so she and her husband could enjoy a romantic dinner out. She declined and didn’t even say thanks for the thought. She says that her dad doesn’t NEED her anymore. However neither one of them make an attempt to be around the other when I’m not there. My fiance doesn’t work on Fridays, I do, and his daughter doesn’t work. I’ve suggested that he take her to lunch or breakfast every Friday but he just says that’s a good idea and nothing happens. I’ve suggested that maybe she could cook him dinner one evening, we don’t live together so she could have his undivided attention any evening. Her father does not like her husband because he is supposedly an alcoholic and drug addict that didn’t complete rehab. I’m not sure about this, he SEEMS like a wonderful father and husband. However my fiance is not as polite and welcoming to his son-in-law as he could be. I’ve explained that this is a two way street and that he must treat her husband with respect if he expects her to treat me with respect. My fiance has tried to talk to his daughter but things aren’t getting any better, possibly worse even. My parents are not divorced so I can not begin to understand how my FSD feels from that standpoint. And I do understand how she feels regarding the prenup, etc. She has every right to feel that way but she should still treat me with respect IMO. Please offer any advice you can, I have always wanted a big family and so very much want this to work out.

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How do I get my 20 year old step son to move out?

  • Posted on April 7, 2011 at 7:21 am

His father and I have been together for 7 years, their relationship is explosive at times. Mostly on the part of our son. the last three weeks we have been hit with he is a heroin addict, we committed him because he tried to kill himself because we wouldn’t let him talk to a girl that deserted him and in our eyes to let him die. he has a 3 year old daughter which has a very bad disease and all he can think off is getting back with the girl who deserted him and the three of them can be one big happy family. She is not allowed to step in our house or on our property, so he uses his sisters house as long as he gets her pot she is ok with anything he wants to do. Even if it is against our rules for him living here. what can I do, how do I get him to take responsibility for him self and his daughter and leave everything else until he can think straight and get well. It hurts me that he uses his dad but more importantly it hurst that he has turned his sister against his dad. what do I do?

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how do I help my 13yr old step daughter to value herself?

  • Posted on February 22, 2011 at 1:21 am

We caught her having multiple communications via text and face book-AIM that were sexually charged with several different boys at the same time. When we confronted her and told her we love her and don’t want to see her get hurt , & to please make better choices and value herself, then pointed out the good stuff. within minutes of are loving conversation she was back on line doing the very same thing. Is this addiction? She lives with her mom most of the time out of town and her mom is a sociopath. How can I possible help if she was soooo unaffected by our love, concern, nonjudgement,& understanding & we hardly have time together?

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Drunk driver killed a 2 yr old, &step mom -2yr old was not in car seat or strapped in is there a law suit?

  • Posted on January 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm

The father of the 2 year old was driving. They were hit by a 19 year old drunk driver. Killed in the car was the 2 yr old child of the driver, his wife, the father/driver and the couple’s daughter survived the crash. The 2 year old was not in a car seat or strapped in the car. Their van flipped over and the 2 yr old was thrown out of the car and suffered terrible head injury and died at the scene of the crime. Will the insurance company hold the father of the 2 yr old responsible and thus no compensation because he did not have the 2 yr old secured by law? The 19 year old drunk driver does have car insurance.

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question about my 7 year ols step daughter?

  • Posted on January 16, 2011 at 2:17 pm

my 7 year old step daughter always cries and wants to come and live with her daddy. her daddy and i get her every weekend. she says her mommy and her boyfriend (who is an alcoholic) smoke weed and drink all the time she has missed 14 days of 1rst grade this year and has been tardy 24 times. her mom nor her boyfriend work they live off the government foodstamps tanif medicaid everything. we have called child protection services but they call before they come out and they just clean up b4 they come. We have contacted an attorney and they all act like since we have no actual proof of drug abuse we would not win the case. my step daughter is miserable all she does is cry and beg us not make her go home. our seven year old now also has to repeat the first grade because her mother does not make it a priority to get her to school. my husband and i do not know what to do. any suggestions or help would be appreciated thanks
i forgot to also mention she has had lice more than 14 times in the past 18 months. her mother does not spend the child support on her she is always dressed in clothes too small she is 7 and will be 8 in aug and her mother puts her in 5t clothes. is all this grounds to get emergency custody or does she have to be extremely abused to get this.
her mother will nor let her come live with us because she already has 2 other kids by the boyfriend she is with now. if she let her live with us her foodstamp money would go dowan and so would everything else. My husband and I also have a 3 yr old together and i am 34 weeks pregant he and i both go to school part time. will this hurt us in a court case. we want to better our lives to give all our children the best life possible. I have known my step daughter since she was 18 months old so she and i are close. this may pose a threat to the mother because she knows her daughter is so close to me. but if she was any mother at all she would put away her own selfish thoughts and doings for the sake of her daughter. my husband is just in total sadness because of his daughter. We have contacted other attorneys. And i do have recordings of her saying her mother smokes weed, is this enough to take to the police at all

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We received default custody of my step daughter …PLEASE HELP !?

  • Posted on January 10, 2011 at 5:21 am

A very long story short. BM has had custody of my step daughter since she was born. SD will be 4 in July. She was charged with marijuana about two years ago. We didn’t let her know because we knew we couldn’t get custody on that alone. Since then she has moved into a home that I wouldn’t want my dog to live in and was arrested for meth in January. We found out middle of February. Once we found out, went to a lawyer, got temporary custody. She had 14 days to contest the order and get lawyer to fight us. She didn’t. Sooo… the lawyer sent over default judgment because she didn’t do anything. We have had full custody for a week now ( was signed by judge and clerk). We haven’t heard from BM since then. We talked to BM dad last week ( when we figured out we got custody) and he said that from the arresting officers BM charge is going to be thrown out ( she has court in the morning and don’t ask, I don’t know how its getting thrown out or how the officers know this) and she was going to fight back on the custody. She has since moved out of the home they were living in, now living in a shack next to her dads bar. ( Where he states that she now works, which was another thing that she has never done ) . There are more charges on her but that has been before the child was born so those probably won’t hold up. Anyway, my question is – Can she now go back and fight for full custody ? Would it be hard or easy ? I live in Alabama. It also states in the paper work that our child support to her stops and if she goes for visitation that she should pay child support. I need to know if she can SD back and if so, how and how hard. Please give me any information. We are new @ this and all came about all of the sudden. Thanks so much.If you need anymore information. Please ask away, I will answer anything. I just need help easing my nerves or telling me what to look forward to.
Thank you very much. I know how the system works around here and it makes me nervous. I want her to get her daughter back, she deserves to be with her mother, but I dont want them just to slap her on the wrist and then give her back.

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4 year old step daughter could have hurt 11 month old son husband doesnt think its a big deal! help!?

  • Posted on January 2, 2011 at 1:20 pm

Ok I have a four year old step daughter and six year old step son and my husband and I have an 11 month old together, not to mention I am 18 weeks pregnant with our second together. My husband says that I am crazy and that I try to separate the children which in fact is not my intent but I try to make him understand that I do my best to make everything as equal as possible when they are here but that its not a perfect situation and that the family will always be divided in a way because his kids are here one week and at their mothers the next. my husband does not pay child support (its in the papers) at all and thats why we have them 50 percent of the time but its really bad this way because the kids have no stability. i believe they need to be at both places for longer periods of time or one of us needs full custody. anyways my step daughter who i believe is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong gets into things when she knows she is not supposed to. she got into some school supplies of mine in a shoe box on my desk (she was snooping) and took out 3 safety pins at some point while i was going to the bathroom and dropped them in her brothers play pen. I discovered them thankfully before anything happened but i think it was resentment or jealousy towards the baby and/or acting out for attention that she doesnt get from her dad who has pawned them off on me from day 1. i told my husband that she knew better and he says well maybe she is slow (she was born addicted to meth because of her mother) and needs to be tested. i just find it hard to believe that she is slow considering she does not show signs of developmental delays and also i think her older brother might have put her up to it. he lied to my face when i asked him about it. he said he did not know anything. their dad (my husband) talked to them but my husband insists that i am crazy because i think they are out to get me. am i crazy for even thinking that. i believe that at 4 and 6 almost 5 and 7 that they can be manipulative and that they are not stupid. i am not saying they are out to get me or hurt our son but i do think this possibility should be checked into and also having her tested for developmental delays. but my husband just goes into blaming mode. the girl was spanked for what she did last night and they were both grounded to their rooms for a few hours today after we found out they were both lying and were checked on often. i find something very wrong with the fact that when i asked her why she did it after she finally admitted to me that her only answer was cuz. and then her brother to boldly lie to my face. i think they both need serious counseling and i think my husband is trying to turn the problem around on me and say that i am the problem. the whole situation is bad in of itself and i dont know what to do any more. my husband doesnt even think its a big deal to tell their mother what they did and i think its a serious issue that needs to be nipped in the butt now and he some how thinks that i am a bad person and crazy also cuz they wont tell me the truth but they will him well gee i wonder why!!! they are not my biological children and they know that and they resent being shuffled between two places, what else could it possibly be? and to those of you who say you married the kids too, well thats fine and dandy but my own flesh and blood could have been killed and that makes me not want to have those kids in the house if their father can not control them or get them help. i dont think im crazy for wanting that and i do my best to treat them the same but they need to show me respect too and i feel my husband should be on my side and respect my wishes especially since he leaves those kids with me 95 percent of the time because he works more and when he is home he is watching tv among other things as long as i am here. im fed up what should i do? i dont want something worse to happen next time if those kids dont get help and he realizes the seriousness of this situation.

the kids have rules and their own spaces at our house…i resent the situation and my husband for allowing it to be the way that it is…and my husband changed a lot since we got married expecting that everything in our family is to be “normal” and that i am their mother (meaning take her place when they are here) and i think the kids resent that….and the girl was snooping through my things the box was up higher on my desk where she would have had to have gotten a chair to climb up there and grab it. they have been known to be sneaky like that before. i left the room for 2 min to go to the bathroom…the baby was in his play pen. and the kids have also been warned time and time again how dangerous small objects and toys are to babies. HELLO?

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4yo step daughter could have hurt our 11 month old son and husband doesnt think its a big deal! help!?

  • Posted on January 1, 2011 at 2:20 pm

Ok I have a four year old step daughter and six year old step son and my husband and I have an 11 month old together, not to mention I am 18 weeks pregnant with our second together. My husband says that I am crazy and that I try to separate the children which in fact is not my intent but I try to make him understand that I do my best to make everything as equal as possible when they are here but that its not a perfect situation and that the family will always be divided in a way because his kids are here one week and at their mothers the next. my husband does not pay child support (its in the papers) at all and thats why we have them 50 percent of the time but its really bad this way because the kids have no stability. i believe they need to be at both places for longer periods of time or one of us needs full custody. anyways my step daughter who i believe is old enough to know the difference between right and wrong gets into things when she knows she is not supposed to. she got into some school supplies of mine in a shoe box on my desk (she was snooping) and took out 3 safety pins at some point while i was going to the bathroom and dropped them in her brothers play pen. I discovered them thankfully before anything happened but i think it was resentment or jealousy towards the baby and/or acting out for attention that she doesnt get from her dad who has pawned them off on me from day 1. i told my husband that she knew better and he says well maybe she is slow (she was born addicted to meth because of her mother) and needs to be tested. i just find it hard to believe that she is slow considering she does not show signs of developmental delays and also i think her older brother might have put her up to it. he lied to my face when i asked him about it. he said he did not know anything. their dad (my husband) talked to them but my husband insists that i am crazy because i think they are out to get me. am i crazy for even thinking that. i believe that at 4 and 6 almost 5 and 7 that they can be manipulative and that they are not stupid. i am not saying they are out to get me or hurt our son but i do think this possibility should be checked into and also having her tested for developmental delays. but my husband just goes into blaming mode. the girl was spanked for what she did last night and they were both grounded to their rooms for a few hours today after we found out they were both lying and were checked on often. i find something very wrong with the fact that when i asked her why she did it after she finally admitted to me that her only answer was cuz. and then her brother to boldly lie to my face. i think they both need serious counseling and i think my husband is trying to turn the problem around on me and say that i am the problem. the whole situation is bad in of itself and i dont know what to do any more. my husband doesnt even think its a big deal to tell their mother what they did and i think its a serious issue that needs to be nipped in the butt now and he some how thinks that i am a bad person and crazy also cuz they wont tell me the truth but they will him well gee i wonder why!!! they are not my biological children and they know that and they resent being shuffled between two places, what else could it possibly be? and to those of you who say you married the kids too, well thats fine and dandy but my own flesh and blood could have been killed and that makes me not want to have those kids in the house if their father can not control them or get them help. i dont think im crazy for wanting that and i do my best to treat them the same but they need to show me respect too and i feel my husband should be on my side and respect my wishes especially since he leaves those kids with me 95 percent of the time because he works more and when he is home he is watching tv among other things as long as i am here. im fed up what should i do? i dont want something worse to happen next time if those kids dont get help and he realizes the seriousness of this situation.

she and her brother have been warned time and time again that small toys and objects are not for babies. they have rules and boundaries in our house. they knew better unless obviously there is some mental issue with the girl because of her mothers meth use. my husband forces me to pretend that we are a “normal” family and that i am the kids’ mother and he doesnt deal with the real mother..guess who has to do it? ME and i dont think its right. i dont resent the kids. i resent him and the situation he has made for our family. a lot of things changed when he married me he expected me to basically take the total place of their mother and i dont think they like that and thats why i feel they are being resentful….you cant you people see that?!

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