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My 24yr old daughter lives in our house rent free. She has 50% custody of her 2yr daughter. Any suggestions?

  • Posted on March 4, 2011 at 9:23 am

My wife TOTALLY enables my daughter. Let me count the ways….1). ANYTIME, and I do mean anytime my daughter wants time for herself, my wife will babysit, no notice required and no charge. Example: Last night my daughter goes out drinking with co-workers. She leaves at 8pm. She doesn’t get home until 12 noon today. She appears to be nursing a hangover because instead of engaging her daughter in any quality time, she’s halfway asleep on the couch with the blankets pulled over her head. Take a wild guess who’s watching her child again?
My wife refuses to allow me to charge our daughter even a nominal amount of rent even though my daughter contributes ZERO to help the family in the way of chores(she doesn’t even clean up after herself or her child) or money. Her sloppiness drives me crazy. Her own child is not safe walking around my daughters bedroom it’s so messy. She doesn’t even change her 2yr old’s bed sheets. Why should she, she knows that the ” great enabler” will change them. My day started at 430am today because my beautiful grand-daughter woke up crying. Of course mom was out with her buds like she she is at least 2 nights each week. I asked my wife, “did you dump our two kids with my mom when they were little so you could continue the life style of a single girl”? She looked at me like I was nuts and said of course not. Here’s the worst part in my opinion: my daughter probably only spends 6 hours tops in a week in a one on one situation with her child and a good portion of that time is spent in front of the TV watching “Judge Judy”!
So am I the nasty, unrealistic, selfish grand-pa or does anyone reading relate to where I am coming from and have any advice. Oh, I forgot to mention, my daughter does work 40 hrs a week. So does my wife and so do I.

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My meth addicted sister accidentally lit my 4 year old on fire… any suggestions?

  • Posted on February 13, 2011 at 5:20 pm

I’m still angry with her, and this was over the summer while she was babysitting my 4 year old daughter. She totally looks like a “crispy critter”, unfortunately I’m too poor to give her very good treatment. My sister is sorry, I won’t talk to her anymore and I don’t care about her life even.

But you know what, I take no shame in bringing my daughter around in public. Looks are superficial, it’s on the inside what counts, right? I hope my sister wastes away slowly and painfully. I wouldn’t even urge her to commit suicide because I enjoy watching her deteriorate.

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Any suggestions on what to say to my daughter without crying?

  • Posted on November 7, 2010 at 11:21 pm

Usually I’m a strong woman. I’m the mother of five daughters and two granddaughter. My fourth daughter is leaving for Iraq soon and I’m frightened for her. This daughter gave me a run for my money as a teenager. She dressed in goth clothing, black hair, nails, and make-up. She was so defiant that she skipped school and fought all of the time. I raised my daughters myself after getting rid of an abusive alcoholic husband. During the rebellious years, my then separated husband used to cater to her behavior until I had to send her to a mentors home where I learned that she was on meth. I was upset because I just knew that my daughter was smarter than that. I just had to prove to her that she mattered and that I loved her.

My daughter is now a well behaved young lady who found for herself that her father was misguided. You see after being tired of fighting the both of them I allowed her to stay with her father. She found out that he stole her money out of her account ($4000.00) that she received for financial aid for college and he had used it to get high on. My daughter had retaliated by taking his ATM card and took $400.00. He had her arrested. I stepped in and told the police that if they were arresting my daughter, then they needed to arrest my ex-husband because he stole $4000.00 from her first. They released my daughter and told him that it was a family matter. He moved out of his two bedroom home and into a one bedroom home where my daughter didn’t have a place to stay.

I asked her to stay with me, but she told me that she had to be responsible. I told her that the door was always welcome for her. She told me that she loved me and that she knows. I get this often from her. Her father convinced her to join the Army. I question him and told him that the military isn’t the same when we were in. My baby is 21 now and has found someone who loves her. But now she has to leave for a year to Iraq. I’ve known that she was leaving for Iraq for a few months now. But now it’s starting to dawn on me that my child is leaving to go over there.

I have a going away party planned for her with all of her family there. Even her father and his girlfriend is invited even though I’m angry with him. I set up the Christmas decorations just for her. She wants me to sing for her. How do I sing without crying. I haven’t cried yet. I still call my child “Pooh Bear.” I’m asking God for guidance. Her favorite song is “I Hope you dance.” All I can think of to say is that as long as we have each other in our hearts, I won’t be far away. Will that be okay?
Thanks to all of your suggestions at the farewell ceremony for my daughter going overseas. Everything went well. And there was crying. The only thing that we all agreed on was her father who was true to form. There were nine people there for our family. The other hundreds of supportive families were there also. Afterwards we went out to dinner. We talked, laughed and cried. My ex’s girlfriend was not there due to her sick child. But while we were deciding how to split the check. I decided to pay for it. My daughter and boyfriend asked me was I sure. I assured everyone it was okay. But they wouldn’t hear of it. I paid with my credit card and everyone chipped in for the total that I paid. That is all but my ex-husband. I have five daughters who all asked him why. He replied that he thought I was treating. They shook their heads but I told them it was okay. This was my daughters day and that was all that mattered. My ex will have to live with himself and how he is.

God Bless You All

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I took in an alcoholic who was passed out on the street. Now he’s yelling. Any suggestions?

  • Posted on November 3, 2010 at 8:18 am

I know him – he painted a couple of rooms in my house. He’s an illegal alien and I was concerned he’d get picked up by the police and be cut off from his daughter. He’s harmless — when my husband and son were walking him into the house, he cried from shame. I have no 1st hand experience with alcoholism. He’s in the guest room yelling a loud moaning yell. Should I call an ambulance? Any other advice on helping him?

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my daughter needs drug rehab but we can’t afford it, any suggestions?

  • Posted on September 13, 2010 at 9:19 am

My daughter is addicted to heroin, we cant afford drug rehab. Rehab costs about $7500.00 a month. She has been arrested twice. I have been trying to help her but there is nothing I can really do. Heroin is a bad drug to withdrawal from, and she is trying to do it herself. She doesn’t have insurance and I am on such a tight budget. Without help the chances are she will start using again. She gets violent when she is trying to withdrawal. I worry because she has a two-year old girl and I don’t want my grandchild to be raised around it. I pay for the baby to go to the sitter. Her boyfriend, (the babies father) is no help because he is addicted too. Does anyone have any suggestions?
I noticed the the nasty answers, let me clarify, Childrens services is involved. My daughter and grandchild live with me and I pay for and take her to the sitter everyday. There is no help where I live at. She is not on parole so I cant go to the court for help. This is the first time in weeks I have been on my computer, thank you, and I got it to get her some help.

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my daughter needs drug rehab but we can’t afford it, any suggestions?

  • Posted on August 19, 2010 at 7:22 am

My daughter is addicted to heroin, we cant afford drug rehab. Rehab costs about $7500.00 a month. She has been arrested twice. I have been trying to help her but there is nothing I can really do. Heroin is a bad drug to withdrawal from, and she is trying to do it herself. She doesn’t have insurance and I am on such a tight budget. Without help the chances are she will start using again. She gets violent when she is trying to withdrawal. I worry because she has a two-year old girl and I don’t want my grandchild to be raised around it. I pay for the baby to go to the sitter. Her boyfriend, (the babies father) is no help because he is addicted too. Does anyone have any suggestions?
I noticed the the nasty answers, let me clarify, Childrens services is involved. My daughter and grandchild live with me and I pay for and take her to the sitter everyday. There is no help where I live at. She is not on parole so I cant go to the court for help. This is the first time in weeks I have been on my computer, thank you, and I got it to get her some help.

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Suggestions for helping to raise step-daughters ages 8 and 11?

  • Posted on July 28, 2010 at 7:22 am

I love my step daughters very much and they love me ;however, their mother is very jealous of me ( I am 11 years younger than her and she was married to my husband for 12 years). The children often say mean things to me that they have heard from their mother. I have been married to their father for 3 1/2 years.My husband attempted to get custody immediately after their divorce and was awarded joint custody;however, their mother has recently been arrested for conspiracy to manufacture amphetamines, so we are trying to get custody again. This has agitated the children because their mother has convinced them that their father had her arrested and is trying to “take them from her”. It is a sad situation.
My step-daughter’s mother is by no means an example. I realize she’s their mom and they will always love and protect her, but at the same time she is hurting them mentally and emotionally in many ways and I am asking how I can help. Also, my husband has never said a bad word about their mother in their presence. We have talked to the girls about our concern for their well-being and ensured them that they will be allowed to see their mother anytime they wish. The woman peels out in my drive-way and has threatend me several times in the children’s presence. I haven’t mastered the art of being the bigger person , but I am pretty darn good. As far as not worrying about how this affects me, I have a two year old daughter with my husband. She idolizes my step-daughters and that is what is causing my concern with the way they talk to me and disobey me. I don’t want my own child to think that behavior is okay.

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Any suggestions how to reconcile with my son & daughter-in-law?

  • Posted on July 25, 2010 at 1:46 pm

Our relationship fell apart when he got married. Many conflicts with his wife and disagreements over him pulling away from his daughter (from a previous relationship). I knew in my heart the wife was not the right person for him. Before they got married he told me if he did not marry her he would lose her. I tried to go along because it was his wish but things went from bad to worse. The more he alientated himself from my granddaughter the angrier I became. My father stopped contacting me when I was a child – and although we eventually reconciled – I just saw history repeating itself. The new wife had been friendly to me and my granddaughter and her mother but shortly before the wedding did a complete 180. She wanted nothing to do with my granddaughter and excluded her from the wedding. Family members suggested she was jealous of them and my relationship with them and felt threatened. I wrote letters and emails trying to reassure her that there was room in my life and love for all but she is very black and white, no grey area, no agreeing to disagree. My son continued to distance himself from me, his brothers and sisters. I was very angry and contacted an ex sister in law of my son’s wife. There were so many common threads in what I was experiencing and she and her family experienced. The sister in law of course had all the details on the wife’s family that were never shared, mental illness, alcoholism, a grandfather who was in prison for murder (verified) She predicted that the alienation of my son from his family was the first step then they would get pregnant. All this happened. I wanted even more to stay close to my son – being very concerned. My son and his wife found out I had spoken to the sister-in- law and cut all ties with me – nasty emails – returning christmas presents – zero contact with my grandaughter. I knew too much. 10 months later I got a text message that their son was born. I took as a good sign and called and sent emails – no responses. I try leaving message once a month just to let him know I love him and tell him what is going on in my life. Requests for his new mailing address and baby pictures go unanswered. There is some glimmers of hope with my son being contact with one brother, his uncle and one set of cousins. This weekend I got the news that my son will be deployed to Afghanistan in May. It is a job that he is good at and loves and I am very supportive of his service to our country. Not normally tearful, I have been crying all weekend – A mother’s worst fear – losing a lost son. Any suggestions of how to reconcile with my son and daughter-in-law will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
Vee

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Suggestions for getting my 14 month old to drink milk from something other than bottle?

  • Posted on January 2, 2010 at 10:33 am

I have tried several times to take my daughter off of her bottle and get her to drink milk from a sippy cup. The problem is, that when I throw the bottles in the trash and decided to do the cup thing she just won’t drink milk at all and then gets sick and gets the dry heves. She will drink water and eat food, but not alot of food, only nibbles. She refuses to drink her milk from a cup of any kind. I do not want her to be sick and of course I worry about her eating enough. Suggestions please.

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my daughter needs drug rehab but we can’t afford it, any suggestions?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm

My daughter is addicted to heroin, we cant afford drug rehab. Rehab costs about $7500.00 a month. She has been arrested twice. I have been trying to help her but there is nothing I can really do. Heroin is a bad drug to withdrawal from, and she is trying to do it herself. She doesn’t have insurance and I am on such a tight budget. Without help the chances are she will start using again. She gets violent when she is trying to withdrawal. I worry because she has a two-year old girl and I don’t want my grandchild to be raised around it. I pay for the baby to go to the sitter. Her boyfriend, (the babies father) is no help because he is addicted too. Does anyone have any suggestions?
I noticed the the nasty answers, let me clarify, Childrens services is involved. My daughter and grandchild live with me and I pay for and take her to the sitter everyday. There is no help where I live at. She is not on parole so I cant go to the court for help. This is the first time in weeks I have been on my computer, thank you, and I got it to get her some help.

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