You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'Trust'

Can I ever truly trust my alcoholic husband to stay sober?

  • Posted on April 3, 2011 at 2:18 pm

He’s a very unpleasant drunk – usually talks too much, follows me everywhere in the house loudly complaining about everything from work to the way I trim our daughter’s hair. He can be verbally abusive, even when sober, and yes, it has gotten physical. Nothing too serious. He readily admits to being an alcoholic and apologizes profusely every time he “slips”, then swears it won’t happen again. It’s happened literally hundreds of times in our 9 years of marriage, and I often leave with our young children to a safe place in another town. He shows up the next day or two, we go through the whole apology/make-up thing, everything is great for a while, then we start over. I truly believe he loves me and the kids and wants to stay together, but the alcohol is a demon that I don’t know he can overcome. He’s also depressed but won’t admit to that so readily. He has some great qualities, but self-control is NOT one. What kind of future can I really expect with an alcoholic?
About divorce: Yes I have looked into it, and in my state you have to be separated for a full year. He’s incredibly persistent and I’ve never been able to stay away from him for more than a few days. He always talks me into coming back. Not through force – just convinces me. I love my community, my church, my house, and I don’t want to lose them, which I would if we divorced. And yes, I live in constant anxiety. I can sense trouble brewing tonight, and I’m nearly sick about it…

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Have friend who’s detoxing..can I trust her?

  • Posted on March 26, 2011 at 9:22 am

soo this is a tricky situation, I have a friend who was a recovering heroin addict, she had gotten her life straightened out for two years then got into a bad a relationship, and started using again. In late Dec. she asked if her and her daughter could come here to get out of the situation she was in and I agreed, then within a week she left to go to her other friends who had kids her daughter could play with..so now it is late Feb. and she came to me again and said she has been using this entire time and wants to get clean and can she and her 3 year old can come here again…I agreed now they are here, she has been detoxing for two days…and then tonight I go into my computer room and notice my vase that I keep change in is emtpied and on the floor..at least 200 bucks..I wake her up and confront her and she completly denies it…looking me straight in the eyes saying she has not will not and never would do that..I know nobody else was in my house..what do I don now ..her and her kid have nowhere to go..need advice:(

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How can I get my girlfriend to trust me again?

  • Posted on March 17, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I betrayed my girlfriend for a whole year.I lied to her by telling her I wasnt speaking to my 24yr.old daughter after I promised not to because my daughter disrespected my girlfriend. I discussed all of our business with my daughter everytime we had a misunderstanding or a arguement looking for some advice. I also took it as far as to make up a lie that I was going to see my mother and instead I went to California with My ex
to see my daughter because she had given birth.Through out this relationship I gave my girlfriend hell because I was an emotional mess everytime we would discuss my past ,(unpleasant events that involved my childhood,past relationships ,and past drug addictions I have 10yrs clean.) I was not emotionally available for her and made her feel that she had to be my guidence counsleor instead of my girlfriend.She also helped me financially with $40K and I promised to pay bills correctly her way and did it my way after getting the money? How can I get her trust back???

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My Partner and I have a 3 month old daughter his parents drink constantly and i don’t trust them with our girl

  • Posted on October 18, 2010 at 7:23 pm

They drink all day long and his dad can say nasty things when he is really drunk. They are very good at hiding the fact they are intoxicated, but people who know them well can tell. My mum recently had a big argument with his mum about gossiping about me behind my back wen she was drunk and since then I am very reluctant to go over to their house, they will not visit us because it means they can’t drink if they drive. Is it wrong to deny my daughter of spending time with her grandparents?

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Once a relationship loses trust is it possible to regain it?

  • Posted on August 26, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Hubby has never cheated on me as far as I know. But, he has come very close. Infact, we broke up and his ex-wife ended up staying over 3 days and sleeping in the bed with him (my step daughter between them). He has made phone calls to woman while intoxicated. And although he has never committed sexual acts I still feel betrayed. My trust in him is destroyed. I am constantly suspicious of what he is doing and who is calling, etc. i want to be able to trust him. Is there anyway that I will ever be able to do this? Please don’t say that only I can answer this question. I really need some outside input.

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My Partner and I have a 3 month old daughter his parents drink constantly and i don’t trust them with our girl

  • Posted on August 1, 2010 at 9:24 pm

They drink all day long and his dad can say nasty things when he is really drunk. They are very good at hiding the fact they are intoxicated, but people who know them well can tell. My mum recently had a big argument with his mum about gossiping about me behind my back wen she was drunk and since then I am very reluctant to go over to their house, they will not visit us because it means they can’t drink if they drive. Is it wrong to deny my daughter of spending time with her grandparents?

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Alcohol Access and Your Teen – Trust but Verify

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Your teenage daughter is spending the night at her friend Mary’s house. Mary’s mother seems to be a responsible, law-abiding adult. You’ve met her several times and there is no reason for you to think anything would go wrong. Mary’s dad is involved in charitable organizations. Still, you hesitate – but then think, why not?

The sleepover at Mary’s house seems perfectly innocent. Your daughter and her friend get good grades in school. They haven’t given you any real reason not to trust them. They are good kids. You’ve had the “choices equal consequences” talk with your daughter. And you have to trust your teen sometime, right? You have to let go.

You are trying to be reasonable.

For many parents, this is where the conflict begins. It’s difficult to decide when to hold back and when to let go. But you can’t let your guard down, because teenagers are vulnerable to temptation and peer pressure every day. What happens when…?

Mary’s parents are busy fulfilling their social and community obligations and aren’t paying attention to what your daughter and Mary are doing. They aren’t home, or they have friends visiting, or they are just weary from work, and their guard is down. Or perhaps they wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to Mary and believe that close supervision of the girls isn’t necessary because she would never betray their trust.

The teens head out to a party at John’s house. Maybe they said they were going to the movies, bowling, or just to hang out with John. John’s dad is a “cool” parent. He understands teenagers, likes to have people around and wants to know what goes on with his kids. John’s dad is an involved parent. He is teaching his son to be responsible. He wants John to drink in moderation and to be a responsible drinker. He reasons that John is going to drink alcohol anyway, so why not teach him how to do it responsibly?

So John’s dad buys beer for the party. Not too much, and he sets limits, cautioning John that each teen should have no more than two beers. He stays home to monitor the situation. Everything seems to be going just fine.

But John’s father didn’t consider the following:

Early alcohol use, independent of other risk factors, strongly predicts the development of alcohol dependence.
Of all people who ever meet the diagnostic criteria for alcohol dependence in their lifetime, nearly half do so by age 21 and two-thirds by age 25.
People who reported starting to drink before the age of 15 were four times more likely to also report meeting the criteria for alcohol dependence at some point in their lives (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, 2009).
Compared to youth who wait until they are 21, youth who drink before age 15 are 12 times more likely to be unintentionally injured while under the influence of alcohol, seven times more likely to be in a motor vehicle crash after drinking, and 10 times more likely to get in a physical fight after drinking (National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2004).
Due to differences between the adult brain and the brain of the maturing adolescent, many young drinkers:

Are able to consume much larger amounts of alcohol than adults before experiencing the negative consequences of drinking, such as drowsiness, lack of coordination, and withdrawal/hangover effects.
Are particularly sensitive to the positive effects of drinking, such as feeling more at ease in social situations; young people may drink more than adults because of these positive social experiences (NIAAA, 2009).
Recent evidence suggests adolescent drinking can inflict permanent damage on the developing brain (National Research Council and Institute of Medicine, 2004).

These statistics do not take into account the risk that John’s dad is taking; in many states, he can be held criminally liable for providing alcohol to minors on property he owns, leases, or otherwise controls. Civil liability is always an issue; no state makes it legal for an adult to serve alcohol to someone else’s children. But if you aren’t vigilant, a tragedy could occur before you are even aware of the danger your child faces.

Strengthen your resolve. Be your teen’s parent, not a friend. Make sure your teen understands that other adults can’t give them permission to drink alcohol. You’ve already said no, and no one else’s parent can overrule you.

Talk to, and listen to, your teen. Maintain an ongoing, open dialogue about underage drinking and the risks involved. Create a code word so that if your teen needs to be picked up early, you’ll do so with no questions asked until the following day, when you are both calm enough to discuss the situation sensibly. Let your teen know that you will not approve any outing without sufficient notice so you can speak to the hosting parent first.

When your teen spends the night at a friend’s house or goes to a party, call the hosting parent to find out the details. Volunteer to chaperone and provide transportation. Make sure the hosting parent shares your concerns about the availability of alcohol and that none will be permitted. Ask how much supervision will be provided.

Limit the amount of time your teen is away from home. Make sure you are awake and alert when the teen returns. Greet your teen with a kiss and a hug so you can observe your child’s physical, mental, and emotional condition.

It’s tempting for parents to relax their vigilance once their children become teenagers. After all, the teens will soon be on their own and beyond their parents’ control. But the teen years are a critical part of your children’s development, and the decisions they make could affect the rest of their lives. This is not the time to let down your guard.

Read more tips for parents and teens at Safe Teen Driving Blog.

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