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My child is at her mom’s 5 days a week living with her family who uses and deals drugs. Should I call DCF?

  • Posted on November 11, 2010 at 3:40 pm

There are 4 people in the house using drugs ranging from pot to oxycontin. Three are adults and one is a minor. I have seen them using many times, and have been seen large bags of pills laying around. I’m worried my daughter could find one. She is a crawler. I don’t think her mom is using, but I am worried about her family around the baby. One of the adults has been convicted of drug charges before. They also have guns around the house. Should I call DCF to report so they stop using. I have already raised the concern to my ex, but she says its got to be this way for now. I am worried it will start a war between us and she will try and prevent me from seeing my baby girl.
Do I need solid proof of them using? Or will my concern cause them to be drug tested. Also these people know how to pass a drug test. The father has done it for a job test before. Thanks
My ex has her own paid off house left to her by inheritance that she chooses not to occupy. She says she lives with her family to have help with the baby when she needs it, and because it is close to her job. I don’t think she sees their behavior as very abnormal because when I met her she was doing the same things, which I got her to stop.

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My child is at her mom’s 5 days a week living with her family who uses and deals drugs. Should I call DCF?

  • Posted on September 21, 2010 at 7:20 am

There are 4 people in the house using drugs ranging from pot to oxycontin. Three are adults and one is a minor. I have seen them using many times, and have been seen large bags of pills laying around. I’m worried my daughter could find one. She is a crawler. I don’t think her mom is using, but I am worried about her family around the baby. One of the adults has been convicted of drug charges before. They also have guns around the house. Should I call DCF to report so they stop using. I have already raised the concern to my ex, but she says its got to be this way for now. I am worried it will start a war between us and she will try and prevent me from seeing my baby girl.
Do I need solid proof of them using? Or will my concern cause them to be drug tested. Also these people know how to pass a drug test. The father has done it for a job test before. Thanks
My ex has her own paid off house left to her by inheritance that she chooses not to occupy. She says she lives with her family to have help with the baby when she needs it, and because it is close to her job. I don’t think she sees their behavior as very abnormal because when I met her she was doing the same things, which I got her to stop.

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Should I be concerned? I think his abusive ex uses the children to have a over-involved relationshipw/him.?

  • Posted on September 17, 2010 at 4:19 pm

My boyfriend and I have a baby together and we live together. His ex-wife abused him when they were together and hid the entire pregnancy of their second child, from him sought no medical attention and binge-drank during this pregnancy. She primarily raised them when he was in the military and they appear to have behavioral traits that reflect low self-esteem. It is heartbreaking but not especially shocking considering the unsanitary and disheveled appearance they have when they return from their mothers’ home. He has them five days a week. I have an older child and have helped him care for these girls. This is partly because of the information I naturally had already from raising a child. Their mother continually engages in behavior that shows she is a very “passive” parent. She showed in interest in finding different pre-schools for them, When it came to Kindergarten, she showed no interest in finding or applying for a school or after-care program for her older daughter. She can’t be bothered to do basic things like treat her child for lice or consistently give her athlete’s foot medicine. I stepped in and assisted him with these things since he wasn’t. Ok. Nothing to be done about that.
My boyfriend gives me money but rarely helps with our baby. In the past five months, he has taken her on three walks. Sometimes he has managed to not see the baby for days at a time.
I asked him to go with me to a friend’s home for dinner he refused. However he agreed to go trick-or-treating with his ex-wife(which I argued with him overs so he didn’t). He went to her home for Thanksgiving. Two weeks later he attended a school birthday party w/her and was less-than forthcoming about the arrangement, then the next day he attended a pre-school event in the evening with her, that he didn’t tell me about even though I have often dropped-off and picked-up the girl from that school. His ex-wife tells him things that have nothing to do with the children. This include things such as; her brother’s girlfirend;s miscarriage, the last time she had sex, her own pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage last year. He then wonders why she calls him for trivial matters. He thinks nothing of talking to her late at night, or the two ofthem texting back and forth at odd hours. He gets annoyed that she calls him and tries to engage him in unnecessary conversation. I say he sends her mixed messages. She was married to him less than four years and still has his last name. I think he relates to her like when they were married-walking on eggshells. The children are exceptionally tired and cranky on the days their mother drops them off at school. He tells me he can’t talk to her about certain things because she will just lie(for ex. the time she gets them to bed), but then why hang around somebody so much that you feel that way about? He isn’t even sure if the child from the second pregnancy is his(his children lokk NOTHING alike), seeing as not only did she admittedly have an affair w/another soldier(one he knew) while her husband was in the ARMY, she took out a loan for this lover and put up the car her husband owned since before he knew her as collateral. She then asked her husband to repay it when the guy skipped out, and this guy may be the father of his second daughter that he is raising and that I have helped him with-he refuses to get a DNA test. I think he is in denial. With all that it seems pathetic that he works so hard to make sure the children have their mother(even though she appears distinterested) to the point where he doesn’t mind excluding me from social functions or obligating himself to them without consulting me. Seeing as she appears to be a very uninvolved parent, it seems all these arrangments and communication with her are excessive. I understand they have to havea civil relationship, but some of it appears just plain inappropriate and disproportionate considering her lack of passion when it comes to the children. She requested the divorce. He takes the girls to counseling and other activites and she does nothing. He does all this and wonders why she referred to him as her”best friend” on facebook. She also expressed regret of not being able to “go back” o what she had before. I think they are over-involved. Also, she has harasssed me in the past.
He has them five days/wk.
Actually Garnett, with all due respect….I am not questioning the acquisition of headlice. I pick the children up and I see for myself the condition the children are in. The children love me and they have behavioral problems at school that they complain about. Also the ex-wife with whom I have soken) wllingly made the arrangment for him to have them five days/wk. I havean older chil who isn’t beglected so why would I encourage him to neglect his children/. My baby with him is his child too. When he was thinking about putting them in counseling, I found different resources for him and he actually ended doing one of them.

For your attitude that appears so smug, where what University did you use when you acquired your PhD? His mother used to complain about the condition the children would present with and I didn’t assume anything until I saw it for myself. Also less than 1% of women hide pregnancies. I have known him for 17 yrs, I attended the baptismal party for her older
older child that she attended, she was 7 mths pregnant then and seeking no medical or alternative attention. Her mother and her identical twin with whom she was close and lived and worked with during part of his deployment and her pregnancy did not know about the baby. She binge-drank alcohol when she was pregnant and her husband stayed. Also, at least I am not giving out names and I am publicly asking advice, but instead of being helpful you are being hateful. I have children of my own. I don’t want his. His three year old kept complaining that “grabbed”her neck and the pre-school called CPS. Because the mother played nicety-nice, the case was dropped. Also, she has harassed me in the past, she only cemented his position on complaints. So, why don’t you reapproach with some more of that Southern Hospitality I hear about?
I think it is important to have a “civil relationship” for the kids. I think it is pathetic to use children as pawns to make a relationship where there is none. I am glad you have four well-adjusted adult children. I imagine you had the wherewithal to love them deeply and care for them properly. I imagine this included washing and brushing their hair at three and four years old. I also imagine you showed interest in where they went to school. You got too afford that I know a little of what I am talking about. It isn’t uncommon for an abuse victim to continue relating to the abuser the same way to avoid conflict even if the ultimate result is enabling.
Furthermore, while you are being so Puritanical, he actually asked me to marry him. I declined. While he is far from perfect his wife concealing a pregnancy is a strange occurence(less than 1%) of women. You have to afford I know a little of what I am talking about. He married her while she was a pregnant minor and stupidly-they offered him $10,000 extra for Basic training because of it.

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My sister tested positive for Methamphetamine by D.F.A.C.S. and I know she uses…?

  • Posted on July 28, 2010 at 4:20 am

My sister tested positive for methamphetamine. I know she is a user and I have tried to help her but I am done she has use for to long. My sister has 3 kids that are 10,12, & 14. I am sick of her using Meth she sells her food stamps and she has not been caught and her past drug test came up negative for any drugs until tonight when D.F.A.C.S. drug tester came by to give her a test she finally tested positive for it but very faint. The guy told her to drink lots of water and he would be back in the morning. 1st of all can he do that? I know it is wrong but I hope she gets caught. She needs help bad. She stays gone for days leaves her kids with me. Sells here only mean for food. And buys dope with her daughters S.S.I. check. She gets over $1200 a month and can’t make it month to month. She expects me to carry her slack. I feel bad most of the time and wind up feeding her & her kids but I put a stop to it this month. Am I a bad person? I feel bad cause her kids don’t have much I don’t have much myself but I will be damned if my kids don’t have food in there mouth. I don’t by my kids new clothes they get used things. My sister wont even make sure her kids have clean clothes for school in the mornings. Also her son was to start High school this year but it is now 3 weeks in the school year and he still has not started because she will not go sign him up. But she can leave all day long for drugs. To make matters worst for him he got a rash which looks like Poisson Ivy or something for over a week. He face is swollen an she wont take him to the hospital. She yells all the time screaming at the top of her lungs at my mother whom we live with. Call here and me every name in the book. On top of it all the house is a HOT MESS. She wont clean when she is high or sober. If she is not gone she always has people over here (her dope head friends). Her man is in jail for attacking me and she has different men that stay over for days. When she has men over or her friends she stays locked up in here room and does nothing for her kids. Every time they come to her door she slams the door on there face if they open it and tells to leave her the hell alone. To make matters worst her old old ex comes over and talks to my husband and me and he tells us all these things about her using her knee pads (his words). My old friend who does drugs with her tells me all these stories about my sister and sex for drugs. I am so done. Tell me am I a bad person for giving up on her? I have done what I can and she is dragging me down. I am trying to move out asap. Any advice?

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Help! My daughter’s boyfriend uses drugs everyday…do I make her stop seeing him?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:01 pm

I knew he did drugs before he met her but he cleaned up his act (or so I thought). He was clean for a while and they have been together for almost 2 years now. He’s 19; she’s 17. They are very close. I just found out today that he uses every day and I know my daughter doesn’t do that stuff (trust me I know). She’s a good girl and we have a good relationship. Should I just let her suffer like this knowing she doesn’t like his drug use but she still cares very much for him and is trying hard to overlook this. Or should her dad and I crack the whip and demand that she stops seeing him? I know teens will do what they want, but this is about drugs, not because we don’t like him.
More…he’s not allowed at our house because of calling me a liar/fake/psycho bitch. He’s done this to her before and now we have no contact with him. This kid I took into my home to live when he got kicked out of his home. I gave him everything and treated him like my own. What a slap in the face!
Oh, and I do like him but he hates me now and I never did anything bad to him. Yes, he has a hard life at his house but it’s taking a toll on our family. So talking to him is not an option.

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Help! My daughter’s boyfriend uses drugs everyday…do I make her stop seeing him?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:01 pm

I knew he did drugs before he met her but he cleaned up his act (or so I thought). He was clean for a while and they have been together for almost 2 years now. He’s 19; she’s 17. They are very close. I just found out today that he uses every day and I know my daughter doesn’t do that stuff (trust me I know). She’s a good girl and we have a good relationship. Should I just let her suffer like this knowing she doesn’t like his drug use but she still cares very much for him and is trying hard to overlook this. Or should her dad and I crack the whip and demand that she stops seeing him? I know teens will do what they want, but this is about drugs, not because we don’t like him.
More…he’s not allowed at our house because of calling me a liar/fake/psycho bitch. He’s done this to her before and now we have no contact with him. This kid I took into my home to live when he got kicked out of his home. I gave him everything and treated him like my own. What a slap in the face!
Oh, and I do like him but he hates me now and I never did anything bad to him. Yes, he has a hard life at his house but it’s taking a toll on our family. So talking to him is not an option.

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