You are currently browsing all posts tagged with 'visit'

Should I allow my daughters dad to visit her?

  • Posted on March 29, 2011 at 1:21 pm

We have been seperated now for 2 years, he dos’nt pay anything towards her up keep, he constantly lets her down, telling her that he will come up on a certain day and then dos’nt turn up. The last time she saw him was Christmas morning he came up from 6.45am until 7.50am, no card no pressie. I hav’nt heard anything from him since. He has been abusive in the past which resulted in me losing twins at 9 weeks pregnant. He has a good job, but spends his money on drink and cocaine. But, My daughter likes to see him??(when he does eventually turn up) should I stop contact to avoid her being constantly let down,( this has gone on for 2 years) we have already tried the arranged visits and he did’nt keep to the times stated by the solicitor, or am I just hoping that he will change and wasting my time.

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Should I allow my kids, ages 10 and 12, to visit their father who is currently under house-arrest?

  • Posted on March 19, 2011 at 1:22 am

My ex-husband is serving 36 days under house arrest and another 10 in jail for a second drunk-driving charge and a hit & run accident. He wants his regular visitation, which is every other weekend, but I’m hesitant because he shows no remorse for what he’s done wrong and he still seems unstable.
My daughter refuses to spend the night there although she will see him during the day. My son is okay about going. My ex-husband called me today and threatened that I had better not call the courts to check on his driving status. I don’t care what he thinks but I am concerned with sending the kids into such a volatile situation.

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Where do I stand? Should I let my daughter go for her weekend visit?

  • Posted on January 6, 2011 at 1:23 pm

Well my story is kinda long but I will try and shorten it. My daughter father’s girl friend (they now have a new three month old baby) just got a DUI. I have been concerned about what happens over there for a while and this only adds to my concern. They both very into the fact that they like to drink and party, which I believe is not a good thing for small children to have to be a part of. This had added concern to me because they have a vehicle that only have two seats and a cat with only four seat belts and when my daughter goes over there he also has another child in which they can not all fit into one car and that means she has to drive me daughter and her new infant around and their new infant. I have never felt comfortable with her driving my daughter around but I thought becoming a mother maybe she would become very cautious and careful but I guess I have been proven otherwise. We have no official custody documents, never married. What are my options do I have to let her go?
I completely agree with everyone and that is why I was asking the question. I don’t want to send my little three year girl there and if something happens, then what? I would never get over it. We have tried to do things the right way and I have tried to work with him but he is not the most reasonable and I understand at some point it will have to go to court(trying not to for daughters sake)If I tell him I don’t want her there because I am worried about her would I face any legal backlash for this? Morally I have already made my mind up she doesn’t drive her around.to be honest the only time she drove her was when I didn’t know.I do all drop off and pick ups to the house.so I keep that control but when I am not there I can’t control it. I just want to make sure that a judge would say you are being crazy and unreasonable and stop being ridiculous.

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Visit my child in jail?

  • Posted on November 4, 2010 at 7:21 am

My 23 yr. old daughter is a heroin addict. She has been arrested & jailed several times for retail theft to support her addiction.
I am struggling with weather or not to go & visit her this weekend in jail. I’ve SO been there, done that… I’m tired seeing her in that awful surrounding, tired of the drive, etc., but am very aware that she may desperately need my continued support.
My dilemma is go to visit her this weekend or wait?

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The College Drinking Series: The Campus Visit… Kicking The Tires Before They Enroll

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 10:06 pm

The Visit 

We were in the midst of our fall tour of campuses?looking for our daughter?s new home for the next four years. We thought we finally found the perfect match. My husband fell in love with the campus and I was guessing my daughter had fallen in ?love? with the bright, cheerful young man who took us for the tour. We stayed at a hotel in the quaint New England town and were woken up during the night to the sounds of sirens. 

The Investment 

As the parent of a high school junior or senior, college life is looming on the horizon. You are about to make one of the largest investments your family will ever make. It is time to start investigating. The choice of what college your teens will attend may have already been made by default: grades, potential scholarships, athletics and/or, where their friends are going. And of course, financial considerations are at the forefront. When it’s time to “kick the tires” and start evaluating campuses, take the time to really get to know your potential purchase. Visiting is the best way to get a feel for the campus environment. However, taking the tour conducted by the Admissions Office simply scratches the surface. Look beyond the tour. You may find many other clues about one of the most influential issues on the campus – the drinking climate. The culture of drinking will have a direct influence on the quality of life for all the students. Many of the negative consequences associated with college drinking affect not only the drinkers but also the students who do not drink. These “second-hand binge effects” include a number of serious consequences, such as sexual assault, violence, vandalism, loss of sleep, and even the possibility of having to care for friends and roommates in life-threatening states of alcohol poisoning. All campuses face a variety of alcohol problems. The following suggestions can assist you in evaluating the level at which a campus may be confronting these problems and the level of success they may be experiencing in providing a healthy environment for your teen. 

Key Personnel 

When visiting a campus, arrange appointments with Key Personnel. Scheduling meetings may be difficult, but even fifteen minutes or a half hour will be worth the effort. Key Personnel include: 

- Vice President for Student Life: In charge of Student Life issues including alcohol concerns. 

- Dean of Student: Handles the day-to-day student problems that arise on the campus, in particular alcohol-related matters. 

- Admissions Counselor: Tends to be the salesperson, selling the campus at college admissions fairs and/or visiting prospective students and families. 

- Admissions Director: Coordinates decisions regarding acceptance and helps ensure the campus is the right match for your teen. This person faces the challenge of ensuring the right match while meeting a number of different campus quotas in terms of financial aid, scholarships, work-study, diversity, and athletics. 

- Judicial Officer: Handles the adjudication of all violations of policies, including the alcohol policy. 

- Director of Campus Police: Responsible for safety and security. Because of the nature of their positions and the fact that they deal primarily with policy offenders, Campus Police and the Judicial Officer tend to have a tainted view of alcohol issues. 

- Coordinator of Health Education: Tends to have the most realistic view of the alcohol and other drug situation. The Coordinator conducts health-related educational programs. 

- Students: May provide the best understanding of the alcohol situation. However, be careful. A heavy drinker probably hangs out with other heavy drinkers, resulting in the view that “everyone drinks.” Speak with students who drink as well as those who do not. 

- Faculty and Academic Deans: Tend to have a limited understanding of the day-to-day challenges that students face beyond the classrooms. 

Key Questions 

Below are specific questions to ask during your visit. Answers to these questions will give you an understanding of how the campus is dealing with alcohol and other drug concerns. 

Academics

- What are the class attendance policies? 

- Is there support for students having academic difficulties?

- Are there Friday classes?

- Do faculty conduct tests on Fridays?

- What is attendance like in Friday classes? 

Prevention Staff 

- Is there an individual staff member whose job is specifically dedicated to alcohol and other drug education and abuse prevention efforts?

- If so, does the staff member have a high profile on the campus?

- Does the prevention specialist have a budget specifically allocated for education and prevention programming? 

Residence Hall Policies 

- What is the Alcohol Policy for residence halls?

- Is alcohol allowed? If so, how much?

- Can students have parties in their rooms?

- What are the penalties for violating the policy?

- Are there wellness-oriented residence halls?

- What are the rules in these halls? 

- How are students selected for wellness halls? 

Athletics 

- What is the drinking policy for athletes? 

- Are athletes allowed to drink during the season? During the off-season? 

- What are the consequences if an athlete breaks a team alcohol policy? 

- Is the Athletic Department supported by the alcohol industry? 

- Is there a Champs Life Skills Program for athletes? 

Greek Life 

Are there fraternities and sororities? 

- Are they local organizations or chapters from a national organization? 

- Is there a full-time Greek Life Coordinator? 

Social Norms Program 

- Is there a social norms program? 

- What are the true campus drinking norms? 

- How does the program highlight the true campus norms? 

- What is the theme(s) of the program?

Counseling Services 

Is there a Counseling Department? 

- What counseling services are available? 

- Is there a Certified Alcohol and Other Drug Counselor? 

- How dependable is the follow-up on students who exhibit alcohol abuse and other problem behaviors? 

- Are there any support group meetings conducted on campus or in the nearby community? 

- Are counseling services part of the sanctions for violating campus policy? 

Other Considerations As you tour the campus both with and without a tour guide, consider: 

= When possible, visit on a Thursday or Friday. 

- Schedule extra time to walk around the campus and the surrounding neighborhood. ? Walk around the campus late at night. ? Be sure to request and read a copy of the Biennial Review (see Below) 

- What types of posters hang in the residence halls: alcohol advertisements or educational messages? 

- Are bars in close proximity? Do they offer drink specials? 

- Are loads of empty beer cans and twelve-pack wrappers piled near the trash? 

- Read a number of issues of the campus newspaper, if possible. You can often view both current and previous issues online. Are there ads in the newspaper for the local bars and liquor stores? 

- Are there any alcohol or other drug-related stories in the local newspaper? 

Athletic Department If your teen will be participating in a college sport, visit the athletic department. Meet with the Athletic Director and/or coach to discuss sports-related issues and the team policy regarding alcohol. Talk with players and casually include a question about drinking. If your student will be visiting the campus on his or her own as a guest of the athletic department, inquire: 

- How long do the student athletes stay at the campus? 

- What do the student athletes do during the visit? Do they visit classes? 

- Where will the visiting student athletes sleep? With whom? 

- Who will chaperone the visiting student athletes? 

- What will happen to any host athletes who might supply alcohol to a visiting student athlete?

Biennial Review 

Regulations found in the US Department of Education Drug Free Schools and Communities Act require every college and university to conduct a biennial review of campus alcohol and other drug education and abuse prevention efforts. Request copies of the last two Biennial Reviews from the Admissions representative. These reports can give you a sense of the alcohol and other drug climate and the efforts being made to address problematic areas. If the Admissions representative does not know what you are talking about or cannot or will not provide you with the Biennial Review, then request it directly from the Vice President for Student Affairs or the Dean of Students. Campuses are required to provide these documents, and if a campus cannot do so then their education and abuse prevention efforts are certainly questionable. As a matter of fact, the college may even be in direct violation of Congressional requirements. 

The Visit 

When we returned to the campus the next day to take one last look, we spoke with a few students. We questioned them about the sirens we had heard the night before. Reluctantly they spoke of two students who had hospitalized for alcohol poisoning. One had been released from the hospital while the other was still in intensive care. That was truly a dose of reality for all of us.

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What would you do if your son/daughter got drunk when your relatives visit?

  • Posted on January 1, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Like if grandma/grandpa, aunt/uncle, cousins come to visit and your son/daughter comes out drunk

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