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Help my bf is n recovery & now I spend more time w/his daughter than w/him. He thinks I’m jealous of recovery

  • Posted on September 15, 2010 at 7:21 am

He goes to meetings twice a day almost everyday most weeks. I get home from work around 6:15pm, he leaves home around 7:15 or 7:30 pm and returns home around 10:00pm. On the weekends, he attends a morning meeting and if the recovery group is having an event, he hangs out with them for most of the day and then goes to a night meeting. On Sundays he does community service and goes to a meeting. I stay up late at night just 2 spend time with him. I am miserable and he thinks that I am jealous of his recovery. I am so fed up with it. I just would like to have some decent time with him. Before he started recovery, I would ask him 2 do things and he never wanted to do anything, now recovery monopolizes his time. I know it is important, but his daughter and I are important to. We really need a balance. To make matters worse, now i have a support group to help me deal with the fact that it appears his addictions have been replaced with a new addiction to the recovery community.

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My bf mistreated me and I moved away w/our baby and my older daughter, I feel very angry w/him. Is this normal?

  • Posted on July 30, 2010 at 12:18 pm

He was often short, ugly and insecure. He would stonewall, and gaslight. He did three tours and Iraq. I have known him for seventeen years. I had no prior romantic interest in him and he put a tremendous amount of pressure on me after he was in divorce proceedings with his wife who asked for a divorce.
He only got married the first time because he got her pregnant after seeing her a month, and this baby I have by him was conceived in spite of birth control and condoms.

He didn’t speak to his mother for over a year after she kicked out his grandchildren over issues that involved control of grandchildren a few months after he got out of the Army. When this happened she focused her anger on me. She looked up my court history that was more than ten years old and mailed it to his ex. She spoke hatefully about me in a verbose manner in an e-mail she sent him and she made sure the pre-school his children attended got a copy of this. His (now) ex-wife had cheated on him and physcially abused him. She also assumed we were romantically involved when we weren’t when he was married and she sent me vulgar, hateful text messages and a year later starting harassing me via crank calls over a two day period. His mother had physically abused him as a child. I helped him care for his children and eventually he had to rent an in-law from my parents. His wife concealed an entire pregnancy from him and binge drank vodka when she was pregnant, and sought no medical attention. This was in part because of the fact she cheated -she didn’t know who the father is-we still don’t know and that child is almost 4. His children are troubled and he can’t see it. She is a very under-involveld/neglectful mother and yet he is supportive of this and intolerant of me. I feel that I am the only “safe” person to take his resentment out on. I no longer speak to him, but I find myself very angry at him for mistreating me. I am currently seeking counseling. I don’t worry about harming either one of my children. I just find myself withdrawn. I have read about emotional abuse and trauma. I have read that emotional abuse is sometimes more psychologically damaging than physical abuse because of its frequency. He was often so ugly and he would needle and needle and needle and I would finally say something hateful and ugly back to him. I don’t want to be that kind of person. My older child is fairly well adjusted. She is academically gifted, adults just love talking to her and she is personable and happens to be a successful child model. I gave a lot of attention to her when she was small-I nursed extensively and spent a lot of time bonding with her. I brought her to counseling when her father was no longer in our lives-the therapist was amazed at her vocabulary by three and after some time felt my daughter was ok to move on. I was always a single mother. She is now ten. I want to be able to give attention to my baby somewhat to the degree that I did my first child(which is impossible because now I have two). I feel as if I stayed there I would be further diminished with nothing left to give my children or myself emotionally. I don’t think it was wrong of me to leave the father of my child in another state. He wanted to get married-I said No. I just find myself so angry at him for mistreating me after knowing me so many years. Is it normal to feel this way?

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For your knight in shining armour

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 7:15 am

This wonderful man of yours makes you the envy of all your friends. He is one in a million, a knight in shining armour. Remember how you couldn’t believe your luck when he first looked at you? You’ve been walking on cloud 9 ever since, and he still adores you as much today as when he first set eyes on you. You appreciate him so much, and even though you don’t always pamper to his every whim, he knows how you feel about him. At least you think he does. It is not one of those conversations that you tend to have, in between all those domestic chores, the shopping, the ironing, the visits to the dry cleaners to pick up his suits. What is it about men, that they seem to be allergic to dry cleaning shops and yet could not live without them? I digress. This special man in your life dotes on you. He may sometimes bring you a bunch of flowers for no reason at all other than he loves you. He pulls his weight with the household duties, gets on like a house on fire with his in-laws and vice versa, and always checks with you before arranging to meet the lads for a touch of male bonding, bless him. He is the perfect father to the children, always finding time to play with them, help out with their homework and take them off for days out in order to give you some time to yourself. What did you do to deserve this, you ask yourself. Your romance with him is like something from a fairy story, except you did not have to kiss any frogs to find this prince. So, because you understand that this guy of yours is unlike most of the others, and your envious girl friends tell you about their imperfect partners all the time, you realise that with your anniversary fast approaching, you need to show him just how great you think he is with really special and carefully chosen anniversary gifts.

The anniversary gift that gets the message across as clear as a bell is an engraved My Last Rolo in silver or gold.This anniversary gift is presented in a delightful red box with matching ribbon, and nestling within is your last Rolo engraved with your own personalised special message to your own prince. Make your anniversary a day to remember by giving him special anniversary gifts, an Engraved Crystal Flutes and Champagne gift set, boxed stylishly in a presentation case. The 2 elegant flutes are engraved with your own personal message so that he is reminded of your eternal love every time you lift it to your lips. The champers is Moet and Chandon so you are guaranteed a special toast to your time together with this stylish and impressive anniversary gift set. What better way to be reminded of all those fabulous times you have already had together, and the special memories they hold for you both, than to give him a perfect anniversary gift Canvas Photo Montage you can select up to 40 of your favourite photos to have reproduced on a modern style 4cm deep frame canvas in sophisticated black and white. Perhaps you will choose your wedding photos to be displayed or maybe you will select holiday shots or pictures of the children.

It could be that the romantic gesture of a Sailing on a Thames Barge for Two for his anniversary gift may turn out to be just exactly one of those everlasting memories for you both. It does not get much more romantic than this, as you float down the River Thames on one of these amazing historic boats and watch the scenery drift past you. The ultimate in relaxation, this fabulous anniversary gift will give you the opportunity to gaze into each eyes and whisper all those silly sweet nothings to each other, like you did when you first met. If you run out of nothings to whisper however, there is always lunch on board the vessel to enjoy and you can have a go at splicing the mainbrace or whatever it is that needs doing, if you fancy some hands-on experience.

You can not complain when it comes to him sharing the domestic jobs in the house, and that does include the cooking. However, his repertoire is a little limited at times and he does need a little bit of encouragement in order to branch out and try creating something new. A brilliantly subtle way of dealing with this minor dilemma is a great anniversary gift of a Cookery Demonstration for Two. You will be able to learn something new as well, and hold his hand through the new experience. After a welcoming complimentary drink, you will watch a top chef demonstrate some interesting techniques. Then you will get to taste the creation, and take some recipes and all your new knowledge home with you. By the time you get back to your own kitchen you will be eager to create that scrumptious new anniversary meal.

Getting Personal offer unique high quality gifts & personalised gifts at affordable prices, delivered quickly and guaranteed with a smile.To explore our range of anniversary gifts further, please visit our website at http://www.gettingpersonal.co.uk.

Article Source: For your knight in shining armour

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