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How To Fix A Troubled Relationship?

  • Posted on July 2, 2009 at 11:47 am

Relationships sometimes went through rough times and during this time you have to be equipped with the right knowledge and information on what to do to avoid separation, breaking up or divorce. Relationships are really complicated and you could fall into a situation that seems to be hopeless but remember that in every problem there is a solution and you can still fix a troubled relationship.

Here are some tips to fix a troubled relationship:
Ask yourself if you really want to keep the relationship and if it is worth saving. You have to analyze yourself if you really want to keep the relationship with your partner or spouse and if it is really worth it to go through the process or resolving the issues in your relationship. Willingness on your part and believing that the relationship is worth saving is very important if you want to fix a troubled relationship.

Identify the problem. Of course in order to fix a troubled relationship, you have to know what is wrong in your relationship. Identify or make a list of the things that always resulted to arguments and misunderstandings. Compromise and both agree on what should be done to resolve the issues. Dealing with the negative things in your relationship in a positive way is very helpful if you really want to save your relationship.
Open communication. It is important that the lines of communication are open to fix a troubled relationship. Things will be easier if you are both open to communicate with each other. It is not very healthy in a relationship to just assume things and let things just run into your head without talking it out with your partner. Misunderstandings may arise if you just assume things. Communication is not only important during conflicts but it is also important during good times. Sharing your thoughts and talking about beautiful things in your relationship is also one way of bonding with each other and realizing that there are still more good things in your relationship.
Learn when to listen and stop talking. We all need someone who listens and of course the best person we want to listen to us is our partner or spouse. Knowing that your partner is willing to stop talking and lend his or her ears to you is a very good feeling. You will feel that what you have in mind counts and important to your partner. It is easier to fix a troubled relationship if you know how to listen and stop talking. Keeping a relationship means hard work and dedication but sometimes when conflicts arise we are left clueless on what to do.

Tanay Kumar Das is a relationship expert who like to write on the affairs of the heart. He has written a lot of useful articles on Mending Of Human Relationship. He writes on how to rebuild that bridge and keep the relationship strong.For more information visit:

http://tinyurl.com/dgyavo

Article Source: How To Fix A Troubled Relationship?

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I’ll Do It Later But Later Never Comes

  • Posted on July 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

Has there ever been a time when you didn’t procrastinate? Probably not, if you’re really honest with yourself. For the most part, procrastination is something we all live with and it typically doesn’t seem to interfere too much with our daily lives.

But what about the times we procrastinate to such a degree that we become immobilized? Perhaps you may recall Shakespeare’s Hamlet who, when he discovered that his uncle had murdered his father, wanted revenge. Unresponsive to his initial best instinct, he hesitates. Tormented with doubt, rationalizations, love and hate for his mother (who marries his uncle), and a myriad of other excuses, he hesitates. Or does he? Is he biding his time, waiting for the right moment, or merely procrastinating? For Hamlet, this wasn’t a moral reason. Then why did he hesitate? Or did he? Let’s look at the possibilities, while apparently enduring his torment.

1. I must find the opportune time.
2. How would it affect my mother? (Those of you familiar with Freud’s Oedipal complex theory might insist: Of course, it would be logical!)
3. How would others in the royal court respond?
4. The timing must be right.
5. I abhor violence. (highly unlikely)
6. How do I make it look like an accident?

One other possibility would need to be examined. What if Hamlet never really hesitated? Perhaps he was merely contemplating various ways he could carry out the act. (But then the play would be too short). The question remains: Did he procrastinate at all?

You’re probably wondering why I used such an extreme example to illustrate an issue with which most of us have had to cope at various time in our lives. In my work with individuals however,
I’ve used the Hamlet example to help defuse the intensity of their own struggles with procrastination be they minor or major. While not always successful in their attempts, their willingness to confront the matter has often led to at least modest changes in their lives.

One of the more memorable participants in an ongoing “ Decisions Decisions” workshop that I conducted a short while ago was somewhat skeptical, at first, about her participation. Having had five years of psychoanalysis for symptoms of depression, anxiety, and low self esteem, which had some positive resolution, Rita nevertheless felt that her propensity towards procrastination had not been sufficiently addressed. Attractive, physically healthy and active for a woman of sixty years, she took an early retirement from a Federal government position with the intention of traveling and pursuing her interest in watercolors. Divorced at age fifty, following fifteen years of marriage, Rita had had several relationships which she considered superficial. During the course of the workshops, she was helped to realize by other group members that her procrastination regarding travel and painting was related to strongly felt financial obligations towards her twenty-five year old single son and fear of traveling. Despite her years in psychoanalysis, she continued to believe that a child’s needs were more important than the parent’s and felt guilty about spending “all that money on myself” for travel throughout the US, China and Europe.

The group was asked to answer several questions in an exercise entitled: What’s Hidden Behind Procrastination?

1. What are my excuses for not acting on my behalf?
2. What am I afraid of?
3. Do I feel I don’t deserve what life has to offer me?
4. Am I afraid of change?
5. Do I feel that things I wish to do take too much effort?
6. Do I feel guilty and selfish for wanting things for myself?
7. Do I have difficulty letting go of things?
8. What if, what I want doesn’t turn out the way I expected?

You can imagine the vitality the group took on in attempting to address these questions for themselves. Most interesting, however, was the group’s focus on Rita’s dilemma and her defensive attitude expressed in anger at first, but then changing, as the meetings progressed. Feeling “ganged up on” at times, Rita soon began to realize how she had been denying her very powerful need to make the most out of her life.

If you’re curious about whatever happened to Rita, a year later, following the end of the workshop months before, I was pleased to hear from another group member with whom Rita had become friends, that she had had received a postcard from her somewhere in China.

I have a suggestion for those of you struggling with procrastination over minor or major matters. Why not take each of the questions I presented above, and write down a few responses to all, or just a few of them. Don’t feel constrained. You may even devote a page or two for each of your responses. You’ll be amazed at your revelations.

Dr. Rollin is also the author of The Psychology of Communication Disorders in Individuals and Their families as well as Counseling Individuals with Communications Disorders. He has an active therapy practice in Sacramento, California and continues to offer his popular decision-making workshops. Visit his website at http://decisiondr.com.

Article Source: I’ll Do It Later But Later Never Comes

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