He was often short, ugly and insecure. He would stonewall, and gaslight. He did three tours and Iraq. I have known him for seventeen years. I had no prior romantic interest in him and he put a tremendous amount of pressure on me after he was in divorce proceedings with his wife who asked for a divorce.
He only got married the first time because he got her pregnant after seeing her a month, and this baby I have by him was conceived in spite of birth control and condoms.
He didn’t speak to his mother for over a year after she kicked out his grandchildren over issues that involved control of grandchildren a few months after he got out of the Army. When this happened she focused her anger on me. She looked up my court history that was more than ten years old and mailed it to his ex. She spoke hatefully about me in a verbose manner in an e-mail she sent him and she made sure the pre-school his children attended got a copy of this. His (now) ex-wife had cheated on him and physcially abused him. She also assumed we were romantically involved when we weren’t when he was married and she sent me vulgar, hateful text messages and a year later starting harassing me via crank calls over a two day period. His mother had physically abused him as a child. I helped him care for his children and eventually he had to rent an in-law from my parents. His wife concealed an entire pregnancy from him and binge drank vodka when she was pregnant, and sought no medical attention. This was in part because of the fact she cheated -she didn’t know who the father is-we still don’t know and that child is almost 4. His children are troubled and he can’t see it. She is a very under-involveld/neglectful mother and yet he is supportive of this and intolerant of me. I feel that I am the only “safe” person to take his resentment out on. I no longer speak to him, but I find myself very angry at him for mistreating me. I am currently seeking counseling. I don’t worry about harming either one of my children. I just find myself withdrawn. I have read about emotional abuse and trauma. I have read that emotional abuse is sometimes more psychologically damaging than physical abuse because of its frequency. He was often so ugly and he would needle and needle and needle and I would finally say something hateful and ugly back to him. I don’t want to be that kind of person. My older child is fairly well adjusted. She is academically gifted, adults just love talking to her and she is personable and happens to be a successful child model. I gave a lot of attention to her when she was small-I nursed extensively and spent a lot of time bonding with her. I brought her to counseling when her father was no longer in our lives-the therapist was amazed at her vocabulary by three and after some time felt my daughter was ok to move on. I was always a single mother. She is now ten. I want to be able to give attention to my baby somewhat to the degree that I did my first child(which is impossible because now I have two). I feel as if I stayed there I would be further diminished with nothing left to give my children or myself emotionally. I don’t think it was wrong of me to leave the father of my child in another state. He wanted to get married-I said No. I just find myself so angry at him for mistreating me after knowing me so many years. Is it normal to feel this way?
