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Is this the best joke you’ve heard in a verrry long time or what…?

  • Posted on April 28, 2011 at 1:21 pm

…and Yes, star if you like it please…it IS funny! Thx.

Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
”Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10.” Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.”
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
“Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.”

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Do you think you can ever gain respect for a person you’ve disrespected your entire life?

  • Posted on January 10, 2011 at 5:23 am

Copious amounts of times I’ve expressed my criticism to my father on his displays of favoritism towards my older sister.

He was an alcoholic for years and while he played the victim to gain everyone’s sympathy, I pitied him and told him how I’m ashamed to be considered his daughter.

One morning, when I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, my sister called. She said my father got into a bad car wreck, as a result of driving while intoxicated.

I suspected she was gently trying to tell me that he was “in a terrible accident” and died. My heart and my stomach didn’t sink. Of all the feelings I felt, none of them consisted of sadness, worry, or concern. I didn’t care.

I remember when I was younger, I would refer to him by his first name because I had so much disrespect for him.

He is an example of everything I hate in a person.

He is truly worthless.

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Do you think you can ever gain respect for a person you’ve disrespected your entire life?

  • Posted on January 9, 2011 at 7:23 am

Copious amounts of times I’ve expressed my criticism to my father on his displays of favoritism towards my older sister.

He was an alcoholic for years and while he played the victim to gain everyone’s sympathy, I pitied him and told him how I’m ashamed to be considered his daughter.

One morning, when I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, my sister called. She said my father got into a bad car wreck, as a result of driving while intoxicated.

I suspected she was gently trying to tell me that he was “in a terrible accident” and died. My heart and my stomach didn’t sink. Of all the feelings I felt, none of them consisted of sadness, worry, or concern. I didn’t care.

I remember when I was younger, I would refer to him by his first name because I had so much disrespect for him.

He is an example of everything I hate in a person.

He is truly worthless.

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Do you think you can ever gain respect for a person you’ve disrespected your entire life?

  • Posted on January 8, 2011 at 9:24 am

Copious amounts of times I’ve expressed my criticism to my father on his displays of favoritism towards my older sister.

He was an alcoholic for years and while he played the victim to gain everyone’s sympathy, I pitied him and told him how I’m ashamed to be considered his daughter.

One morning, when I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, my sister called. She said my father got into a bad car wreck, as a result of driving while intoxicated.

I suspected she was gently trying to tell me that he was “in a terrible accident” and died. My heart and my stomach didn’t sink. Of all the feelings I felt, none of them consisted of sadness, worry, or concern. I didn’t care.

I remember when I was younger, I would refer to him by his first name because I had so much disrespect for him.

He is an example of everything I hate in a person.

He is truly worthless.

  • Share/Bookmark

Do you think you can ever gain respect for a person you’ve disrespected your entire life?

  • Posted on January 5, 2011 at 3:23 pm

Copious amounts of times I’ve expressed my criticism to my father on his displays of favoritism towards my older sister.

He was an alcoholic for years and while he played the victim to gain everyone’s sympathy, I pitied him and told him how I’m ashamed to be considered his daughter.

One morning, when I was at my boyfriend’s apartment, my sister called. She said my father got into a bad car wreck, as a result of driving while intoxicated.

I suspected she was gently trying to tell me that he was “in a terrible accident” and died. My heart and my stomach didn’t sink. Of all the feelings I felt, none of them consisted of sadness, worry, or concern. I didn’t care.

I remember when I was younger, I would refer to him by his first name because I had so much disrespect for him.

He is an example of everything I hate in a person.

He is truly worthless.

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How can a woman just turn around one day and not love you anymore when you’ve done nothing wrong?

  • Posted on October 2, 2010 at 4:17 pm

I don’t get it. I’m 30 years old, divorced (of course, but that’s another story) and I just don’t understand. My last gf was totally in love with me, or so it seemed. We were together for 7 months, and I really felt like she was the one, we did everything together, like best friends, which she even said to me on occasion, then one night she decided to go on a coke binge and not tell anyone where she was for 2 days. Everything was going ok, I mean it wasn’t perfect, but I was willing to give it my all to stay together. Even after this happened, but then, get this, SHE left ME! I don’t know, I guess I just really miss her. We had plans together, we even went and looked at some engagement rings. It’s such a shame, and I can’t seem to get over her. I know she isn’t perfect, but who is? I was really happy with her. She had a daughter that I loved like my own. And now I don’t know if she ever really loved me at all. I’m sorry, I know I sound like a sap, but I’m starting to get older and I really just want to settle down and start my own family. thanks, just needed to vent to anyone willing to listen.

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How can a woman just turn around one day and not love you anymore when you’ve done nothing wrong?

  • Posted on October 1, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I don’t get it. I’m 30 years old, divorced (of course, but that’s another story) and I just don’t understand. My last gf was totally in love with me, or so it seemed. We were together for 7 months, and I really felt like she was the one, we did everything together, like best friends, which she even said to me on occasion, then one night she decided to go on a coke binge and not tell anyone where she was for 2 days. Everything was going ok, I mean it wasn’t perfect, but I was willing to give it my all to stay together. Even after this happened, but then, get this, SHE left ME! I don’t know, I guess I just really miss her. We had plans together, we even went and looked at some engagement rings. It’s such a shame, and I can’t seem to get over her. I know she isn’t perfect, but who is? I was really happy with her. She had a daughter that I loved like my own. And now I don’t know if she ever really loved me at all. I’m sorry, I know I sound like a sap, but I’m starting to get older and I really just want to settle down and start my own family. thanks, just needed to vent to anyone willing to listen.

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How can a woman just turn around one day and not love you anymore when you’ve done nothing wrong?

  • Posted on September 29, 2010 at 5:18 am

I don’t get it. I’m 30 years old, divorced (of course, but that’s another story) and I just don’t understand. My last gf was totally in love with me, or so it seemed. We were together for 7 months, and I really felt like she was the one, we did everything together, like best friends, which she even said to me on occasion, then one night she decided to go on a coke binge and not tell anyone where she was for 2 days. Everything was going ok, I mean it wasn’t perfect, but I was willing to give it my all to stay together. Even after this happened, but then, get this, SHE left ME! I don’t know, I guess I just really miss her. We had plans together, we even went and looked at some engagement rings. It’s such a shame, and I can’t seem to get over her. I know she isn’t perfect, but who is? I was really happy with her. She had a daughter that I loved like my own. And now I don’t know if she ever really loved me at all. I’m sorry, I know I sound like a sap, but I’m starting to get older and I really just want to settle down and start my own family. thanks, just needed to vent to anyone willing to listen.

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